&j>MM^MSSm 

^l4  ■ 

IK 

---/r, 


^.5%».^'- 


V.'!^»'f3  >^^  -fr"^  :-•■;»  >■■>, 


Ex  Libris 
Luster  R.  Kleinknight 


tTappan  %cc  ^Sbition 

OF 

IRVING'S  WORKS 

I— The  Sketch-Book.    Two  vols. 
II — Tai.es  of  a  Traveller.    Two  vols. 
Ill— WoLFERT's  Roost.    One  vol. 
IV— Knickerbocker's  New  York.    Two  vols. 
V— BraCebridge  Hall.    Two  vols. 
VI— The  Alhambra.    Two  vols. 
VII— Crayon  Miscellany.    One  vol. 
***  Complete  in  12  volumes. 


TAP  PAN  ZEE  EDITION 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

FROM  THE  BEGINNING  OF  THE  WORLD  TO  THE 
END  OF  THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY 


THE    ONLY  AUTHENTIC  HISTORY  OF   THE    TIMES   THAT 
EVER  HATH  BEEN  OR  EVER  WILL  BE  PUBLISHED 


DIED  RICH  KNICKERBOCKER 

pc  toaarbtib  bit  in  buistcr  hg, 
pit  tomt  met  tlnarbcib  aan  btn  bag, 

THE  AUTHOR'S  REVISED   EDITION 

VOL.  I. 


NEIV   YORK  AND    LONDON 

G.    P.    PUTNAM'S    SONS 
"Cbe  1knicfterbocF?er  presa 


Entered  accordingf  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1865,  by 

GEORGE  P.  PUTNAM, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  Southern  District  of 

New  York. 


"Cbe  IRnicftcrbocfter  press 

Electrotyped  and  Printed  by 
G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons 


CONTENTS. 


The  Author's  Apology i 

Original  Advertisements 7 

Account  of  the  Author ii 

ADDRESS  to  the   PUBLIC 25 

BOOK  I. 

containing  divers  ingenious  theories  and  philo- 
sophic SPECULATIONS  CONCERNING  THE  CREATION 
AND  POPULATION  OF  THE  WORLD,  AS  CONNECTED 
WITH  THE  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Chap.  I. — Description  of  the  World     ....      33 

Chap.  II.— Cosmogony,  or  Creation  of  the  World  ; 
with  a  multitude  of  excellent  theories,  by  which 
the  creation  of  a  world  is  shown  to  be  no  such 
difficult  matter  as  common  folk  would  imagine,      43 

Chap.  III. — How  that  famous  navigator,  Noah,  was 
shamefully  nicknamed  ;  and  how  he  committed 
an  unpardonable  oversight  in  not  having  four 
sons  ;  with  the  great  trouble  of  philosophers 
caused  thereby,  and  the  discovery  of  America    .      55 

Chap.  IV.— Showing  the  great  difficulty  philoso- 
phers have  had  in  peopling  America  ;  and  how 
the  aborigines  came  to  be  begotten  by  accident 
—to  the  great  relief  and  satisfaction  of  the  Au- 
thor        64 


Contents 


Chap.  V. — In  which  the  Author  puts  a  mij^hty  ques- 
tion to  the  rout,  by  the  assistance  of  the  Man  in 
the  Moon  ;  which  not  only  delivers  thousands  of 
people  from  great  embarrassment,  but  likewise 
concludes  this  introductory  book  ....      74 

BOOK  II. 

TREATING    OF  THE    FIRST    SETTLEMENT  OF    THE    PROV- 
INCE OF  NIEtJW  NEDERX.ANDTS. 

Chap.  I. — In  which  are  contained  divers  reasons 
why  a  man  should  not  write  in  a  hurry  ;  also 
of  Master  Hendrick  Hudson,  his  discovery  of 
a  strange  country,  and  how  he  was  magnifi- 
cently rewarded  by  the  munificence  of  their 
High  INIightinesses 96 

Chap.  II. — Containing  an  account  of  a  mighty  Ark 
which  floated,  under  the  protection  of  St.  Nicho- 
las, from  Holland  to  Gibbet  Island  ;  the  descent 
of  the  strange  animals  therefrom— A  great  vic- 
tory, and  a  description  of  the  ancient  village  of 
Communipaw iii 

Chap.  III.— In  which  is  set  forth  the  true  art  of 
making  a  bargain,  together  with  the  miraculous 
escape  of  a  great  metropolis  in  a  fog,  and  the 
biography  of  certain  heroes  of  Communipaw     .     120 

Chap.  IV. — How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  voy- 
aged to  Hell-gate,  and  how  they  were  received 
there 131 

Chap,  v.— How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  returned 
somewhat  wiser  than  they  went ;  and  how  the 
sage  Olofie  dreamed  a  dream,  and  the  dream 
that  he  dreamed 146 

Chap.  VI.— Containing  an  attempt  at  etymology, 
and  of  the  founding  of  the  great  city  of  New 
Amsterdam 153 


Contents 


Chap.  VII.— How  the  people  of  Pavonia  migrated 
frotn  Communipaw  to  the  island  of  Manna-hata ; 
and  how  Olofife  the  Dreamer  proved  himself  a 
great  land  speculator i57 

Chap.  VIII. — Of  the  founding  and  naming  of  the 
new  city— Of  the  city  arms,  and  of  the  direful 
feud  between  Ten  Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches,     i6i 

Chap.  IX.— How  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  waxed 
great  under  the  protection  of  St.  Nicholas  and 
the  absence  of  laws  and  statutes— How  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  began  to  dream  of  an  extension  of  em- 
pire, and  of  the  effect  of  his  dreams       .        .        .169 

BOOK   III. 
IN  which  is  recorded  the  golden  reign  of  wouter 

VAN   TWILLER. 

Chap.  I.— Of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller  ;  his 
unparalleled  virtues  ;  as  likewise  his  unutterable 
wisdom  in  the  law  case  of  Wandle  Schoonhoven 
and  Barent  Bleecker,  and  the  great  admiration 
of  the  public  thereat 178 

Chap.  II.— Containing  some  account  of  the  grand 
council  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  as  also  divers  es- 
pecial good  philosophical  reasons  whj'  an  alder- 
m.an  should  be  fat ;  with  other  particulars  touch- 
ing the  state  of  the  province    190 

Chap.  III.— How  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  arose 
out  of  mud,  and  came  to  be  marvellously  polished 
and  polite  ;  together  with  a  picture  of  the  man- 
ners of  our  great-great-grandfathers      .        .        .     203 

Chap,  IV. — Containing  further  particulars  of  the 
golden  age,  and  what  constituted  a  fine  lady 
and  gentleman  in  the  days  of  Walter  the 
Doubter        ,        .        .        , 214 


Contents 


Chap.  V. — Of  the  founding  of  Fort  Aurania — Of  the 
mysteries  of  the  Hudson— Of  the  arrival  of  the 
patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  ;  his  lordly  de- 
scent upon  the  earth,  and  his  introduction  of 

club  law 222 

Chap.  VI.— In  which  the  reader  is  beguiled  into  a 
delectable  -walk,  which  ends  very  differently 
from  what  it  commenced 227 

Chap.  VII. — Faithfully  describing  the  ingenious 
people  of  Connecticut  and  thereabouts  ;  show- 
ing, moreover,  the  true  meaning  of  liberty  of 
conscience,  and  a  curious  device  among  these 
sturdy  barbarians,  to  keep  up  a  harmony  of  in- 
tercourse and  promote  population         .        .        .    234 

Chap.  VIII. — How  these  singular  barbarians  turned 
out  to  be  notorious  squatters  ;  how  they  built 
air-castles,  and  attempted  to  initiate  the  ISTeder- 
landers  into  the  mystery  of  bundling    .        .        .242 

Chap.  IX. — How  the  Fort  Goed  Hoop  was  fearfully 
beleaguered— How  the  renowned  Wouter  fell  into 
a  profound  doubt,  and  how  he  finally  evaporated,    250 

BOOK  IV. 

CONTAINING  THE    CHRONICLES  OF  THE    REIGN    OF  WIL- 
LIAM THE  TESTY. 

Chap.  I.— Showing  the  nature  of  history  in  general ; 
containing,  furthermore,  the  universal  acquire- 
ments of  William  the  Testy,  and  how  a  man 
may  learn  so  much  as  to  render  himself  good 
for  nothing 259 

Chap.  II.— How  William  the  Testy  undertook  to 
conquer  by  proclamation  ;  how  he  was  a  great 
man  abroad,  but  a  little  man  in  his  own  house  .    267 

Chap.  III. — In  which  are  recorded  the  sage  projects 
of  a  ruler  of  universal  genius— The  art  of  fight- 


Contents 


ing  by  proclamation  ;  and  how  that  the  valiant 
Jacobus  Van  Curlet  came  to  be  foully  dishonored 

at  Fort  Goed  Hoop 27a 

Chap.  IV.— Containing  the  fearful  wrath  of  William 
the  Testy,  and  the  alarm  of  New  Amsterdam — 
How  the  governor  did  strongly  fortify  the  city — 
Of  the  rise  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  and  the 
windy  addition  to  the  armorial  bearings  of  New 
Amsterdam 279 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

THE  following  work,  in  which,  at  the  outset, 
nothing  more  was  contemplated  than  a 
temporary 7>?/  d' esprit  was  commenced  in  com- 
pany with  my  brother,  the  late  Peter  Irving, 
Esq.  Our  idea  was,  to  parody  a  small  hand- 
book which  had  recently  appeared,  entitled  "A 
Picture  of  New  York."  Like  that,  our  work 
was  to  begin  with  an  historical  sketch ;  to  be 
followed  by  notices  of  the  customs,  manners, 
and  institutions  of  the  city  ;  written  in  a  serio- 
comic vein,  and  treating  local  errors,  follies, 
and  abuses  with  good-humored  satire. 

To  burlesque  the  pedantic  lore  displayed  in 
certain  American  works,  our  historical  sketch 
was  to  commence  with  the  creation  of  the 
world  ;  and  we  laid  all  kinds  of  works  under 
contribution  for  trite  citations,  relevant  or  irrele- 
vant, to  give  it  the  proper  air  of  learned  research. 
Before  this  crude  mass  of  mock  erudition  could 
be  digested  into  form,  my  brother  departed  for 


XLbc  Butbor's  BpolOQS 


Europe,  and  I  was  left  to  prosecute  the  enter- 
prise alone. 

I  now  altered  the  plan  of  the  work.  Discard- 
ing all  idea  of  a  parody  on  the  "  Picture  of  New 
York,"  I  determined  that  what  had  been  origi- 
nally intended  as  an  introductory  sketch,  should 
comprise  the  whole  work,  and  form  a  comic 
history  of  the  city.  I  accordingly  moulded  the 
mass  of  citations  and  disquisitions  into  intro- 
ductory chapters,  forming  the  first  book  ;  but 
it  soon  became  evident  to  me  that,  like  Robin- 
son Crusoe  with  his  boat,  I  had  begun  on  too 
large  a  scale,  and  that,  to  launch  my  history 
successfully,  I  must  reduce  its  proportions.  I 
accordingly  resolved  to  confine  it  to  the  period 
of  the  Dutch  domination,  which,  in  its  rise, 
progress,  and  decline,  presented  that  unity  of 
subject  required  by  classic  rule.  It  was  a  period, 
also,  at  that  time  almost  a  ierra  incogftita  in 
history.  In  fact,  I  was  surprised  to  find  how 
few  of  my  fellow-citizens  were  aware  that  New 
York  had  ever  been  called  New  Amsterdam,  or 
had  heard  of  the  names  of  its  early  Dutch  gov- 
ernors, or  cared  a  straw  about  their  ancient 
Dutch  progenitors. 

This,  then,  broke  upon  me,  as  the  poetic  age 
of  our  city ;  poetic  from  its  very  obscurit^^  ;  and 
open,  like  the  early  and  obscure  days  of  ancient 
Rome,  to  all  the  embellishments  of  heroic  fie- 


^be  Butbor*6  Bpoloeg  3 

tion.  I  hailed  my  native  city,  as  fortunate 
above  all  other  American  cities,  in  having  an 
antiquity  thus  extending  back  into  the  regions 
of  doubt  and  fable  ;  neither  did  I  conceive  I  was 
committing  any  grievous  historical  sin  in  help- 
ing out  the  few  facts  I  could  collect  in  this  re- 
mote and  forgotten  region  with  figments  of  my 
own  brain,  or  in  giving  characteristic  attributes 
to  the  few  names  connected  with  it  which  I 
might  dig  up  from  oblivion. 

In  this,  doubtless,  I  reasoned  like  a  young 
and  inexperienced  writer,  besotted  with  his 
own  fancies  ;  and  my  presumptuous  trespasses 
into  this  sacred,  though  neglected  region  of 
history  have  met  with  deserved  rebuke  from 
men  of  soberer  minds.  It  is  too  late,  however, 
to  recall  the  shaft  thus  rashly  launched.  To 
any  one  whose  sense  of  fitness  it  may  wound,  I 
can  only  say  with  Hamlet, — 

Z,et  my  disclaiming  from  a  purposed  evil 
Free  me  so  far  in  your  most  generous  thoughts, 
That  I  have  shot  my  arrow  o'er  the  house, 
And  hurt  my  brother. 

I  will  say  this  in  further  apology  for  my 
work,  that,  if  it  has  taken  an  unwarrantable 
liberty  with  our  early  pro\-incial  history,  it  has 
at  least  turned  attention  to  that  history  and 
provoked  research.     It  is  only  since  this  work 


^be  Butbor's  Bpologi^ 


appeared  that  the  forgotten  archives  of  the 
province  have  been  rummaged,  and  the  facts 
and  personages  of  the  olden  time  rescued  from 
the  dust  of  obli\'ion,  and  elevated  into  whatever 
importance  they  may  virtually  possess. 

The  main  object  of  my  work,  in  fact,  had  a 
bearing  wide  from  the  sober  aim  of  history ;  but 
one  which,  I  trust,  will  meet  with  some  indul- 
gence from  poetic  minds.  It  was  to  embody  the 
traditions  of  our  city  in  an  amusing  form  ;  to 
illustrate  its  local  humors,  customs,  and  pecu- 
liarities ;  to  clothe  home  scenes  and  places  and 
familiar  names  wnth  those  imaginative  and 
whimsical  associations  so  seldom  met  with  in 
our  new  country,  but  which  live  like  charms 
and  spells  about  the  cities  of  the  old  world, 
binding  the  heart  of  the  native  inhabitant  to  his 
home. 

In  this  I  have  reason  to  believe  I  have  in  some 
measure  succeeded.  Before  the  appearance  of 
my  work  the  popular  traditions  of  our  city  were 
unrecorded  ;  the  peculiar  and  racy  customs  and 
usages  derived  from  our  Dutch  progenitors 
were  unnoticed  or  regarded  with  indifference, 
or  adverted  to  with  a  sneer.  Now  they  form  a 
convivial  currency,  and  are  brought  forward  on 
all  occasions  ;  they  link  our  whole  community 
together  in  good-humor  and  good-fellowship ; 
they  are  the  rallying  points  of  home  feeling, 


tbc  Butbor'0  Bpolog^ 


the  seasoning  of  our  civic  festivities,  the  staple 
of  local  tales  and  local  pleasantries,  and  are  so 
harped  upon  by  our  writers  of  popular  fiction, 
that  I  find  myself  almost  crowded  off  the  legen- 
dary ground  which  I  was  the  first  to  explore,  by 
the  host  who  have  followed  in  my  footsteps. 

I  dwell  on  this  head,  because,  at  the  first 
appearance  of  my  work,  its  aim  and  drift  were 
misapprehended  by  some  of  the  descendants  of 
the  Dutch  worthies  ;  and  because  I  understand 
that  now  and  then  one  may  still  be  found  to 
regard  it  with  a  captious  eye.  The  far  greater 
part,  however,  I  have  reason  to  flatter  myself, 
receive  my  good-humored  picturings  in  the  same 
temper  in  which  they  were  executed  ;  and  when 
I  find,  after  a  lapse  of  nearly  forty  years,  this 
hap-hazard  production  of  my  youth  still  cher- 
ished among  them, — when  I  find  its  very  name 
become  a  "household  word"  and  used  to  give 
a  home  stamp  to  every  thing  recommended  for 
popular  acceptation,  such  as  Knickerbocker 
societies,  Knickerbocker  insurance  companies, 
Knickerbocker  steamboats,  Knickerbocker  om- 
nibuses, Knickerbocker  bread,  and  Knicker- 
bocker ice, — and  when  I  find  New  Yorkers  of 
Dutch  descent  priding  themselves  upon  being 
"genuine  Knickerbockers," — I  please  myself 
with  the  persuasion  that  I  have  struck  the  right 
chord  ;    that  my  dealings   with   the  good   old 


Zhc  Butbor'6  Bpologe 


Dutch  times,  and  the  customs  and  usages  de- 
rived from  them,  are  in  harmony  with  the  feel- 
ings and  humors  of  my  townsmen  ;  that  I  have 
opened  a  vein  of  pleasant  associations  and 
quaint  characteristics  peculiar  to  my  native 
place,  and  which  its  inhabitants  will  not  willing- 
ly suffer  to  pass  away  ;  and  that,  though  other 
histories  of  New  York  may  appear  of  higher 
claims  to  learned  acceptation,  and  may  take 
their  dignified  and  appropriate  rank  in  the 
family  library,  Knickerbocker's  history  will 
still  be  received  with  good-humored  indulgence, 
and  be  thumbed  and  chuckled  over  by  the 
family  fireside.  W.  I. 

SUNNYSIDE,    1848. 


NOTICES 

WHICH    APPEARED   IN  THE  NEWSPAPERS    PRE- 
VIOUS TO  THE  PUBIvICATlON  OF 
THIS  WORK. 


From  the  Evening  Post  of  October  26,  1809. 
DISTRESSING. 

Left  his  lodgings,  some  time  since,  and  has  not  since 
been  heard  of,  a  small  elderly  gentleman,  dressed  in  an 
old  black  coat  and  cocked  hat,  by  the  name  of  Knicker-- 
bocker.  As  there  are  some  reasons  for  believing  he  is 
not  entirely  in  his  right  mind,  and  as  great  anxiety  is 
entertained  about  him,  any  information  concerning  him, 
left  either  at  the  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry  Street,  or 
at  the  office  of  this  paper,  will  be  thankfully  received. 

P.  S.  Printers  of  newspapers  would  be  aiding  the 
cause  of  humanity  in  giving  an  insertion  to  the  above. 

From  the  same,  November  6,  1809, 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post  : 

Sir  : — Having  read  in  your  paper  of  the  26th  October 
last,  a  paragraph  respecting  an  old  gentleman  by  the 
name  of  Knickerbocker,  who  was  missing  from  his  lod- 
gings ;  if  it  would  be  any  relief  to  his  friends,  or  furnish 
them  with  any  clue  to  discover  where  he  is,  you  may  in- 
form them  that  a  person    answering  the   description 


8  tiOtiCCB 


given,  was  seen  by  the  passengers  of  the  Albany  stage, 
early  in  the  morning,  about  four  or  five  weeks  since, 
resting  himself  by  the  side  of  the  road,  a  little  above 
King's  Bridge.  He  had  in  his  hand  a  small  bundle,  tied 
in  a  red  bandanna  handkerchief;  he  appeared  to  be  trav- 
elling northward,  and  was  very  much  fatigued  and  ex- 
hausted. 

A  TRAVEIvLER. 

From  the  same,  November  i6,  1809. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post  : 

Sir  :— You  have  been  good  enough  to  publish  in  your 
paper  a  paragraph  about  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker, 
who  was  missing  so  strangely  some  time  since.  Nothing 
satisfactory  has  been  heard  of  the  old  gentleman  since  ; 
but  a  very  curioxcs  kind  of  a  written  book  has  been  found 
in  his  room,  in  his  own  handwriting.  Now  I  wish  you 
to  notice  him,  if  he  is  still  alive,  that  if  he  does  not  re- 
turn and  pay  off  his  bill  for  boarding  and  lodging,  I  shall 
have  to  dispose  of  his  book  to  satisfy  me  for  the  same. 
I  am,  sir,  your  humble  servant, 

SETH  HANDASIDE, 
lyandlord  of  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry 
Street. 

From  the  same,  November  28,  1809. 
I.ITERARY   NOTICE. 
Inskeep  &  Bradford  have  in  press,  and  will  shortly 
publish, 

A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

In  two  volumes,  duodecimo.     Price  Three  Dollars. 
Containing  an  account  of  its  discovery  and  settlement, 
with  its  internal  policies,  manners,  customs,  wars,  etc., 
etc.,  under  the    Dutch  government,  furnishing  many 
curious  and  interesting  particulars  never  before  pub* 


Iftoticce 


lished,  and  which  are  gathered  from  various  manuscript 
and  other  authenticated  sources,  the  whole  being  inter- 
spersed with  philosophical  speculations  and  moral  pre- 
cepts. 

This  work  was  found  in  the  chamber  of  Mr.  Diedrich 
Knickerbocker,  the  old  gentleman  whose  sudden  and 
mysterious  disappearance  has  been  noticed.  It  is  pub- 
lished in  order  to  discharge  certain  debts  he  has  left 
behind. 


From  the  American  Citizen,  December  d,  1809 

Is  this  day  published 

By  INSKEEP  &  Bradford,  No.  128  Broadway, 

A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

&c.,  &c. 

(Containing  same  as  above.) 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 


IT  was  some  time,  if  I  recollect  right,  in  the 
earh'  part  of  the  autumn  of  1808,  that  a 
stranger  applied  for  lodgings  at  the  Independent 
Columbian  Hotel  in  Mulberry  Street,  of  which 
I  am  landlord.  He  was  a  small,  brisk-looking 
old  gentleman,  dressed  in  a  rusty  black  coat,  a 
pair  of  olive  velvet  breeches,  and  a  small  cocked 
hat.  He  had  a  few  gray  hairs  plaited  and 
clubbed  behind,  and  his  beard  seemed  to  be  of 
some  eight-and-forty  hours'  growth.  The  only 
piece  of  finery  which  he  bore  about  him  was  a 
bright  pair  of  square  silver  shoe-buckles  ;  and 
all  his  baggage  was  contained  in  a  pair  of  sad- 
dle-bags, which  he  carried  under  his  arm.  His 
whole  appearance  was  something  out  of  the 
common  run  ;  and  my  wife,  who  is  a  \ery 
shrewd  body,  at  once  set  him  down  for  some 
eminent  country  schoolmaster. 

As   the   Independent  Columbian   Hotel  is  a 
very  small  house,  I  was  a  little  puzzled  at  first 


12  Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor 

where  to  put  him  ;  but  my  wife,  who  seemed 
taken  with  his  looks,  would  needs  put  him  in 
her  best  chamber,  which  is  genteelly  set  off 
with  the  profiles  of  the  whole  family,  done  in 
black,  by  those  two  great  painters,  Jarvis  and 
"Wood  ;  and  commands  a  very  pleasant  view  of 
the  new  grounds  on  the  Collect,  together  with 
the  rear  of  the  Poor-House  and  Bridewell,  and 
a  full  front  of  the  Hospital ;  so  that  it  is  the 
cheerfullest  room  in  the  whole  house. 

During  the  whole  time  that  he  stayed  with 
us,  we  found  him  a  very  worthy  good  sort  of  an 
old  gentleman,  though  a  little  queer  in  his 
ways.  He  would  keep  in  his  room  for  days  to- 
gether, and  if  any  of  the  children  cried,  or  made 
a  noise  about  his  door,  he  would  bounce  out  in 
a  great  passion,  with  his  hands  full  of  papers, 
and  say  something  about  "deranging  his 
ideas  "  ;  which  made  my  wife  believe  sometimes 
that  he  was  not  altogether  compos.  Indeed, 
there  was  more  than  one  reason  to  make  her 
think  so,  for  his  room  was  always  covered  with 
scraps  of  paper  and  old  mouldy  books,  lying 
about  at  sixes  and  sevens,  which  he  would  never 
let  anybody  touch ;  for  he  said  he  had  laid  them 
all  away  in  their  proper  places,  so  that  he  might 
know  where  to  find  them ;  though,  for  that 
matter,  he  was  half  his  time  worrying  about 
the  house  in  search  of  some  book  or  writing 


Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor  13 

which  he  had  carefully  put  out  of  the  way.     I 

shall  never  forget  what  a  pother  he  once  made, 
because  my  wife  cleaned  out  his  room  when  his 
back  was  turned,  and  put  every  thing  to  rights  ; 
for  he  swore  he  would  never  be  able  to  get  his 
papers  in  order  again  in  a  twelvemonth.  Upon 
this,  my  wife  ventured  to  ask  him  what  he  did 
with  so  many  books  and  papers  ;  and  he  told 
her  that  he  was  "seeking  for  immortality"  ; 
which  made  her  think  more  than  ever  that  the 
poor  old  gentleman's  head  was  a  little  cracked. 
He  was  a  very  inquisitive  body,  and  when 
not  in  his  room,  was  continually  poking  about 
town,  hearing  all  the  news,  and  prying  into 
every  thing  that  was  going  on  :  this  was  par- 
ticularly the  case  about  election  time,  when  he 
did  nothing  but  bustle  about  from  poll  to  poll, 
attending  all  ward  meetings,  and  committee 
rooms  ;  though  I  could  never  find  that  he  took 
part  wnth  either  side  of  the  question.  On  the 
contrary,  he  would  come  home  and  rail  at  both 
parties  with  great  wrath, — and  plainly  proved 
one  day,  to  the  satisfaction  of  my  wife  and  three 
old  ladies  who  were  drinking  tea  with  her,  that 
the  two  parties  were  like  two  rogues,  each  tug- 
ging at  a  skirt  of  the  nation  ;  and  that  in  the 
end  they  would  tear  the  very  coat  off  its  back, 
and  expose  its  nakedness.  Indeed,  he  was  an 
oracle  among  the  neighbors,  who  would  collect 


14  Bccount  of  tbe  Butboc 


around  him  to  hear  him  talk  of  an  afternoon,  as 

he  smoked  his  pipe  on  the  bench  before  the 
door ;  and  I  really  believe  he  would  have 
brought  over  the  whole  neighborhood  to  his 
own  side  of  the  question,  if  they  could  ever 
have  found  out  what  it  was. 

He  w^as  very  much  given  to  argue,  or,  as  he 
called  it,  philosophize^  about  the  most  trifling 
matter  ;  and  to  do  him  justice,  I  never  knew 
anybody  that  was  a  match  for  him,  except  it 
was  a  grave-looking  old  gentleman  who  called 
now  and  then  to  see  him,  and  often  posed  him 
in  an  argument.  But  this  is  nothing  surprising, 
as  I  have  since  found  out  this  stranger  is  the 
city  librarian,  who,  of  course,  must  be  a  man 
of  great  learning  ;  and  I  have  my  doubts  if  he 
had  not  some  hand  in  the  following  historv*. 

As  our  lodger  had  been  a  long  time  with  us, 
and  we  had  never  received  any  pay,  my  wife 
began  to  be  somewhat  uneasy,  and  curious  to 
find  out  who  and  what  he  was.  She  according- 
ly made  bold  to  put  the  question  to  his  friend, 
the  librarian,  who  replied  in  his  dry  way  that 
he  was  one  of  the  literati,  which  she  supposed 
to  mean  some  new  party  in  politics.  I  scorn  to 
push  a  lodger  for  his  pay  ;  so  I  let  day  after  day 
pass  on  without  dunning  the  old  gentleman  for 
a  farthing ;  but  my  wife,  who  always  takes 
these  matters  on   herself,  and   is,  as   I  said,   a 


Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor  15 

shrewd  kind  of  a  woman,  at  last  got  out  of  pa- 
tience, and  hinted  that  she  thought  it  high  time 
"some  people  should  have  a  sight  of  some  peo- 
ple's money."  To  which  the  old  gentleman 
replied,  in  a  mighty  touchy  manner,  that  she 
need  not  make  herself  uneasy,  for  that  he  had  a 
treasure  there  (pointing  to  his  saddle-bags), 
worth  her  whole  house  put  together.  This  was 
the  only  answer  we  could  ever  get  from  him  ; 
and  as  my  wife,  by  some  of  those  odd  ways  in 
which  women  find  out  every  thing,  learnt  that 
he  was  of  very  great  connection,  being  related 
to  the  Knickerbockers  of  Scaghtikoke,  and 
cousin-german  to  the  Congressman  of  that 
name,  she  did  not  like  to  treat  him  uncivilly. 
What  is  more,  she  even  offered,  merely  by  way 
of  making  things  easy,  to  let  him  live  scot-free, 
if  he  would  teach  the  children  their  letters,  and 
to  try  her  best  and  get  her  neighbors  to  send 
their  children  also  ;  but  the  old  gentleman  took 
it  in  such  dudgeon,  and  seemed  so  affronted  at 
being  taken  for  a  schoolmaster,  that  she  never 
dared  to  speak  on  the  subject  again. 

About  two  months  ago  he  went  out  of  a  morn- 
ing, with  a  bundle  in  his  hand,  and  has  never 
been  heard  of  since.  All  kinds  of  inquiries 
were  made  after  him,  but  in  vain.  I  wrote  to 
his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke,  but  they  sent  for 
answer  that  he  had  not  been  there   since  the 


account  of  tbc  autbor 


year  before  last,  when  he  had  a  great  dispute 
with  the  Congressman  about  politics,  and  left 
the  place  in  a  huff,  and  they  had  neither  heard 
nor  seen  any  thing  of  him  from  that  time  to 
this.  I  must  own  I  felt  very  much  worried 
about  the  poor  old  gentleman,  for  I  thought 
something  bad  must  have  happened  to  him, 
that  he  should  be  missing  so  long,  and  never 
return  to  pay  his  bill.  I  therefore  advertised 
him  in  the  newspapers,  and  though  my  melan- 
choly advertisement  was  published  by  several 
humane  printers,  yet  I  have  never  been  able  to 
learn  any  thing  satisfactory  about  him. 

My  wife  now  said  it  was  high  time  to  take 
care  of  ourselves,  and  see  if  he  had  left  any 
thing  behind  in  his  room  that  would  pay  us  for 
his  board  and  lodging.  We  found  nothing, 
however,  but  some  old  books  and  musty  wri- 
tings, and  his  saddle-bags  ;  which,  being  opened 
in  the  presence  of  the  librarian,  contained  only 
a  few  articles  of  worn-out  clothes  and  a  large 
bundle  of  blotted  paper.  On  looking  over  this, 
the  librarian  told  us  he  had  no  doubt  it  was  the 
treasure  which  the  old  gentleman  had  spoken 
about,  as  it  proved  to  be  a  most  excellent  and 
faithful  History  of  New  York,  which  he  ad- 
vised us  by  all  means  to  publish,  assuring  us 
that  it  would  be  so  eagerly  bought  up  by  a  dis- 
cerning public,  that  he  had  no  doubt  it  would 


Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor  17 

be  enough  to  pay  our  arrears  ten  times  over. 
Upon  this  we  got  a  very  learned  schoolmaster, 
who  teaches  our  children,  to  prepare  it  for  the 
press,  which  he  accordingly  has  done,  and  has, 
moreover,  added  to  it  a  number  of  valuable 
notes  of  his  own. 

This,  therefore,  is  a  true  statement  of  my  rea- 
sons for  having  this  work  printed,  without 
waiting  for  the  consent  of  the  author  ;  and  I 
here  declare  that,  if  he  ever  returns  (though  I 
much  fear  some  unhappy  accident  has  befallen 
him),  I  stand  ready  to  account  with  him  like  a 
true  and  honest  man.  Which  is  all  at  present. 
From  the  public's  humble  servant, 

Seth  Handasidk. 

Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  New  York. 

The  foregoing  account  of  the  author  was  pre- 
fixed to  the  first  edition  of  this  work.  Shortly 
after  its  publication  a  letter  was  received  from 
him  by  Mr.  Handaside,  dated  at  a  small  Dutch 
\dllage  on  the  banks  of  the  Hudson,  whither  he 
had  travelled  for  the  purpose  of  inspecting  cer- 
tain ancient  records.  As  this  was  one  of  those 
few  and  happy  \nllages  into  which  newspapers 
never  find  their  way,  it  is  not  a  matter  of  sur- 
prise that  Mr.  Knickerbocker  should  never 
have  seen  the  numerous  advertisements  that 
were  made  concerning  him,  and  that  he  should 


i8  Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor 


learn  of  tlie  publication  of  his  history  by  mere 
accident. 

He  expressed  much  concern  at  its  premature 
appearance,  as  thereby  he  was  prevented  from 
making  several  important  corrections  and  alter- 
ations, as  well  as  from  profiting  by  many  curious 
hints  which  he  had  collected  during  his  travels 
along  the  shores  of  the  Tappan  Sea,  and  his  so- 
journ at  Haverstraw  and  Esopus. 

Finding  that  there  was  no  longer  any  imme- 
diate necessity  for  his  return  to  New  York,  he 
extended  his  journey  up  to  the  residence  of  his 
relations  at  Scaghtikoke.  On  his  way  thither 
he  stopped  for  some  days  at  Albany,  for  which 
city  he  is  known  to  have  entertained  a  great 
partiality.  He  found  it,  however,  considerably 
altered,  and  was  much  concerned  at  the  inroads 
and  improvements  which  the  Yankees  were 
making,  and  the  consequent  decline  of  the  good 
old  Dutch  manners.  Indeed,  he  was  informed 
that  these  intruders  were  making  sad  innova- 
tions in  all  parts  of  the  State,  where  they  had 
given  great  trouble  and  vexation  to  the  regular 
Dutch  settlers  by  the  introduction  of  turnpike- 
gates  and  country  school-houses.  It  is  said, 
also,  that  Mr.  Knickerbocker  shook  his  head 
sorrowfully  at  noticing  the  gradual  decay  of  the 
great  Vander  Heyden  palace  ;  but  was  highly 
indignant   at   finding  that  the  ancient    Dutch 


Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor  ig 

church,  which  stood  in  the  middle  of  the  street, 

had  been  pulled  down  since  his  last  visit. 

The  fame  of  Mr.  Knickerbocker's  history  hav- 
ing reached  even  to  Albany,  he  received  much 
flattering  attention  from  its  worthy  burghers, 
some  of  whom,  however,  pointed  out  two  or 
three  very  great  errors  he  had  fallen  into,  par- 
ticularly that  of  suspending  a  lump  of  sugar 
over  the  Albany  tea-tables,  which,  they  assured 
him,  had  been  discontinued  for  some  years 
past.  Several  families,  moreover,  were  some- 
what piqued  that  their  ancestors  had  not 
been  mentioned  in  his  work,  and  showed  great 
jealousy  of  their  neighbors  who  had  thus  been 
distinguished,  while  the  latter,  it  must  be  con- 
fessed, plumed  themselves  vastly  thereupon, 
considering  these  recordings  in  the  light  of  let- 
ters-patent of  nobility,  establishing  their  claims 
to  ancestrs', — which,  in  this  republican  country-, 
is  a  matter  of  no  little  solicitude  and  vainglory-. 

It  is  also  said  that  he  enjoyed  high  favor  and 
countenance  from  the  governor,  who  once  asked 
him  to  dinner,  and  was  seen  two  or  three  times 
to  shake  hands  with  him  when  they  met  in  the 
streets,  which  certainly  was  going  great  lengths, 
considering  that  they  differed  in  politics.  In- 
deed, certain  of  the  governor's  confidential 
friends,  to  whom  he  could  venture  to  speak  his 
mind  freely  on  such  matters,  have  assured  us 


account  of  tbe  Butbor 


that  he  privately  entertained  a  considerable 
good-will  for  our  author, — nay,  he  even  once 
went  so  far  as  to  declare,  and  that  openly,  too, 
and  at  his  own  table,  just  after  dinner,  that 
"Knickerbocker  was  a  very  well-meaning  sort 
of  an  old  gentleman,  and  no  fool."  From  all 
which  many  have  been  led  to  suppose  that  had 
our  author  been  of  different  politics  and  written 
for  the  newspapers,  instead  of  wasting  his  tal- 
ents on  histories,  he  might  have  risen  to  some 
post  of  honor  and  profit, — peradventure,  to  be 
a  notary-public,  or  even  a  justice  in  the  ten- 
pound  court. 

Beside  the  honors  and  civilities  already  men- 
tioned, he  was  much  caressed  by  the  literati  of 
Albany,  particularly  by  Mr.  John  Cook,  who 
entertained  him  very  hospitably  at  his  circulat- 
ing library  and  reading-room,  where  they  used 
to  drink  Spa  water  and  talk  about  the  ancients. 
He  found  Mr.  Cook  a  man  after  his  own  heart, 
— of  great  literary  research,  and  a  curious  col- 
lector of  books.  At  parting,  the  latter,  in  tes- 
timony of  friendship,  made  him  a  present  of  the 
two  oldest  works  in  his  collection,  which  were 
the  earliest  edition  of  the  Heidelberg  Cate- 
chism, and  Adrian  Vander  Donck's  famous  ac- 
count of  the  New  Netherlands  :  by  the  last  of 
which  Mr.  Knickerbocker  profited  greatly  in 
his  second  edition. 


account  of  tbc  Butbor  21 

Having  passed  some  time  very  agreeably  at 
Albany,  our  author  proceeded  to  Scaghtikoke, 
vrliere,  it  is  but  justice  to  say,  he  was  received 
with  open  arms,  and  treated  with  wonderful 
lo\nng-kindness.  He  was  much  looked  up  to 
by  the  family,  being  the  first  historian  of  the 
name,  and  was  considered  almost  as  great  a 
man  as  his  cousin  the  congressman,  —  with 
whom,  by  the  by,  he  became  perfectly  recon- 
ciled, and  contracted  a  strong  friendship. 

In  spite,  however,  of  the  kindness  of  his  rela- 
tions, and  their  great  attention  to  his  comforts, 
the  old  gentleman  soon  become  restless  and 
discontented.  His  history  being  published,  he 
had  no  longer  any  business  to  occupy  his 
thoughts,  or  any  scheme  to  excite  his  hopes 
and  anticipations.  This,  to  a  busy  mind  like 
his,  was  a  truly  deplorable  situation,  and  had 
he  not  been  a  man  of  inflexible  morals  and  reg- 
ular habits,  there  would  have  been  great  dan- 
ger of  his  taking  to  politics,  or  drinking, — both 
which  pernicious  vices  we  daily  see  men  driven 
to  by  mere  spleen  and  idleness. 

It  is  true,  he  sometimes  employed  himself 
in  preparing  a  second  edition  of  his  history, 
wherein  he  endeavored  to  correct  and  improve 
many  passages  with  which  he  was  dissatisfied, 
and  to  rectify  some  mistakes  that  had  crept 
into  it ;  for  he  was  particularly  anxious  that  his 


22  Bccount  of  tbc  Butbor 

work  should  be  noted  for  its  authenticity,  which 
indeed  is  the  very  life  and  soul  of  history.  But 
the  glow  of  composition  had  departed  ;  he  had 
to  leave  many  places  untouched,  which  he 
would  fain  have  altered,  and  even  where  he  did 
make  alterations  he  seemed  always  in  doubt 
whether  they  were  for  the  better  or  the  worse. 

After  a  residence  of  some  time  at  Scaghti- 
koke,  he  began  to  feel  a  strong  desire  to  return 
to  New  York,  which  he  ever  regarded  with  the 
warmest  affection  ;  not  merely  because  it  was 
his  native  city,  but  because  he  really  considered 
it  the  very  best  city  in  the  whole  world.  On 
his  return  he  entered  into  the  full  enjoyment 
of  the  advantages  of  a  literary  reputation.  He 
was  continually  importuned  to  write  advertise- 
ments, petitions,  handbills,  and  productions  of 
similar  import ;  and  although  he  never  meddled 
with  the  public  papers,  yet  had  he  the  credit 
of  writing  innumerable  essays  and  smart  things 
that  appeared  on  all  subjects,  and  all  sides  of 
the  question  ;  in  all  which  he  was  clearly  de- 
tected "by  his  style." 

He  contracted,  moreover,  a  considerable  debt 
at  the  post-ofi&ce,  in  consequence  of  the  nu- 
merous letters  he  received  from  authors  and 
printers  soliciting  his  subscription,  and  he  was 
applied  to  by  every  charitable  society  for  yearly 
donations,  which  he  gave  very  cheerfully,  con- 


Bccount  of  tbe  Butbor  23 

sidering  these  applications  as  so  many  compli- 
ments. He  was  once  invited  to  a  great  corpora- 
tion dinner,  and  was  even  twice  summoned  to 
attend  as  a  jur\-man  at  the  court  of  quarter  ses- 
sions. Indeed  so  renowned  did  he  become  that 
he  could  no  longer  pry  about,  as  formerly,  in 
all  holes  and  comers  of  the  city,  according  to 
the  bent  of  his  humor,  unnoticed  and  unin- 
terrupted ;  but  several  times  when  he  has  been 
sauntering  the  streets  on  his  usual  rambles  of 
observation,  equipped  with  his  cane  and  cocked 
hat,  the  little  boys  at  play  have  been  known 
to  cry  :  '*  There  goes  Diedrich  !  " — at  which  the 
old  gentleman  seemed  not  a  little  pleased, 
looking  upon  these  salutations  in  the  light  of 
the  praise  of  posterity. 

In  a  word,  if  we  take  into  consideration  all 
these  various  honors  and  distinctions,  together 
with  an  exuberant  eulogium  passed  on  him  in 
the  Portfolio  (with  which  we  are  told,  the  old 
gentleman  was  so  overpowered  that  he  was 
sick  for  two  or  three  days),  it  must  be  confessed 
that  few  authors  have  ever  lived  to  receive  such 
illustrious  rewards,  or  have  so  completely 
enjoyed  in  advance  their  own  immortality. 

After  his  return  from  Scaghtikoke,  Mr.  Knick- 
erbocker took  up  his  residence  at  a  little  rural 
retreat,  which  the  Stuyvesants  had  granted 
him    on    the    family    domain,  in  gratitude  for 


H  Bccount  of  tbc  Butbor 


his  honorable  mention  of  their  ancestor.  It  was 
pleasantly  situated  on  the  borders  of  one  of  the 
salt  marshes  beyond  Corlear's  Hook,  subject  in- 
deed, to  be  occasionally  overflowed,  and  much 
infested  in  the  summer  time  with  mosquitoes, 
but  otherwise  very  agreeable,  producing  abun- 
dant crops  of  salt  grass  and  bulrushes. 

Here,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  the  good  old 
gentleman  fell  dangerously  ill  of  a  fever,  oc- 
casioned by  the  neighboring  marshes.  When 
he  found  his  end  approaching  he  disposed  of 
his  worldly  affairs,  leaving  the  bulk  of  his 
fortune  to  the  New  York  Historical  Society  ; 
his  Heidelberg  Catechism,  and  Vander  Donck's 
work  to  the  city  library,  and  his  saddle-bags  to 
Mr.  Handaside.  He  forgave  all  his  enemies, — 
that  is  to  say,  all  who  bore  any  enmity  towards 
him  ;  for  as  to  himself,  he  declared  he  died  in 
good-will  with  all  the  world.  And  after  dic- 
tating several  kind  messages  to  his  relations  at 
Scaghtikoke,  as  well  as  to  certain  of  our  most 
substantial  Dutch  citizens,  he  expired  in  the 
arms  of  his  friend  the  librarian. 

His  remains  were  interred,  according  to  his 
own  request,  in  St.  Mark's  churchyard,  close 
by  the  bones  of  his  favorite  hero,  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant ;  and  it  is  rumored  that  the  Historical  So- 
ciety have  it  in  mind  to  erect  a  wooden  monu- 
ment to  his  memory  in  the  Bowling  Green. 


TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

TO  rescue  from  oblivion  the  memory  of 
former  incidents,  and  to  render  a  just  trib- 
ute of  renown  to  the  many  great  and  -wonder- 
ful transactions  of  our  Dutch  progenitors,  Died- 
rich  Knickerbocker,  native  of  the  city  of  New 
York,  produces  this  historical  essay.*  Like  the 
great  Father  of  History,  whose  words  I  have 
just  quoted,  I  treat  of  times  long  past,  over 
which  the  twilight  of  uncertainty  had  already 
thrown  its  shadows,  and  the  night  of  forgetful- 
ness  was  about  to  descend  forever.  With  great 
solicitude  had  I  long  beheld  the  early  history 
of  this  venerable  and  ancient  city  gradually 
slipping  from  our  grasp,  trembling  on  the  lips 
of  narrative  old  age,  and  day  by  day  dropping 
piecemeal  into  the  tomb.  In  a  little  while, 
thought  I,  and  those  reverend  Dutch  burghers, 
who  serve  as  the  tottering  monuments  of  good 
old  times,  will  be  gathered  to  their  fathers ; 
their  childxen,  engrossed  by  the  empty  pleas- 

*  Beloe's  Herodotus. 


26  Zo  tbe  ipublic 


ures  or  insignificant  transactions  of  the  present 

age,  will  neglect  to  treasure  up  the  recollections 
of  the  past,  and  posterity  will  search  in  vain  for 
memorials  of  the  days  of  the  Patriarchs.  The 
origin  of  our  city  will  be  buried  in  eternal 
oblivion,  and  even  the  names  and  achieve- 
ments of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  William  Kieft, 
and  Peter  Stuyvesant,  be  enveloped  in  doubt 
and  fiction,  like  those  of  Romulus  and  Remus, 
of  Charlemagne,  King  Arthur,  Rinaldo,  and 
Godfrey  of  Bologne. 

Determined,  therefore,  to  avert  if  possible 
this  threatened  misfortune,  I  industriously  set 
myself  to  work,  to  gather  together  all  the  frag- 
ments of  our  infant  history  which  still  existed, 
and  like  my  reverend  protot3-pe,  Herodotus, 
where  no  written  records  could  be  found,  I 
have  endeavored  to  continue  the  chain  of  his- 
tory by  well-authenticated  traditions. 

In  this  arduous  undertaking,  which  has  been 
the  whole  business  of  a  long  and  solitary  life, 
it  is  incredible  the  number  of  learned  authors  I 
have  consulted  ;  and  all  but  to  little  purpose. 
Strange  as  it  may  seem,  though  such  multitudes 
of  excellent  works  have  been  written  about  this 
country,  there  are  none  extant  which  give  any 
full  and  satisfactory  account  of  the  early  his- 
tory of  New  York,  or  of  its  three  first  Dutch 
governors.       I    have,    however,    gained    much 


^0  tbe  public  27 

valuable  and  curious  matter,  from  an  elaborate 
manuscript  written  in  exceeding  pure  and 
classic  Low  Dutch,  excepting  a  few  errors  in 
orthography,  which  was  found  in  the  archives 
of  the  Stuyvesant  family.  Many  legends,  let- 
ters, and  other  documents  have  I  likewise 
gleaned,  in  my  researches  among  the  family 
chests  and  lumber-garrets  of  our  respectable 
Dutch  citizens  ;  and  I  have  gathered  a  host  of 
well-authenticated  traditions  from  divers  ex- 
cellent old  ladies  of  my  acquaintance,  who 
requested  that  their  names  might  not  be  men- 
tioned. Nor  must  I  neglect  to  acknowledge 
how  greatly  I  have  been  assisted  by  that  admi- 
rable and  praiseworthy  institution,  the  Ne:w 
York  Historicai,  Society,  to  which  I  here 
publicly  return  my  sincere  acknowledgments. 
In  the  conduct  of  this  inestimable  work  I 
have  adopted  no  individual  model ;  but,  on  the 
contrary,  have  simply  contented  myself  with 
combining  and  concentrating  the  excellences 
of  the  most  approved  ancient  historians.  Like 
Xenophon,  I  have  maintained  the  utmost  im- 
partiality, and  the  strictest  adherence  to  truth 
throughout  my  history.  I  have  enriched  it 
after  the  manner  of  Sallust,  with  various  char- 
acters of  ancient  worthies,  drawn  at  full  length, 
and  faithfully  colored.  I  have  seasoned  it 
with  profound  political  speculations  like  Thu- 


29  zo  tbe  public 


cydides,  sweetened  it  with  tlie  graces  of  senti- 
ment like  Tacitus,  and  infused  into  the  whole 
the  dignit}',  the  grandeur,  and  magnificence  of 
Livy. 

I  am  aware  that  I  shall  incur  the  censure  of 
numerous  very  learned  and  judicious  critics,  for 
indulging  too  frequently  in  the  bold  excursive 
manner  of  my  favorite  Herodotus.  And  to  be 
candid,  I  have  found  it  impossible  always  to  re- 
sist the  allurements  of  those  pleasing  episodes 
which,  like  flowery  banks  and  fragrant  bowers, 
beset  the  dusty  road  of  the  historian,  and  entice 
him  to  turn  aside,  and  refresh  himself  from  his 
wayfaring.  But  I  trust  it  will  be  found  that  I 
have  always  resumed  my  staff,  and  addressed 
myself  to  my  weary  journey  with  renovated 
spirits,  so  that  both  my  readers  and  myself  have 
been  benefited  by  the  relaxation. 

Indeed,  though  it  has  been  my  constant  wish 
and  uniform  endeavor  to  rival  Polybius  himself, 
in  observing  the  requisite  unity  of  history,  yet 
the  loose  and  unconnected  manner  in  which 
many  of  the  facts  herein  recorded  have  come  to 
hand,  rendered  such  an  attempt  extremely  diffi- 
cult. This  difficulty  was  likewise  increased  b}- 
one  of  the  grand  objects  contemplated  in  my 
work,  which  was  to  trace  the  rise  of  sundry  cus- 
toms and  institutions  in  this  best  of  cities,  and 
to  compare  them,  when  in  the  germ  of  infancy, 


Zo  tbc  public  29 

with  what  they  are  in  the  present  old  age  of 
knowledge  and  improvement. 

But  the  chief  merit  on  which  I  value  myself, 
and  found  my  hopes  for  future  regard,  is  that 
faithful  veracity  with  which  I  have  compiled 
this  invaluable  little  work  ;  carefully  winnowing 
away  the  chaff  of  hypothesis,  and  discarding  the 
tares  of  fable,  which  are  too  apt  to  spring  up 
and  choke  the  seeds  of  truth  and  wholesome 
knowledge.  Had  I  been  anxious  to  captivate 
the  superficial  throng,  who  skim  like  swallows 
over  the  surface  of  literature  ;  or  had  I  been 
anxious  to  commend  my  writings  to  the  pamp- 
ered palates  of  literary  epicures,  I  might  have 
availed  myself  of  the  obscurity  that  overshadows 
the  infant  years  of  our  city,  to  introduce  a  thou- 
sand pleasing  fictions.  But  I  have  scrupuloush- 
discarded  many  a  pithy  tale  and  marv'ellous 
adventure,  whereby  the  drowsy  ear  of  summer 
indolence  might  be  enthralled ;  jealously  main- 
tianing  that  fidelity,  gravity,  and  dignity,  which 
should  ever  distinguish  the  historian.  "  For  a 
writer  of  this  class,"  observes  an  elegant  critic, 
"must  sustain  the  character  of  a  wise  man, 
writing  for  the  instruction  of  posterity  ;  one 
who  has  studied  to  inform  himself  well,  who 
has  pondered  his  subject  with  care,  and  ad- 
dresses himself  to  our  judgment,  rather  than  to 
our  imagination." 


30  ^0  tbc  public 


Thrice  happy,  therefore,  is  this  our  renowned 
city  in  having  incidents  worthy  of  swelling  the 
theme  of  history  ;  and  doubly  thrice  happy  is  it 
in  ha\^ng  such  an  historian  as  myself  to  relate 
them.  For  after  all,  gentle  reader,  cities  of 
themselves,  and,  in  fact,  empires  of  themselves, 
are  nothing  without  an  historian.  It  is  the  pa- 
tient narrator  who  records  their  prosperity  as 
they  rise, — who  blazons  forth  the  splendor  of 
their  noontide  meridian, — who  props  their 
feeble  memorials  as  they  totter  to  decay, — who 
gathers  together  their  scattered  fragments  as 
they  rot, — and  who  piously,  at  length,  collects 
their  ashes  into  the  mausoleum  of  his  work  and 
rears  a  monument  that  will  transmit  their  re- 
nown to  all  succeeding  ages. 

What  has  been  the  fate  of  many  fair  cities  of 
antiquity,  whose  nameless  ruins  encumber  the 
plains  of  Europe  and  Asia,  and  awaken  the 
fruitless  inquiry  of  the  traveller?  They  have 
sunk  into  dust  and  silence, — they  have  perished 
from  remembrance  for  want  of  an  historian  ! 
The  philanthropist  may  weep  over  their  desola- 
tion,— the  poet  may  wander  among  their  moul- 
dering arches  and  broken  columns,  and  indulge 
the  visionary  flights  of  his  fancy, — but,  alas ! 
alas  !  the  modern  historian,  whose  pen,  like  my 
own,  is  doomed  to  confine  itself  to  dull  matter- 
of-fact,  seeks  in  vain  among  their  oblivious  re- 


Zo  tbe  public  31 

mains  for  some  memorial  that  may  tell  the  in- 
structive tale  of  their  glory  and  their  ruiu. 

"Wars,  conflagrations,  deluges,"  says  Aris- 
totle, "  destroy  nations,  and  with  them  all  their 
monuments,  their  discoveries,  and  their  vanities. 
The  torch  of  science  has  more  than  once  been 
extinguished  and  rekindled  ; — a  few  indi\-iduals, 
who  have  escaped  by  accident,  reunite  the 
thread  of  generations." 

The  same  sad  misfortune  which  has  happened 
to  so  many  ancient  cities  will  happen  again,  and 
from  the  same  sad  cause,  to  nine  tenths  of  those 
which  now  flourish  on  the  face  of  the  globe. 
With  most  of  them  the  time  for  recording  their 
early  history  is  gone  by  ;  their  origin,  their 
foundation,  together  with  the  eventful  period 
of  their  youth,  are  forever  buried  in  the  rabbish 
of  years ;  and  the  same  would  have  been  the 
case  with  this  fair  portion  of  the  earth,  if  I  had 
not  snatched  it  from  obscurity  in  the  very  nick 
of  time,  at  the  moment  that  those  matters  here- 
in recorded  were  about  entering  into  the  wide- 
spread, insatiable  maw  of  oblivion, — if  I  had 
not  dragged  them  out,  as  it  were,  by  the  very 
locks,  just  as  the  monster's  adamantine  fan^s 
were  closing  upon  them  forever!  And  here 
have  I,  as  before  observed,  carefully  collected, 
collated,  and  arranged  them,  scrip  and  scrap, 
"•  Punt  en  punt,  gat  en  gat,'"  and  commenced  in 


32  ;ro  tbe  public 

this  little  work  a  history,  to  serve  as  a  founda- 
tion on  which  other  historians  may  hereafter 
raise  a  noble  superstructure,  swelling  in  process 
of  time,  until  Knickerbocker's  "New  York" 
may  be  equally  voluminous  with  Gibbon's 
"Rome,"  or  Hume  and  Smollet's  "  England"  ! 

And  now  indulge  me  for  a  moment,  while  I 
lay  down  my  pen,  skip  to  some  little  eminence 
at  the  distance  of  two  or  three  hundred  years 
ahead ;  and,  casting  back  a  bird's-eye  glance 
over  the  waste  of  years  that  is  to  roll  between, 
discover  myself — little  I — at  this  moment  the 
progenitor,  prototype,  and  precursor  of  them 
all,  posted  at  the  head  of  this  host  of  literary 
worthies,  with  my  book  under  my  arm,  and 
New  York  on  my  back,  pressing  forward,  like 
a  gallant  commander,  to  honor  and  immortality. 

Such  are  the  vainglorious  imaginings  that 
will  now  and  then  enter  into  the  brain  of  the 
author, — that  irradiate,  as  with  celestial  light, 
his  solitary  chamber,  cheering  his  weary  spirits, 
and  animating  him  to  persevere  in  his  labors. 
And  I  have  freely  given  utterance  to  these 
rhapsodies  whenever  they  have  occurred  ;  not, 
I  trust,  from  an  unusual  spirit  of  egotism,  but 
merely  that  the  reader  may  for  once  have  an 
idea  how  an  author  thinks  and  feels  while  he  is 
writing, — a  kind  of  knowledge  very  rare  and 
curious,  and  much  to  be  desired, 


A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 


BOOK   I. 

CONTAINING  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND 
PHII^OSOPHIC  SPECLXATIONS,  CONCERNING 
THE  CREATION  AND  POPUEATION  OF  THE 
WORXD,  AS  CONNECTED  W^TH  THE  HISTORY 
OP  NEW  YORK. 

CHAPTER  I. 

DESCRIPTION  OF  THE  WORLD. 


ACCORDING  to  the  best  authorities,  the 
world  in  which  we  dwell  is  a  huge,  opaque, 
reflecting,  inanimate  mass,  floating  in  the  vast 
ethereal  ocean  of  infinite  space.  It  has  the 
form  of  an  orange,  being  an  oblate  spheroid, 
curiously  flattened  at  opposite  parts,  for  the  in- 
sertion of  tw^o  imaginary  poles,  which  are  sup- 
posed to  penetrate  and  unite  at  the  centre,  thus 


34  Ibistors  ot  IRew  |)ork 

forming  an  axis  on  which  the  mighty  orange 
turns  with  a  regular  diurnal  revolution. 

The  transitions  of  light  and  darkness,  whence 
proceed  the  alternations  of  day  and  night,  are 
produced  by  this  diurnal  revolution  successively 
presenting  the  different  parts  of  the  earth  to 
the  rays  of  the  sun.  The  latter  is,  according  to 
the  best,  that  is  to  say,  the  latest  accounts,  a 
luminous  or  fiery  body,  of  a  prodigious  magni- 
tude, from  which  this  world  is  driven  by  a  cen- 
trifugal or  repelling  power,  and  to  which  it  is 
drawn  by  a  centripetal  or  attractive  force ; 
otherwise  called  the  attraction  of  gravitation  ; 
the  combination,  or  rather  the  counteraction  of 
these  two  opposing  impulses  producing  a  circu- 
lar and  annual  revolution.  Hence  result  the 
different  seasons  of  the  year,  viz. :  spring,  sum- 
mer, autumn,  and  winter. 

This  I  believe  to  be  the  most  approved  mod- 
ern theory  on  the  subject, — though  there  be 
many  philosophers  who  have  entertained  very 
different  opinions ;  some,  too,  of  them  entitled 
to  much  deference  from  their  great  antiquity 
and  illustrious  character.  Thus  it  was  advanced 
by  some  of  the  ancient  sages,  that  the  earth 
was  an  extended  plain,  supported  by  vast  pil- 
lars ;  and  by  others,  that  it  rested  on  the  head 
of  a  snake,  or  the  back  of  a  huge  tortoise  ; — but 
as  they  did  not  provide  a  resting-place  for  either 


©pinions  Bbout  tbc  'CGlorlJ)         35 

the  pillars  or  the  tortoise,  the  whole  theory  fell 
to  the  ground,  for  want  of  proper  foundation. 

The  Brahmins  assert,  that  the  heavens  rest 
upon  the  earth,  and  the  sun  and  moon  swim 
therein  like  fishes  in  the  water,  moving  from 
east  to  west  by  day,  and  gliding  along  the  edge 
of  the  horizon  to  their  original  stations  during 
night  ^  ;  while,  according  to  the  Pauranicas  of 
India,  it  is  a  vast  plain,  encircled  by  seven  oceans 
of  milk,  nectar,  and  other  delicious  liquids  ; 
that  it  is  studded  with  seven  mountains,  and 
ornamented  in  the  centre  by  a  mountainous 
rock  of  burnished  gold  ;  and  that  a  great  dragon 
occasipnally  swallows  up  the  moon,  which  ac- 
counts for  the  phenomena  of  lunar  eclipses. f 

Besides  these,  and  many  other  equally  sage 
opinions,  we  have  the  profound  conjectures  of 
AbouIv-Hassan-Aly,  son  of  Al  Khan,  son  of 
Aly,  son  of  Abderrahman,  son  of  Abdallah,  son 
of  Masoud-el-Hadheli  who  is  commonly  called 
Masoudi,  and  surnamed  Cothbiddin,  but  who 
takes  the  humble  title  of  Laheb-ar-rasoul,  whicl: 
means  the  companion  of  the  ambassador  c/ 
God.  He  has  written  a  universal  histor}%  en- 
titled "  Mouroudge-ed-dharab,  or  the  Golden 
Meadows,  and  the  Mines  of  Precious  Stones."; 


*  Faria  y  Souza,   Mick.  Lus.,  note  b.,  7. 
fSir  W.  Jones,  Diss.  Antiq.  Ind.  Zod. 
f  MSS.  Bibliot.  Roi.  Fr. 


36  Ibistorg  of  IRew  lt)ork 


In  this  valuable  work  he  has  related  the  history 
of  the  world  from  the  creation  down  to  the  mo- 
ment of  writing  ;  which  was  under  the  Khali- 
phat  of  Mothi  Billah,  in  the  month  Dgioumadi- 
el-aoual  of  the  366th  year  of  the  Hegira  or 
flight  of  the  prophet.  He  informs  us  that  the 
earth  is  a  huge  bird,  Mecca  and  Medina  consti- 
tuting the  head,  Persia  and  India  the  right 
wing,  the  land  of  Gog  the  left  wing,  and  Africa 
the  tail.  He  informs  us,  moreover,  that  an 
earth  has  existed  before  the  present  (which  he 
considers  as  a  mere  chicken  of  7,000  years), 
that  it  has  undergone  divers  deluges,  and  that, 
according  to  the  opinion  of  some  well-informed 
Brahmins  of  his  acquaintance,  it  will  be  reno- 
vated every  seventy  thousandth  hazarouam  ; 
each  hazarouam  consisting  of  12,000  years. 

These  are  a  few  of  the  many  contradictory 
opinions  of  philosophers  concerning  the  earth, 
and  we  find  that  the  learned  have  had  equal 
perplexity  as  to  the  nature  of  the  sun.  Some 
of  the  ancient  philosophers  have  afiirmed  that 
it  is  a  vast  wheel  of  brilliant  fire*  ;  others,  that 
it  is  merely  a  mirror  or  sphere  of  transparent 
crystal  f  ;  and  a  third  class,  at  the  head  of  whom 
stands  Anaxagoras,  maintained  that  it  was  noth- 


♦Plutarch,  De  Placitis  Philosoph.,  lib.  ii.,  cap.  20. 
t  Achill.  Tat.  Isag.,  cap.  19.    Ap.  Petav.,  t.  iii.,  p.  81. 
Stob.,  Eclog.  Phys.,  lib.  i.,  p.  56.     Plut.,  De.  Plac,  Phi. 


Cbe  IRature  of  tbe  Sun 


ing  but  a  huge  ignited  mass  of  iron  or  stone, — 
indeed,  he  declared  the  heavens  to  be  merely  a 
vault  of  stone, — and  that  the  stars  were  stones 
whirled  upward  from  the  earth,  and  set  on  fire 
by  the  velocity  of  its  revolutions.*  But  I  give 
little  attention  to  the  doctrines  of  this  philoso- 
pher, the  people  of  Athens  having  fully  refuted 
them,  by  banishing  him  from  their  city  ;  a  con- 
cise mode  of  answering  unwelcome  doctrines, 
much  resorted  to  in  former  days.  Another  sect 
of  philosophers  do  declare,  that  certain  fiery 
particles  exhale  constantly  from  the  earth, 
which,  concentrating  in  a  single  point  of  the 
firmament  by  day,  constitute  the  sun,  but  being 
scattered  and  rambling  about  in  the  dark  at 
night,  collect  in  various  points,  and  form  stars. 
These  are  regularly  burnt  out  and  extinguished, 
not  unlike  to  the  lamps  in  our  streets,  and  re- 
quire a  fresh  supply  of  exhalations  for  the  next 
occasion.! 

It  is  even  recorded,  that  at  certain  remote 
and  obscure  periods,  in  consequence  of  a  great 
scarcity  of  fuel,  the  sun  has  been  completeh- 
burnt  out,  and  sometimes  not  rekindled  for  a 
month  at  a  time.     A  most  melancholy  circum- 

*  Diogenes  Laertius  in  Anaxag^.  1.  ii.,  sec.  8.  Plat.  Apol., 
t.  i.,p.  26.  Plut.,  De  Plac.  Philo.  Xenoph.  Mem.,  1.  iv., 
p.  815. 

t  Aristot.  Meteor.,  1.  ii.,  c.  2.  Idem.  Probl.  sec.  15. 
Stob.,  Eel.  Phys.,  1.,  i.,  p.  55.  Bruck.,  Hist.  Phil.,  t.  i.,  p. 
1154,  etc. 


38  1bi6torg  of  IKlew  l^ork 


stance,  the  very  idea  of  which  gave  vast  con- 
cern to  Heraclitus,  that  worthy  weeping  philos- 
opher of  antiquity.  In  addition  to  these  various 
speculations,  it  was  the  opinion  of  Herschel, 
that  the  sun  is  a  magnificent,  habitable  abode  ; 
the  light  it  furnishes  arising  from  certain  em- 
pyreal, luminous,  or  phosphoric  clouds,  swim- 
ming in  its  transparent  atmosphere.* 

But  we  will  not  enter  farther  at  present  into 
the  nature  of  the  sun,  that  being  an  inquiry  not 
immediately  necessary  to  the  development  of 
this  history  ;  neither  will  we  embroil  ourselves 
in  any  more  of  the  endless  disputes  of  philoso- 
phers touching  the  form  of  this  globe,  but  con- 
tent ourselves  with  the  theory  advanced  in  the 
beginning  of  this  chapter,  and  will  proceed  to 
illustrate,  by  experiment,  the  complexity  of 
motion  therein  ascribed  to  this  our  rotatory 
planet. 

Professor  Von  Poddingcoft  (or  Puddinghead, 
as  the  name  may  be  rendered  into  English)  was 
long  celebrated  in  the  University  of  Leyden  for 
profound  gravity  of  deportment,  and  a  talent  at 
going  to  sleep  in  the  midst  of  examinations,  to 
the  infinite  relief  of  his  hopeful  students,  who 
thereby  worked  their  way  through  college  with 
great  ease  and  little  study.     In  the  course  of 

*Philos.  Trans.,  1795,  p.  72.  Idem.,  1801,  p.  265.  Nich. 
Philos.Jou-m.,  I.,  p.  13. 


B  {practical  Bjperiment  39 

one  of  his  lectures,  the  learned  professor,  seiz- 
ing a  bucket  of  water,  swung  it  around  his  head 
at  arm's  length.  The  impulse  with  which  he 
threw  the  vessel  from  him,  being  a  centrifugal 
force,  the  retention  of  his  arm  operating  as  a 
centripetal  power,  and  the  bucket,  which  was  a 
substitute  for  the  earth,  describing  a  circular 
orbit  round  about  the  globular  head  and  ruby 
\asage  of  Professor  Von  Poddingcoft,  which 
formed  no  bad  representation  of  the  sun.  All 
of  these  particulars  were  duly  explained  to  the 
class  of  gaping  students  around  him.  He  ap- 
prised them,  moreover,  that  the  same  principal 
of  gravitation,  which  retained  the  water  in  the 
bucket,  restrains  the  ocean  from  flying  from 
the  earth  in  its  rapid  revolutions ;  and  he 
fmrther  informed  them  that  should  the  motion 
of  the  earth  be  suddenly  checked,  it  would  in- 
continently fall  into  the  sun,  through  the  cen- 
tripetal force  of  gravitation, — a  most  ruinous 
event  to  this  planet,  and  one  which  would  also 
obsciire,  though  it  most  probably  would  not 
extinguish,  the  solar  luminary.  An  unlucky 
stripling,  one  of  those  vagrant  geniuses,  who 
seem  sent  into  the  world  merely  to  annoy 
worthy  men  of  the  puddinghead  order,  desirous 
of  ascertaining  the  correctness  of  the  experi- 
ment, suddenly  arrested  the  arm  of  the  profes- 
sor, just  at  the  moment  that  the  bucket  was  in 


40  Ibistorg  of  tftew  l^ork 

its  zenith,  which  immediately  descended  with 

astonishing  precision  upon  the  philosophic  head 
of  the  instructor  of  youth.  A  hollow  sound, 
and  a  red-hot  hiss,  attended  the  contact ;  but  the 
theory  was  in  the  amplest  manner  illustrated, 
for  the  unfortunate  bucket  perished  in  the 
conflict ;  but  the  blazing  countenance  of  Pro- 
fessor Von  Poddingcoft  emerged  from  amidst 
the  waters,  glowing  fiercer  than  ever  with  un- 
utterable indignation,  whereby  the  students 
were  marvellously  edified,  and  departed  consid- 
erably wiser  than  before. 

It  is  a  mortifying  circumstance,  which  greatly 
perplexes  many  a  painstaking  philosopher,  that 
nature  often  refuses  to  second  his  most  pro- 
found and  elaborate  efforts ;  so  that  after 
ha\'ing  invented  one  of  the  most  ingenious  and 
natural  theories  imaginable,  she  will  have  the 
perverseness  to  act  directly  in  the  teeth  of  his 
system,  and  flatly  contradict  his  most  favorite 
positions.  This  is  a  manifest  and  unmerited 
grievance,  since  it  throws  the  censure  of  the 
vulgar  and  unlearned  entirely  upon  the  phi- 
losopher ;  whereas  the  fault  is  not  to  be  ascribed 
to  his  theory,  which  is  unquestionably  correct, 
but  to  the  waywardness  of  Dame  Nature,  who, 
with  the  proverbial  fickleness  of  her  sex,  is 
continually  indulging  in  coquetries  and  ca- 
prices, and  seems  really  to  take  pleasure  in 


Cbe  1X13^6  ot  tbc  'UaoclD  41 

violating  all  philosophic  rules,  and  jilting  the 
most  learned  and  indefatigable  of  her  adorers. 
Thus  it  happened  with  respect  to  the  foregoing 
satisfactory  explanation  of  the  motion  of  our 
planet ;  it  appears  that  the  centrifugal  force 
has  long  since  ceased  to  operate,  while  its  an- 
tagonist remains  in  undiminished  potency  ; 
the  world,  therefore,  according  to  the  theory  as 
it  originally  stood,  ought  in  strict  propriety  to 
tumble  into  the  sun  ;  philosophers  were  con- 
\nnced  that  it  would  do  so,  and  awaited  in 
anxious  impatience  the  fulfilment  of  their  prog- 
nostics. But  the  untoward  planet  pertinacious- 
ly continued  her  course,  notwithstanding  that 
she  had  reason,  philosophy,  and  a  whole  uni- 
versity of  learned  professors  opposed  to  her 
conduct.  The  philosophers  took  this  in  very 
ill  part,  and  it  is  thought  they  would  never 
have  pardoned  the  slight  and  affront  which 
they  conceived  put  upon  them  by  the  world, 
had  not  a  good-natured  professor  kindly  ofiaci- 
ated  as  a  mediator  between  the  parties,  and 
effected  a  reconciliation. 

Finding  the  world  would  not  accommodate 
itself  to  the  theory,  he  wisely  determined  to 
accommodate  the  theory  to  the  world  ;  he  there- 
fore informed  his  brother  philosophers,  that  the 
circular  motion  of  the  earth  round  the  sun  was 
no  sooner  engendered   by  the  conflicting  im- 


42  tbistori?  of  Iftew  l^ork 


pulses  above  described,  than  it  became  a  regu- 
lar revolution,  independent  of  the  causes  which 
give  it  origin.  His  learned  brethren  readily- 
joined  in  the  opinion,  being  heartily  glad  of 
any  explanation  that  would  decently  extricate 
them  from  their  embarrassment ;  and  ever  since 
that  memorable  era  the  world  has  been  left  to 
take  her  own  course,  and  to  revolve  around  the 
sun  in  such  orbit  as  she  thinks  proper. 


CHAPTER  11. 

COSMOGONY',  OR  CREATION  OF  THE  WORLD  ; 
WITH  A  MUI.TITUDE  OF  EXCEI<I.ENT  THEO- 
RIES, BY  WHICH  THE  CREATION  OF  A  WORI.D 
IS  SHOWN  TO  BE  NO  SUCH  DIFFICLXT  MAT- 
TER AS   COMMON   FOLK  WOULD   IMAGINE. 

HAVING  thus  briefly  introduced  my  reader 
to  the  world,  and  given  him  some  idea  of 
its  form  and  situation,  he  will  naturally  be  curi- 
ous to  know  from  whence  it  came,  and  how  it 
was  created.  And,  indeed,  the  clearing  up  of 
these  points  is  absolutely  essential  to  my  his- 
tory, inasmuch  as  if  this  world  had  not  been 
formed,  it  is  more  than  probable  that  this  re- 
nowned island,  on  which  is  situated  the  city  of 
New  York,  would  never  have  had  an  existence. 
The  regular  course  of  my  history,  therefore, 
requires  that  I  should  proceed  to  notice  the 
cosmogony  or  formation  of  this  our  globe. 
And.  now   I   give    my   readers   fair  warning 


44  Ibistorg  ot  IRew  l^ork 


that  I  am  about  to  plunge,  for  a  chapter  or  two, 
into  as  complete  a  labyrinth  as  ever  historian 
was  perplexed  withal ;  therefore,  I  advise  them 
to  take  fast  hold  of  my  skirts,  and  keep  close  to 
my  heels,  venturing  neither  to  the  right  hand 
nor  to  the  left,  lest  they  get  bemired  in  a  slough 
of  unintelligible  learning,  or  have  their  brains 
knocked  out  by  some  of  those  hard  Greek 
names  which  will  be  flying  about  in  all  direc- 
tions. But  should  any  of  them  be  too  indolent 
or  chicken-hearted  to  accompany  me  in  this 
perilous  undertaking,  they  had  better  take  a 
short  cut  round,  and  wait  for  me  at  the  begin- 
ning of  some  smoother  chapter. 

Of  the  creation  of  the  world,  we  have  a  thou- 
sand contradictory  accounts  ;  and  though  a  very 
satisfactory  one  is  furnished  us  by  divine  rev- 
elation, yet  every  philosopher  feels  himself  in 
honor  bound  to  furnish  us  with  a  better.  As 
an  impartial  historian  I  consider  it  my  duty  to 
notice  their  several  theories,  by  which  man- 
kind have  been  so  exceedingly  edified  and 
instructed. 

Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  certain  ancient 
sages,  that  the  earth  and  the  whole  system  of 
the  universe  was  the  Deity  himself*  ;  a  doctrine 
most  strenuously  maintained  by  Zenophanes 
and  the  whole  tribe  of  Eleatics,  as  also  by 
*  Aristo.,  Ap.  Cic,  lib.  i.,  cap.  3. 


'Bivcxe  TLhcovice  45 

Strabo  and  the  sect  of  peripatetic  philosophers. 
Pythagoras  likewise  inculcated  the  famous  nu- 
merical system  of  monad,  dyad,  and  triad,  and 
by  means  of  his  sacred  quaternar)'  elucidated 
the  formation  of  the  world,  the  arcana  of 
nature,  and  the  principles  both  of  music  and 
morals.*  Other  sages  adhere  to  the  mathemat- 
ical system  of  squares  and  triangles  ;  the  cube, 
the  pyramid,  and  the  sphere  ;  the  tetrahedron, 
the  octahedron,  the  icosahedron,  and  the  dode- 
cahedron t ;  while  others  advocated  the  great 
elementary  theory  which  refers  the  construc- 
tion of  our  globe  and  all  that  it  contains  to  the 
combinations  of  four  material  elements — air, 
earth,  fire,  and  w^ater,  w  ith  the  assistance  of  a 
fifth,  an  immaterial  and  vivifying  principle. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  great  atomic 
system  taught  by  old  Moschus,  before  the  siege 
of  Troy  ;  revived  by  Democritus  of  laughing 
memory  ;  improved  by  Epicurus,  that  king  of 
good-fellows,  and  modernized  by  the  fanciful 
Descartes.  But  I  decline  inquiring  whether  the 
atoms,  of  which  the  earth  is  said  to  be  com- 
posed, are  eternal  or  recent ;  whether  they  are 
animate  or  inanimate  ;  whether,  agreeably  to 
the  opinion  of  the  atheists,  they  were  fortuitously 

*  Aristo.,  Metaph.,  lib.  i.,  c.  5.  Idem.,  De  Ccelo.,  1.  iii.,  c. 
I.  Rousseau,  Mem.  sur  Musiqueancien.,  p.  39.  Plutarch, 
De  Plac.  Philos.,  lib.  i.,  cap.  3. 

t  Tim.,  L,ocr.  ap.  Plato.,  t.  iii.,  p.  90. 


46  1bistori2  ot  IRcw  lt)ork 

aggregated,  or,  as  the  theists  maintain,  were 
arranged  by  a  supreme  intelligence.*  Whether, 
in  fact,  the  earth  be  an  insensate  clod,  or 
whether  it  be  animated  by  a  soul ;  f  which 
opinion  was  strenously  maintained  by  a  host  of 
philosophers,  at  the  head  of  whom  stands  the 
great  Plato,  that  temperate  sage,  who  threw  the 
cold  water  of  philosophy  on  the  form  of  sexual  in- 
tercourse, and  inculcated  the  doctrine  of  Platonic 
love, — an  exquisitely  refined  intercourse,  but 
much  better  adapted  to  the  ideal  inhabitants  of 
his  imaginary  island  of  Atlantis  than  to  the 
sturdy  race,  composed  of  rebellious  flesh  and 
blood,  which  populates  the  little  matter-of-fact 
island  we  inhabit. 

Besides  these  systems,  we  have,  moreover,  the 
poetical  theogony  of  old  Hesiod,  who  generated 
the  whole  universe  in  the  regular  mode  of  pro- 
creation, and  the  plausible  opinion  of  others 
that  the  earth  was  hatched  from  the  great  egg 
of  night,  which  floated  in  chaos,  and  was 
cracked  by  the  horns  of  the  celestial  bull.  To 
illustrate  this  last  doctrine,  Burnet,  in  his  theory 
of  the  earth,  J  has  favored  us  with  an  accurate 

*  Aristot.,  Nat.  Auscult.,  1.  ii.,  cap.  6.  Aristoph.,  Me- 
taph.,  lib.  i.,  cap.  3.  Cic,  De  Nat.  Deor.,  lib.  i.,  cap.  10. 
Justin.,  Mart.  orat.  ad  Gent.,  p.  20. 

t  Mosheim  in  Cudw.,  lib.  i.,  cap.  4.  Tim.,  De  anim. 
mund.  ap.  Plat.,  lib.  iii.  Mem.  de  I'Acad.  des  Belles- 
Lettr.,  t.  xxxii.,  p.  19,  ei  al. 

X  Book  i.,  ch.  5. 


5)ircr6  ^beorics  47 

drawing  and  description,  both  of  the  form  and 
texture  of  this  mundane  egg;  which  is  found 
to  bear  a  marvellous  resemblance  to  that  of  a 
goose.  Such  of  my  readers  as  take  a  proper 
interest  in  the  origin  of  this  our  planet,  will  be 
pleased  to  learn  that  the  most  profound  sages 
of  antiquity  among  the  Egj'ptians,  Chaldeans, 
Persians,  Greeks,  and  Latins,  have  alternately 
assisted  at  the  hatching  of  this  strange  bird,  and 
that  their  cacklings  have  been  caught,  and 
continued  in  different  tones  and  inflections, 
from  philosopher  to  philosopher,  unto  the 
present  day. 

But  while  briefly  noticing  long  celebrated 
systems  of  ancient  sages,  let  me  not  pass  over 
with  neglect  those  of  other  philosophers ;  which, 
though  less  universal  and  renowned,  have  equal 
claims  to  attention,  and  equal  chance  for  cor- 
rectness. Thus,  it  is  recorded  by  the  Brahmins, 
in  the  pages  of  their  inspired  Shastah,  that  the 
angel  Bistnoo,  transforming  himself  into  a  great 
boar,  plunged  into  the  watery  abyss,  and 
brought  up  the  earth  on  his  tusks.  Then  issued 
from  him  a  mighty  tortoise,  and  a  mighty 
snake  ;  and  Bistnoo  placed  the  snake  erect 
upon  the  back  of  the  tortoise,  and  he  placed 
the  earth  upon  the  head  of  the  snake.* 

The  negro  philosophers  of  Congo  afi&rm  that 
*  Holwell.     Gent.  Philosophy. 


4S  Ibletors  of  IRew  lorft 

the  world  was  made  by  the  hands  of  angels,  ex- 
cepting their  own  country,  which  the  Supreme 
Being  constructed  himself,  that  it  might  be 
supremely  excellent.  And  he  took  great  pains 
with  the  inhabitants,  and  made  them  very  black, 
and  beautiful  ;  and  when  he  had  finished  the 
first  man,  he  was  well  pleased  with  him,  and 
smoothed  him  over  the  face,  and  hence  his  nose, 
and  the  nose  of  all  his  descendants,  became 
flat. 

The  Mohawk  philosophers  tell  us  that  a  preg- 
nant woman  fell  down  from  heaven,  and  that  a 
tortoise  took  her  upon  its  back,  because  every 
place  was  covered  with  water;  and  that  the 
woman,  sitting  upon  the  tortoise,  paddled  with 
her  hands  in  the  water,  and  raked  up  the  earth, 
whence  it  finally  happened  that  the  earth  be- 
came higher  than  the  water.* 

But  I  forbear  to  quote  a  number  more  of  these 
ancient  and  outlandish  philosophers,  whose  de- 
plorable ignorance,  in  despite  of  all  their  erudi- 
tion, compelled  them  to  write  in  languages 
which  but  few  of  my  readers  can  understand  ; 
and  I  shall  proceed  briefly  to  notice  a  few  more 
intelligible  and  fashionable  theories  of  their 
modem  successors. 

And,  first,  I  shall  mention  the  great  Buffbn, 

*  Johannes  Megapolensis,  Jun.  Account  of  Maquaas 
or  Mohawk  Indians. 


2)tvcr6  Zbcovics  49 

who  conjectures  that  this  globe  was  originally 
a  globe  of  liquid  fire,  scintillated  from  the  body 
of  the  sun,  by  the  percussion  of  a  comet,  as  a 
spark  is  generated  by  the  collision  of  flint  and 
steel.  That  at  first  it  was  surrounded  by  gross 
vapors,  which,  cooling  and  condensing  in 
process  of  time,  constituted,  according  to  their 
densities,  earth,  water,  and  air ;  which  gradu- 
ally arranged  themselves,  according  to  their 
respective  gravities,  round  the  burning  or  vitre- 
fied  mass  that  formed  their  centre. 

Hutton,  on  the  contrary',  supposes  that  the 
waters  at  first  were  universally  paramount ; 
and  he  terrifies  himself  with  the  idea  that  the 
earth  must  be  eventually  washed  away  by  the 
force  of  rain,  rivers,  and  mountain  torrents,  un- 
til it  is  confounded  with  the  ocean,  or,  in  other 
words,  absolutely  dissolves  into  itself.  Sublime 
idea  !  far  surpassing  that  of  the  tender-hearted 
damsel  of  antiquity,  who  wept  herself  into  a 
fountain  ;  or  the  good  dame  of  Narbonne  in 
France,  who,  for  a  volubility  of  tongue  unusual 
in  her  sex,  was  doomed  to  peel  five  hundred 
thousand  and  thirty-nine  ropes  of  onions,  and 
actually  run  out  at  her  eyes  before  half  the 
hideous  task  was  accomplished. 

Whiston,  the  same  ingenious  philosopher 
who  rivalled  Ditton  in  his  researches  after  the 
longitude  (for  which  the  mischief-loving  Swift 


50  tbistorg  ot  IRew  l^ork 

discharged  on  their  heads  a  most  savory  stanza) 
has  distinguished  himself  by  a  very  admirable 
theory  respecting  the  earth.  He  conjectures 
that  it  was  originally  a  chaotic  cornet^  which  be- 
ing selected  for  the  abode  of  man,  was  removed 
from  its  eccentric  orbit,  and  whirled  round  the 
sun  in  its  present  regular  motion  ;  by  which 
change  of  direction,  order  succeeded  to  confu- 
sion in  the  arrangement  of  its  component  parts. 
The  philosopher  adds,  that  the  deluge  M-as  pro- 
duced by  an  uncourteous  salute  from  the  watery 
tail  of  another  comet ;  doubtless  through  sheer 
envy  of  its  improved  condition  ;  thus  furnishing 
a  melancholy  proof  that  jealousy  may  prevail, 
even  among  the  heavenly  bodies,  and  discord 
interrupt  that  celestial  harmony  of  the  spheres, 
so  melodiously  sung  by  the  poets. 

But  I  pass  over  a  variety  of  excellent  theories, 
among  which  are  those  of  Burnet,  and  Wood- 
ward, and  Whitehurst ;  regretting  extremely 
that  my  time  will  not  suffer  me  to  give  them 
the  notice  they  deserve, — and  shall  conclude 
with  that  of  the  renowned  Dr.  Darwin.  This 
learned  Theban,  who  is  as  much  distinguished 
for  rhyme  as  reason,  and  for  good-natured  credu- 
lity as  serious  research,  and  who  has  recom- 
mended himself  w^onderfully  to  the  good  graces 
of  the  ladies,  by  letting  them  into  all  the  gal- 
lantries, amours,  debaucheries,  and  other  topics 


Zbc  Convenience  of  Comets         51 

of  scandal  of  the  court  of  Flora,  has  fallen  upon 
a  theory  worthy  of  his  combustible  imagination. 
According  to  his  opinion,  the  huge  mass  of 
chaos  took  a  sudden  occasion  to  explode,  like  a 
barrel  of  gunpowder,  and  in  that  act  exploded 
the  sun, — which  in  its  flight,  by  a  similar  con- 
\'ulsion,  exploded  the  earth,  which  in  like  guise 
exploded  the  moon, — and  thus  by  a  concatena- 
tion of  explosions,  the  whole  solar  system  was 
produced,  and  set  mOvSt  systematically  in  mo- 
tion !  ■* 

By  the  great  variety  of  theories  here  alluded 
to,  ever\^  one  of  which,  if  thoroughly  examined, 
will  be  found  surprisingly  consistent  in  all  its 
parts,  my  unlearned  readers  will  perhaps  be  led 
to  conclude,  that  the  creation  of  a  world  is  not 
so  difficult  a  task  as  they  at  first  imagined.  I 
have  shown  at  least  a  score  of  ingenious  meth- 
ods in  which  a  world  could  be  constructed  ;  and 
I  have  no  doubt,  that,  had  any  of  the  philoso- 
phers above  quoted  the  use  of  a  good  manage- 
able comet,  and  the  philosophical  warehouse 
chaos  at  his  command,  he  would  engage  to  man- 
ufacture a  planet  as  good,  or,  if  you  would  take 
his  word  for  it,  better  than  this  we  inhabit. 

And  here  I  cannot  help  noticing  the  kindness 
of  Providence,  in  creating  comets  for  the  great 
relief  of  bewildered  philosophers.  By  their  as- 
*Darw.,  Bot.  Garden,  Part  I.,  Cant,  i.,  1.  105. 


52  Ibistori?  ot  Iftew  J^orft 

sistance  more  sudden  evolutions  and  transitions 
are  effected  in  the  system  of  nature  than  are 
wrought  in  a  pantomimic  exhibition  by  the 
wonder-working  sword  of  Harlequin.  Should 
one  of  our  modern  sages,  in  his  theoretical 
flights  among  the  stars,  ever  find  himself  lost  in 
the  clouds,  and  in  danger  of  tumbling  into  ^he 
abyss  of  nonsense  and  absurdity,  he  has  buu  to 
seize  a  comet  by  the  beard,  mount  astride  of  his 
tail,  and  away  he  gallops  in  triumph,  like  an 
enchanter  on  his  hyppogrifif,  or  a  Connecticut 
witch  on  her  broomstick,  "to  sweep  the  cob- 
webs out  of  the  sky." 

Jt  is  an  old  and  vulgar  saying  about  a  "  beg- 
gar on  horseback,"  which  I  would  not  for  the 
world  have  applied  to  these  reverend  philoso- 
phers ;  but  I  must  confess  that  some  of  them, 
when  they  are  mounted  on  one  of  those  fiery 
steeds,  are  as  wild  in  their  curvetings  as  was 
Phaeton  of  yore,  when  he  aspired  to  manage  the 
chariot  of  Phcebus.  One  drives  his  comet  at 
full  speed  against  the  sun,  and  knocks  the 
world  out  of  him  with  the  mighty  concussion  ; 
another,  more  moderate,  makes  his  comet  a 
kind  of  beast  of  burden,  carrying  the  sun  a  reg- 
ular supply  of  food  and  fagots  ;  a  third,  of  more 
combustible  disposition,  threatens  to  throw  his 
comet,  like  a  bomb-shell,  into  the  world,  and 
blow  it  up  like  a   powder-magazine  ;  while  a 


Bmu0cment6  of  ipbiloaopbera        53 

fourtJi,  with  no  great  delicacy  to  this  planet  and 
its  inhabitants,  insinuates  that  some  day  or  other 
his  comet — my  modest  pen  blushes  while  I  write 
it — shall  absolutely  turn  tail  upon  our  world, 
and  deluge  it  with  water  !  Surely,  as  I  have 
already  observed,  comets  were  bountifully  pro- 
vided by  Providence  for  the  benefit  of  philoso- 
phers, to  assist  them  in  manufacturing  theories. 
And  now,  ha^^ng  adduced  several  of  the  most 
prominent  theories  that  occur  to  my  recollec- 
tion, I  leave  my  judicious  readers  at  full  liberty 
to  choose  among  them.  They  are  all  serious 
speculations  of  learned  men, — all  differ  essen- 
tially from  each  other, — and  all  have  the  same 
title  to  belief.  It  has  ever  been  the  task  of  one 
race  of  philosophers  to  demolish  the  works  of 
their  predecessors,  and  elevate  more  splendid 
fantasies  in  their  stead,  which  in  their  turn  are 
demolished  and  replaced  by  the  air-castles  of  a 
succeeding  generation.  Thus  it  would  seem 
that  knowledge  and  genius,  of  which  we  make 
such  great  parade,  consist  but  in  detecting  the 
errors  and  absurdities  of  those  who  have  gone 
before,  and  devising  new  errors  and  absurdities, 
to  be  detected  by  those  who  are  to  come  after 
us.  Theories  are  the  mighty  soap-bubbles  with 
which  the  grown-up  children  of  science  amuse 
themselves, — while  the  honest  vulgar  stand 
gazing  in  stupid  admiration,  and  dignify  these 


54  Ibistor^  of  IRew  ^ovk 

learned  vagaries  with  the  name  of  wisdom  ! 
Surely,  Socrates  was  right  in  his  opinion,  that 
philosophers  are  but  a  soberer  sort  of  madmen, 
busying  themselves  in  things  totally  incompre- 
hensible, or  which,  if  they  could  be  compre- 
hended, would  be  found  not  worthy  the  trouble 
of  discovery. 

For  my  own  part,  until  the  learned  have  come 
to  an  agreement  among  themselves,  I  shall  con- 
tent myself  with  the  account  handed  down  tons 
by  Moses  ;  in  which  I  do  but  follow  the  exam- 
ple of  our  ingenious  neighbors  of  Connecticut ; 
who  at  their  first  settlement  proclaimed,  that 
the  colony  should  be  governed  by  the  laws  of 
God — until  they  had  time  to  make  better. 

One  thing,  however,  appears  certain, — from 
the  unanimous  authority  of  the  before-quoted 
philosophers,  supported  by  the  evidence  of  our 
own  senses  (which,  though  very  apt  to  deceive 
us,  may  be  cautiously  admitted  as  additional 
testimony), — it  appears,  I  say,  and  I  make  the 
assertion  deliberately,  without  fear  of  contradic- 
tion, that  this  globe  really  was  created,  and  that 
it  is  composed  of  land  and  water.  It  further  ap- 
pears that  it  is  curiously  divided  and  parcelled 
out  into  continents  and  islands,  among  which  I 
boldly  declare  the  renowned  Isi^and  of  New 
York  wall  be  found  by  any  one  who  seeks  for  it 
in  its  proper  place. 


CHAPTER   III. 

HOW  THAT  FAMOUS  NAVIGATOR,  NOAH,  WAS 
SHAMEFUXIvY  NICKJSTAMED,  AND  HOW  HE 
COMMITTED  AN  UNPARDONABLE  OVERSIGHT 
IN  NOT  HAVING  FOUR  SONS  ;  WITH  THE 
GREAT  TROUBLE  OF  PHILOSOPHERS  CAUSED 
THEREBY,  ANTD  THE  DISCOVERY  OF  AMERICA. 


NOAH,  who  is  the  first  seafaring  man  we 
read  of,  begat  three  sons — Shem,  Ham, 
and  Japhet.  Authors,  it  is  true,  are  not  want- 
ing, who  afl&rm  that  the  patriarch  had  a  num- 
ber of  other  children.  Thus,  Berosus  makes 
him  father  of  the  gigantic  Titans  ;  Methodius 
gives  him  a  son  called  Jonithus,  or  Jonicus  ; 
and  others  have  mentioned  a  son,  named  Thu- 
iscon,  from  whom  descended  the  Teutons  or 
Teutonic,  or,  in  other  words,  the  Dutch  na- 
tion. 

I  regret  exceedingly  that  the  nature  of  my 
plan  will  not  permit  me  to  gratify  the  laudable 
curiosity  of  my  readers,  by  investigating   mi- 


56  1bi0tors  of  1ftew  J^ork 

nutely  the  history  of  the  great  Noah,     Indeed, 

such  an  undertaking  would  be  attended  with 
more  trouble  than  many  people  would  imagine, 
for  the  good  old  patriarch  seems  to  have  been  a 
great  traveller  in  his  day,  and  to  have  passed 
under  a  different  name  in  every  country  that 
he  visited.  The  Chaldeans,  for  instance,  give 
us  his  story,  merely  altering  his  name  into 
Xisuthrus, — a  trivial  alteration,  which,  to  an 
historian,  skilled  in  etymologies,  will  appear 
wholly  unimportant.  It  appears,  likewise  that 
he  had  exchanged  his  tarpaulin  and  quadrant 
among  the  Chaldeans  for  the  gorgeous  insignia 
of  royalty,  and  appears  as  a  monarch  in  their 
annals.  The  Eg>^ptians  celebrate  him  under 
the  name  of  Osiris  ;  the  Indians  as  Menu  ;  the 
Greek  and  Roman  writers  confound  him  with 
Ogyges,  and  the  Theban  with  Deucalion  and 
Saturn.  But  the  Chinese,  who  deservedly  rank 
among  the  most  extensive  and  authentic  histo- 
rians, inasmuch  as  they  have  known  the  world 
much  longer  than  any  one  else,  declare  that 
Noah  was  no  other  than  Fohi ;  and  what  gives 
this  assertion  some  air  of  credibility  is,  that  it  is 
a  fact,  admitted  by  the  most  enlightened  literati, 
that  Noah  travelled  into  China,  at  the  time  of 
the  building  of  the  Tower  of  Babel  (probably  to 
improve  himself  in  the  study  of  languages), 
and  the  learned  Dr.  Shackford  gives  us  the  ad- 


taoab  anD  Ibis  Sons  57 

ditional  information,  that  the  ark  rested  on  a 
mountain  on  the  frontiers  of  China. 

From  this  mass  of  rational  conjectures  and 
sage  hypotheses,  many  satisfactory  deductions 
might  be  drawn  ;  but  I  shall  content  myself 
with  the  simple  fact  stated  in  the  Bible,  viz.  : 
that  Noah  begat  three  sons,  Shem,  Ham,  and 
Japhet.  It  is  astonishing  on  what  remote  and 
obscure  contingencies  the  great  affairs  of  this 
world  depend,  and  how  events  the  most  distant, 
and  to  the  common  observer  unconnected,  are 
inevitably  consequent  the  one  to  the  other.  It 
remains  to  the  philosopher  to  discover  these 
mysterious  affinities,  and  it  is  the  proudest  tri- 
umph of  his  skill,  to  detect  and  drag  forth  some 
latent  chain  of  causation  which  at  first  sight 
appears  a  paradox  to  the  inexperienced  observ- 
er. Thus  many  of  my  readers  will  doubtless 
wonder  what  connection  the  family  of  Noah 
can  possibly  have  with  this  history, — and  many 
will  stare  when  informed,  that  the  whole  his- 
tory of  this  quarter  of  the  world  has  taken  its 
character  and  course  from  the  simple  circum- 
stance of  the  patriarch's  having  but  three  sons. 
But  to  explain  : 

Noah,  we  are  told  by  sundry  very  credible 
historians,  becoming  sole  surviving  heir  and 
proprietor  of  the  earth,  in  fee-simple,  after  the 
'leluge,  like  a  good  father,   portioned  out  his 


58  1bi0tori5  of  mew  lock 


estate  among  his  children.  To  Shem,  he  gave 
Asia ;  to  Ham,  Africa  ;  and  to  Japhet,  Europe. 
Now  it  is  a  thousand  times  to  be  lamented  that 
he  had  but  three  sons,  for  had  there  been  a 
fourth,  he  would  doubtless  have  inherited 
America ;  which,  of  course,  would  have  been 
dragged  forth  from  its  obscurity  on  the  occa- 
sion ;  and  thus  many  a  hard-working  historian 
and  philosopher  would  have  been  spared  a  pro- 
digious mass  of  weary  conjecture  respecting  the 
first  discovery  and  population  of  this  country. 
Noah,  however,  having  provided  for  his  three 
sons,  looked  in  all  probability  upon  our  country 
as  a  mere  wild  unsettled  land,  and  said  nothing 
about  it  ;  and  to  this  unpardonable  taciturnity 
of  the  patriarch  may  we  ascribe  the  misfortune 
that  America  did  not  come  into  the  world  as 
early  as  the  other  quarters  of  the  globe. 

It  is  true,  some  writers  have  vindicated  him 
from  this  misconduct  towards  posterity,  and 
asserted  that  he  really  did  discover  America. 
Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  Mark  Lescarbot,  a 
French  writer,  possessed  of  that  ponderosity  of 
thought,  and  profoundness  of  reflection,  so  pe- 
culiar to  his  nation,  that  the  immediate  descend- 
ants of  Noah  peopled  this  quarter  of  the  globe, 
and  that  the  old  patriarch  himself,  who  still 
retained  a  passion  for  the  seafaring  life,  super- 
intended the  transmigration.     The  pious  and 


iJbovc  about  IFloab  59 

enlightened  father,  Charlevoix,  a  French  Jesuit, 
remarkable  for  his  aversion  to  the  mar\-ellous, 
common  to  all  great  travellers,  is  conclusively 
of  the  same  opinion  ;  nay,  he  goes  still  further, 
and  decides  upon  the  manner  in  which  the 
discovery  was  effected,  which  was  by  the  sea, 
and  under  the  immediate  direction  of  the  great 
Noah.  "I  have  already  obser^-ed,"  exclaims 
the  good  father,  in  a  tone  of  becoming  indigna- 
tion, "that  it  is  an  arbitrary  supposition  that 
the  grandchildren  of  Noah  were  not  able  to 
penetrate  into  the  new  world,  or  that  they 
never  thought  of  it.  In  effect,  I  can  see  no 
reason  that  can  justify  such  a  notion.  Who  can 
seriously  believe  that  Noah  and  his  immediate 
descendants,  knew  less  than  we  do,  and  that  the 
builder  and  pilot  of  the  greatest  ship  that  ever 
was, — a  ship  which  was  formed  to  traverse  an 
unbounded  ocean,  and  had  so  many  shoals  and 
quicksands  to  guard  against, — should  be  igno- 
rant of,  or  should  not  have  communicated  to 
his  descendants,  the  art  of  sailing  on  the  ocean  ? ' ' 
Therefore,  they  did  sail  on  the  ocean  ;  there- 
fore, they  sailed  to  America ;  therefore,  Amer- 
ica was  discovered  by  Noah  ! 

Now  all  this  exquisite  chain  of  reasoning, 
which  is  so  strikingly  characteristic  of  the  good 
father,  being  addressed  to  the  faith,  rather  than 
the  understanding,  is  flatly  opposed  by  Hans  de 


6o  1bi6tors  ot  IRevv  ll)ork 

Laet,  who  declares  it  a  real  and  most  ridiculous 
paradox  to  suppose  that  Noah  ever  entertained 
the  thought  of  discovering  America  ;  and  as 
Hans  is  a  Dutch  writer,  I  am  inclined  to  believe 
he  must  have  been  much  better  acquainted  with 
the  worthy  crew  of  the  ark  than  his  competi- 
tors, and  of  course  possessed  of  more  accurate 
sources  of  information.  It  is  astonishing  how 
intimate  historians  do  daily  become  with  the 
patriarchs  and  other  great  men  of  antiquity. 
As  intimacy  improves  with  time,  and  as  the 
learned  are  particularly  inquisitive  and  familiar 
in  their  acquaintance  with  the  ancients,  I  should 
not  be  surprised  if  some  future  writers  should 
gravely  give  us  a  picture  of  men  and  manners  as 
they  existed  before  the  Flood,  far  more  copious 
and  accurate  than  the  Bible  ;  and  that,  in  the 
course  of  another  centurj-,  the  log-book  of  the 
good  Noah  should  be  as  current  among  histori- 
ans as  the  voyages  of  Captain  Cook,  or  the  re- 
nowned history  of  Robinson  Crusoe. 

I  shall  not  occupy  my  time  by  discussing  the 
huge  mass  of  additional  suppositions,  conjec- 
tures, and  probabilities  respecting  the  first  dis- 
covery of  this  country,  with  which  unhappy 
historians  overload  themselves,  in  their  endeav- 
ors to  satisfy  the  doubts  of  an  incredulous 
world.  It  is  painful  to  see  these  laborious 
wights   panting,    and    toiling,    and    sweating. 


Bmcrica  DiscoveccD  6i 


under  an  enormous  burden,  at  the  very-  outset 
of  their  works,  which,  on  being  opened,  turns 
out  to  be  nothing  but  a  mighty  bundle  of  straw. 
As,  however,  by  unwearied  assiduity,  they  seem 
to  have  established  the  fact,  to  the  satisfaction 
of  all  the  world,  that  this  country  has  been  dis- 
covered, I  shall  avail  myself  of  their  useful 
labors  to  be  extremely  brief  upon  this  point. 

I  shall  not,  therefore,  stop  to  inquire  whether 
America  was  first  discovered  by  a  wandering 
vessel  of  that  celebrated  Phoenician  fleet, 
which,  according  to  Herodotus,  circumnavi- 
gated Africa;  or  by  that  Carthaginian  expedi- 
tion, which  Pliny,  the  naturalist,  informs  us, 
discovered  the  Canary  Islands ;  or  whether  it 
was  settled  by  a  temporary  colony  from  Tyre, 
as  hinted  by  Aristotle  and  Seneca.  I  shall 
neither  inquire  whether  it  was  first  discovered 
by  the  Chinese,  as  Vossius  with  great  shrewd- 
ness advances  ;  nor  by  the  Norwegians  in  1002, 
under  Biom  ;  nor  by  Behem,  the  German  navi- 
gator, as  Mr.  Otto  has  endeavored  to  prove  to 
the  savajis  of  the  learned  city  of  Philadelphia. 

Nor  shall  I  investigate  the  more  modern 
claims  of  the  Welsh,  founded  on  the  voyage  of 
Prince  Madoc  in  the  eleventh  century,  who 
ha\'iug  never  returned,  it  has  since  been  wisely 
concluded  that  he  must  have  gone  to  America, 
and  that  for  a  plain  reason, — if  he  did  not  go 


62  Ibistors  of  IFlew  l^ork 


there,  where  else  could  he  have  gone? — a  ques- 
tion which  most  socratically  shuts  out  all  further 
dispute. 

Laying  aside,  therefore,  all  the  conjectures 
above  mentioned,  with  a  multitude  of  others, 
equally  satisfactory,  I  shall  take  for  granted  the 
vulgar  opinion,  that  America  was  discovered  on 
the  1 2th  of  October,  1492,  by  Christoval  Colon, 
a  Genoese,  who  has  been  clumsily  nicknamed 
Columbus,  but  for  what  reason  I  cannot  discern. 
Of  the  voyages  and  adventures  of  this  Colon,  I 
shall  say  nothing,  seeing  that  they  are  already 
sufficiently  known.  Nor  shall  I  undertake  to 
prove  that  this  country  should  have  been  called 
Colonia,  after  his  name,  that  being  notoriously 
self-evident. 

Having  thus  happily  got  my  readers  on  this 
side  of  the  Atlantic,  I  picture  them  to  myself 
all  impatience  to  enter  upon  the  enjoyment  of 
the  land  of  promise,  and  in  full  expectation  that 
I  will  immediately  deliver  it  into  their  posses- 
sion. But  if  I  do  may  I  ever  forfeit  the  reputa- 
tion of  a  regular-bred  historian !  No — no, — 
most  curious  and  thrice  learned  readers  (for 
thrice  learned  ye  are  if  ye  have  read  all  that 
has  gone  before,  and  nine  times  learned  shall 
ye  be  if  ye  read  that  which  comes  after),  we 
have  yet  a  world  of  work  before  us.  Think 
you  the  first  discoverers  of  this  fair  quarter  of 


IFmprovcment  in  tbistors  63 

the  globe  had  nothing  to  do  but  go  on  shore 
and  find  a  country  ready  laid  out  and  cultivated 
like  a  garden,  wherein  they  might  revel  at  their 
ease  ?  No  such  thing  :  they  had  forests  to  cut 
down,  underwood  to  grub  up,  marshes  to  drain, 
and  savages  to  exterminate. 

In  like  manner,  I  have  sundry  doubts  to  clear 
away,  questions  to  resolve,  and  paradoxes  to 
explain,  before  I  permit  you  to  range  at  ran- 
dom ;  but  these  diflSculties  once  overcome,  we 
shall  be  enabled  to  jog  on  right  merrily  through 
the  rest  of  our  history.  Thus  my  work  shall, 
in  a  manner,  echo  the  nature  of  the  subject,  in 
the  same  manner  as  the  sound  of  poetrj'  has 
been  found  by  certain  shrewd  critics  to  echo 
the  sense, — this  being  an  improvement  in  his- 
tory which  I  claim  the  merit  of  having  invented. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

SHOWING  THE  GREAT  DIFFICULTY  PHILOSO- 
PHERS HAVE  HAD  IN  PEOPLING  AMERICA  ;  AND 
HOW  THE  ABORIGINES  CAME  TO  BE  BEGOT- 
TEN BY  ACCIDENT— TO  THE  GREAT  RELIEF 
AND  SATISFACTION   OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

THE  next  inquiry  at  which  we  arrive  in  the 
regular  course  of  our  history  is  to  ascer- 
tain, if  possible,  how  this  country  was  originally 
peopled, — a  point  fruitful  of  incredible  embar- 
rassments ;  for  unless  we  prove  that  the  Abo- 
rigines did  absolutely  come  from  somewhere,  it 
will  be  immediately  asserted,  in  this  age  of 
skepticism,  that  they  did  not  come  at  all ;  and  if 
they  did  not  come  at  all,  then  was  this  country 
never  populated, — a  conclusion  perfectly  agree- 
able to  the  rules  of  logic,  but  wholly  irreconcil- 
able to  every  feeling  of  humanity,  inasmuch  as 
it  must  syllogistically  prove  fatal  to  the  in- 
numerable Aborigines  of  this  populous  region. 
To  avert  so  dire  a  sophism,  and  to  rescue 
from  logical  annihilation  so  many  millions  of 


E)ifRcultie9  of  pbilosopberB         65 


fellow-creatures,  how  many  wings  of  geese  have 
been  plundered !  what  oceans  of  ink  have  been 
benevolently  drained  !  and  how  many  capacious 
heads  of  learned  historians  have  been  addled, 
and  forever  confounded  !  I  pause  with  rever- 
ential awe,  when  I  contemplate  the  ponderous 
tomes,  in  different  languages,  with  which  they 
have  endeavored  to  solve  this  question,  so  im- 
portant to  the  happiness  of  society,  but  so  in- 
volved in  clouds  of  impenetrable  obscurity. 

Historian  after  historian  has  engaged  in  the 
endless  circle  of  hypothetical  argument,  and 
after  leading  us  a  weary  chase  through  octavos, 
quartos,  and  folios,  has  let  us  out  at  the  end  of 
his  work  just  as  wise  as  we  were  at  the  begin- 
ning. It  was  doubtless  some  philosophical 
wild-goose  chase  of  the  kind  that  made  the  old 
poet  Macrobius  rail  in  such  a  passion  at  curios- 
ity, which  he  anathematizes  most  heartily  as 
"an  irksome  agonizing  care,  a  superstitious  in- 
dustry about  unprofitable  things,  an  itching 
humor  to  see  what  is  not  to  be  seen,  and  to  be 
doing  what  signifies  nothing  when  it  is  done." 
But  to  proceed. 

Of  the  claims  of  the  children  of  Noah  to  the 
original  population  of  this  country'  I  shall  say 
nothing,  as  they  have  already  been  touched 
upon  in  my  last  chapter.  The  claimants  next 
in  celebritv  are   the  descendants  of  Abraham. 


66  fbietov^  of  Bew  lork 


Thus,  Christoval  Colon  (vulgarly  called  Colum- 
bus), when  he  first  discovered  the  gold  mines 
of  Hispaniola,  immediately  concluded,  with  a 
i:hrewdness  that  would  have  done  honor  to  a 
philosopher,  that  he  had  found  the  ancient 
Ophir,  from  whence  Solomon  procured  the  gold 
for  embellishing  the  temple  at  Jerusalem  ;  nay. 
Colon  even  imagined  that  he  saw  the  remains 
of  furnaces  of  veritable  Hebraic  construction, 
employed  in  refining  the  precious  ore. 

So  golden  a  conjecture,  tinctured  with  such 
fascinating  extravagance,  was  too  tempting  not 
to  be  immediately  snapped  at  by  the  gudgeons 
of  learning  ;  and,  accordingly,  there  were  di- 
vers profound  writers  ready  to  swear  to  its  cor- 
rectness, and  to  bring  in  their  usual  load  of 
authorities,  and  wise  surmises,  wherewithal  to 
prop  it  up.  Vetablus  and  Robertus  Stephens 
declared  nothing  could  be  more  clear;  Arius 
Montanus,  without  the  least  hesitation,  asserts 
that  Mexico  was  the  true  Ophir,  and  the  Jews 
the  early  settlers  of  the  country;  while  Possevin, 
Becan,  and  several  other  sagacious  writers,  lug 
in  a  supposed  prophecy  of  the  fourth  book  of 
Esdras,  w^hich  being  inserted  in  the  mighty 
hypothesis,  like  the  key-stone  of  an  arch,  gives 
it,  in  their  opinion,  perpetual  durability. 

Scarce,  however,  have  they  completed  their 
goodly  superstructure,  than   in  trudges  a  pha- 


•fcans  t)C  Xaet  67 


lanx  of  opposite  authors,  with  Hans  de  Laet, 
the  great  Dutchman,  at  their  head,  and  at  one 
blow  tumbles  the  whole  fabric  about  their  ears. 
Hans,  in  fact,  contradicts  outright  all  the  Is- 
raelitish  claims  to  the  first  settlement  of  this 
country,  attributing  all  those  equivocal  symp- 
toms, and  traces  of  Christianity  and  Judaism, 
which  have  been  said  to  be  found  in  divers 
provinces  of  the  new  w^orld,  to  the  Devil,  who 
has  always  affected  to  counterfeit  the  worship 
of  the  true  Deity.  "  A  remark,"  says  the  know- 
ing old  Padre  d'Acosta,  "made  by  all  good 
authors  who  have  spoken  of  the  religion  of  na- 
tions newly  discovered,  and  founded  besides  on 
the  authority  of  the  fathers  of  the  church.'" 
Some  writers  again,  among  w^hom  it  is  with 
much  regret  I  am  compelled  to  mention  Lopez 
de  Gomara,  and  Juan  de  Leri,  insinuate  that 
the  Canaanites,  being  driven  from  the  land  of 
promise  by  the  Jews,  were  seized  with  such  a 
panic  that  they  fled  without  looking  behind 
them,  until  stopping  to  take  breath,  they  found 
themselves  safe  in  America.  As  they  brought 
neither  their  national  language,  manners,  nor 
features  with  them,  it  is  supposed  they  left  them 
behind  in  the  hurry  of  their  flight ; — I  cannot 
give  my  faith  to  this  opinion. 

I  pass  over  the  supposition  of  the  learned 
Grotius, — who  being  both  an  ambassador  and  a 


63  tbiator^  of  IRew  l)ot\\ 

Dutchman  to  boot,  is  entitled  to  great  respect, 
— that  North  America  was  peopled  by  a  strolling 
company  of  Norwegians,  and  that  Peru  was 
founded  by  a  colony  from  China, — Manco,  or 
Mango  Capac,  the  first  Incas,  being  himself  a 
Chinese.  Nor  shall  I  more  than  barely  men- 
tion, that  father  Kircher  ascribes  the  settlement 
of  America  to  the  Egyptians,  Rudbeck  to  the 
Scandinavians,  Charron  to  the  Gauls,  JufFredus 
Petri  to  a  skating  party  from  Friesland,  Milius 
to  the  Celtae,  Marinocus  the  Sicilian  to  the  Ro- 
mans, Le  Compte  to  the  Phoenicians,  Postel  to 
the  Moors,  Martyn  d'Angleria  to  the  Abyssini- 
ans,  together  with  the  sage  surmise  of  De  Laet, 
that  England,  Ireland,  and  the  Orcades  may 
contend  for  that  honor. 

Nor  will  I  bestow  any  more  attention  or 
credit  to  the  idea  that  America  is  the  fairy- 
region  of  Zipangri,  described  by  that  dreaming 
traveller,  Marco  Polo,  the  Venetian  ;  or  that  it 
comprises  the  visionary  island  of  Atlantis,  de- 
scribed by  Plato.  Neither  will  I  stop  to  inves- 
tigate the  heathenish  assertion  of  Paracelsus, 
that  each  hemisphere  of  the  globe  was  origi- 
nally furnished  with  an  Adam  and  Eve  ;  or  the 
more  flattering  opinion  of  Dr.  Romayne,  sup- 
ported by  many  nameless  authorities,  that 
Adam  was  of  the  Indian  race  ;  or  the  startling 
conjecture  of  Buffon,   Helvetius,  and   Darwan, 


so  highly  honorable  to  mankind,  that  the  whole 
human  species  is  accidentally  descended  from  a 
remarkable  family  of  monke3'S  ! 

This  last  conjecture,  I  must  own,  came  upon 
me  very  suddenly  and  very  ungraciously.  I 
have  often  beheld  the  clown  in  a  pantomime, 
while  gazing  in  stupid  wonder  at  the  extrava- 
gant gambols  of  a  harlequin,  all  at  once  electri- 
fied by  a  sudden  stroke  of  the  wooden  sword 
across  his  shoulders.  Little  did  I  think,  at  such 
times,  that  it  would  ever  fall  to  my  lot  to  be 
treated  with  equal  discourtesy,  and  that,  while 
I  was  quietly  beholding  these  grave  philoso- 
phers, emulating  the  eccentric  transformations 
of  the  hero  of  pantomime,  they  would  on  a 
sudden  turn  upon  me  and  my  readers,  and 
with  one  hypothetical  flourish  metamorphose 
us  into  beasts  !  I  determined  from  that  moment 
not  to  burn  my  fingers  with  any  more  of  their 
theories,  but  content  myself  with  detailing  the 
different  methods  by  which  they  transported 
the  descendants  of  these  ancient  and  respect- 
able monkeys  to  this  great  field  of  theoretical 
warfare. 

This  was  done  either  by  migrations  by  land 
or  transmigrations  by  water.  Thus  Padre  Jo- 
seph d'Acosta  enumerates  three  passages  by 
land,  first,  by  the  north  of  Europe  ;  secondly, 
by  the  north  of  Asia ;  and  thirdly,  by  regions 


Ibistorie  of  IRew  l^orh 


southward  of  the  Straits  of  Magellan.  The 
learned  Grotius  marches  his  Norwegians  by  a 
pleasant  route  across  frozen  rivers  and  arms  of 
the  sea,  through  Iceland,  Greenland,  Estoti- 
land,  and  Naremberga ;  and  various  writers, 
among  whom  are  Angleria,  De  Homn,  and 
BufFon,  anxious  for  the  accommodation  of  these 
travellers,  have  fastened  the  two  continents 
together  by  a  strong  chain  of  deductions, — by 
which  means  they  could  pass  over  drj'-shod. 
But  should  even  this  fail,  Pinkerton,  that  in- 
dustrious old  gentlemen,  who  compiles  books, 
and  manufactures  geographies,  has  constructed 
a  natural  bridge  of  ice,  from  continent  to  con- 
tinent, at  the  distance  of  four  or  five  miles  from 
Behring's  Straits,  for  which  he  is  entitled  to  the 
grateful  thanks  of  all  the  wandering  aborigines 
who  ever  did  or  ever  will  pass  over  it. 

It  is  an  evil  much  to  be  lamented,  that  none 
of  the  worthy  writers  above  quoted  could  ever 
commence  his  work  without  immediately  de- 
claring hostilities  against  every  writer  who  had 
treated  of  the  same  subject.  In  this  particular 
authors  may  be  compared  to  a  certain  sagacious 
bird,  which  in  building  its  nest  is  sure  to  pull 
to  pieces  the  nests  of  all  the  birds  in  its  neigh- 
borhood. This  unhappy  propensity  tends  griev- 
ously to  impede  the  progress  of  sound  knowl- 
edge.    Theories  are  at  best  but  brittle  produc- 


Bn  BcciDental  ipeoplc  n 


tions,  and  when  once  committed  to  the  stream, 
they  should  take  care  that,  like  the  notable 
pots  which  were  fellow-voyagers,  they  do  not 
crack  each  other. 

My  chief  surprise  is,  that  among  the  many 
writers  I  have  noticed,  no  one  has  attempted  to 
prove  that  this  country  was  peopled  from  the 
moon, — or  that  the  first  inhabitants  floated 
hither  on  islands  of  ice,  as  white  bears  cruise 
about  the  northern  oceans, — or  that  they  were 
conveyed  hither  by  balloons,  as  modern  aero- 
nauts pass  from  Dover  to  Calais, — or  by  witch- 
craft, as  Simon  Magus  posted  among  the  stars, 
— or  after  the  manner  of  the  renowned  Scyth- 
ian Abaris,  who,  like  the  New  England  witches 
on  full-blooded  broomsticks,  made  most  unheard- 
of  journeys  on  the  back  of  a  golden  arrow,  given 
him  by  the  Hyperborean  Apollo. 

But  there  is  still  one  mode  left  by  which  this 
country  could  have  been  peopled,  which  I  have 
reserved  for  the  last,  because  I  consider  it  worth 
all  the  rest :  it  is — by  accident !  Speaking  of 
the  islands  of  Solomon,  New  Guinea,  and  New 
Holland,  the  profound  Father  Charlevoix  ob- 
serves, "in  fine,  all  these  countries  are  peopled, 
and  it  is  possible  some  have  been  so  by  accident. 
Now  if  it  could  have  happened  in  that  manner, 
why  might  it  not  have  been  at  the  same  time, 
and  by  the  same  means  with  the  other  parts  of 


7^  Ibietori?  of  Bew  l^ork 


the  globe?  "  This  ingenious  mode  of  deducing 
certain  conclusions  from  possible  premises  is  an 
improvement  in  syllogistic  skill,  and  proves  the 
good  father  superior  even  to  Archimedes,  for  he 
can  turn  the  world  without  any  thing  to  rest  his 
lever  upon.  It  is  only  surpassed  by  the  dex- 
terity with  which  the  sturdy  old  Jesuit,  in  an- 
other place,  cuts  the  gordian  knot: — "Noth- 
ing," says  he,  "is  more  easy.  The  inhabitants 
of  both  hemispheres  are  certainly  the  descend- 
ants of  the  same  father.  The  common  father 
of  mankind  received  an  express  order  from 
Heaven  to  people  the  world,  and  accor'dingly  it 
has  been  peopled.  To  bring  this  about,  it  was 
necessary  to  overcome  all  difl&culties  in  the  way, 
and  they  have  also  been  overcome!''''  Pious 
logician  !  How  does  he  put  all  the  herd  of 
laborious  theorists  to  the  blush,  by  explaining, 
in  five  words,  what  it  has  cost  them  volumes  to 
prove  they  knew  nothing  about ! 

From  all  the  authorities  here  quoted,  and  a 
variety  of  others  which  I  have  consulted,  but 
which  are  omitted  through  fear  of  fatiguing  the 
unlearned  reader,  I  can  only  draw  the  following 
conclusions,  which  luckily,  however,  are  suflB- 
cient  for  my  purpose.  First,  that  this  part  of 
the  world  has  actually  been  peopled  {^.  E).  D.), 
to  support  which  we  have  living  proofs  in  the 
numerous  tribes   of    Indians    that    inhabit  it. 


Concru5(v>c  iproofs  73 

Secondly,  that  it  has  been  peopled  in  five 
hundred  different  ways,  ns  proved  by  a  cloud 
of  authors  who,  from  the  positiveness  of  their 
assertions,  seem  to  have  been  eye-witnesses  to 
the  fact.  Thirdly,  that  the  people  of  this  coun- 
try had  a  variety  of  fathers,  which,  as  it  may 
not  be  thought  much  to  their  credit  by  the 
common  run  of  readers,  the  less  we  say  on  the 
subject  the  better.  The  question,  therefore,  I 
trust,  is  forever  at  rest. 


CHAPTER  V. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  PUTS  A  MIGHTY  QUES- 
TION TO  THE  ROUT,  BY  THE  ASSISTANCE  OF 
THE  MAN  IN  THE  MOON — WHICH  NOT  ONI.Y 
DEIvIVERS  THOUSANDS  OE  PEOPI^E  FROM 
GREAT  EMBARRASSMENT,  BUT  I^IKEWISE 
CONCI^UDES    THIS    INTRODUCTORY    BOOK. 

THE  writer  of  a  history  may,  in  some  respects, 
be  likened  unto  an  adventurous  knight, 
who,  having  undertaken  a  perilous  enterprise 
by  way  of  establishing  his  fame,  feels  bound, 
in  honor  and  chivalry,  to  turn  back  for  no  diffi- 
culty nor  hardship,  and  never  to  shrink  or  quail, 
whatever  enemy  he  may  encounter.  Under  this 
impression,  I  resolutely  draw  my  pen,  and  fall 
to,  with  might  and  main,  at  those  doughty 
questions  and  subtle  paradoxes  which,  like 
fiery  dragons  and  bloody  giants,  beset  the  en- 
trance to  my  history',  and  would  fain  repulse  me 
from  the  very  threshold.     And  at  this  moment 


B  Gigantic  Question  75 

a  gigantic  question  has  started  up,  which  I  must 
needs  take  by  the  beard  and  utterly  subdue,  be- 
fore I  can  advance  another  step  in  my  historic 
undertaking ;  but  I  trust  this  will  be  the  last 
adversary  I  shall  have  to  contend  with,  and  that 
in  the  next  book  I  shall  be  enabled  to  conduct 
my  readers  in  triumph  into  the  body  of  my  work. 

The  question  that  has  thus  suddenly  arisen 
is,  What  right  had  the  first  discoverers  of 
America  to  land  and  take  possession  of  a  coun- 
try-, without  first  gaining  the  consent  of  its 
inhabitants,  or  yielding  them  an  adequate  com- 
pensation for  their  territory  ? — a  question  which 
has  withstood  many  fierce  assaults,  and  has 
given  much  distress  of  mind  to  multitudes  of 
kind-hearted  folk.  And  indeed,  until  it  be 
totally  vanquished,  and  put  to  rest,  the  worthy 
people  of  America  can  by  no  means  enjoy  the 
soil  they  inhabit,  with  clear  right  and  title,  and 
quiet,  unsullied  consciences. 

The  first  source  of  right,  by  which  property 
is  acquired  in  a  country,  is  discovery.  For  as 
all  mankind  have  an  equal  right  to  any  thing 
which  has  never  before  been  appropriated,  so 
any  nation  that  discovers  an  uninhabited  coun- 
try, and  takes  possession  thereof,  is  considered 
as  enjoying  full  property,  and  absolute,  unques- 
tionable empire  therein.* 

*  Grotius.   PufFendorff,  b.  v.,  c.  4.   Vattel,  b.  i.,  c.  iS,  etc. 


76  Ibfstor^  of  1Rew  J^ork 


This  proposition  being  admitted,  it  follows 
clearly,  that  the  Europeans  who  first  visited 
America  were  the  real  discoverers  of  the  same  ; 
nothing  being  necessary  to  the  establishment 
of  this  fact,  but  simply  to  prove  that  it  was 
totally  uninhabited  by  man.  This  would  at 
first  appear  to  be  a  point  of  some  difficulty,  for 
it  is  well  known  that  this  quarter  of  the  world 
abounded  with  certain  animals,  that  walked 
erect  on  two  feet,  had  something  of  the  human 
countenance,  uttered  certain  unintelligible 
sounds,  very  much  like  language, — in  short, 
had  a  marv^ellous  resemblance  to  human  be- 
ings. But  the  zealous  and  enlightened  fathers, 
w^ho  accompanied  the  discoverers,  for  the  pur- 
pose of  promoting  the  kingdom  of  heaven  by 
establishing  fat  monasteries  and  bishoprics  on 
earth,  soon  cleared  up  this  point,  greatly  to  the 
satisfaction  of  his  holiness  the  pope,  and  of  all 
Christian  voyagers  and  discoverers. 

They  plainly  proved,  and  as  there  were  no  In- 
dian writers  arose  on  the  other  side,  the  fact 
was  considered  as  fully  admitted  and  estab- 
lished, that  the  two-legged  race  of  animals  be- 
fore mentioned  were  mere  cannibals,  detestable 
monsters,  and  many  of  them  giants, — which 
last  description  of  vagrants  have,  since  the 
times  of  Gog,  Magog,  and  Goliath,  been  consid- 
ered as  outlaws,  and  have  received  no  quarter  in 


^be  aborigines  77 

either  history,  chivalry,  or  song.  Indeed,  even 
the  philosophic  Bacon  declared  the  Americans 
to  be  people  proscribed  by  the  laws  of  nature, 
inasmuch  as  they  had  a  barbarous  custom  of 
sacrificing  men,  and  feeding  upon  man's  flesh. 
Nor  are  these  all  the  proofs  of  their  utter 
barbarism  :  among  many  other  writers  of  dis- 
cernment, Ulloa  tells  us  "  their  imbecility  is  so 
visible,  that  one  can  hardly  form  an  idea  of 
them  different  from  what  one  has  of  the  brutes. 
Nothing  disturbs  the  tranquillity  of  their  souls, 
equally  insensible  to  disasters  and  to  prosperity. 
Though  half  naked,  they  are  as  contented  as  a 
monarch  in  his  most  splendid  array.  Fear 
makes  no  impression  on  them,  and  respect  as 
little."  All  this  is  furthermore  supported  by 
the  authority  of  M,  Bouguer.  "  It  is  not  easy," 
says  he,  * '  to  describe  the  degree  of  their  indif- 
ference for  wealth  and  all  its  advantages.  One 
does  not  well  know  what  motives  to  propose  to 
them  when  one  would  persuade  them  to  any  ser- 
vice. It  is  vain  to  offer  them  money ;  they  answer 
they  are  not  hungry. "  And  Vanegas  confirms 
the  whole,  assuring  us  that  **  ambition  they  have 
none,  and  are  more  desirous  of  being  thought 
strong  than  valiant.  The  objects  of  ambition 
with  us— honor,  fame,  reputation,  riches,  posts, 
and  distinctions — are  unknown  among  them. 
So  that  this   powerful   spring   of   action,    the 


78  1bi6tor^  ot  IRew  l)ork 


cause  of  so  much  seeming  good  and  real  evil  in 
the  world,  has  no  power  over  them.  In  a  word, 
these  unhappy  mortals  may  be  compared  to 
children  in  whom  the  development  of  reason  is 
not  completed." 

Now  all  these  peculiarities,  although  in  the 
most  unenlightened  states  of  Greece  they  would 
have  entitled  their  possessors  to  immortal  honor, 
as  having  reduced  to  practice  those  rigid  and 
abstemious  maxims,  the  mere  talking  about 
which  acquired  certain  old  Greeks  the  reputa- 
tion of  sages  and  philosophers, — yet,  were  they 
clearly  proved  in  the  present  instance  to  be- 
token a  most  abject  and  brutified  nature  totally 
beneath  the  human  character.  But  the  benevo- 
lent fathers,  who  had  undertaken  to  turn  these 
unhappy  savages  into  dumb  beasts,  by  dint  of 
argument,  advanced  still  stronger  proofs  ;  for, 
as  certain  divines  of  the  sixteenth  century,  and 
among  the  rest  Lullus,  affirm, — the  Americans 
go  naked,  and  have  no  beards  !  "They  have 
nothing,"  says  Lullus,  "  of  the  reasonable  animal 
except  the  mask."  And  even  that  mask  was 
allowed  to  avail  them  but  little,  for  it  was  soon 
found  that  the}"  were  of  a  hideous  copper  com- 
plexion ;  and  being  of  a  copper  complexion,  it 
was  all  the  same  as  if  they  were  negroes :  and 
negroes  are  black, — "and  black,"  said  the  pious 
fathers,  devoutly  crossing  themselves,   "is  the 


^be  Tnigbt  ot  ©iscover^  79 

color  of  the  Devil  ! ' '  Therefore,  so  far  from 
being  able  to  own  property,  they  had  no  right 
even  to  personal  freedom ;  for  liberty  is  too  radi- 
ant a  deity  to  inhabit  such  gloomy  temples.  All 
which  circumstances  plainly  convinced  the 
righteous  followers  of  Cortes  and  Pizarro,  that 
these  miscreants  had  no  title  to  the  soil  that 
they  infested, — that  they  were  a  perverse  illiter- 
ate, dumb,  beardless,  black-seed, — mere  wild 
beasts  of  the  forests,  and  like  them  should  either 
be  subdued  or  exterminated. 

From  the  foregoing  arguments,  therefore, 
and  a  variety  of  others  equally  conclusive,  which 
I  forbear  to  enumerate,  it  is  clearly  evident  that 
this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe,  when  first  visited 
by  Europeans,  was  a  howling  wilderness,  inhab- 
ited by  nothing  but  wild  beasts  ;  and  that  the 
transatlantic  visitors  acquired  an  incontroverti- 
ble property  therein  by  the  rig-/ii  of  discovery. 

This  right  being  fully  established,  we  now 
come  to  the  next,  which  is  the  right  acquired 
by  cultivation.  "The  cultivation  of  the  soil," 
we  are  told,  is  an  obligation  imposed  by  nature 
on  mankind.  The  whole  world  is  appointed  for 
the  nourishment  of  its  inhabitants  ;  but  it 
would  be  incapable  of  doing  it,  was  it  unculti- 
vated. Every  nation  is  then  obliged  by  the 
law  of  nature  to  cultivate  the  ground  that  has 
fallen  to  its  share.     Those  people,  like  the  an- 


8o  l)istor^  of  IRew  l^orU 


cient  Germans  and  modern  Tartars,  who,  hav- 
ing fertile  countries,  disdain  to  cultivate  the 
earth,  and  choose  to  live  by  rapine,  are  wanting 
to  themselves,  and  deserve  to  be  extermifiated  as 
savage  and  pernicious  beasts."^ 

Now,  it  is  notorious  that  the  savages  knew 
nothing  of  agriculture,  when  first  discovered  by 
the  Europeans,  but  lived  a  most  vagabond,  dis- 
orderly, unrighteous  life, — rambling  from  place 
to  place,  and  prodigally  rioting  upon  the  spon- 
taneous luxuries  of  nature,  without  tasking  her 
generosity  to  yield  them  any  thing  more ; 
whereas,  it  has  been  most  unquestionably 
shown,  that  Heaven  intended  the  earth  should 
be  ploughed  and  sown,  and  manured,  and  laid 
out  into  cities,  and  towns,  and  farms,  and 
country-seats,  and  pleasure-grounds,  and  pub- 
lic gardens ;  all  of  which  the  Indians  knew 
nothing  about :  therefore,  they  did  not  improve 
the  talents  Providence  had  bestowed  on  them  : 
therefore,  they  were  careless  stewards :  there- 
fore they  had  no  right  to  the  soil  :  therefore, 
they  deserved  to  be  exterminated. 

It  is  true,  the  savages  might  plead  that  they 
drew  all  the  benefits  from  the  land  which  their 
simple  wants  required, — they  found  plenty  of 
game  to  hunt,  which,  together  with  the  roots  and 
uncultivated  fruits  of  the  earth,  furnished  a  suffi- 
*  Vattel,  b.  i.,  ch.  17. 


Cbe  TRigbt  bg  Cultivation  8i 

cient  variety  for  their  frugal  repasts, — and  that, 

as  Heaven  merely  designed  the  earth  to  form  the 
abode,  and  satisfy  the  wants  of  man,  so  long  as 
those  purposes  were  answered,  the  will  of  Hea- 
ven was  accomplished.  But  this  only  proves  how 
undeserving  they  were  of  the  blessings  around 
them  :  they  were  so  much  the  more  savages, 
for  not  having  more  wants  ;  for  knowledge  is 
in  some  degree  an  increase  of  desires  ;  and  it  is 
this  superiority,  both  in  the  number  and  mag- 
nitude of  his  desires,  that  distinguishes  the 
man  from  the  beast.  Therefore  the  Indians,  in 
not  having  more  wants,  were  very  unreason- 
able animals  ;  and  it  was  but  just  that  they 
should  make  way  for  the  Europeans,  who  had 
a  thousand  wants  to  their  one,  and,  therefore, 
would  turn  the  earth  to  more  account,  and,  by 
cultivating  it,  more  truly  fulfil  the  will  of 
Heaven.  Besides — Grotius,  and  Lauterbach, 
and  Puffendorff,  and  Titius,  and  many  wise 
men  beside,  who  have  considered  the  matter 
properly,  have  determined  that  the  property  of 
a  country  cannot  be  acquired  by  hunting,  cut- 
ting wood,  or  drawing  water  in  it — nothing  but 
precise  demarcation  of  limits,  and  the  inten- 
tion of  cultivation,  can  establish  the  possession. 
Now,  as  the  savages  (probably  from  never  hav- 
ing read  the  authors  above  quoted)  had  never 
complied  with  any  of  these  necessary  forms,  it 


S2  Ibistor^  ot  IRevv  ^ovk 

plainly  follows  that  they  had  no  right  to  the  soil, 
but  that  it  was  completely  at  the  disposal  of  the 
first  comers,  who  had  more  knowledge,  more 
wants,  and  more  elegant,  that  is  to  say,  artifi- 
cial desires  than  themselves. 

In  entering  upon  a  newly  discovered,  uncul- 
tivated countr)',  therefore,  the  new-comers  were 
but  taking  possession  of  what,  according  to  the 
aforesaid  doctrine,  was  their  own  property ; 
therefore,  in  opposing  them,  the  savages  were 
invading  their  just  rights,  infringing  the  immu- 
table laws  of  nature,  and  counteracting  the  will 
of  Heaven  ;  therefore,  they  were  guilty  of  impi- 
ety, burglary,  and  trespass  on  the  case  ;  there- 
fore, they  were  hardened  offenders  against  God 
and  man  :  therefore,  they  ought  to  be  exter- 
minated. 

But  a  more  irresistible  right  than  either  that 
I  have  mentioned,  and  one  which  will  be  the 
most  readily  admitted  by  my  reader,  provided 
he  be  blessed  with  bowels  of  charity  and  phil- 
anthropy, is  the  right  acquired  by  civilization. 
All  the  world  knows  the  lamentable  state  in 
which  these  poor  savages  were  found.  Not 
only  deficient  in  the  comforts  of  life,  but  what 
is  still  worse,  most  piteously  and  unfortunately 
blind  to  the  miseries  of  their  situation.  But  no 
sooner  did  the  benevolent  inhabitants  of  Europe 
behold  their  sad  condition,  than  thev  immedi- 


Ibelping  tbe  Savages  83 

ately  went  to  work  to  ameliorate  and  improve 

it.  They  introduced  among  them  rum,  gin, 
brandy,  and  the  other  comforts  of  life, — and  it 
is  astonishing  to  read  how  soon  the  poor  sav- 
ages learned  to  estimate  those  blessings  ;  they 
likewise  made  known  to  them  a  thousand  reme- 
dies, by  which  the  most  inveterate  diseases  are 
alleviated  and  healed  ;  and  that  they  might 
comprehend  the  benefits  and  enjoy  the  comforts 
of  these  medicines,  they  previously  introduced 
among  them  the  diseases  which  they  were  cal- 
culated to  cure.  By  these  and  a  variety  of  other 
methods  was  the  condition  of  these  poor  savages 
wonderfully  improved ;  they  acquired  a  thousand 
wants,  of  which  they  had  before  been  ignorant ; 
and  as  he  has  most  sources  of  happiness  who 
has  most  wants  to  be  gratified,  they  were  doubt- 
lessly rendered  a  much  happier  race  of  beings. 

But  the  most  important  branch  of  civilization, 
and  which  has  most  strenuously  been  extolled 
by  the  zealous  and  pious  fathers  of  the  Romish 
Church,  is  the  introduction  of  the  Christian 
faith.  It  was  truly  a  sight  that  might  well  in- 
spire horror,  to  behold  these  savages  tumbling 
among  the  dark  mountains  of  paganism,  and 
guilty  of  the  most  horrible  ignorance  of  religion. 
It  is  true,  they  neither  stole  nor  defrauded  ;  they 
were  sober,  frugal,  content,  and  faithful  to  their 
word ;  but  though  they  acted  right  habitually, 


84  Ibietors  ot  1Flew  ^oxk 


it  was  all  in  vain,  unless  they  acted  so  from  pre- 
cept. The  new-comers,  therefore,  used  every 
method  to  induce  them  to  embrace  and  practise 
the  true  religion, — except  indeed  that  of  setting 
them  the  example. 

But  notwithstanding  all  these  complicated 
labors  for  their  good,  such  was  the  unparalleled 
obstinacy  of  these  stubborn  wretches,  that  they 
ungratefully  refused  to  acknowledge  the  stran- 
gers as  their  benefactors,  and  persisted  in  dis- 
believing the  doctrines  they  endeavored  to 
inculcate ;  most  insolently  alleging,  that,  from 
their  conduct,  the  advocates  of  Christianity  did 
not  seem  to  believe  in  it  themselves.  Was  not 
this  too  much  for  human  patience  ? — would  not 
one  suppose  that  the  benign  visitants  from 
Europe,  provoked  at  their  incredulity,  and  dis- 
couraged by  their  stiff-necked  obstinacy,  would 
forever  have  abandoned  their  shores,  and  con- 
signed them  to  their  original  ignorance  and 
misery  ?  But  no  :  so  zealous  were  they  to  effect 
the  temporal  comfort  and  eternal  salvation  of 
these  pagan  infidels,  that  they  even  proceeded 
from  the  milder  means  of  persuasion  to  the 
more  painful  and  troublesome  one  of  persecu- 
tion,— let  loose  among  them  whole  troops  of 
fiery  monks  and  furious  bloodhounds, — purified 
them  by  fire  and  sword,  by  stake  and  fagot  ;  in 
consequence  of  which  indefatigable   measures 


Gbrietian  Gbaritg  S5 

the  cause  of  Christian  love  and  charity  was  so 
rapidly  advanced,  that  in  a  few  years  not  one 
fifth  of  the  number  of  unbelievers  existed  in 
South  America  that  were  found  there  at  the  time 
of  its  disco verv\ 

WTiat  stronger  right  need  the  European  set- 
tlers advance  to  the  country  than  this  ?  Have 
not  whole  nations  of  uninformed  savages  been 
made  acquainted  with  a  thousand  imperious 
wants  and  indispensable  comforts,  of  which 
they  were  before  wholly  ignorant?  Have  they 
not  been  literally  hunted  and  smoked  out  of  the 
dens  and  lurking-places  of  ignorance  and  infi- 
delity, and  absolutely  scourged  into  the  right 
path  ?  Have  not  the  temporal  things,  the  vain 
baubles  and  filthy  lucre  of  this  world,  which 
were  too  apt  to  engage  their  worldly  and  selfish 
thoughts,  been  benevolently  taken  from  them  ; 
and  have  they  not,  instead  thereof,  been  taught 
to  set  their  affections  on  things  above?  And 
finally,  to  use  the  words  of  a  reverend  Spanish 
father,  in  a  letter  to  his  superior  in  Spain, — ' '  Can 
any  one  have  the  presumption  to  say  that  these 
savage  pagans  have  yielded  any  thing  more 
than  an  inconsiderable  recompense  to  their 
benefactors,  in  surrendering  to  them  a  little 
pitiful  tract  of  this  dirty  sublunary  planet  in 
exchange  for  a  glorious  inheritance  in  the  king- 
dom of  heaven  ?  " 


86  tbistorg  ot  1Rcw  )^ovk 


Here,  then,  are  three  complete  and  undenia- 
ble sources  of  right  established,  any  one  of 
which  was  more  than  ample  to  establish  a 
property  in  the  newly  discovered  regions  of 
America.  Now,  so  it  has  happened  in  certain 
parts  of  this  delightful  quarter  of  the  globe,  that 
the  right  of  discovery  has  been  so  strenuously 
asserted,  the  influence  of  cultivation  so  indus- 
triously extended,  and  the  progress  of  salvation 
and  civilization  so  zealously  prosecuted,  that, 
what  with  their  attendant  w^ars,  persecutions, 
oppressions,  diseases,  and  other  partial  evils 
that  often  hang  on  the  skirts  of  great  benefits, 
the  savage  aborigines  have,  somehow  or  other, 
been  utterly  annihilated  ; — and  this  all  at  once 
brings  me  to  a  fourth  right,  which  is  worth  all 
the  others  put  together.  For  the  original 
claimants  to  the  soil  being  all  dead  and  buried, 
and  no  one  remaining  to  inherit  or  dispute  the 
soil,  the  Spaniards,  as  the  next  immediate  occu- 
pants, entered  upon  the  possession  as  clearly  as 
the  hangman  succeeds  to  the  clothes  of  the 
malefactor  ;  and  as  they  have  Blackstone,*  and 
all  the  learned  expounders  of  the  law  on  their 
side,  they  may  set  all  actions  of  ejectment  at  de- 
fiance ; — and  this  last  right  may  be  entitled  the 
RIGHT  BY  EXTERMINATION,  or,  iu  Other  words, 

the  RIGHT  BY  GUNPOWDER. 

*B1.  Com.,  b.  ii.,  c.  i. 


tibe  TRigbt  of  ip»roperts  87 

But  lest  any  scruples  of  conscience  should  re- 
main on  this  head,  and  to  settle  the  question  of 
right  forever,  his  holiness  Pope  Alexander  VI. 
issued  a  bull,  by  which  he  generously  granted 
the  newly  discovered  quarter  of  the  globe  to  the 
Spaniards  and  Portuguese  ;  who,  thus  having 
law  and  gospel  on  their  side,  and  being  inflamed 
with  great  spiritual  zeal,  showed  the  pagan  sav- 
ages neither  favor  nor  affection,  but  prosecuted 
the  work  of  discovery,  colonization,  civilization, 
and  extermination  with  ten  times  more  fury 
than  ever. 

Thus  were  the  European  worthies  who  first 
discovered  America  clearly  entitled  to  the  soil ; 
and  not  only  entitled  to  the  soil,  but  likewise  to 
the  eternal  thanks  of  these  infidel  savages,  for 
having  come  so  far,  endured  so  many  perils  by 
sea  and  land,  and  taken  such  unwearied  pains, 
for  no  other  purpose  but  to  improve  their  for- 
lorn, unci\'ilized,  and  heathenish  condition, — 
for  haring  made  them  acquainted  with  the  com- 
forts of  life, — forharing  introduced  among  them 
the  light  of  religion, — and,  finally,  for  having 
hurried  them  out  of  the  world,  to  enjoy  its  re- 
ward ! 

But  as  argument  is  never  so  well  understood 
by  us  selfish  mortals  as  when  it  comes  home  to 
ourselves,  and  as  I  am  particularly  anxious  that 
this  question  should  be  put  to  rest  forever,  I  will 


88  Ibistors  of  mew  l^ork 


suppose  a  parallel  case,  by  way  of  arousing  the 

candid  attention  of  my  readers. 

Let  us  suppose,  then,  that  the  inhabitants  of 
the  moon,  by  astonishing  advancement  in  sci- 
ence, and  by  profound  insight  into  that  lunar 
philosophy,  the  mere  flickerings  of  which  have 
of  late  years  dazzled  the  feeble  optics,  and  ad- 
dled the  shallow  brains  of  the  good  people  of  our 
globe, — let  us  suppose,  I  say,  that  the  inhabi- 
tants of  the  moon,  by  these  means,  had  arrived 
at  such  a  command  of  their  energies,  such  an 
enviable  state  oi perfectibility,  as  to  control  the 
elements,  and  navigate  the  boundless  regions 
of  space.  Let  us  suppose  a  roving  crew  of  these 
soaring  philosophers,  in  the  course  of  an  aerial 
voyage  of  discovery  among  the  stars,  should 
chance  to  alight  upon  this  outlandish  planet. 

And  here  I  beg  my  readers  w411  not  have  the 
uncharitableness  to  smile,  as  is  too  frequently 
the  fault  of  volatile  readers,  when  perusing  the 
grave  speculations  of  philosophers.  I  am  far 
from  indulging  in  any  sportive  vein  at  present ; 
nor  is  the  supposition  I  have  been  making  so 
wild  as  many  may  deem  it.  It  has  long  been  a 
very  serious  and  anxious  question  with  me,  and 
many  a  time  and  oft,  in  the  course  of  my  over- 
whelming cares  and  contrivances  for  the  welfare 
and  protection  of  this  my  native  planet,  have  I 
lain  awake  whole  nights  debating  in  my  mind, 


B  Speculation  89 

whether  it  were  most  probable  we  should  first 
discover  and  civilize  the  moon,  or  the  moon  dis- 
cover and  civilize  our  globe.  Neither  would  the 
prodigv'  of  sailing  in  the  air  and  cruising  among 
the  stars  be  a  whit  more  astonishing  and  incom- 
prehensible to  us  than  was  the  European  mys- 
tery- of  navigating  floating  castles,  through  the 
world  of  waters,  to  the  simple  natives.  We  have 
already  discovered  the  art  of  coasting  along  the 
aerial  shores  of  our  planet,  by  means  of  bal- 
loons, as  the  savages  had  of  venturing  along 
their  sea-coasts  in  canoes  ;  and  the  disparity  be- 
tween the  former  and  the  aerial  vehicles  of  the 
philosophers  from  the  moon  might  not  be 
greater  than  that  between  the  bark  canoes  of 
the  savages  and  the  mighty  ships  of  their  dis- 
coverers. I  might  here  pursue  an  endless  chain 
of  similar  speculations  ;  but  as  they  would  be 
unimportant  to  my  subject,  I  abandon  them  to 
my  reader,  particularly  if  he  be  a  philosopher, 
as  matters  well  worthy  of  his  attentive  consid- 
eration. 

To  return,  then,  to  my  supposition  ; — let  us 
suppose  that  the  aerial  visitants  I  have  men- 
tioned, possessed  of  vastly  superior  knowledge 
to  ourselves  ;  that  is  to  say,  possessed  of  supe- 
rior knowledge  in  the  art  of  extermination, — 
riding  on  hyppogriffs, — defended  with  impene- 
trable  armor, — armed  with    concentrated  sun- 


go  Ibistorg  of  IWcvv  J^orfe 

beams,  and  provided  with  vast  engines,  to  hurl 
enormous  moon-stones  :  in  short,  let  us  suppose 
them,  if  our  vanity  will  permit  the  supposition, 
as  superior  to  us  in  knowledge,  and  conse- 
quently in  power,  as  the  Europeans  were  to  the 
Indians,  when  they  first  discovered  them.  All 
this  is  very  possible  ;  it  is  only  our  self-sufiB- 
ciency  that  makes  us  think  otherwise  ;  and  I 
warrant  the  poor  savages,  before  they  had  any 
knowledge  of  the  white  men,  armed  in  all  the 
terrors  of  glittering  steel  and  tremendous  gun- 
powder, were  as  perfectly  convinced  that  they 
themselves  were  the  wisest,  the  most  virtuous, 
powerful,  and  perfect  of  created  beings,  as  are, 
at  this  present  moment,  the  lordly  inhabitants 
of  old  England,  the  volatile  populace  of  France, 
or  even  the  self-satisfied  citizens  of  this  most 
enlightened  republic. 

Let  us  suppose,  moreover,  that  the  aerial  voy- 
agers, finding  this  planet  to  be  nothing  but  a 
howling  wilderness,  inhabited  by  us,  poor  sav- 
ages and  wild  beasts,  shall  take  formal  posses- 
sion of  it,  in  the  name  of  his  most  gracious  and 
philosophic  excellency,  the  man  in  the  moon. 
Finding,  however,  that  their  numbers  are  in- 
competent to  hold  it  in  complete  subjection,  on 
account  of  the  ferocious  barbarity  of  its  inhabi- 
tants, they  shall  take  our  worthy  President,  the 
King  of  England,  the  Emperor  of  Hayti,  the 


trbe  /IRan  in  tbc  ^oon  91 

mighty  Bonaparte,  and  the  great  King  of  Ban- 
tam, and  returning  to  their  native  planet,  shall 
can:y  them  to  court,  as  were  the  Indian  chiefs 
led  about  as  spectacles  in  the  courts  of  Europe. 

Then  making  such  obeisance  as  the  etiquette 
of  the  court  requires,  they  shall  address  the  puis- 
sant man  in  the  moon,  in,  as  near  as  I  can  con- 
jecture, the  following  terms  : — 

"  Most  serene  and  mighty  Potentate,  whose 
dominions  extend  as  far  as  eye  can  reach,  who 
rideth  on  the  Great  Bear,  useth  the  sun  as  a 
looking-glass,  and  maintaineth  unrivalled  con- 
trol over  tides,  madmen,  and  sea-crabs.  We, 
thy  liege  subjects,  have  just  returned  from  a 
voyage  of  discovery,  in  the  course  of  which  we 
have  landed  and  taken  possession  of  that  ob- 
scure little  dirty  planet,  which  thou  beholdest 
rolling  at  a  distance.  The  five  uncouth  monsters, 
which  we  have  brought  into  this  august  pres- 
ence, were  once  very  important  chiefs  among 
their  fellow-savages,  who  are  a  race  of  beings 
totally  destitute  of  the  common  attributes  of 
humanity- ;  and  differing  in  every  thing  from  the 
inhabitants  of  the  moon,  inasmuch  as  they 
carry  their  heads  upon  their  shoulders,  instead 
of  under  their  arms, — have  two  eyes  instead 
of  one, — are  utterly  destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a 
variety  of  unseemly  complexions,  particularly  of 
horrible  whiteness  instead  of  pea-green. 


c)i  •fcistorg  of  1ftew  HJorFi 


"We  have,  moreover,  found  these  miserable 
savages  sunk  into  a  state  of  the  utmost  igno- 
rance and  depravity,  every  man  shamelessly 
living  with  his  own  wife,  and  rearing  his  own 
children,  instead  of  indulging  in  that  commu- 
nity of  wives  enjoined  by  the  law  of  nature,  as 
expounded  by  the  philosophers  of  the  moon. 
In  a  word,  they  have  scarcely  a  gleam  of  true 
philosophy  among  them,  but  are,  in  fact,  utter 
heretics,  ignoramuses,  and  barbarians.  Taking 
compassion,  therefore,  on  the  sad  conditon  of 
these  sublunary  wretches,  we  have  endeavored, 
while  we  remained  on  their  planet,  to  introduce 
among  them  the  light  of  reason,  and  the  com- 
forts of  the  moon.  We  have  treated  them  to 
mouthfuls  of  moonshine,  and  draughts  of  ni- 
trous oxide,  which  they  swallowed  with  incredi- 
ble voracity,  particularly  the  females  ;  and  we 
have  likewise  endeavored  to  instil  into  them  the 
precepts  of  lunar  philosophy.  We  have  insisted 
upon  their  renouncing  the  contemptible  shackles 
of  religion  and  common-sense,  and  adoring  the 
profound,  omnipotent,  and  all-perfect  energj-, 
and  the  ecstatic,  immutable,  immovable  perfec- 
tion. But  such  was  the  unparalleled  obstinacy 
of  these  wretched  savages,  that  they  persisted 
in  cleaving  to  their  wives,  and  adhering  to  their 
religion,  and  absolutely  set  at  naught  the  sub- 
lime doctrines  of  the  moon, — nay,  among  other 


^be  /iRan  In  tbe  /llboon  93 

abominable  heresies,  they  even  went  so  far  as 

blasphemously  to  declare  that  this  ineffable 
planet  was  made  of  nothing  more  nor  less 
than  green  cheese  !  " 

At  these  words  the  great  man  in  the  moon 
(being  a  very  profound  philosopher)  shall  fall 
into  a  terrible  passion,  and  possessing  equal  au- 
thority over  things  that  do  not  belong  to  him,  as 
did  whilom  his  holiness  the  Pope,  shall  forth- 
with issue  a  formidable  bull,  specifying  "That, 
whereas  a  certain  crew  of  lunatics  have  lately 
discovered,  and  taken  possession  of  a  newly  dis- 
covered planet  called  t/ie  earth  ;  and  that,  where- 
as it  is  inhabited  by  none  but  a  race  of  two- 
legged  animals  that  carry  their  heads  on  their 
shoulders  instead  of  under  their  arms,  cannot 
talk  the  lunatic  language,  have  two  eyes  instead 
of  one,  are  destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a  horrible 
whiteness,  instead  of  pea-green, — therefore,  and 
for  a  variety  of  other  excellent  reasons,  they  are 
considered  incapable  of  possessing  any  property 
in  the  planet  they  infest,  and  the  right  and  title 
to  it  are  confirmed  to  its  orginal  discoverers. 
And  furthermore,  the  colonists  who  are  now 
about  to  depart  to  the  aforesaid  planet  are  au- 
thorized and  commanded  to  use  every  means  to 
convert  these  infidel  savages  from  the  darkness 
of  Christianity,  and  make  them  thorough  and 
absolute  lunatics." 


94  fbietov^  of  IRew  l^ork 


In  consequence  of  this  benevolent  bull,  our 
philosophic  benefactors  go  to  work  with  hearty 
zeal.  They  seize  upon  our  fertile  territories, 
scourge  us  from  our  rightful  possessions,  re- 
lieve us  from  our  wives  ;  and  when  we  are  un- 
reasonable enough  to  complain,  they  will  turn 
upon  us  and  say  :  Miserable  barbarians  !  un- 
grateful wretches !  have  we  not  come  thousands 
of  miles  to  improve  your  worthless  planet ;  have 
we  not  fed  you  with  moonshine  ;  have  we  not 
intoxicated  you  with  nitrous  oxide  ;  does  not 
our  moon  give  you  light  everj-  night ;  and  have 
you  the  baseness  to  murmur  when  we  claim  a 
pitiful  return  for  all  these  benefits  ?  But  finding 
that  we  not  only  persist  in  absolute  contempt 
of  their  reasoning  and  disbelief  in  their  philos- 
ophy, but  even  go  so  far  as  daringly  to  defend 
our  property,  their  patience  shall  be  exhausted, 
and  they  shall  resort  to  their  superior  powers 
of  argument :  hunt  us  with  hyppogriffs,  transfix 
us  with  concentrated  sunbeams,  demolish  our 
cities  with  moon-stones  ;  until  ha^nng,  by  main 
force,  converted  us  to  the  true  faith,  they  shall 
graciously  permit  us  to  exist  in  the  torrid  deserts 
of  Arabia,  or  the  frozen  regions  of  Lapland,  there 
to  enjoy  the  blessings  of  civilization  and  the 
charms  of  lunar  philosophy,  in  much  the  same 
manner  as  the  reformed  and  enlightened  sav- 
ages of  this  country  are  kindly  suffered  to  in- 


^bc  IRiabt  iproveD  95 

habit  the  inhospitable  forests  of  the  north, 
or  the  impenetrable  wildernesses  of  South 
America. 

Thus,  I  hope,  I  have  clearly  proved,  and  strik- 
ingly illustrated,  the  right  of  the  early  colonists 
to  the  possession  of  this  country  ;  and  thus  is 
this  gigantic  question  completely  vanquished : 
so,  having  manfully  surmounted  all  obstacles, 
and  subdued  all  opposition,  what  remains  but 
that  I  should  forthwith  conduct  my  readers 
into  the  city  which  we  have  been  so  long  in  a 
manner  besieging  ?  But  hold  ;  before  I  proceed 
another  step,  I  must  pause  to  take  breath,  and 
recover  from  the  excessive  fatigue  I  have  under- 
gone, in  preparing  to  begin  this  most  accurate 
of  histories.  And  in  this  I  do  but  imitate  the 
example  of  a  renowned  Dutch  tumbler  of  an- 
tiquity, who  took  a  start  of  three  miles  for  the 
purpose  of  jumping  over  a  hill,  but  having  run 
himself  out  of  breath  by  the  time  he  reached 
the  foot,  sat  himself  quietly  down  for  a  few  mo- 
ments to  blow%  and  then  walked  over  it  at  his 
leisure. 


BOOK  II. 

TREATING  OF  THE  FIRST  SETTI^EMENT  OF  THE 
PROVINCE  OF  NIEUW-NEDERI<ANDTS. 

CHAPTER  I. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  CONTAINED  DIVERS  REASONS 
WHY  A  MAN  SHOUI.D  NOT  WRITE  IN  A  HURRY  ; 
AI.SO,  OF  MASTER  HENDRICK  HUDSON,  HIS 
DISCOVERY  OF  A  STRANGE  COUNTRY,  AND 
HOW  HE  WAS  MAGNIFICENTLY  REWARDED 
BY  THE  MUNIFICENCE  OF  THEIR  HIGH 
MIGHTINESSES. 


MY  great-grandfather,  by  the  mother's  side, 
Hertnanus  Van  Clattercop,  when  em- 
ployed to  build  the  large  stone  church  at 
Rotterdam,  which  stands  about  three  hundred 
yards  to  your  left  after  you  turn  off  from  the 
Boomkeys,  and  which  is  so  conveniently  con- 
structed, that  all  the  zealous  Christians  of  Rot- 


"Keason  tor  Dclav  97 

terdam  prefer  sleeping  through  a  sermon  there 
to  any  other  church  in  the  city, — my  great- 
grandfather, I  say,  when  employed  to  build  that 
famous  church,  did  in  the  first  place  send  to 
Delft  for  a  box  of  long  pipes  ;  then  having  pur- 
chased a  new  spitting-box  and  a  hundred-weight 
of  the  best  Virginia,  he  sat  himself  down,  and 
did  nothing  for  the  space  of  three  months  but 
smoke  most  laboriously.  Then  did  he  spend 
full  three  months  more  in  trudging  on  foot, 
and  voyaging  in  trekschuit,  from  Rotterdam  to 
Amsterdam — to  Delft — to  Haerlem — to  Leyden 
— to  the  Hague,  knocking  his  head  and  break- 
ing his  pipe  against  every  church  in  his  road. 
Then  did  he  advance  gradually  nearer  and 
nearer  to  Rotterdam,  until  he  came  in  full  sight 
of  the  identical  spot  whereon  the  church  was 
to  be  built.  Then  did  he  spend  three  months 
longer  in  walking  round  it  and  round  it,  con- 
templating it,  first  from  one  point  of  view,  and 
then  from  another, — now  would  he  be  paddled 
by  it  on  the  canal, — now  would  he  peep  at  it 
through  a  telescope  from  the  other  side  of  the 
Me  use,  and  now  would  he  take  a  bird's-eye 
glance  at  it  from  the  top  of  one  of  those  gigantic 
windmills  which  protect  the  gates  of  the  city. 
The  good  folks  of  the  place  were  on  the  tiptoe 
of  expectation  and  impatience  ; — notwithstand- 
ing all  the  turmoil  of  my  great-grandfather,  not 


98  Ibistors  of  IFlew  l^orft 

a  symptom  of  the  church  was  yet  to  be  seen ; 

they  even  began  to  fear  it  would  never  be 
brought  into  the  world,  but  that  its  great  pro- 
jector would  lie  down  and  die  in  labor  of  the 
mighty  plan  he  had  conceived.  At  length, 
having  occupied  twelve  good  months  in  puffing 
and  paddling,  and  talking  and  walking, — hav- 
ing travelled  over  all  Holland,  and  even  taken 
a  peep  into  France  and  Germany,  —  having 
smoked  five  hundred  and  ninety-nine  pipes, 
and  three  hundred-weight  of  the  best  Virginia 
tobacco,  —  my  great-grandfather  gathered  to- 
gether all  that  knowing  and  industrious  class 
of  citizens  who  prefer  attending  to  anybody's 
business  sooner  than  their  own,  and  having 
pulled  off  his  coat  and  five  pair  of  breeches,  he 
advanced  sturdily  up  and  laid  the  comer-stone 
of  the  church,  in  presence  of  the  whole  multi- 
tude— just  at  the  commencement  of  the  thir- 
teenth month. 

In  a  similar  manner,  and  with  the  example  of 
my  worthy  ancestor  full  before  my  eyes,  have  I 
proceeded  in  writing  this  most  authentic  history. 
The  honest  Rotterdamers  no  doubt  thought  my 
great-grandfather  was  doing  nothing  at  all  to 
the  purpose,  while  he  was  making  such  a  world 
of  prefatory  bustle  about  the  building  of  his 
church, — and  many  of  the  ingenious  inhabitants 
of  this  fair  city  will  unquestionably  suppose  that 


Slow  aiiD  Sure  gg 

all  the  preliminary  chapters,  with  the  discovery, 
population,  and  final  settlement  of  America, 
were  totally  irrelevant  and  superfluous, — and 
that  the  main  business,  the  history  of  New 
York,  is  not  a  jot  more  advanced  than  if  I  had 
never  taken  up  my  pen.  Never  were  wise 
people  more  mistaken  in  their  conjectures  :  in 
consequence  of  going  to  work  slowly  and  delib- 
erately, the  church  came  out  of  my  grandfather's 
hands  one  of  the  most  sumptuous,  goodly,  and 
glorious  edifices  in  the  known  world, — except- 
ing that,  like  our  magnificent  capitol,  at  Wash- 
ington, it  was  begun  on  so  grand  a  scale  that 
the  good  folks  could  not  afford  to  finish  more 
than  the  wing  of  it.  So,  likewise,  I  trust,  if 
ever  I  am  able  to  finish  this  work  on  the  plan  I 
have  commenced  (of  which,  in  simple  truth,  I 
sometimes  have  my  doubts),  it  will  be  found 
that  I  have  pursued  the  latest  rules  of  my  art, 
as  exemplified  in  the  writings  of  all  the  great 
American  historians,  and  wrought  a  very  large 
history  out  of  a  small  subject, — which,  nowa- 
days, is  considered  one  of  the  great  triumphs  of 
historic  skill.  To  proceed,  then,  with  the  thread 
of  my  story. 

In  the  ever  memorable  year  of  our  Lord,  1609, 
on  a  Saturday  morning,  the  five-and-twentieth 
day  of  March,  old  style,  did  that  "  worthy  and 
irrecoverable  discoverer   (as  he  has  justly  been 


fbiQtot^  ot  IFlew  l^orft 


called),  Master  Henry  Hudson,"  set  sail  from 
Holland  in  a  stout  vessel  called  the  //a//-Moon, 
being  employed  by  the  Dutch  East  India  Com- 
pany, to  seek  a  northwest  passage  to  China. 

Henry  (or,  as  the  Dutch  historians  call  him, 
Hendrick)  Hudson  was  a  seafaring  man  of  re- 
nown, who  had  learned  to  smoke  tobacco  under 
Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  and  is  said  to  have  been 
the  first  to  introduce  it  into  Holland,  which 
gained  him  much  popularity  in  that  countr}-, 
and  caused  him  to  find  great  favor  in  the  eyes 
of  their  High  Mightinesses,  the  Lords  States- 
General,  and  also  of  the  honorable  West  India 
Company.  He  was  a  short,  square,  brawny  old 
gentleman,  with  a  double  chin,  a  mastiff  mouth, 
and  a  broad  copper  nose,  which  was  supposed  in 
those  days  to  have  acquired  its  fiery  hue  from 
the  constant  neighborhood  of  his  tobacco-pipe. 

He  wore  a  true  Andrea  Ferrara,  tucked  in  a 
leathern  belt,  and  a  commodore's  cocked  hat  on 
one  side  of  his  head.  He  was  remarkable  for 
always  jerking  up  his  breeches  when  he  gave 
out  his  orders,  and  his  voice  sounded  not  unlike 
the  brattling  of  a  tin  trumpet, — owing  to  the 
number  of  hard  northwesters  which  he  had 
swallowed  in  the  course  of  his  seafaring. 

Such  was  Hendrick  Hudson,  of  whom  we 
have  heard  so  much,  and  know  so  little  ;  and  I 
have  been  thus  particular  in  his  description  for 


IRobcrt  5uet 


the  benefit  of  modem  painters  and  statuaries, 
that  they  may  represent  him  as  he  was, — and 
not,  according  to  their  common  custom  with 
modern  heroes,  make  him  look  like  Caesar,  or 
Marcus  Aurelius,  or  the  Apollo  of  Belvidere. 

As  chief  mate  and  favorite  companion,  the 
commodore  chose  Master  Robert  Juet,  of  Lime- 
house,  in  England.  By  some  his  name  has 
been  spelled  Chewit,  and  ascribed  to  the  circum- 
stances of  his  ha\nng  been  the  first  man  that 
ever  chewed  tobacco  ;  but  this  I  believe  to  be  a 
mere  flippancy  ;  more  especially  as  certain  of 
his  progeny  are  living  at  this  day,  who  write 
their  names  Juet.  He  was  an  old  comrade  and 
early  schoolmate  of  the  great  Hudson,  with 
whom  he  had  often  played  truant  and  sailed 
chip  boats  in  a  neighboring  pond,  when  they 
were  little  boys  ;  from  whence  it  is  said  that  the 
commodore  first  derived  his  bias  towards  a  sea- 
faring life.  Certain  it  is,  that  the  old  people 
about  Ivimehouse  declared  Robert  Juet  to  be  an 
unlucky  urchin,  prone  to  mischief,  that  would 
one  day  or  other  come  to  the  gallows. 

He  grew  up,  as  boys  of  that  kind  often  grow 
up,  a  rambling,  heedless  varlet,  tossed  about  in 
all  quarters  of  the  world, — meeting  with  more 
perils  and  wonders  than  did  Sindbad  the  Sailor, 
without  growing  a  whit  more  wise,  prudent,  or 
ill-natured.     Under  every  misfortune,  he  com- 


102  fyistot^  of  tacw  l^orh 

forted  himself  with  a  quid  of  tobacco,  and  the 
truly  philosophic  maxim,  that  "  it  will  be  all 
the  same  thing  a  hundred  years  hence,"  He 
was  skilled  in  the  art  of  carving  anchors  and 
true  lover's  knots  on  the  bulkheads  and  quarter- 
railings,  and  was  considered  a  great  wit  on  board 
ship,  in  consequence  of  his  playing  pranks  on 
everybody  around,  and  now  and  then  even  mak- 
ing a  wry  face  at  old  Hendrick,  when  his  back 
was  turned. 

To  this  universal  genius  are  we  indebted  for 
many  particulars  concerning  this  voyage  ;  of 
which  he  wrote  a  historj%  at  the  request  of  the 
commodore,  who  had  an  unconquerable  aversion 
to  writing  himself,  from  ha\'ing  received  so 
many  floggings  about  it  when  at  school.  To 
supply  the  deficiencies  of  Master  Juet's  journal, 
which  is  written  with  true  log-book  brevity,  I 
have  availed  myself  of  divers  family  traditions, 
handed  down  from  my  great-great-grandfather, 
who  accompanied  the  expedition  in  the  capacity' 
of  cabin-boy. 

From  all  that  I  can  learn,  few  incidents  worthy 
of  remark  happened  in  the  voyage ;  and  it  mor- 
tifies me  exceedingly  that  I  have  to  admit  so 
noted  an  expedition  into  my  work,  without 
making  any  more  of  it. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  the  voyage  was  prosperous 
and  tranquil ;  the  crew,  being  a  patient  people, 


Commodore  1buD6on  103 

much  given  to  slumber  and  vacuity,  and  but 
little  troubled  with  the  disease  of  thinking, — a 
malady  of  the  mind,  which  is  the  sure  breeder 
of  discontent.  Hudson  had  laid  in  abundance 
of  gin  and  sourkrout,  and  every  man  was  allow- 
ed to  sleep  quietly  at  his  post  unless  the  wind 
blew.  True  it  is,  some  slight  disaffection  was 
shown  on  two  or  three  occasions,  at  certain  un- 
reasonable conduct  of  Commodor^  Hudson. 
Thus,  for  instance,  he  forbore  to  shorten  sail 
when  the  wind  was  light,  and  the  weather 
serene,  which  was  considered  among  the  most 
experienced  Dutch  seamen  as  certain  weather- 
breeders,  or  prognostics  that  the  weather  would 
change  for  the  worse.  He  acted,  moreover,  in 
direct  contradiction  to  that  ancient  and  sage 
rule  of  the  Dutch  navigators,  who  always  took 
in  sail  at  night,  put  the  helm  a-port,  and  turned 
in, — by  which  precaution  they  had  a  good 
night's  rest,  were  sure  of  knowing  where  they 
were  the  next  morning,  and  stood  but  little 
chance  of  running  down  a  continent  in  the  dark. 
He  likewise  prohibited  the  seamen  from  w^earing 
more  than  five  jackets  and  six  pair  of  breeches, 
under  pretence  of  rendering  them  more  alert ; 
and  no  man  was  permitted  to  go  aloft  and  hand 
in  sails  wdth  a  pipe  in  his  mouth,  as  is  the  in- 
variable Dutch  custom  at  the  present  day.  All 
these  grievances,  though  they  might  ruffle  for 


io4  Ibietov^  of  1Rc\v  3l)otk 

a  moment  the  constitutional  tranquillity  of  the 
honest  Dutch  tars,  made  but  transient  impres- 
sion ; — they  ate  hugely,  drank  profusely,  and 
slept  immeasurably  ;  and  being  under  the  espe- 
cial guidance  of  Providence,  the  ship  was  safely 
conducted  to  the  coast  of  America  ;  where,  after 
sundry  unimportant  touchings  and  standings 
off  and  on,  she  at  length,  on  the  fourth  day  of 
September,  entered  that  majestic  bay  which  at 
this  day  expands  its  ample  bosom  before  the 
city  of  New  York,  and  which  had  never  before 
been  \'isited  by  any  European.* 

*  True  it  is — and  I  am  not  ignorant  of  the  fact— that  in 
a  certain  apocryphal  book  of  voyages,  compiled  by  one 
Hakluyt,  is  to  be  found  a  letter  -n  ritten  to  Francis  the 
First,  by  one  Giovanne,  or  John  Verazzani,  on  which 
some  writers  are  inclined  to  found  a  belief  that  this  de- 
lightful bay  had  been  visited  nearly  a  century  previous 
to  the  voyage  of  the  enterprising  Hudson.  Now  this 
(albeit  it  has  met  with  the  countenance  of  certain  very 
judicious  and  learned  men)  I  hold  in  utter  disbelief,  and 
that  for  various  good  and  substantial  reasons  :  Ftrsi,  Be- 
cause on  strict  examination  it  will  be  found  that  the  de- 
scription given  by  this  Verazzani  applies  about  as  well 
to  the  bay  of  New  York  as  it  does  to  my  nightcap. 
Secondly,  Because  that  this  John  Verazzani,  for  whom  I 
already  begin  to  feel  a  most  bitter  enmity,  is  a  native  of 
Florence  ;  and  everybody  knows  the  crafty  wiles  of  these 
losel  Florentines,  by  which  they  filched  awav  the  laurels 
from  the  brows  of  the  immortal  Colon  (vulgarly  called 
Coiumbus),  and  bestowed  them  on  their  officious  towns- 
man, Amerigo  Vespucci ;  and  I  make  no  doubt  they  are 
equally  ready  to  rob  the  illustrious  Hudson  of  the  credit 
of  discovering  this  beautiful  island,  adorned  by  the  city 
of  New  York,  and  placing  it  beside  their  usurped  dis- 
covery of  South  America.  And,  thirdly,  I  award  my  de- 
cision in  favor  of  the  pretensions  of  Hendrick  Hudson, 
inasmuch  as  his  expedition  sailed  from  Holland,  being 
truly  and  absolutely  a  Dutch  enterprise  ;— and  though 


\Oievc  of  /Iftannabata 


It  has  been  traditionary  in  our  family  that 
when  the  great  na\'igator  was  first  blessed  with 
a  view  of  this  enchanting  island,  he  was  ob- 
ser\-ed,  for  the  first  and  only  time  in  his  life,  to 
exhibit  strong  symptoms  of  astonishment  and 
admiration.  He  is  said  to  have  turned  to  Mas- 
ter Juet,  and  uttered  these  remarkable  w^ords, 
while  he  pointed  towards  this  paradise  of  the 
new  world  :  "  See  !  there  !  " — and  thereupon, 
as  was  always  his  way  when  he  was  uncommon- 
ly pleased,  he  did  puff  out  such  clouds  of  dense 
tobacco  smoke,  that  in  one  minute  the  vessel 
was  out  of  sight  of  land,  and  Master  Juet  was 
fain  to  wait  until  the  winds  dispersed  this  im- 
penetrable fog. 

It  was  indeed — as  my  great-great-grandfather 
used  to  say, — though  in  truth  I  never  heard  him, 
for  he  died,  as  might  be  expected,  before  I  was 
bom, — "  It  was  indeed  a  spot  on  which  the  eye 
might  have  revelled  forever,  in  ever  new  and 
never  ending  beauties."  The  island  of  Man- 
nahata  spread  wide  before  them,  like  some 
sweet  vision  of  fancy,  or  some  fair  creation  of 


all  the  proofs  in  the  world  were  introduced  on  the  other 
side,  I  would  set  them  at  naug^ht,  as  undeserving  my  at- 
tention. If  these  three  reasons  be  not  sufficient  to  satisfy 
every  burgher  of  this  ancient  city,  all  I  can  say  is,  they 
are  degenerate  descendants  from  their  venerable  Dutch 
ancestors,  and  totally  unworthy  the  trouble  of  convin- 
cing. Thus,  therefore,  the  title  of  Hendrick  Hudson  to 
his  renowned  discovery  is  fully  vindicated. 


io6  Iblgtor^  of  IFlew  l^orft 


industrious  magic.     Its  hills  of  smiling  green 

swelled  gently  one  above  another,  crowned  with 
lofty  trees  of  luxuriant  growth  ;  some  pointing 
their  tapering  foliage  towards  the  clouds,  which 
were  gloriously  transparent  ;  and  others  loaded 
with  a  verdant  burden  of  clambering  vines,  bow- 
ing their  branches  to  the  earth,  that  was  cov- 
ered with  flowers.  On  the  gentle  declivities  of 
the  hills  were  scattered  in  gay  profusion  the 
dog-wood,  the  sumach,  and  the  wild  brier, 
whose  scarlet  berries  and  white  blossoms  glowed 
brightly  among  the  deep  green  of  the  surround- 
ing foliage  ;  and  here  and  there  a  curling  col- 
umn of  smoke,  rising  from  the  little  glens  that 
opened  along  the  shore,  seemed  to  promise  the 
weary  voyagers  a  welcome  at  the  hands  of  their 
fellow-creatures.  As  they  stood  gazing  with 
entranced  attention  on  the  scene  before  them, 
a  red  man,  crowned  with  feathers,  issued  from 
one  of  these  glens,  and  after  contemplating  in 
wonder  the  gallant  ship,  as  she  sat  like  a  stately 
swan  swimming  on  a  silver  lake,  sounded  the 
war-whoop,  and  bounded  into  the  woods  like  a 
wild  deer,  to  the  utter  astonishment  of  the 
phlegmatic  Dutchmen,  who  had  never  heard 
such  a  noise  or  witnessed  such  a  caper  in  their 
whole  lives. 

Of  the  transactions  of  our  adventurers  with 
the  savages,  and  how  the  latter  smoked  copper 


•(Up  tbc  •River  107 

pipes,  and  ate  dried  currants ;  how  they  brought 
great  store  of  tobacco  and  oysters  ;  how  they 
shot  one  of  the  ship's  crew,  and  how  he  was 
buried,  I  shall  say  nothing,  being  that  I  con- 
sider them  unimportant  to  my  historj\  After 
tanying  a  few  days  in  the  bay,  in  order  to 
refresh  themselves  after  their  seafaring,  our 
voyagers  weighed  anchor,  to  explore  a  mighty 
river  which  emptied  into  the  bay.  This  river, 
it  is  said,  was  known  among  the  savages  by  the 
name  of  the  Shatemuck ;  though  we  are  as- 
sured in  an  excellent  little  history,  published 
in  1674,  by  John  Josselyn,  Gent,  that  it  was 
called  the  3Iohega7i,^  and  master  Richard 
Bloome,  who  wrote  some  time  afterwards,  as- 
serts the  same, — so  that  I  very  much  incline  in 
favor  of  the  opinions  of  these  two  honest  gen- 
tlemen. Be  this  as  it  may,  up  this  river  did  the 
adventurous  Hendrick  proceed,  little  doubting 
but  it  would  turn  out  to  be  the  much  looked-for 
passage  to  China  ! 

The  journal  goes  on  to  make  mention  of 
divers  interviews  between  the  crew  and  the 
natives,  in  the  voyage  up  the  river ;  but  as  they 
would  be  impertinent  to  my  history,  I  shall 
pass  over  them  in  silence,  except  the  following 
dry  joke,  played  off  by  the  old  commodore  and 

•This  river  is  likewise  laid  down  in  Ogilvy's  map  as 
Manhattan— Xoordt  Montaigne  and  Mauritius  river. 


io8  t>i6tov^  Of  mew  IJorfe 

his  school-fellow,  Robert  Juet,  which  does  such 
vast  credit  to  their  experimental  philosophy, 
that  I  cannot  refrain  from  inserting  it.  "Our 
master  and  his  mate  determined  to  try  some  of 
the  chiefe  men  of  the  countrey,  whether  they 
had  any  treacherie  in  them.  So  they  tooke 
them  downe  into  the  cabin,  and  gave  them  so 
much  wine  and  aqua  vitae,  that  they  were  all 
merrie  ;  and  one  of  them  had  his  wife  with  him, 
which  sate  so  modestly,  as  any  of  our  countrey 
women  would  do  in  a  strange  place.  In  the 
end,  one  of  them  was  drunke,  which  had  been 
aborde  of  our  ship  all  the  time  that  we  had 
been  there,  and  that  was  strange  to  them,  for 
they  could  not  tell  how  to  take  it."  * 

Having  satisfied  himself  by  this  ingenious 
experiment  that  the  natives  were  an  honest, 
social  race  of  jolly  roysters,  who  had  no  objec- 
tion to  a  drinking-bout,  and  were  very  merry  in 
their  cups,  the  old  commodore  chuckled  hugely 
to  himself,  and  thrusting  a  double  quid  of  to- 
bacco in  his  cheek,  directed  Master  Juet  to  have 
it  carefully  recorded,  for  the  satisfaction  of  all 
the  natural  philosophers  of  the  University  of 
Leyden, — which  done,  he  proceeded  on  his  voy- 
age, with  great  self-complacency.  After  sailing, 
however,  above  a  hundred  miles  up  the  river, 
he  found  the  watery  world  around  him  began 
*  Juet's  Jour.,  Purch.  Pil. 


IRcturn  to  IbollanC)  109 

to  grow  more  shallow  and  confined,  the  current 
more  rapid,  and  perfectly  fresh, — phenomena 
not  uncommon  in  the  ascent  of  rivers,  but 
which  puzzled  the  honest  Dutchmen  prodigious- 
ly. A  consultation  was  therefore  called,  and 
having  deliberated  full  six  hours,  they  were 
brought  to  a  determination  by  the  ship's  run- 
ning aground, — whereupon  they  unanimously 
concluded  that  there  was  but  little  chance  of 
getting  to  China  in  this  direction.  A  boat, 
however,  was  despatched  to  explore  higher  up 
the  river,  which,  on  its  return,  confirmed  the 
opinion  ;  upon  this  the  ship  was  warped  off  and 
put  about,  with  great  difficulty,  being,  like  most 
of  her  sex,  exceedingly  hard  to  govern  ;  and  the 
adventurous  Hudson,  according  to  the  account 
of  my  great-great-grandfather,  returned  down 
the  river — with  a  prodigious  flea  in  his  ear  ! 

Being  satisfied  that  there  was  little  likelihood 
of  getting  to  China,  unless,  like  the  blind  man, 
he  returned  from  whence  he  set  out,  and  took  a 
fresh  start,  he  forthwith  recrossed  the  sea  to 
Holland,  where  he  was  received  with  great  wel- 
come by  the  honorable  East  India  Company, 
who  were  very  much  rejoiced  to  see  him  come 
back  safe — with  their  ship  ;  and  at  a  large  and 
respectable  meeting  of  the  first  merchants  and 
burgomasters  of  Amsterdam,  it  was  unanimously 
determined  that,   as   a  munificent  reward   for 


Ibistorg  of  mew  l^ork 


the  eminent  services  he  had  performed,  and  the 
important  discovery  he  had  made,  the  great 
river  Mohegan  should  be  called  after  his  name  ! 
— and  it  continues  to  be  called  Hudson  River 
unto  this  very  day. 


CHAPTER  II. 

CONTAINING  AN  ACCOUNT  OF  A  MIGHTY  ARK 
WHICH  FLOATED,  UNDER  THE  PROTECTION 
OF  ST.  NICHOI,AS,  FROM  HOI^LAND  TO  GIBBET 
ISI^AND;  the  DESCENT  OF  THE  STRANGE 
ANIMALS  THEREFROM  ;  A  GREAT  VICTORY, 
AND  A  DESCRIPTION  OF  THE  ANCIENT  VIL- 
LAGE OF  COMMUNIPAW. 


THE  delectable  accounts  given  by  the  great 
Hudson  and  Master  Juet,  of  the  country 
they  had  discovered,  excited  not  a  little  talk 
and  speculation  among  the  good  people  of  Hol- 
land. Letters-patent  were  granted  by  govern- 
ment to  an  association  of  merchants,  called  the 
West  India  Company,  for  the  exclusive  trade 
on  Hudson  River,  on  which  they  erected  a  trad- 
ing-house, called  Fort  Aurania,  or  Orange,  from 
whence  did  spring  the  great  city  of  Albany. 
But  I  forbear  to  dwell  on  the  various  commer- 
cial and  colonizing  enterprises  which  took 
place, — among  which  was  that  of  Mynheer  Ad- 


Ibistoris  of  Bew  lorft 


rian  Block,  who  discovered  and  gave  a  name  to 
Block  Island,  since  famous  for  its  cheese, — and 
shall  barely  confine  myself  to  that  which  gave 
birth  to  this  renowned  city. 

It  was  some  three  or  fom-  years  after  the  re- 
turn of  the  immortal  Hendrick,  that  a  crew  of 
honest,  Low-Dutch  colonists  set  sail  from  the 
city  of  Amsterdam  for  the  shores  of  America. 
It  is  an  irreparable  loss  to  history,  and  a  great 
proof  of  the  darkness  of  the  age,  and  the  lamen- 
table neglect  of  the  noble  art  of  book-making, 
since  so  industrially  cultivated  by  knowing  sea- 
captains,  and  learned  supercargoes,  that  an  ex- 
pedition so  interesting  and  important  in  its 
results  should  be  passed  over  in  utter  silence. 
To  my  great-great-grandfather  am  I  again  in- 
debted for  the  few  facts  I  am  enabled  to  give 
concerning  it, — he  having  once  more  embarked 
for  this  country,  with  a  full  determination,  as 
he  said,  of  ending  his  days  here,  and  of  beget- 
ting a  race  of  Knickerbockers  that  should  rise 
to  be  great  men  in  the  land. 

The  ship  in  which  these  illustrious  adventur- 
ers set  sail  was  called  the  Goede  Vrouw,  or  good 
woman,  in  compliment  to  the  wife  of  the  Presi- 
dent of  the  West  India  Company,  who  was  al- 
lowed by  ever)'body  (except  her  husband)  to  be 
a  sweet-tempered  lady — when  not  in  liquor.  It 
was  in  truth  a  most  gallant  vessel,  of  the  most 


Zbc  '*(5oc^c  Drouw*'  113 

approved  Dutch  construction,  and  made  by  the 
ablest  ship-carpenters  of  Amsterdam,  who,  it  is 
well  known,  always  model  their  ships  after  the 
fair  forms  of  their  countrj'women.  Accordingly, 
it  had  one  hundred  feet  in  the  beam,  one  hun- 
dred feet  in  the  keel,  and  one  hundred  feet  from 
the  bottom  of  the  stern-post  to  the  tafiferel. 
Like  the*  beauteous  model,  who  was  declared  to 
be  the  greatest  belle  in  Amsterdam,  it  was  full 
in  the  bows,  with  a  pair  of  enormous  cat-heads, 
a  copper  bottom,  and  withal  a  most  prodigious 
poop  ! 

The  architect,  who  was  somewhat  of  a  reli- 
gious man,  far  from  decorating  the  ship  with 
pagan  idols,  such  as  Jupiter,  Neptune,  or  Hercu- 
les (which  heathenish  abominations,  I  have  no 
doubt,  occasion  the  misfortunes  and  shipwreck 
of  many  a  noble  vessel), — he,  I  say  on  the  con- 
trar\-,  did  laudably  erect  for  a  head,  a  goodly 
image  of  St.  Nicholas,  equipped  with  a  low, 
broad-brimmed  hat,  a  huge  pair  of  Flemish 
trunk-hose,  and  a  pipe  that  reached  to  the  end 
of  the  bowsprit.  Thus  gallantly  furnished,  the 
stanch  ship  floated  sideways,  like  a  majestic 
goose,  out  of  the  harbor  of  the  great  city  of 
Amsterdam,  and  all  the  bells,  that  were  not 
otherwise  engaged,  rang  a  triple  bobmajor  on 
the  joyful  occasion. 

My  great-great-grandfather  remarks,  that  the 


114  1bi3tori2  of  IRew  l^orft 

voyage  was  uncommonly  prosperous,  for,  being 
under  the  especial  care  of  the  ever-revered  St. 
Nicholas,  the  Goede  Vrouw  seemed  to  be  en- 
dowed with  qualities  unknown  to  common  ves- 
sels. Thus  she  made  as  much  leeway  as  head- 
way, could  get  along  very  nearly  as  fast  with 
the  wind  ahead  as  when  it  was  a-poop, — and 
was  particularly  great  in  a  calm  ;  in  conse- 
quence of  which  singular  advantages  she  made 
out  to  accomplish  her  voyage  in  a  very  few 
months,  and  came  to  anchor  at  the  mouth  of 
the  Hudson,  a  little  to  the  east  of  Gibbet 
Island. 

Here,  lifting  up  their  eyes,  they  beheld,  on 
what  is  at  present  called  the  Jersey  shore,  a 
small  Indian  village,  pleasantly  embowered  in 
a  grove  of  spreading  elms,  and  the  natives  all 
collected  on  the  beach,  gazing  in  stupid  admira- 
tion at  the  Goede  Vroiiw.  A  boat  was  imme- 
diately despatched  to  enter  into  a  treaty  with 
them,  and  approaching  the  shore,  hailed  them 
through  a  trumpet,  in  the  most  friendly  terms  ; 
but  so  horribly  confounded  were  these  poor 
savages  at  the  tremendous  and  uncouth  sound 
of  the  Ivow-Dutch  language,  that  they  one  and 
all  took  to  their  heels,  and  scampered  over  the 
Bergen  hills  ;  nor  did  they  stop  until  they  had 
buried  themselves,  head  and  ears,  in  the 
marshes  on  the  other  side,  where  they  all  miser- 


B  (Brcat  Dictori^  115 

ably  perished  to  a  man  ; — and  their  bones,  being 
collected  and  decently  covered  by  the  Tammany 
Society  of  that  day,  formed  that  singular  mound 
called  Rattlesnake  Hill,  which  rises  out  of 
the  centre  ot  the  salt  marshes  a  little  to  the  east 
of  the  Newark  Causeway. 

Animated  by  this  unlooked  for  \4ctor}',  our 
valiant  heroes  sprang  ashore  in  triumph,  took 
possession  of  the  soil  as  conquerors,  in  the  name 
of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States- 
General  ;  and,  marching  fearlessly  forward,  car- 
ried the  village  of  Communipaw  by  storm,  not- 
withstanding that  it  was  vigorously  defended 
by  some  half  a  score  of  old  squaws  and  pa- 
pooses. On  looking  about  them  they  were  so 
transported  with  the  excellencies  of  the  place, 
that  they  had  very  little  doubt  the  blessed  St. 
Nicholas  had  guided  them  thither,  as  the  \ery 
spot  whereon  to  settle  their  colony.  The  soft- 
ness of  the  soil  was  wonderfully  adapted  to  the 
driving  of  piles  ;  the  swamps  and  marshes 
around  them  afforded  ample  opportunities  for 
the  constructing  of  dykes  and  dams  ;  the  shal- 
lowness of  the  shore  was  peculiarly  favorable  to 
the  building  of  docks  ; — in  a  word,  this  spot 
abounded  with  all  the  requisites  for  the  founda- 
tion of  a  great  Dutch  city  On  making  a  faith- 
ful report,  therefore,  to  the  crew  of  the  Goede 
Vrouzv,  thev  one  and  all  determined  that  this 


ii6  1bi6tors  ot  IRevv  l^orh 


was  the  destined  end  of  their  voyage.  Accord- 
ingly they  descended  from  the  Goede  Vrouw, 
men,  women,  and  children,  in  goodly  groups, 
as  did  the  animals  of  yore  from  the  ark,  and 
formed  themselves  into  a  thriving  settlement, 
which  they  called  by  the  Indian  name  Commu- 

NIPAW. 

As  all  the  world  is  doubtless  perfectly  ac- 
quainted with  Communipaw,  it  may  seem  some- 
what superfluous  to  treat  of  it  in  the  present 
work  ;  but  my  readers  will  please  to  recollect, 
notwithstanding  it  is  my  chief  desire  to  satisfy 
the  present  age,  yet  I  write  likewise  for  pos- 
terity, and  have  to  consult  the  understanding 
and  curiosity  of  some  half  a  score  of  centuries 
yet  to  come,  by  which  time  perhaps,  were  it  not 
for  this  invaluable  history,  the  great  Communi- 
paw, like  Babylon,  Carthage,  Nineveh,  and 
other  great  cities,  might  be  perfectly  extinct, — 
sunk  and  forgotten  in  its  own  mud, — its  inhabi- 
tants turned  into  oysters,*  and  even  its  situation 
a  fertile  subject  of  learned  controversy  and  hard- 
headed  investigation  among  indefatigable  his- 
torians. Let  me  then  piously  rescue  from  obliv- 
ion the  humble  relics  of  a  place,  which  was  the 
egg  from  whence  was  hatched  the  mighty  city 
of  New  York  ! 

Communipaw  is  at  present  but  a  small  village, 
*  Men  by  inaction  degenerate  into  oysters. — Kaimes. 


Communipaw  "UcgtocB  117 

pleasantly  situated,  among  rural  scenery,  on  that 
beauteous  part  of  the  Jersey  shore  which  was 
known  in  ancient  legends  by  the  name  of  Pa- 
vonia,*  and  commands  a  grand  prospect  of  the 
superb  bay  of  New  York.  It  is  within  but  half 
an  hour's  sail  of  the  latter  place,  provided  you 
have  a  fair  wind,  and  may  be  distinctly  seen 
from  the  city.  Nay,  it  is  a  well-known  fact, 
which  I  can  testify  from  my  own  experience, 
that  on  a  clear,  still  summer  evening,  you  may 
hear,  from  the  Battery  of  New  York,  the  ob- 
streperous peals  of  broad-mouthed  laughter  of 
the  Dutch  negroes  at  Communipaw,  w^ho,  like 
most  other  negroes,  are  famous  for  their  risible 
powers.  This  is  peculiarly  the  case  on  Sunday 
evenings,  when,  it  is  remarked  by  an  ingenious 
and  observant  philosopher,  who  has  made  great 
discoveries  in  the  neighborhood  of  this  city, 
that  they  always  laugh  loudest,  which  he  attrib- 
utes to  the  circumstance  of  their  having  their 
holiday  clothes  on. 

These  negroes,  in  fact,  like  the  monks  of  the 
dark  ages,  engross  all  the  knowledge  of  the 
place,  and  being  infinitely  more  adventurous 
and  more  knowing  than  their  masters,  carry  on 
all  the  foreign  trade  ;  making  frequent  voyages 
to  town  in  canoes  loaded  with  oysters,  butter- 

*  Pavonia,  in  the  ancient  maps,  is  given  to  a  tract  of 
country  extending  from  about  Hoboken  to  Amboy. 


Ti8  1bi6tor^  ot  Iftew  l^ork 

milk,  and  cabbages.  They  are  great  astrologers, 
predicting  the  different  changes  of  weather 
almost  as  accurately  as  an  almanac  ;  they  are 
moreover  exquisite  performers  on  three-stringed 
fiddles  ;  in  whistling  they  almost  boast  the  far- 
famed  powers  of  Orpheus'  lyre,  for  not  a  horse 
or  an  ox  in  the  place,  when  at  the  plough  or 
before  the  wagon,  will  budge  a  foot  until  he 
hears  the  well-known  whistle  of  his  black 
driver  and  companion  ;  and  from  their  amaz- 
ing skill  at  casting  up  accounts  upon  their  fin- 
gers, they  are  regarded  with  as  much  veneration 
as  were  the  disciples  of  Pythagoras  of  yore, 
when  initiated  into  the  sacred  quaternary  of 
numbers. 

As  to  the  honest  burghers  of  Communipaw, 
like  wise  men  and  sound  philosophers,  they 
never  look  beyond  their  pipes,  nor  trouble  their 
heads  about  any  affairs  out  of  their  immediate 
neighborhood  ;  so  that  the}'  live  in  profound 
and  enviable  ignorance  of  all  the  troubles,  anx- 
ieties, and  revolutions  of  this  distracted  planet. 
I  am  even  told  that  many  among  them  do  verily 
believe  that  Holland,  of  which  they  have  heard 
so  much  from  tradition,  is  situated  somewhere 
on  Long  Island, — that  Spikmg-devil  and  the 
Narrows  are  the  two  ends  of  the  world, — that 
the  country  is  still  under  the  dominion  of  their 
High  Mightinesses, — and  that  the  city  of  New 


Communfpavv  ng 


York  still  goes  by  the  name  of  Nieuw  Amster- 
dam. They  meet  every  Saturday  afternoon  at 
the  only  tavern  in  the  place,  which  bears  as  a 
sign  a  square-headed  likeness  of  the  Prince  of 
Orange,  where  they  smoke  a  silent  pipe,  by  way 
of  promoting  social  con\iviality,  and  invariably 
drink  a  mug  of  cider  to  the  success  of  Admiral 
Van  Tromp,  who  they  imagine  is  still  sweeping 
the  British  Channel,  with  a  broom  at  his  mast- 
head. 

Communipaw,  in  short,  is  one  of  the  numer- 
ous little  villages  in  the  vicinity  of  this  most 
beautiful  of  cities,  which  are  so  many  strong- 
holds and  fastnesses,  whither  the  primitive 
manners  of  our  Dutch  forefathers  have  retreated, 
and  where  they  are  cherished  with  devout  and 
scrupulous  strictness.  The  dress  of  the  original 
settlers  is  handed  down  in\'iolate,  from  father  to 
son  :  the  identical  broad-brimmed  hat,  broad- 
skirted  coat,  and  broad-bottomed  breeches,  con- 
tinue from  generation  to  generation  ;  and  sev- 
eral gigantic  knee-buckles  of  massy  silver  are 
still  in  wear,  that  made  gallant  display  in  the 
days  of  the  patriarchs  of  Communipaw.  The 
language  likewise  continues  unadulterated  by 
barbarous  innovations  ;  and  so  critically  correct 
is  the  village  schoolmaster  in  his  dialect,  that  his 
reading  of  a  Low-Dutch  psalm  has  much  the  same 
effect  on  the  nerves  as  the  filing  of  a  hand-saw. 


CHAPTER  III. 

IN  WHICH  IS  SET  FORTH  THE)  TRUE  ART  OF 
MAKING  A  BARGAIN,  TOGETHER  WITH  THE 
MIRACUI.OUS  ESCAPE  OF  A  GREAT  METROPO- 
I.IS  IN  A  FOG,  AND  THE  BIOGRAPHY  OF  CER- 
TAIN HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW. 

HAVING,  in  the  trifling  digression  which 
concluded  the  last  chapter,  discharged  the 
filial  duty  which  the  city  of  New  York  owed  to 
Communipaw,  as  being  the  mother  settlement, 
and  having  given  a  faithful  picture  of  it  as  it 
stands  at  present,  I  return  with  a  soothing  senti- 
ment of  self-approbation,  to  dwell  upon  its  early 
history.  The  crew  of  the  Goede  Vroiiw  being 
soon  reinforced  by  fresh  importations  from 
Holland,  the  settlement  went  jollily  on,  increas- 
ing in  magnitude  and  prosperity.  The  neigh- 
boring Indians  in  a  short  time  became  accus- 
tomed to  the  uncouth  sound  of  the  Dutch 
language,    and   an  intercourse  gradually  took 


H)utcb  meigbte  121 

place  between  them  and  the  new-comers.  The 
Indians  were  much  given  to  long  talks,  and  the 
Dutch  to  long  silence  ; — in  this  particular,  there- 
fore, they  accommodated  each  other  completely. 
The  chiefs  would  make  long  speeches  about  the 
big  bull,  the  Wabash,  and  the  Great  Spirit,  to 
which  the  others  would  listen  very  attentively, 
smoke  their  pipes,  and  grunt  yah,  myn-her, — 
whereat  the  poor  savages  were  wondrously  de- 
lighted. They  instructed  the  new  settlers  in  the 
best  art  of  curing  and  smoking  tobacco,  while 
the  latter,  in  return,  made  them  drunk  with  true 
Hollands — and  then  taught  them  the  art  of 
making  bargains. 

A  brisk  trade  for  furs  was  soon  opened  ;  the 
Dutch  traders  were  scrupulously  honest  in  their 
dealings,  and  purchased  by  weight,  establishing 
it  as  an  invariable  table  of  avoirdupois,  that  the 
hand  of  a  Dutchman  weighed  one  pound,  and 
his  foot  two  pounds.  It  is  true,  the  simple  In- 
dians were  often  puzzled  by  the  great  dispropor- 
tion between  bulk  and  weight,  for  let  them  place 
a  bundle  of  furs,  ever  so  large,  in  one  scale, 
and  a  Dutchman  put  his  hand  or  foot  in  the 
other,  the  bundle  was  sure  to  kick  the  beam  ; — 
never  was  a  package  of  furs  known  to  weigh 
more  than  two  pounds  in  the  market  of  Com- 
munipaw  ! 

This  is  a  singular  fact, — but  I  have  it  direct 


122  Ibistori^  of  IRew  ll)orfi 


from  my  great-great-grandfather,  -who  had  risen 
to  considerable  importance  in  the  colony,  being 
promoted  to  the  office  of  weigh-master,  on  ac- 
count of  the  uncommon  heaviness  of  his  foot. 

The  Dutch  possessions  in  this  part  of  the  globe 
began  now  to  assume  a  very  thriving  appear- 
ance, and  were  comprehended  under  the  gen- 
eral title  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  on  account,  as 
the  sage  Vander  Donck  observes,  of  their  great 
resemblance  to  the  Dutch  Netherlands, — which 
indeed  was  truly  remarkable,  excepting  that  the 
former  were  rugged  and  mountainous,  and  the 
latter  level  and  marshy.  About  this  time  the 
tranquillity  of  the  Dutch  colonists  was  doomed 
to  suffer  a  temporary  interruption.  In  1614, 
Captain  Sir  Samuel  Argal,  sailing  under  a  com- 
mission from  Dale,  Governor  of  Virginia,  visited 
the  Dutch  settlements  on  Hudson  River  and  de- 
manded their  submission  to  the  English  crown 
and  Virginian  dominion.  To  this  arrogant  de- 
mand, as  they  were  in  no  condition  to  resist  it, 
they  submitted  for  the  time,  like  discreet  and 
reasonable  men. 

It  does  not  appear  that  the  valiant  Argal 
molested  the  settlement  of  Communipaw ;  on 
the  contrary,  I  am  told  that  when  his  vessel 
first  hove  in  sight,  the  worthy  burghers  were 
seized  with  such  a  panic,  that  they  fell  to  smok- 
ing their  pipes  with  astonishing  vehemence  ;  in- 


©loffe  Dan  IkortlanOt  123 

somucii  that  they  quickly  raised  a  cloud,  which, 
combining  with  the  surrounding  woods  and 
marshes,  completely  enveloped  and  concealed 
their  beloved  village,  and  overhung  the  fair  re- 
gions of  Pavonia, — so  that  the  terrible  Captain 
Argal  passed  on,  totally  unsuspicious  that  a 
sturdy  little  Dutch  settlement  lay  snugly  couched 
in  the  mud,  under  cover  of  all  this  pestilent 
vapor.  In  commemoration  of  this  fortunate 
escape,  the  worthy  inhabitants  have  continued 
to  smoke,  almost  without  intermission,  unto 
this  very  day  ;  which  is  said  to  be  the  cause  of 
the  remarkable  fog  which  often  hangs  over 
Communipaw  of  a  clear  afternoon. 

Upon  the  departure  of  the  enemy,  our  worthy 
ancestors  took  full  six  months  to  recover  their 
wind  and  get  over  the  consternation  into  which 
they  had  been  thrown.  They  then  called  a 
council  of  safety  to  smoke  over  the  state  of  the 
pro\'ince.  At  this  council  presided  one  Oloffe 
Van  Kortlandt,  a  person  who  was  held  in  great 
reverence  among  the  sages  of  Communipaw  for 
the  variety  and  darkness  of  his  knowledge.  He 
had  originally  been  one  of  a  set  of  peripatetic 
philosophers  who  passed  much  of  their  time 
sunning  themselves  on  the  side  of  the  great 
canal  of  Amsterdam  in  Holland  ;  enjoying,  like 
Diogenes,  a  free  and  unencumbered  estate  in 
sunshine.     His  name,  Kortlandt  (Shortland  or 


1^4  Ibistori?  of  IRew  ^otk 


I^ackland),  was  supposed,  like  that  of  the  illus- 
trious Jean  Sansterre,  to  indicate  that  he  had 
?w  land;  but  he  insisted,  on  the  contrary,  that 
he  had  great  landed  estates  somewhere  in  Terra 
Incognita  ;  and  he  had  come  out  to  the  new 
world  to  look  after  them.  He  was  the  first 
great  land-speculator  that  we  read  of  in  these 
parts. 

Ivike  all  land-speculators,  he  was  much  given 
to  dreaming.  Never  did  any  thing  extraordinary 
happen  at  Communipaw  but  he  declared  that  he 
had  previously  dreamt  it,  being  one  of  those 
infallible  prophets  who  predict  events  after  they 
have  come  to  pass.  This  supernatural  gift  was 
as  highly  valued  among  the  burghers  of  Pavo- 
nia  as  among  the  enlightened  nations  of  an- 
tiquity. The  wise  Ulysses  was  more  indebted  to 
his  sleeping  than  his  waking  moments  for  his 
most  subtle  achievements,  and  seldom  under- 
took any  great  exploit  without  first  soundly 
sleeping  upon  it ;  and  the  same  may  be  said  of 
Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  who  was  thence  aptly 
denominated  Oloffe  the  Dreamer. 

As  yet  his  dreams  and  speculations  had  turned 
to  little  personal  profit ;  and  he  was  as  much  a 
lack-land  as  ever.  Still  he  carried  a  high  head 
in  the  community  ;  if  his  sugar-loaf  hat  was 
rather  the  worse  for  wear,  he  set  it  off  with  a 
taller  cock's-tail ;  if  his  shirt  was  none  of  the 


©loffe'6  ©ream  125 

cleanest,  he  puffed  it  out  the  more  at  the  bosom  ; 
and  if  the  tail  of  it  peeped  out  of  a  hole  in  his 
breeches,  it  at  least  proved  that  it  really  had  a 
tail  and  was  not  mere  ruffle. 

The  worthy  Van  Kortlandt,  in  the  council  in 
question,  urged  the  policy  of  emerging  from 
the  swamps  of  Communipaw  and  seeking  some 
more  eligible  site  for  the  seat  of  empire.  Such, 
he  said,  was  the  advice  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas, 
who  had  appeared  to  him  in  a  dream  the  night 
before  ;  and  whom  he  had  known  by  his  broad 
hat,  his  long  pipe,  and  the  resemblance  which 
he  bore  to  the  figure  on  the  bow  of  the  Goede 
Vrouw. 

Many  have  thought  this  dream  was  a  mere 
invention  of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  who,  it  is 
said,  had  ever  regarded  Communipaw  with  an 
evil  eye  because  he  had  arrived  there  after  all 
the  land  had  been  shared  out,  and  who  was 
anxious  to  change  the  seat  of  empire  to  some 
new  place,  where  he  might  be  present  at  the 
distribution  of  "town  lots."  But  we  must  not 
give  heed  to  such  insinuations,  which  are  too 
apt  to  be  advanced  against  those  worthy  gentle- 
men engaged  in  laying  out  towns,  and  in  other 
land-speculations.  For  my  own  part,  I  am  dis- 
posed to  place  the  same  implicit  faith  in  the 
vision  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer  that  was  manifested 
by  the  honest  burghers  of  Communipaw,  who 


126  Ibistorg  of  IRew  ll?ork 

one  and  all  agreed  that  an  expedition  should  be 
forthwith  fitted  out  to  go  on  a  voyage  of  dis- 
covery in  quest  of  a  new  seat  of  empire. 

This  perilous  enterprise  was  to  be  conducted 
by  Oloffe  himself;  who  chose  as  lieutenants  or 
coadjutors  Mynheers  Abraham  Hardenbroeck, 
Jacobus  Van  Zandt,  and  Winant  Ten  Broeck, — 
three  indubitably  great  men,  but  of  whose  his- 
tory, although  I  have  made  diligent  inquiry,  I 
can  learn  but  little  previous  to  their  leaving 
Holland.  Nor  need  this  occasion  much  sur- 
prise, for  adventurers,  like  prophets,  though 
they  make  great  noise  abroad,  have  seldom 
much  celebrity  in  their  own  countries  ;  but  this 
much  is  certain,  that  the  overflowings  and  off- 
scourings of  a  country  are  invariably  composed 
of  the  richest  parts  of  the  soil.  And  here  I  can- 
not help  remarking  how  convenient  it  would  be 
to  many  of  our  great  men  and  great  families  of 
doubtful  origin,  could  they  have  the  privilege 
of  the  heroes  of  yore,  who,  whenever  their 
origin  was  involved  in  obscurity,  modestly  an- 
nounced themselves  descended  from  a  god, — 
and  who  never  visited  a  foreign  country  but 
what  they  told  some  cock-and-bull  stories  about 
their  being  kings  and  princes  at  home.  This 
venal  trespass  on  the  truth,  though  it  has  been 
occasionally  played  off  by  some  pseudo-marquis, 
baronet,  and  other  illustrious  foreigner,  in  our 


©loffe'6  Coadjutors  127 

land  of  good-natured  credulity,  has  been  com- 
pletely discountenanced  in  this  skeptical,  mat- 
ter-of-fact age  ;  and  I  even  question  whether 
any  tender  ^4rgin,  who  was  accidentally  and 
unaccountably  enriched  with  a  bantling,  would 
save  her  character  at  parlor  firesides  and  eve- 
ning tea-parties  by  ascribing  the  phenomenon 
to  a  swan,  a  shower  of  gold,  or  a  river  god. 

Had  I  the  benefit  of  mythology  and  classic 
fable  above  alluded  to,  I  should  have  furnished 
the  first  of  the  trio  with  a  pedigree  equal  to  that 
of  the  proudest  hero  of  antiquity.  His  name. 
Van  Zandt,  that  is  to  sax,  from  the  sand,  or,  in 
common  parlance,  from  the  dirt,  gave  reason  to 
suppose  that,  like  Triptolemus,  Themes,  the 
Cyclops,  and  the  Titans,  he  had  sprung  from 
Dame  Terra,  or  the  earth  !  This  supposition  is 
strongly  corroborated  by  his  size,  for  it  is  well 
known  that  all  the  progeny  of  mother  earth 
were  of  a  gigantic  stature  ;  and  Van  Zandt,  we 
are  told,  was  a  tall,  raw-boned  man,  about  six 
feet  high,  with  an  astonishingly  hard  head. 
Nor  is  this  origin  of  the  illustrious  Van  Zandt  a 
whit  more  improbable  or  repugnant  to  belief 
than  what  is  related  and  universally  admitted 
of  certain  of  our  greatest,  or  rather  richest  men  ; 
who,  we  are  told  with  the  utmost  gra\'ity,  did 
originally  spring  from  a  dunghill  ! 

Of  the  second  of  the  trio  but  faint  accounts 


128  1blstori2  of  IRew  l^orft 

have  reached  to  this  time,  which  mention  that 
he  was  a  sturdy,  obstinate,  worrying,  bustling 
little  man  ;  and,  from  being  usually  equipped 
in  an  old  pair  of  buckskins,  was  familiarly 
dubbed  Harden  Broeck — that  is  to  say.  Hard  in 
the  Breech,  or,  as  it  was  generally  rendered. 
Tough  Breeches. 

Ten  Broeck  completed  this  junto  of  adven- 
turers. It  is  a  singular  but  ludicrous  fact, — 
which,  were  I  not  scrupulous  in  recording  the 
whole  truth,  I  should  almost  be  tempted  to  pass 
over  in  silence  as  incompatible  with  the  gravity 
and  dignity  of  history, — that  this  worthy  gentle- 
man should  likewise  have  been  nicknamed 
from  what  in  modern  times  is  considered  the 
most  ignoble  part  of  the  dress.  But  in  truth 
the  small-clothes  seems  to  have  been  a  very 
dignified  garment  in  the  eyes  of  our  venerated 
ancestors,  in  all  probability  from  its  covering 
that  part  of  the  body  which  has  been  pro- 
nounced "  the  seat  of  honor." 

The  name  of  Ten  Broeck,  or,  as  it  was  some- 
times spelled,  Tin  Broeck,  has  been  indifferently 
translated  into  Ten  Breeches  and  Tin  Breeches. 
Certain  elegant  and  ingenious  writers  on  the 
subject  declare  in  favor  of  Tin,  or  rather  Thin 
Breeches  ;  w^hence  they  infer  that  the  original 
bearer  of  it  was  a  poor  but  merry  rogue,  whose 
galligaskins  were   none  of  the  soundest,  and 


Zen  :©roccft  129 


who,  peradventure,  may  have  been  the  author 

of  that  truly  philosophical  stanza  : 

"  Then  whj'  should  we  quarrel  for  riches, 
Or  any  such  glittering  toys  ; 
A  light  heart  and  thin  pair  of  breeches, 
Will  go  through  the  world,  my  brave  boys  !  " 

The  more  accurate  commentators,  however, 
declare  in  favor  of  the  other  reading,  and  affirm 
that  the  worthy  in  question  was  a  burly,  bul- 
bous man,  who  in  sheer  ostentation  of  his  ven- 
erable progenitors,  was  the  first  to  introduce 
into  the  settlement  the  ancient  Dutch  fashion 
of  ten  pair  of  breeches. 

Such  was  the  trio  of  coadjutors  chosen  by 
Olofife  the  Dreamer  to  accompany  him  in  this 
vovage  into  unknown  realms  ;  as  to  the  names 
of  his  crews,  they  have  not  been  handed  down 
by  history. 

Ha^dng,  as  I  before  observed,  passed  much  of 
his  life  in  the  open  air,  among  the  peripatetic 
philosophers  of  Amsterdam,  Olofife  had  be- 
come familiar  with  the  aspect  of  the  heavens, 
and  could  as  accurately  determine  when  a  storm 
was  brewing  or  a  squall  rising,  as  a  dutiful  hus- 
band can  foresee,  from  the  brow  of  his  spouse, 
when  a  tempest  is  gathering  about  his  ears. 
Having  pitched  upon  a  time  for  his  voyage 
when  the  skies  appeared  propitious,  he  exhort- 


:30 


tbietor^  ot  IRew  l^orK 


ed  all  his  crews  to  take  a  good  night's  rest, 
wind  up  their  family  affairs,  and  make  their 
wills  ;  precautions  taken  by  our  forefathers 
even  in  after-times  when  they  became  more 
adventurous,  and  voyaged  to  Haverstraw,  or 
Kaatskill,  or  Groodt  Esopus,  or  any  other  far 
country,  beyond  the  great  waters  of  the  Tap- 
paan  Zee. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

HOW  THE  HEROES  OF  COMMUXIPAW  VOYAGED 
TO  HELL-GATE,  AND  HOW  THEY  WERE  RE- 
CEn^ED  THERE. 

AND  now  the  rosy  blush  of  morn  began  to 
mantle  in  the  east,  and  soon  the  rising 
sun,  emerging  from  amidst  golden  and  purple 
clouds,  shed  his  blithesome  rays  on  the  tin  weath- 
ercocks of  Communipaw.  It  was  that  delicious 
season  of  the  year,  when  nature,  breaking  from 
the  chilling  thraldom  of  old  winter,  like  a 
blooming  damsel  from  the  tyranny  of  a  sordid 
old  father,  threw  herself,  blushing  with  ten 
thousand  charms,  into  the  arms  of  youthful 
spring.  Every  tufted  copse  and  blooming 
grove  resounded  with  the  notes  of  hymeneal 
love.  The  very  insects,  as  they  sipped  the  dev/ 
that  gemmed  the  tender  grass  of  the  meadow, 
joined  in  the  joyous  epithalamium, — the  virgin 
bud  timidly  put  forth  its  blushes,  "  the  voice  of 
the  turtle  was  heard  in  the  land,"  and  the 
heart  of  man   dissolved   away   in    tenderness. 


[32  Ibistorg  ot  IRew  HJork 


Oh  !  sweet  Theocritus  !  had  I  thine  oaten  reed, 
wherewith  thou  erst  did  charm  the  gay  vSicilian 
plains  ; — or  oh  !  gentle  Bion  !  thy  pastoral  pipe, 
wherein  the  happy  swains  of  the  Lesbian  isle 
so  much  delighted,  then  might  I  attempt  to 
sing,  in  soft  Bucolic  or  negligent  Idyllium,  the 
rural  beauties  of  the  scene ; — but  having  noth- 
ing, save  this  jaded  goose-quill,  wherewith  to 
wing  my  flight,  I  must  fain  resign  all  poetic 
disportings  of  the  fancy  and  pursue  my  narra- 
tive in  humble  prose ;  comforting  myself  with 
the  hope  that,  though  it  may  not  steal  so 
sweetly  upon  the  imagination  of  my  reader, 
yet  it  may  commend  itself  with  virgin  modesty 
to  his  better  judgment,  clothed  in  the  chaste 
and  simple  garb  of  truth. 

No  sooner  did  the  first  rays  of  cheerful  Phoebus 
dart  into  the  windows  of  Communipaw,  than 
the  little  settlement  was  all  in  motion.  Forth 
issued  from  his  castle  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt, 
and  seizing  a  conch  shell,  blew  a  far  resounding 
blast,  that  soon  summoned  all  his  lusty  follow- 
ers. Then  did  they  trudge  resolutely  down  to 
the  water-side,  escorted  by  a  multitude  of  rela- 
tives and  friends,  who  all  went  down,  as  the 
common  phrase  expresses  it,  "to  see  them  off." 
And  this  shows  the  antiquity  of  those  long 
family  processions,  often  seen  in  our  city,  com- 
posed of  all  ages,  sizes,  and  sexes,  laden  wath 


1bow  tbe  1[6lanD6  Came  133 

bundles  and  bandboxes,  escorting  some  hevj 
of  country  cousins,  about  to  depart  for  home  in 
a  market-boat. 

The  good  Oloffe  bestowed  his  forces  in  a 
squadron  of  three  canoes,  and  hoisted  his  flag 
on  board  a  little  round  Dutch  boat,  shaped  not 
unlike  a  tub,  which  had  formerly  been  the  jolly- 
boat  of  the  Goede  Vroiiw.  And  now,  all  being 
embarked,  they  bade  farewell  to  the  gazing 
throng  upon  the  beach,  who  continued  shouting 
after  them,  even  when  out  of  hearing,  wishing 
them  a  happy  voyage,  ad\4sing  them  to  take 
good  care  of  themselves  not  to  get  drowned, — 
with  an  abundance  other  of  those  sage  and  in- 
valuable cautions,  generally  given  by  landsmen 
to  such  as  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships,  and  ad- 
venture upon  the  deep  waters.  In  the  mean- 
while the  voyagers  cheerily  urged  their  course 
across  the  cr\-stal  bosom  of  the  bay,  and  soon 
left  behind  them  the  green  shores  of  ancient 
Pavonia. 

And  first  they  touched  at  two  small  islands 
which  lay  nearly  opposite  Communipaw,  and 
which  are  said  to  have  been  brought  into  exist- 
ence about  the  time  of  the  great  irruption  of  the 
Hudson,  when  it  broke  through  the  Highlands 
and  made  its  way  to  the  ocean.*     For  in  this 

*  It  is  a  matter  long  since  established  by  certain  of  our 
philosophers,— that  is  to  say,  having   been    often   ad- 


134  Ibistors  of  1Rew  l^ork 


tremendous  uproar  of  the  waters,  we  are  told 
that  many  huge  fragments  of  rock  and  land 
were  rent  from  the  mountains  and  swept  down 
by  this  runaway  river,  for  sixty  or  seventy 
miles  ;  where  some  of  them  ran  aground  on  the 
shoals  just  opposite  Communipaw,  and  formed 
the  identical  islands  in  question,  while  others 
drifted  out  to  sea,  and  were  never  heard  of 
more  !  A  sufficient  proof  of  the  fact  is,  that  the 
rock  which  forms  the  bases  of  these  islands  is 
exactly  similar  to  that  of  the  Highlands,  and, 
moreover,  one  of  our  philosophers,  who  has 
diligently  compared  the  agreement  of  their 
respective  surfaces,  has  even  gone  so  far  as  to 
assure  me,  in  confidence,  that  Gibbet  Island 
was  originally  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a 
wart  on  Anthony's  Nose.* 

Leaving  these  wonderful  little  isles,  they  next 
coasted  by  Governor's  Island,  since  terrible  from 
its    frowning   fortress   and  grinning  batteries. 

vanced,  and  never  contradicted,  it  has  g^own  to  be 
pretty  nigh  equal  to  a  settled  fact, — that  the  Hudson  was 
originally  a  lake  dammed  up  by  the  mountains  of  the 
Highlands.  In  process  of  time,  however,  becoming  very 
mighty  and  obstreperous,  and  the  mountains  waxing 
pursy,  dropsical,  and  weak  in  the  back,  by  reason  of 
their  extreme  old  age,  it  suddenly  rose  upon  them,  and 
after  a  violent  struggle  effected  its  escape.  This  is  said 
to  have  come  to  pass  in  very  remote  time,  probably 
before  that  rivers  had  lost  the  art  of  running  uphill. 
The  foregoing  is  a  theory  in  which  I  do  not  pretend  to 
be  skilled,  notwithstanding  that  I  do  fully  give  it  my 
belief. 
*  A  promontorj'  in  the  Highlands. 


B  (3oo0  ©men  135 

They  would  by  no  means,  however,  land  upon 
this  island,  since  they  doubted  much  it  might  be 
the  abode  of  demons  and  spirits,  which  in  those 
days  did  greatly  abound  throughout  this  savage 
and  pagan  country. 

Just  at  this  time  a  shoal  of  jolly  porpoises 
came  rolling  and  tumbling  by,  turning  up  their 
sleek  sides  to  the  sun,  and  spouting  up  the  briny 
element  in  sparkling  showers.  No  sooner  did 
the  sage  OlofFe  mark  this  than  he  was  greatly 
rejoiced.  "This,"  exclaimed  he,  "if  I  mistake 
not,  augurs  well  :  the  porpoise  is  a  fat,  well- 
conditioned  fish, — a  burgomaster  among  fishes, 
— his  looks  betoken  ease,  plenty,  and  prosperity ; 
I  greatly  admire  this  round  fat  fish,  and  doubt 
not  but  this  is  a  happy  omen  of  the  success  of 
our  undertaking."  So  saying,  he  directed  his 
squadron  to  steer  in  the  track  of  these  alderman 
fishes. 

Turning,  therefore,  directly  to  the  left,  they 
swept  up  the  strait  vulgarly  called  the  East 
River.  And  here  the  rapid  tide  which  courses 
through  this  strait,  seizing  on  the  gallant  tub 
in  which  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt  had  em- 
barked, hurried  it  forward  with  a  velocity 
unparalleled  in  a  Dutch  boat,  navigated  by 
Dutchmen  ;  insomuch  that  the  good  commo- 
dore,  who  had  all  his  life-long  been  accustomed 
only  to  the  drowsy  navigation  of  canals,  was 


136  tbistorg  of  Haew  ^ovk 

more  than  ever  convinced  that  they  were  in  the 
hands  of  some  supernatural  power,  and  that  the 
jolly  porpoises  were  towing  them  to  some  fair 
haven  that  was  to  fulfil  all  their  wishes  and 
expectations. 

Thus  borne  away  by  the  resistless  current, 
they  doubled  that  boisterous  point  of  land  since 
called  Corlear's  Hook,*  and  lea\-ing  to  the  right 
the  rich  winding  cove  of  the  Wallabout,  they 
drifted  into  a  magnificent  expanse  of  water, 
surrounded  by  pleasant  shores,  whose  verdure 
was  exceedingly  refreshing  to  the  eye.  While 
the  voyagers  were  looking  around  them,  on 
what  they  conceived  to  be  a  serene  and  sunny 
lake,  they  beheld  at  a  distance  a  crew  of  painted 
savages,  busily  employed  in  fishing,  who  seemed 
more  like  the  genii  of  this  romantic  region, 
— their  slender  canoe  lightly  balanced  like  a 
feather  on  the  undulating  surface  of  the  bay. 

At  sight  of  these  the  hearts  of  the  heroes  of 
Communipaw  were  not  a  little  troubled.  But 
as  good-fortune  would  have  it,  at  the  bow  of  the 
commodore's  boat  was  stationed  a  very  valiant 
man,  named  Hendrick  Kip  (which,  being  inter- 
preted, means  chicken,  a  name  given  him  in 
token  of  his  courage).  No  sooner  did  he  behold 
these  varlet  heathens  than  he  trembled  with 
excessive  valor,  and  although  a  good  half-mile 
*  Properly  spelt  hoeck  {i.  e.,  a  point  of  land). 


1kip*e  :Ba^  137 


distant,  he  seized  a  musketoon  that  lay  at  hand, 
and  turning  away  his  head,  fired  it  most  in- 
trepidly in  the  face  of  the  blessed  sun.  The 
blundering  weapon  recoiled  and  gave  the  val- 
iant Kip  an  ignominious  kick,  which  laid  him 
prostrate  with  uplifted  heels  in  the  bottom  of 
the  boat.  But  such  was  the  effect  of  this  tre- 
mendous fire,  that  the  wild  men  of  the  woods, 
struck  with  consternation,  seized  hastily  upon 
their  paddles,  and  shot  away  into  one  of  the 
deep  inlets  of  the  Long  Island  shore. 

This  signal  victory  gave  new  spirits  to  the 
voyagers ;  and  in  honor  of  the  achievement 
they  gave  the  name  of  the  valiant  Kip  to  the 
surrounding  bay,  and  it  has  continued  to  be 
called  Kip's  Bay  from  that  time  to  the  present. 
The  heart  of  the  good  Van  Kortlandt — who, 
ha\-ing  no  land  of  his  own,  was  a  great  admirer 
of  other  people's — expanded  to  the  full  size  of 
a  peppercorn  at  the  sumptuous  prospect  of  rich 
unsettled  country  around  him,  and  falling  into 
a  delicious  revery,  he  straightway  began  to  riot 
in  the  possession  of  vast  meadows  of  salt  marsh 
and  interminable  patches  of  cabbages.  From 
this  delectable  vision  he  was  all  at  once  awak- 
ened by  the  sudden  turning  of  the  tide,  which 
would  soon  have  hurried  him  from  this  land  of 
promise,  had  not  the  discreet  navigator  given 
signal  to  steer  for  shore  ;  where  they  according- 


138  Ibistors  ot  IRcw  l^orft 

ly  landed  hard  by  the  rocky  heights  of  Belle- 
vue, — that  happy  retreat,  where  our  jolly  alder- 
men eat  for  the  good  of  the  city,  and  fatten  the 
turtle  that  are  sacrificed  on  civic  solemnities. 

Here,  seated  on  the  greensward,  by  the  side  of 
a  small  stream  that  ran  sparkling  among  the 
grass,  they  refreshed  themselves  after  the  toils 
of  the  seas,  by  feasting  lustily  on  the  ample 
stores  which  they  had  provided  for  this  perilous 
voyage.  Thus  having  well  fortified  their  de- 
liberative powers,  they  fell  into  an  earnest  con- 
sultation, what  was  further  to  be  done.  This 
was  the  first  council  dinner  ever  eaten  at  Belle- 
vue  by  Christian  burghers  ;  and  here,  as  the 
tradition  relates,  did  originate  the  great  family 
feud  between  the  Hardenbroecks  and  the  Ten- 
Broecks,  which  afterwards  had  a  singular  influ- 
ence on  the  building  of  the  city.  The  sturdy 
Hardenbroek,  whose  eyes  had  been  wondrously 
delighted  with  the  salt  marshes  which  spread 
their  reeking  bosoms  along  the  coast,  at  the 
bottom  of  Kip's  Bay,  counselled  by  all  means 
to  return  thither,  and  found  the  intended  city. 
This  was  strenuously  opposed  by  the  unbend- 
ing Ten  Broeck,  and  many  testy  arguments 
passed  between  them.  The  particulars  of  this 
controversy  have  not  reached  us,  which  is  ever 
to  be  lamented  ;  this  much  is  certain,  that  the 
sage  Olofle  put  an  end  to  the  dispute  b}^  deter- 


ZbvouQb  tbe  Bast  TRiver  139 

mining  to  explore  still  farther  in  the  route 
which  the  mysterious  porpoises  had  so  clearly 
pointed  out ; — whereupon  the  sturdy  Tough 
Breeches  abandoned  the  expedition,  took  pos- 
session of  a  neighboring  hill,  and  in  a  fit  of 
great  wrath  peopled  all  that  tract  of  country, 
which  has  continued  to  be  inhabited  by  the 
Hardenbroecks  unto  this  very  day. 

By  this  time  the  jolly  Phoebus,  like  some 
wanton  urchin  sporting  on  the  side  of  a  green 
hill,  began  to  roll  down  the  declivity  of  the 
heavens  ;  and  now,  the  tide  having  once  more 
turned  in  their  favor,  the  Pavonians  again  com- 
mitted themselves  to  its  discretion,  and  coasting 
along  the  western  shores,  were  borne  towards 
the  straits  of  Blackwell's  Island. 

And  here  the  capricious  wanderings  of  the 
current  occasioned  not  a  little  marvel  and  per- 
plexity to  these  illustrious  mariners.  Now 
would  they  be  caught  by  the  wanton  eddies, 
and,  sweeping  round  a  jutting  point,  would 
wind  deep  into  some  romantic  little  cove,  that 
indented  the  fair  island  of  Manuahata  ;  now 
were  they  hurried  narrowly  by  the  very  bases  of 
impending  rocks,  mantled  with  the  flaunting 
grape-vine,  and  crowned  with  groves  which 
threw  a  broad  shade  on  the  waves  beneath  ;  and 
anon  they  were  borne  away  into  the  mid-chan- 
nel and  wafted  along  with  a  rapidity  that  very 


140  Ibistorg  of  IRew  \^ovk 

much  discomposed  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt, 
who,  as  he  saw  the  land  swiftly  receding  on 
either  side,  began  exceedingly  to  doubt  that 
terra  jirma  was  giving  them  the  slip. 

Wherever  the  voyagers  turned  their  eyes,  a 
new  creation  seemed  to  bloom  around.  No 
signs  of  human  thrift  appeared  to  check  the 
delicious  wildness  of  nature,  who  here  revelled 
in  all  her  luxuriant  variety.  Those  hills,  now 
bristled,  like  the  fretful  porcupine,  with  rows  of 
poplars  (vain  upstart  plants  !  minions  of  wealth 
and  fashion  !)  were  then  adorned  with  the  vigor- 
ous natives  of  the  soil — the  lordly  oak,  the  gen- 
erous chestnut,  the  graceful  elm, — while  here 
and  there  the  tulip-tree  reared  its  majestic  head, 
the  giant  of  the  forest.  Where  now  are  seen 
the  gay  retreats  of  luxury, — villas  half  buried 
in  twilight  bowers,  whence  the  amorous  flute 
oft  breathes  the  sighings  of  some  city  swain, — 
there  the  fish-hawk  built  his  solitary  nest  on 
some  dry  tree  that  overlooked  his  watery  do- 
main. The  timid  deer  fed  undisturbed  along 
those  shores  now  hallowed  by  the  lovers'  moon- 
light walk,  and  printed  by  the  slender  foot  of 
beauty  ;  and  a  savage  solitude  extended  over 
those  happy  regions,  where  now^  are  reared  the 
stately  towers  of  the  Joneses,  the  Schermer- 
homes,  and  the  Rhinelanders. 

Thus  gliding  in  silent  wonder  through  these 


laitcbinQ  Scenes  141 

new  and  unknown  scenes,  the  gallant  squadron 
of  Pavonia  swept  by  the  foot  of  a  promontory, 
which  strutted  forth  boldly  into  the  waves,  and 
seemed  to  frown  upon  them  as  they  brawled 
against  its  base.  This  is  the  bluff  well  known 
to  modern  mariners  by  the  name  of  Grade's 
Point,  from  the  fair  castle  which,  like  an  ele- 
phant, it  carries  upon  its  back.  And  here  broke 
upon  their  view  a  wild  and  varied  prospect, 
where  land  and  water  were  beauteously  inter- 
mingled, as  though  they  had  combined  to 
heighten  and  set  off  each  other's  charms.  To 
the  right  lay  the  sedgy  point  of  Blackwell's 
Island,  drest  in  the  fresh  garniture  of  living 
green, — beyond  it  stretched  the  pleasant  coast 
of  Sundswick,  and  the  small  harbor  well  known 
by  the  name  of  Hallet's  Cove, — a  place  infa- 
mous in  latter  days  by  reason  of  its  being  the 
haunt  of  pirates  who  infest  these  seas,  robbing 
orchards  and  watermelon  patches,  and  insult- 
ing gentlemen  navigators,  when  voyaging  in 
their  pleasure-boats.  To  the  left  a  deep  bay,  or 
rather  creek,  gracefully  receded  between  shores 
fringed  with  forests,  and  forming  a  kind  of 
vista,  through  which  were  beheld  the  silvan  re- 
gions of  Haerlem,  Morrisania,  and  East  Ches- 
ter. Here  the  eye  reposed  wnth  delight  on  a 
richly  wooded  country,  diversified  by  tufted 
knolls,  shadowy  intervals,  and  waving  lines  of 


142  Ibietori?  of  IRcw  )^ork 

upland,  swelling  above  each  other,  while  over 
the  whole  the  purple  mists  of  spring  diffused  a 
hue  of  soft  voluptuousness. 

Just  before  them  the  grand  course  of  the 
stream,  making  a  sudden  bend,  wound  among 
embowered  promontories  and  shores  of  emerald 
verdure,  that  seemed  to  melt  into  the  wave.  A 
character  of  gentleness  and  mild  fertility  pre- 
vailed around.  The  sun  had  just  descended, 
and  the  thin  haze  of  twilight,  like  a  transparent 
veil  drawn  over  the  bosom  of  virgin  beauty, 
heightened  the  charms  which  it  half  concealed. 

Ah  !  witching  scenes  of  foul  delusion  !  Ah  ! 
hapless  voyagers,  gazing  with  simple  wonder  on 
these  Circean  shores  !  Such,  alas  !  are  they, 
poor  easy  souls,  who  listen  to  the  seductions  of 
a  wicked  world, — treacherous  are  its  smiles  ! 
fatal  its  caresses  !  He  who  yields  to  its  entice- 
ments launches  upon  a  whelming  tide,  and 
trusts  his  feeble  bark  among  the  dimpling 
eddies  of  a  whirlpool !  And  thus  it  fared  with 
the  worthies  of  Pavonia,  who,  little  mistrusting 
the  guileful  scene  before  them,  drifted  quietly 
on,  until  they  were  aroused  by  an  uncommon 
tossing  and  agitation  of  their  vessels.  For  now 
the  late  dimpling  current  began  to  brawl  around 
them,  and  the  waves  to  boil  and  foam  with 
horrific  fury.  Awakened  as  if  from  a  dream, 
the  astonished  Oloffe  bawled  aloud  to  put  about. 


■fcellsGate  143 


but  his  words  were  lost  amid  the  roaring  of  the 
waters.  And  now  ensued  a  scene  of  direful  con- 
sternation. At  one  time  they  were  borne  with 
dreadful  velocity  among  tumultuous  breakers  ; 
at  another,  hurried  down  boisterous  rapids. 
Now  they  were  nearly  dashed  upon  the  Hen 
and  Chickens  (infamous  rocks  ! — more  vora- 
cious than  Scylla  and  her  whelps)  ;  and  anon 
they  seemed  sinking  into  yawning  gulfs,  that 
threatened  to  entomb  them  beneath  the  waves. 
All  the  elements  combined  to  produce  a  hideous 
confusion.  The  waters  raged,  the  winds  howled ; 
and  as  they  were  hurried  along,  several  of  the  as- 
tonished mariners  beheld  the  rocks  and  trees  of 
the  neighboring  shores  driving  through  the  air  ! 

At  length  the  mighty  tub  of  Commodore  Van 
Kortlandt  was  drawn  into  the  vortex  of  that 
tremendous  whirlpool  called  the  Pot,  where  it 
was  whirled  about  in  giddy  mazes,  until  the 
senses  of  the  good  commander  and  his  crew 
were  overpowered  by  the  horror  of  the  scene 
and  the  strangeness  of  the  revolution. 

How  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  was 
snatched  from  the  jaws  of  this  modern  Charyb- 
dis,  has  never  been  truly  made  known,  for  so 
many  survived  to  tell  the  tale,  and,  what  is  still 
more  wonderful,  told  it  in  so  many  different 
ways,  that  there  has  ever  prevailed  a  great 
variety  of  opinions  on  the  subject. 


144  1bi6tori2  ot  IRew  lt)orft 


As  to  the  commodore  and  his  crew,  when  they 
came  to  their  senses  they  found  themselves 
stranded  on  the  Long  Island  shore.  Tne  worthy 
commodore,  indeed,  used  to  relate  many  and 
wonderful  stories  of  his  adventures  in  this  time 
of  peril :  how  that  he  saw  spectres  flying  in  the 
air,  and  heard  the  yelling  of  hobgoblins,  and 
put  his  hand  into  the  Pot  when  they  were 
whirled  round,  and  found  the  water  scalding 
hot,  and  beheld  several  uncouth-looking  beings 
seated  on  rocks  and  skimming  it  with  huge 
ladles  ;  but  particularly  he  declared  with  great 
exultation,  that  he  saw  the  losel  porpoises, 
which  had  betrayed  them  into  this  peril,  some 
broiling  on  the  Gridiron,  and  others  hissing  on 
the  Frying-pan  ! 

These,  however,  were  considered  by  many  as 
mere  fantasies  of  the  commodore,  while  he  lay 
in  a  trance ;  especially  as  he  was  known  to  be 
given  to  dreaming  ;  and  the  truth  of  them  has 
never  been  clearly  ascertained.  It  is  certain, 
however,  that  to  the  accounts  of  OlofFe  and  his 
followers  may  be  traced  the  various  traditions 
handed  down  of  this  marvellous  strait :  as  how 
the  Devil  has  been  seen  there,  sitting  astride  of 
the  Hog's  Back  and  playing  on  the  fiddle, — 
how  he  broils  fish  there  before  a  storm;  and 
many  other  stories  in  which  we  must  be  cau- 
tious of  putting  too  much  faith.   In  consequence 


1 


Dclle*(3at  145 


of  all  these  terrific  circumstances,  the  Pavonian 
commander  gave  this  pass  the  name  of  Helle- 
gat^  or,  as  it  has  been  interpreted,  Hell-Gate  *  ; 
which  it  continues  to  bear  at  the  present  day. 

*  This  is  a  narrow  strait  in  the  Sound,  at  the  distance 
of  six  miles  above  New  York.  It  is  dangerous  to  ship- 
ping, unless  under  the  care  of  skilful  pilots,  by  reason  of 
numerous  rocks,  shelves,  and  whirlpools.  These  have 
received  sundrj'  appellations,  such  as  the  Gridiron,  Fr^'- 
ing-pan.  Hog's  Back,  Pot,  etc.,  and  are  very  violent  and 
turbulent  at  certain  times  of  tide.  Ce'rtain  mealy- 
mouthed  men,  of  squeamish  consciences,  who  are  loth 
to  give  the  Devil  his  due,  have  softened  the  above  char- 
acteristic name  into  /fz^rZ-gate,  forsooth  !  Let  those  take 
care  how  they  venture  into  the  Gate,  or  they  may  be 
hurled  into  the  Pot  before  they  are  aware  of  it.  The 
name  of  this  strait,  as  given  by  our  author,  is  supported 
by  the  map  in  Vander  Donck's  history,  published  in 
1656;  by  Ogilvie's  "  History  of  America,"  1671;  asalsoby 
a  j'ournal  still  extant,  written  in  the  17th  centurj-,  and  to 
be  found  in  Hazard's  State  Papers.  And  an  old  MS. 
written  in  French,  speaking  of  various  alterations  in 
names  about  this  city,  observes,  "De  Helle-gat,lTOVi 
d'Enfer,  lis  ont  fait  Hell-gate^  Porte  d  Enfer." 


CHAPTER  V. 

HOW  THE  HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW  RETURNED 
SOMEWHAT  WISER  THAN  THEY  WENT — AND 
HOW  THE  SAGE  OI^OFFE  DREAMED  A  DREAM 
AND  THE  DREAM  THAT  HE  DREAMED. 


THE  darkness  of  night  had  closed  upon  this 
disastrous  day,  and  a  doleful  night  was  it 
to  the  shipwrecked  Pavonians,  whose  ears 
were  incessantly  assailed  with  the  raging  of  the 
elements,  and  the  howling  of  the  hobgoblins 
that  infested  this  perfidious  strait.  But  when 
the  morning  dawned,  the  horrors  of  the  preced- 
ing evening  had  passed  away  ;  rapids,  breakers, 
and  whirlpools  had  disappeared ;  the  stream 
again  ran  smooth  and  dimpling,  and  ha\'ing 
changed  its  tide,  rolled  gently  back,  towards 
the  quarter  where  lay  their  much-regretted 
home. 

The  woe-begone  heroes  of  Communipaw  eyed 
each   other  with   rueful    countenances ;     their 


jFate  of  tbe  C^ravellers  147 

squadron  liad  been  totally  dispersed  by  the  late 

disaster.  Some  were  cast  upon  the  western 
shore,  where,  headed  by  one  RulefF  Hopper, 
they  took  possession  of  all  the  country  lying 
about  the  six-mile  stone  ;  which  is  held  by  the 
Hoppers  at  this  present  writing. 

The  Waldrons  were  driven  by  stress  of 
weather  to  a  distant  coast,  where,  having  with 
them  a  jug  of  genuine  Hollands,  they  were  en- 
abled to  conciliate  the  savages,  setting  up  a 
kind  of  tavern  ;  whence,  it  is  said,  did  spring 
the  fair  town  of  Haerlem,  in  which  their  de- 
scendants have  ever  since  continued  to  be  repu- 
table publicans.  As  to  the  Suydams,  they  were 
thrown  upon  the  Long  Island  coast,  and  may 
still  be  found  in  those  parts.  But  the  most 
singular  luck  attended  the  great  Ten  Broeck, 
who,  falling  overboard,  was  miraculously  pre- 
served from  sinking  by  the  multitude  of  his 
nether  garments.  Thus  buoyed  up,  he  floated 
on  the  waves  like  a  merman,  or  like  an  angler's 
dobber,  until  he  landed  safely  on  a  rock,  where 
he  was  found  the  next  morning,  busily  drying 
his  many  breeches  in  the  sunshine. 

T  forbear  to  treat  of  the  long  consultation  of 
Olofife  with  his  remaining  followers,  in  which 
they  determined  that  it  would  never  do  to  found 
a  city  in  so  diabolical  a  neighborhood.  Suffice 
it  in  simple  brevity  to  say,  that  they  once  more 


148  Ibistorg  ot  IRcw  lorft 


committed  themselves,  with  fear  and  trembling, 
to  the  briny  elements,  and  steered  their  course 
back  again  through  the  scenes  of  their  yester- 
day's voyage,  determined  no  longer  to  roam  in 
search  of  distant  sites,  but  to  settle  themselves 
down  in  the  marshy  regions  of  Pavonia. 

Scarce,  however,  had  they  gained  a  distant 
view  of  Communipaw,  when  they  were  encoun- 
tered by  an  obstinate  eddy,  which  opposed  their 
homeward  voyage.  Weary  and  dispirited  as 
they  were,  they  yet  tugged  a  feeble  oar  against 
the  stream  ;  until,  as  if  to  settle  the  strife,  half 
a  score  of  potent  billows  rolled  the  tub  of  Com- 
modore Van  Kortlandt  high  and  dry  on  the 
long  point  of  an  island  which  divided  the  bosom 
of  the  bay. 

Some  pretend  that  these  billows  were  sent 
by  old  Neptune  to  strand  the  expedition  on  a 
spot  whereon  was  to  be  founded  his  stronghold 
in  this  western  world  ;  others,  more  pious,  attrib- 
ute every  thing  to  the  guardianship  of  the  good 
St.  Nicholas  ;  and  after-events  will  be  found  to 
corroborate  this  opinion.  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt 
was  a  devout  trencherman.  Every  repast  was 
a  kind  of  religious  rite  with  him  ;  and  his  first 
thought  on  finding  him  once  more  on  dry 
ground,  was,  how  he  should  contrive  to  cele- 
brate his  wonderful  escape  from  Hell-gate  and 
all  its  horrors  by  a  solemn  banquet.     The  stores 


B  Sumptuous  IRepaet  ug 

which  had  been  provided  for  the  voyage  by  the 
good  housewives  of  Communipaw  were  nearly 
exhausted,  but,  in  casting  his  eyes  about,  the 
commodore  beheld  that  the  shore  abounded 
with  oysters.  A  great  store  of  these  was  in- 
stantly collected  ;  a  fire  was  made  at  the  foot  of 
a  tree  ;  all  hands  fell  to  roasting  and  broiling 
and  stewing  and  frying,  and  a  sumptuous  repast 
was  soon  set  forth.  This  is  thought  to  be  the 
origin  of  those  civic  feasts  with  which,  to  the 
present  day,  all  our  public  affairs  are  celebrated, 
and  in  which  the  oyster  is  ever  sure  to  play  an 
important  part. 

On  the  present  occasion,  the  worthy  Van 
Kortlandt  was  observed  to  be  particularly  zeal- 
ous in  his  devotions  to  the  trencher  ;  for,  ha\dng 
the  cares  of  the  expedition  especially  committed 
to  his  care,  he  deemed  it  incumbent  on  him  to 
eat  profoundly  for  the  public  good.  In  propor- 
tion as  he  filled  himself  to  the  ver>'  brim  with 
the  dainty  viands  before  him,  did  the  heart  of 
this  excellent  burgher  rise  up  towards  his  throat, 
until  he  seemed  crammed  and  almost  choked 
with  good  eating  and  good-nature.  And  at  such 
times  it  is,  when  a  man's  heart  is  in  his  throat, 
that  he  may  more  truly  be  said  to  speak  from  it, 
and  his  speeches  abound  with  kindness  and 
good-fellowship.  Thus  having  swallowed  the 
last  possible  morsel,  and  washed  it  down  with 


150  Ibistorg  of  1ftew  l^orft 

a  fervent  potation,  Oloffe  felt  his  heart  yearning, 
and  his  whole  frame  in  a  manner  dilating  with 
unbounded  benevolence.  Every  thing  around 
him  seemed  excellent  and  delightful ;  and  lay- 
ing his  hands  on  each  side  of  his  capacious 
periphery,  and  rolling  his  half-closed  eyes 
around  on  the  beautiful  diversity  of  land  and 
water  before  him,  he  exclaimed,  in  a  fat  half- 
smothered  voice,  "  What  a  charming  pros- 
pect !  "  The  words  died  away  in  his  throat, — 
he  seemed  to  ponder  on  the  fair  scene  for  a 
moment, — his  eyelids  heavily  closed  over  their 
orbs, — his  head  drooped  upon  his  bosom, — he 
slowly  sank  upon  the  green  turf,  and  a  deep 
sleep  stole  gradually  over  him. 

And  the  sage  Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream, — and 
lo,  the  good  St.  Nicholas  came  riding  over  the 
tops  of  the  trees,  in  that  self-same  w^agon 
wherein  he  brings  his  yearly  presents  to  chil- 
dren, and  he  descended  hard  by  where  the 
heroes  of  Communipaw  had  made  their  late  re- 
past. And  he  lit  his  pipe  by  the  fire,  and  sat 
himself  down  and  smoked  ;  and  as  he  smoked, 
the  smoke  from  his  pipe  ascended  into  the  air 
and  spread  like  a  cloud  overhead.  And  Oloffe 
bethought  him,  and  he  hastened  and  climbed  up 
to  the  top  of  one  of  the  tallest  trees,  and  saw 
that  the  smoke  spread  over  a  great  extent  of 
countrv ;  and  as  he  considered  it  more  atten- 


^ 


©lofifc's  Strange  S)ream  151 

tively,  he  fancied  that  the  great  volume  of 
smoke  assumed  a  variety  of  marvellous  forms, 
where  in  dim  obscurity  he  saw  shadowed  out 
palaces  and  domes  and  lofty  spires,  all  of  which 
lasted  but  a  moment,  and  then  faded  sway, 
until  the  whole  rolled  off,  and  nothing  but  the 
green  woods  were  left.  And  when  St.  Nicholas 
had  smoked  his  pipe,  he  twisted  it  in  his  hat- 
band, and  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose, 
gave  the  astonished  Van  Kortlandt  a  very  sig- 
nificant look  ;  then,  mounting  his  wagon,  he 
returned  over  the  tree-tops  and  disappeared. 

And  Van  Kortlandt  awoke  from  his  sleep 
greatly  instructed  ;  and  he  aroused  his  compan- 
ions and  related  to  them  his  dream,  and  inter- 
preted it,  that  it  was  the  will  of  St.  Nicholas 
that  they  should  settle  down  and  build  the  city 
here  ;  and  that  the  smoke  of  the  pipe  was  a 
type  how  vast  would  be  the  extent  of  the  city, 
inasmuch  as  the  volumes  of  its  smoke  would 
spread  over  a  wide  extent  of  country.  And  they 
all  with  one  voice  assented  to  this  interpreta- 
tion, excepting  Mynheer  Ten  Broeck,  who  de- 
clared the  meaning  to  be  that  it  would  be  a  city 
wherein  a  little  fire  would  occasion  a  great 
smoke,  or,  in  other  words,  a  very  vaporing  little 
city ; — both  which  interpretations  have  strangely 
come  to  pass  ! 

The  great  object  of  their  perilous  expedition, 


15^  t>i6tov^  Of  IRew  \}ov\{ 

therefore,  being  thus  happily  accomplished,  the 
voyagers  returned  merrily  to  Communipaw, — 
where  they  were  received  with  great  rejoicings. 
And  here,  calling  a  general  meeting  of  all  the 
wise  men  and  the  dignitaries  of  Pavonia,  they 
related  the  whole  history  of  their  voyage,  and 
of  the  dream  of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt.  And  the 
people  lifted  up  their  voices  and  blessed  the 
good  St  Nicholas  ;  and  from  that  time  forth  the 
sage  Van  Kortlandt  was  held  in  more  honor 
than  ever,  for  his  great  talent  at  dreaming,  and 
was  pronounced  a  most  useful  citizen  and  a 
right  good  man — when  he  was  asleep. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

CONTAINING  AN  ATTEMPT  AT  ETYMOI^OGY — AND 
OF  THE  FOUNDING  OF  THE  GREAT  CITY  OF 
NEW  AMSTERDAM. 


THE  original  name  of  the  island,  whereon 
the  squadron  of  Comniunips>  w  was  thus 
propitiously  thrown,  is  a  matter  of  some  dis- 
pute, and  has  already  undergone  considerable 
vitiation, — a  melancholy  proof  of  the  instability 
of  all  sublunary  things,  and  the  vanity  of  all  our 
hopes  of  lasting  fame  ;  for  who  can  expect  his 
name  will  live  to  posterity,  when  even  the  names 
of  mighty  islands  are  thus  soon  lost  in  contra- 
diction and  uncertainty  ! 

The  name  most  current  at  the  present  day, 
and  which  is  likewise  countenanced  by  the 
great  historian  Vander  Donck,  is  Manhattan  ; 
which  is  said  to  have  originated  in  a  custom 
among  the  squaws,  in  the  early  settlement,  of 
wearing  men's  hats,  as  is  still  done  among  many 


154  fbietov^  ot  Iftcw  ^otk 

tribes.  "  Hence,"  as  we  are  told  by  an  old  gov- 
ernor who  was  somewhat  of  a  wag,  and  flour- 
ished almost  a  century  since,  and  had  paid  a 
visit  to  the  wits  of  Philadelphia, — "  hence  arose 
the  appellation  of  man-hat-on,  first  given  to  the 
Indians,  and  afterwards  to  the  island," — a  stu- 
pid joke  !  but  well  enough  for  a  governor. 

Among  the  more  venerable  sources  of  infor- 
mation on  this  subject  is  that  valuable  history 
of  the  American  possessions,  written  by  Master 
Richard  Blome,  in  1687,  wherein  it  is  called 
Manhadaes  and  Manahanent ;  nor  must  I  for- 
get the  excellent  little  book,  full  of  precious 
matter,  of  that  authentic  historian  John  Josse- 
lyn,  Gent.,  who  expressly  calls  it  Manadaes. 

Another  etymology,  still  more  ancient,  and 
sanctioned  by  the  countenanceof  our  ever-to-be- 
lamented  Dutch  ancestors,  is  that  found  in  cer- 
tain letters  still  extant,*  which  passed  between 
the  early  governors  and  their  neighboring  pow- 
ers, wherein  it  is  called  indifferently  Monhat- 
toes,  Munhatos,  and  Manhattoes,  which  are  evi- 
dently unimportant  variations  of  the  same  name; 
for  our  wise  forefathers  set  little  store  b}'  those 
niceties  either  in  orthography  or  orthoepy, 
which  form  the  sole  study  and  ambition  of  many 
learned  men  and  women  of  this  hypercritical 
age.  This  last  name  is  said  to  be  derived  from 
*  Vide  Hazard's  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


IDarious  iBt^moloQics  155 

the  great  Indian  spirit  Manetho,  who  was  sup- 
posed to  make  this  island  his  favorite  abode,  on 
account  of  its  uncommon  delights.  For  the  In- 
dian traditions  affirm  that  the  bay  was  once  a 
translucid  lake,  filled  with  silver  and  golden 
fish,  in  the  midst  of  which  lay  this  beautiful 
island,  covered  with  every  variety  of  fruits  and 
flowers  ;  but  that  the  sudden  irruption  of  the 
Hudson  laid  waste  these  blissful  scenes,  and 
Manetho  took  his  flight  beyond  the  great  waters 
of  Ontario. 

These,  however,  are  very  fabulous  legends,  to 
which  very  cautious  credence  must  be  given, 
and  though  lam  willingto  admitthe  last-quoted 
orthography  of  the  name  as  very  fit  for  prose, 
yet  is  there  another  which  I  peculiarly  delight 
in,  as  at  once  poetical,  melodious,  and  signifi- 
cant, and  which  we  have  on  the  authority  of 
Master  Juet ;  who,  in  his  account  of  the  voyage 
of  the  great  Hudson,  calls  this  Manxa-hata, 
that  is  to  say,  the  island  of  manna,  or,  in  other 
words,  a  land  flowing  with  milk  and  honey. 

Still,  my  deference  to  the  learned  obliges  me 
to  notice  the  opinion  of  the  worthy  Dominie 
Heckwelder,  which  ascribes  the  name  to  a  great 
drunken  bout  held  on  the  island  by  the  Dutch 
discoverers,  whereat  they  made  certain  of  the 
natives  most  ecstatically  drunk  for  the  first 
time  in  their  lives  ;  who,  being  delighted  with 


156 


fbietov^  of  Iftew  l^ork 


their  jovial  entertainment,  gave  the  place  the 
name  of  Mannahattanink,  that  is  to  say,  The 
Island  of  Jolly  Topers,  a  name  which  it  contin- 
ues to  merit  to  the  present  day.* 

*  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder,  in  the  archives 
of  the  New  York  Historical  Society. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

HOW  THB  PEOPLE  OF  PAVONIA  MIGRATED 
FROM  COMMUNIPAW  TO  THE  ISLAND  OF 
MANNA -HATA  —  AND  HOW  OLOFFE,  THE 
DREAMER,  PROVED  HIMSELF  A  GREAT  LAND 
SPECULATOR. 


IT  having  been  solemnly  resolved  that  the  seat 
of  empire  should  be  removed  from  the  green 
shores  of  Pavonia  to  the  pleasant  island  of  Man- 
na-hata,  everybody  was  anxious  to  embark 
under  the  standard  of  OlofiFe  the  Dreamer,  and 
to  be  among  the  first  sharers  of  the  promised 
land.  A  day  was  appointed  for  the  grand  mi- 
gration, and  on  that  day  little  Communipaw 
was  in  a  buzz  and  a  bustle  like  a  hive  in  swarm- 
ing time.  Houses  were  turned  inside  out  and 
stripped  of  the  venerable  furniture  which  had 
come  from  Holland  ;  all  the  community,  great 
and  small,  black  and  white,  man,  woman,  and 
child,  was  in  commotion,  forming  lines  from 
the  houses  to  the  water-side,  like  lines  of  ants 


158  1bi6tors  ot  Iftew  J^ocft 

from  an  ant-hill  ;  everybody  laden  with  some 
article  of  household  furniture ;  while  busy 
housewives  plied  backwards  and  forwards  along 
the  lines,  helping  every  thing  forward  by  the 
nimbleness  of  their  tongues. 

By  degrees  a  fleet  of  boats  and  canoes  were 
piled  up  with  all  kinds  of  household  articles  : 
ponderous  tables  ;  chests  of  drawers  resplendent 
with  brass  ornaments  ;  quaint  corner-cupboards ; 
beds  and  bedsteads ;  with  any  quantity  of  pots, 
kettles,  frying-pans,  and  Dutch  ovens.  In  each 
boat  embarked  a  whole  family,  from  the  robus- 
tious burgher  down  to  the  cats  and  dogs  and 
little  negroes.  In  this  way  they  set  off  across 
the  mouth  of  the  Hudson,  under  the  guidance 
of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  who  hoisted  his  standard 
on  the  leading  boat. 

This  memorable  migration  took  place  on  the 
first  of  May,  and  was  long  cited  in  tradition  as 
the  grand  moving.  The  anniversary  of  it  was 
piously  observed  among  the  "sons  of  the  pil- 
grims of  Communipaw  "  by  turning  their  houses 
topsy-turvy  and  carrying  all  the  furniture 
through  the  streets,  in  emblem  of  the  swarming 
of  the  parent  hive  ;  and  this  is  the  real  origin 
of  the  universal  agitation  and  "  mo^nng  "  by 
which  this  most  restless  of  cities  is  literally 
turned  out  of  doors  on  every  May-day. 

As   the   little   squadron    from    Communipaw 


21  XanD  Speculation  159 

drew  near  to  the  shores  of  Manna-hata,  a 
sachem,  at  the  head  of  a  band  of  warriors,  ap- 
peared to  oppose  their  landing.  Some  of  the 
most  zealous  of  the  pilgrims  were  for  chastising 
this  insolence  with  powder  and  ball,  according 
to  the  approved  mode  of  discoverers  ;  but  the 
sage  Oloffe  gave  them  the  significant  sign  of 
St.  Nicholas,  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose 
and  winking  hard  with  one  eye  ;  whereupon 
his  followers  perceived  that  there  was  some- 
thing sagacious  in  the  wind.  He  now  addressed 
the  Indians  in  the  blandest  terms  ;  and  made 
such  tempting  display  of  beads,  hawks'-bells, 
and  red  blankets,  that  he  was  soon  permitted  to 
land,  and  a  great  land  speculation  ensued.  And 
here  let  me  give  the  true  story  of  the  original 
purchase  of  the  site  of  this  renowned  city,  about 
which  so  much  has  been  said  and  written. 
Some  affirm  that  the  first  cost  was  but  sixty 
guilders.  The  learned  Dominie  Heckwelder 
records  a  tradition  *  that  the  Dutch  discoverers 
bargained  for  only  so  much  land  as  the  hide  of 
a  bullock  would  cover  ;  but  that  they  cut  the 
hide  in  strips  no  thicker  than  a  child's  finger, 
so  as  to  take  in  a  large  portion  of  land,  and  to 
take  in  the  Indians  into  the  bargain.  This, 
however,    is   an    old  fable   which   the  worthy 

*MSS.  of  the  Rev,  John  Heckwelder,  New  Yprk  His- 
torical Society. 


i6o  fbiBtov^  of  IRew  l^ork 

Dominie  may  have  borrowed  from  antiquity. 
The  true  version  is,  that  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt 
bargained  for  just  so  much  land  as  a  man  could 
cover  with  his  nether  garments.  The  terms 
being  concluded,  he  produced  his  friend,  Myn- 
heer Ten  Broeck,  as  the  man  whose  breeches 
were  to  be  used  in  measurement.  The  simple 
savages,  whose  ideas  of  a  man's  nether  garments 
had  never  expanded  beyond  the  dimensions  of 
a  breech-clout,  stared  with  astonishment  and 
dismay  as  they  beheld  this  bulbous-bottomed 
burgher  peeled  like  an  onion,  and  breeches 
after  breeches  spread  forth  over  the  land  until 
they  covered  the  actual  site  of  this  venerable 
city. 

This  is  the  true  history  of  the  adroit  bargain 
by  which  the  island  of  Manhattan  was  bought 
for  sixty  guilders  ;  and  in  corroboration  of  it  I 
will  add,  that  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches,  for  his 
services  on  this  memorable  occasion,  was  ele- 
vated to  the  office  of  land  measurer,  which  he 
ever  afterward  exercised  in  the  colony. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

OF  THE  FOUNDING  AND  NAMING  OF  THE  NEW 
CITY  ;  OF  THE  CITY  ARMS,  AND  OF  THE 
DIREFUI.  FEUD  BETWEEN  TEN  BREECHES 
AND   TOUGH    BREECHES. 


THE  land  being  thus  fairly  purchased  of  the 
Indians,  a  circumstance  very  unusual  in 
the  history  of  colonization,  and  strongly  illus- 
trative of  the  honesty  of  our  Dutch  progenitors, 
a  stockade  fort  and  trading-house  were  forth- 
with erected  on  an  eminence  in  front  of  the 
place  where  the  good  St.  Nicholas  had  appeared 
in  a  ^4sion  to  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  and  which, 
as  has  already  been  observ'ed,  was  the  identical 
place  at  present  known  as  the  Bowling  Green. 

Around  this  fort  a  progeny  of  little  Dutch- 
built  houses,  with  tiled  roofs  and  weathercocks, 
soon  sprang  up,  nestling  themselves  under  its 
walls  for  protection,  as  a  brood  of  half-fledged 
chickens  nestle  under  the  wings  of  the  mother 


i62  1bi0tori5  of  IRcw  lorft 


hen.  The  whole  was  surrounded  by  an  enclos- 
ure of  strong  palisadoes,  to  guard  against  any- 
sudden  irruption  of  the  savages.  Outside  of 
these  extended  the  cornfields  and  cabbage  gar- 
dens of  the  community,  with  here  and  there  an 
attempt  at  a  tobacco  plantation  ;  all  covering 
those  tracts  of  country  at  present  called  Broad- 
way, Wall  Street,  William  Street,  and  Pearl 
Street. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that,  in  portion- 
ing out  the  land,  a  goodly  "bowerie,"  or  farm, 
was  allotted  to  the  sage  Oloffe  in  consideration 
of  the  service  he  had  rendered  to  the  public  by 
his  talent  at  dreaming ;  and  the  site  of  his 
"bowerie"  is  known  by  the  name  of  Kortlandt 
(or  Cortlandt)  Street  to  the  present  day. 

And  now  the  infant  settlement  having  ad- 
vanced in  age  and  stature,  it  was  thought  high 
time  it  should  receive  an  honest  Christian  name. 
Hitherto  it  had  gone  by  the  original  Indian 
name  Manna-hata,  or,  as  some  will  have  it, 
"The  Manhattoes"  ;  but  this  was  now  decried 
as  savage  and  heathenish,  and  as  tending  to 
keep  up  the  memory  of  the  pagan  brood  that 
originally  possessed  it.  Many  were  the  consul- 
tations held  upon  the  subject,  without  coming 
to  a  conclusion,  for  though  everybody  con- 
demned the  old  name,  nobody  could  invent  a 
new  one.     At  length,  when   the   council  was 


IRew  BmsterDam  163 

almost  in  despair,  a  burgher,  remarkable  for 
the  size  and  squareness  of  his  head,  proposed 
that  they  should  call  it  New  Amsterdam.  The 
proposition  took  everybody  by  surprise  ;  it  was 
so  striking,  so  apposite,  so  ingenious.  The 
name  was  adopted  by  acclamation,  and  New 
Amsterdam  the  metropolis  was  thenceforth 
called.  Still,  however,  the  early  authors  of 
the  province  continued  to  call  it  by  the  general 
appellation  of  "  The  Manhattoes,"  and  the 
poets  fondly  clung  to  the  euphonious  name  of 
Manna-hata  ;  but  those  are  a  kind  of  folk  whose 
tastes  and  notions  should  go  for  nothing  in 
matters  of  this  kind. 

Ha\'ing  thus  provided  the  embry-o  city  with  a 
name,  the  next  was  to  give  it  an  armorial  bear- 
ing or  device,  as  some  cities  have  a  rampant 
lion,  others  a  soaring  eagle, — emblematical,  no 
doubt,  of  the  valiant  and  high-flying  qualities 
of  the  inhabitants  ;  so,  after  mature  deliberation, 
a  sleek  beaver  was  emblazoned  on  the  city 
standard,  as  indicative  of  the  amphibious  origin, 
and  patient,  persevering  habits  of  the  New  Am- 
sterdammers. 

The  thriving  state  of  the  settlement  and  the 
rapid  increase  of  houses  soon  made  it  necessary 
to  arrange  some  plan  upon  which  the  city  should 
be  built ;  but  at  the  very  first  consultation  held 
on  the  subject,  a  \'iolent  discussion  arose  ;  and  I 


i64  1bi0tori2  ot  Iftew  lorFi 

mention  it  with  much  sorrowing  as  being  the 
first  altercation  on  record  in  the  councils  of  New 
Amsterdam.  It  was,  in  fact,  a  breaking  forth 
of  the  grudge  and  heart-burning  that  had  ex- 
isted between  those  two  eminent  burghers, 
Mynheers  Tenbroeck  and  Hardenbroeck,  ever 
since  their  unhappy  dispute  on  the  coast  of 
Bellevue.  The  great  Hardenbroeck  had  waxed 
very  wealthy  and  powerful,  from  his  domains, 
which  embraced  the  whole  chain  of  Apulean 
mountains  that  stretched  along  the  Gulf  of 
Kip's  Bay,  and  from  part  of  which  his  descend- 
ants have  been  expelled  in  latter  ages  by  the 
powerful  clans  of  the  Joneses  and  the  Scher- 
merhornes. 

An  ingenious  plan  for  the  city  was  offered  by 
Mynheer  Hardenbroeck,  who  proposed  that  it 
should  be  cut  up  and  intersected  by  canals,  after 
the  manner  of  the  most  admired  cities  in  Hol- 
land. To  this  Mynheer  Tenbroeck  was  diamet- 
rically opposed,  suggesting,  in  place  thereof, 
that  they  should  run  out  docks  and  wharves,  by 
means  of  piles  driven  into  the  bottom  of  the 
river,  on  which  the  town  should  be  built.  "  By 
these  means,"  said  he,  triumphantly,  "shall  we 
rescue  a  considerable  space  of  territory  from 
these  immense  rivers,  and  build  a  city  that  shall 
rival  Amsterdam,  Venice,  or  any  amphibious 
city  in  Europe."     To  this  proposition,  Harden- 


tTbe  (3reat  discussion  165 

broeck  (or  Tough  Breeches)  replied,  with  a  look 
of  as  much  scorn  as  he  could  possibly  assume. 
He  cast  the  utmost  censure  upon  the  plan  of 
his  antagonist,  as  being  preposterous  and  against 
the  very  order  of  things,  as  he  would  leave  to 
ever}'  true  Hollander.  "For  what,"  said  he, 
"is  a  town  without  canals? — it  is  like  a  body 
without  veins  and  arteries,  and  must  perish  for 
want  of  a  free  circulation  of  the  vital  fluid." 
Ten  Breeches,  on  the  contrary,  retorted  with  a 
sarcasm  upon  his  antagonist,  who  was  somewhat 
of  an  arid,  dry -boned  habit :  he  remarked,  that 
as  to  the  circulation  of  the  blood  being  neces- 
sary to  existence,  Mynheer  Tough  Breeches  was 
a  living  contradiction  to  his  own  assertion  ;  for 
everybody  knew  there  had  not  a  drop  of  blood 
circulated  through  his  wind-dried  carcase  for 
good  ten  years,  and  yet  there  was  not  a  greater 
busybody  in  the  whole  colony.  Personalities 
have  seldom  much  effect  in  making  converts 
in  argument ;  nor  have  I  ever  seen  a  man  con- 
vinced of  error  by  being  con\'icted  of  deformity. 
At  least  such  was  not  the  case  at  present.  If  Ten 
Breeches  was  very  happy  in  sarcasm.  Tough 
Breeches,  who  was  a  sturdy  little  man,  and 
never  gave  up  the  last  word,  rejoined  with  in- 
creasing spirit ;  Ten  Breeches  had  the  advantage 
of  the  greatest  volubility,  but  Tough  Breeches 
had  that  invaluable  coat  of  mail  in  argument, 


i66  Unetox^  of  IWcw  l^orh 


called  obstinacy  ;  Ten  Breeches  had,  therefore, 

the  most  mettle,  but  Tough  Breeches  the  best 
bottom  ;  so  that,  though  Ten  Breeches  made  a 
dreadful  clattering  about  his  ears,  and  battered 
and  belabored  him  with  hard  words  and  sound 
arguments,  yet  Tough  Breeches  hung  on  most 
resolutely  to  the  last.  They  parted,  therefore, 
as  is  usual  in  all  arguments  where  both  parties 
are  in  the  right,  without  coming  to  any  con- 
clusion ; — but  they  hated  each  other  most  heart- 
ily forever  after,  and  a  similar  breach  with  that 
between  the  houses  of  Capulet  and  Montague 
did  ensue  between  the  families  of  Ten  Breeches 
and  Tough  Breeches. 

I  would  not  fatigue  my  reader  with  these  dull 
matters  of  fact,  but  that  my  duty  as  a  faithful 
historian  requires  that  I  should  be  particular ; 
and  in  truth,  as  I  am  now  treating  of  the  criti- 
cal period  when  our  city,  like  a  young  twig, 
first  received  the  twists  and  turns  which  have 
since  contributed  to  give  it  its  present  pictu- 
resque irregularity,  I  cannot  be  too  minute  in 
detailing  their  first  causes. 

After  the  unhappy  altercation  I  have  just 
mentioned,  I  do  not  find  that  any  thing  further 
was  said  on  the  subject  worthy  of  being  record- 
ed. The  council,  consisting  of  the  largest  and 
oldest  heads  in  the  community,  met  regularly 
once   a  week,  to  ponder  on  this  momentous 


Doings  of  tbe  Council  167 


subject  ;  but,  either  they  were  deterred  by  the 
war  of  words  they  had  witnessed,  or  they  were 
naturally  averse  to  the  exercises  of  the  tongue, 
and  the  consequent  exercise  of  the  brains, — 
certain  it  is,  the  most  profound  silence  was 
maintained, — the  question  as  usual  lay  on  the 
table,  —  the  members  quietly  smoked  their 
pipes,  making  but  few  laws,  without  ever  en- 
forcing any, — and  in  the  meantime  the  affairs 
of  the  settlement  went  on — as  it  pleased  God. 

As  most  of  the  council  were  but  little  skilled 
in  the  mystery  of  combining  pot-hooks  and 
hangers,  they  determined  most  judiciously  not 
to  puzzle  either  themselves  or  posterity  with 
voluminous  records.  The  secretary,  however, 
kept  the  minutes  of  the  council,  with  tolerable 
precision,  in  a  large  vellum  folio,  fastened  with 
massy  brass  clasps  ;  the  journal  of  each  meeting 
consisted  of  but  two  lines,  stating  in  Dutch, 
that  "the  council  sat  this  day,  and  smoked 
twelve  pipes,  on  the  affairs  of  the  colony."  By 
which  it  appears  that  the  first  settlers  did  not 
regulate  their  time  by  hours,  but  pipes,  in  the 
same  manner  as  they  measure  distances  in 
Holland  at  this  very  time  :  an  admirably  exact 
measurement,  as  a  pipe  in  the  mouth  of  a  true- 
born  Dutchman  is  never  liable  to  those  acci- 
dents and  irregularities  that  are  continually 
putting  our  clocks  out  of  order. 


i68  Ibietot^  of  IRew  l^orh 


^ 


In  this  manner  did  the  profound  council  of 
New  Amsterdam  smoke,  and  doze,  and  pon- 
der, from  week  to  week,  month  to  month,  and 
year  to  year,  in  what  manner  they  should  con- 
struct their  infant  settlement ; — meanwhile,  the 
town  took  care  of  itself,  and  like  a  sturdy  brat 
which  is  suffered  to  run  about  wild,  unshackled 
by  clouts  and  bandages,  and  other  abominations 
by  which  your  notable  nurses  and  sage  old 
women  cripple  and  disfigure  the  children  of 
men,  increased  so  rapidly  in  strength  and  mag- 
nitude, that  before  the  honest  burgomasters 
had  determined  upon  a  plan,  it  was  too  late  to 
put  it  in  execution, — whereupon  they  wisely 
abandoned  the  subject  altogether. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HOW  THE  CITY  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WAXED 
GREAT  UNDER  THE  PROTECTION  OE  ST. 
NICHOI.AS  AliD  THE  ABSENCE  OE  I.AWS  AND 
STATUTES — HOW  OI<OFFE  THE  DREAMER  BE- 
GAN TO  DREAM  OE  AN  EXTENSION  OF  EMPIRE, 
AND  OF  THE  EFFECT  OF  HIS  DREAMS. 


THERE  is  something  exceedingly  delusive 
in  thus  looking  back  through  the  long  vista 
of  departed  years,  and  catching  a  glimpse  of 
the  fairy  realms  of  antiquity.  Like  a  landscape 
melting  into  distance,  they  receive  a  thousand 
charms  from  iheir  very  obscurity,  and  the  fancy 
delights  to  fill  up  their  outlines  with  graces  and 
excellences  of  its  own  creation.  Thus  loom  on 
my  imagination  those  happier  days  of  our  city, 
when  as  yet  New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere  pas- 
toral town,  shrouded  in  groves  of  sycamores 
and  willows,  and  surrounded  by  trackless 
forests  and  wide-spreading  waters,  that  seemed 


170  Ibistorg  of  Bew  li)ork 

to  shut  out  all  the  cares  and  vanities  of  a  wicked 
world. 

In  those  days  did  this  embryo  city  present 
the  rare  and  noble  spectacle  of  a  community 
governed  without  laws  ;  and  thus  being  left  to 
its  own  course,  and  the  fostering  care  of  Provi- 
dence, increased  as  rapidly  as  though  it  had 
been  burdened  with  a  dozen  panniers  full  of 
those  sage  laws  usually  heaped  on  the  backs  of 
young  cities — in  order  to  make  them  grow. 
And  in  this  particular  I  greatly  admire  the  wis- 
dom and  sound  knowledge  of  human  nature, 
displayed  by  the  sage  Olofife  the  Dreamer  and 
his  fellow-legislators.  For  my  part,  I  have  not 
so  bad  an  opinion  of  rhankind  as  many  of  my 
brother  philosophers.  I  do  not  think  poor 
human  nature  so  sorrv*  a  piece  of  workmanship 
as  they  would  make  it  out  to  be  ;  and  as  far  as 
I  have  observed,  I  am  fully  satisfied  that  man, 
if  left  to  himself,  would  about  as  readily  go 
right  as  wrong.  It  is  only  this  eternally  sound- 
ing in  his  ears  that  it  is  his  duty  to  go  right, 
which  makes  him  go  the  very  reverse.  The 
noble  independence  of  his  nature  revolts  at  this 
intolerable  tyranny  of  law,  and  the  perpetual 
interference  of  ofEcious  morality,  which  are 
ever  besetting  his  path  with  finger-posts  and 
directions  to  "keep  to  the  right,  as  the  law  di- 
rects" ;  and  like   a   spirited  urchin,   he  turns 


Cbapel  to  St.  Ifticbolas  171 

directly  contrary,  and  gallops  through  mud  and 
mire,  over  hedges  and  ditches,  merely  to  show 
that  he  is  a  lad  of  spirit,  and  out  of  his  leading- 
strings.  And  these  opinions  are  amply  sub- 
stantiated by  what  I  have  above  said  of  our 
worthy  ancestors  ;  who  never  being  be-preached 
and  be-lectured,  and  guided  and  governed  by 
statutes  and  laws  and  by-laws,  as  are  their  more 
enlightened  descendants,  did  one  and  all  de- 
mean themselves  honestly  and  peaceably,  out 
of  pure  ignorance,  or,  in  other  words,  because 
they  knew  no  better. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  record  one  of  the  earliest 
measures  of  this  infant  settlement,  inasmuch  as 
it  shows  the  piety  of  our  forefathers,  and  that, 
like  good  Christians,  they  were  always  ready  to 
serve  God,  after  they  had  first  serv^ed  themselves. 
Thus  having  quieth-  settled  themselves  down, 
and  provided  for  their  own  comfort,  they  be- 
thought themselves  of  testifying  their  gratitude 
to  the  great  and  good  St.  Nicholas,  for  his  pro- 
tecting care,  in  guiding  them  to  this  delectable 
abode.  To  this  end  they  built  a  fair  and  goodly 
chapel  within  the  fort,  which  they  consecrated 
to  his  name ;  whereupon  he  immediately  took 
the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  under  his  peculiar 
patronage,  and  he  has  ever  since  been,  and  I 
devoutly  hope  will  ever  be,  the  tutelar  saint  of 
this  excellent  city. 


172  Ibistorg  of  IRew  l^ork 

At  this  early  period  was  instituted  that  pious 
ceremony,  still  religiously  observed  in  all  our 
ancient  families  of  the  right  breed,  of  hanging 
up  a  stocking  in  the  chimney  on  St.  Nicholas 
Kve ;  which  stocking  is  always  found  in  the 
morning  miraculously  filled  ;  for  the  good  St. 
Nicholas  has  ever  been  a  great  giver  of  gifts, 
particularly  to  children. 

I  am  moreover  told  that  there  is  a  little  legen- 
dary book,  somewhere  extant,  written  in  Low 
Dutch,  which  says,  that  the  image  of  this  re- 
nowned saint,  which  whilom  graced  the  bow- 
sprit of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  was  elevated  in  front 
of  this  chapel,  in  the  centre  of  what  in  modern 
days  is  called  the  Bowling  Green, — on  the  very 
spot,  in  fact,  where  he  appeared  in  vision  to 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer.  And  the  legend  further 
treats  of  divers  miracles  wrought  by  the  mighty 
pipe  which  the  saint  held  in  his  mouth,  a  whiff 
of  which  was  a  sovereign  cure  for  indigestion, — 
an  invaluable  relic  in  this  colony  of  brave 
trencher-men.  As,  however,  in  spite  of  the 
most  diligent  search,  I  cannot  lay  my  hands 
upon  this  little  book,  I  must  confess  that  I 
entertain  considerable  doubt  on  the  subject. 

Thus  benignly  fostered  by  the  good  St.  Nicho- 
las, the  infant  city  thrived  apace.  Hordes  of 
painted  savages,  it  is  true,  still  lurked  about  the 
unsettled  parts  of  the  island.     The  hunter  still 


2)ealinG0  IDClitb  tbe  UnDians       173 

pitched  his  bower  of  skins  and  bark  beside  the 
rills  that  ran  through  the  cool  and  shady  glens, 
while  here  and  there  might  be  seen,  on  some 
sunny  knoll,  a  group  of  Indian  wigwams,  whose 
smoke  arose  above  the  neighboring  trees,  and 
floated  in  the  transparent  atmosphere.  A  mu- 
tual good-will,  however,  existed  between  these 
wandering  beings  and  the  burghers  of  New  Am- 
sterdam, Our  benevolent  forefathers  endeav- 
ored as  much  as  possible  to  ameliorate  their 
situation,  by  gi\'ing  them  gin,  rum,  and  glass 
beads,  in  exchange  for  their  peltries ;  for  it 
seems  the  kind-hearted  Dutchmen  had  con- 
ceived a  great  friendship  for  their  savage  neigh- 
bors, on  account  of  their  being  pleasant  men  to 
trade  with,  and  little  skilled  in  the  art  of  mak- 
ing a  bargain. 

Now  and  then  a  crew  of  these  half-human 
sons  of  the  forest  would  make  their  appearance 
in  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam,  fantastically 
painted  and  decorated  with  beads  and  flaunting 
feathers,  sauntering  about  with  an  air  of  listless 
indiflerence, — sometimes  in  the  market-place, 
instructing  the  little  Dutch  boys  in  the  use  of 
the  bow  and  arrow, — at  other  times,  inflamed 
with  liquor,  swaggering  and  whooping  and  yell- 
ing about  the  town  like  so  many  fiends,  to  the 
great  dismay  of  all  the  good  wives,  who  would 
hurry  their  children  into  the  houses,  fasten  the 


174  Ibistor^  of  IRew  lt)ork 


doors,  and  throw  water  upon  the  enemy  from 
the  garret  windows.  It  is  worthy  of  mention 
here,  that  our  forefathers  were  very  particular 
in  holding  up  these  wild  men  as  excellent  do- 
mestic examples — and  for  reasons  that  may  be 
gathered  from  the  History  of  Master  Ogilby,  who 
tells  us  that  "for  the  least  offence  the  bride- 
groom soundly  beats  his  wife  and  turns  her  out 
of  doors,  and  marries  another,  insomuch  that 
some  of  them  have  every  year  a  new  wife." 
Whether  this  awful  example  had  any  influence 
or  not,  history  does  not  mention  ;  but  it  is  cer- 
tain that  our  grandmothers  were  miracles  of 
fidelity  and  obedience. 

True  it  is,  that  the  good  understanding  be- 
tween our  ancestors  and  their  savage  neighbor? 
was  liable  to  occasional  interraptions,  and  I 
have  heard  my  grandmother,  who  was  a  very 
wise  old  woman,  and  well  versed  in  the  history 
of  these  parts,  tell  a  long  story  of  a  winter's 
evening,  about  a  battle  between  the  New 
Amsterdammers  and  the  Indians,  which  was 
known  by  the  name  of  the  Peach  War,  and 
which  took  place  near  a  peach  orchard,  in  a 
dark  glen,  which  for  a  long  while  went  by  the 
name  of  Murderer's  Valley. 

The  legend  of  this  sylvan  war  was  long  cur- 
rent among  the  nurses,  old  wives,  and  other 
ancient  chroniclers  of  the  place  ;  but  time  and 


peacb  mar  175 


improvement  have  almost  obliterated  both  the 
tradition  and  the  scene  of  battle  ;  for  what  was 
once  the  blood-stained  valley  is  now  in  the 
centre  of  this  populous  city,  and  known  by  the 
name  of  Dey  Street. 

I  know  not  whether  it  was  to  this  "  Peach 
War,"  and  the  acquisition  of  Indian  land  which 
may  have  grown  out  of  it,  that  we  may  ascribe 
the  first  seeds  of  the  spirit  of  "annexation" 
which  now  began  to  manifest  themselves. 
Hitherto  the  ambition  of  the  worthy  burghers 
had  been  confined  to  the  lovely  island  of  Man- 
na-hata  ;  and  Spiten  De\dl  on  the  Hudson,  and 
Hell-gate  on  the  Sound,  were  to  them  the  pillars 
of  Hercules,  the  ne  plus  ultra  of  human  enter- 
prise. Shortly  after  the  Peach  War,  however,  a 
restless  spirit  was  observed  among  the  New 
Amsterdammers,  who  had  begun  to  cast  wistful 
looks  upon  the  wild  lands  of  their  Indian  neigh- 
bors ;  for,  somehow  or  other,  wild  Indian  land 
always  looks  greener  in  the  eyes  of  settlers  than 
the  land  they  occupy.  It  is  hinted  that  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  encouraged  those  notions  ;  having,  as 
has  been  shown,  the  inherent  spirit  of  a  land- 
speculator,  which  had  been  wonderfully  quick- 
ened and  expanded  since  he  became  a  land 
holder.  Many  of  the  common  people,  who  had 
never  before  owned  a  foot  of  land,  now  began 
to  be  discontented  with  the  town  lots  which 


176  Ibfstor^  of  IWew  l^orft 

had  fallen  to  their  shares  ;  others,  who  had  snji^ 
farms  and  tobacco  plantations,  found  they  had 
not  sufficient  elbow-room,  and  began  to  question 
the  rights  of  the  Indians  to  the  vast  regions 
they  pretended  to  hold,  while  the  good  Oloffe 
indulged  in  magnificent  dreams  of  foreign  con- 
quest and  great  patroonships  in  the  wilderness. 

The  result  of  these  dreams  were  certain  ex- 
ploring expeditions,  sent  forth  in  various  direc- 
tions, to  "sow  the  seeds  of  empire,"  as  it  was 
said.  The  earliest  of  these  was  conducted  by 
Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  an  old  navigator,  famous 
for  the  sharpness  of  his  vision,  who  could  see 
land  when  it  was  quite  out  of  sight  to  ordinary 
mortals,  and  who  had  a  spy-glass  covered  with  a 
bit  of  tarpauling,  with  which  he  could  spy  up 
the  crookedest  river  quite  to  its  head  waters. 
He  was  accompanied  by  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches, 
as  land  measurer,  in  case  of  any  dispute  with 
the  Indians. 

What  was  the  consequence  of  these  exploring 
expeditions  ?  In  a  little  while  we  find  a  frontier 
post  or  trading-house  called  Fort  Nassau,  estab- 
lished far  to  the  south  on  Delaware  River  ;  an- 
other, called  Fort  Goed  Hoep  (or  Good  Hope), 
on  the  Varsche,  or  Fresh,  or  Connecticut  River, 
and  another,  called  Fort  Aurania  (now  Albany), 
away  up  the  Hudson  River  ;  while  the  bounda- 
ries of  the  province  kept  extending  on  every 


t)oUanD'8  /Ratcrnal  jpolicg        177 


side,  nobody  knew  whither,  far  into  the  regions 
of  Terra  Incognita. 

Of  the  boundary  feuds  and  troubles  which  the 
ambitious  little  province  brought  upon  itself  by 
these  indefinite  expansions  of  its  territory,  we 
shall  treat  at  large  in  the  after  pages  of  this 
eventful  history  ;  sufiicieut  for  the  present  is  it 
to  say  that  the  swelling  importance  of  the  New 
Netherlands  awakened  the  attention  of  the 
mother  country,  who,  finding  it  likely  to  yield 
much  revenue  and  no  trouble,  began  to  take 
that  interest  in  its  welfare  which  knowing 
people  ex-ince  for  rich  relations. 

But  as  this  opens  a  new  era  in  the  fortunes  of 
New  Amsterdam,  I  will  here  put  an  end  to  this 
second  book  of  my  history,  and  will  treat  of  the 
maternal  policy  of  the  mother  country  in  my 
next 


BOOK   III. 

IN  WHICH   IS   RECORDED  THE    GOI.DEN    REIGN 
OF  WOUTER  VAN  TWII.I.ER. 

CHAPTER  I. 

OF  THE  RENOWNED  WOUTER  VAN  TWII.I.ER, 
HIS  UNPARAIvIvEIvED  VIRTUES — AS  I.IKEWISE 
HIS  UNUTTERABLE  WISDOM  IN  THE  I^AW 
CASE  OF  WANDI^E  SCHOONHOVEN  AND  BAR- 
ENT  BIvEECKER,  AND  THE  GREAT  ADMIRA- 
TION  OF  THE  PUBI^IC  THEREAT. 


GRIEVOUS  and  very  much  to  be  commiser- 
ated is  the  task  of  the  feeling  historian, 
who  writes  the  history  of  his  native  land.  If 
it  fall  to  his  lot  to  be  the  recorder  of  calamity 
or  crime,  the  mournful  page  is  watered  with 
his  tears  ;  nor  can  he  recall  the  most  prosper- 
ous and  blissful  era,  without  a  melancholy  sigh 
at  the  reflection  that  it  has  passed  away  for- 


/IRelancboI^  IReflections  179 

ever !  I  know  not  whether  it  be  owing  to  an  im- 
moderate love  for  the  simplicity  of  former 
times,  or  to  that  certain  tenderness  of  heart 
incident  to  all  sentimental  historians  ;  but  I 
candidly  confess  that  I  cannot  look  back  on 
the  happier  days  of  our  city,  which  I  now  de- 
scribe, without  great  dejection  of  spirit.  With 
faltering  hand  do  I  withdraw  the  curtain  of  ob- 
livion, that  veils  the  modest  merit  of  our  ven- 
erable ancestors,  and  as  their  figures  rise  to 
my  mental  vision,  humble  myself  before  their 
mighty  shades. 

Such  are  my  feelings  when  I  revisit  the  fami- 
ly mansion  of  the  Knickerbockers,  and  spend  a 
lonely  hour  in  the  chamber  where  hang  the 
portraits  of  my  forefathers,  shrouded  in  dust, 
like  the  forms  they  represent.  With  pious  rev- 
erence do  I  gaze  on  the  countenances  of  those 
renowned  burghers,  who  have  preceded  me  in 
the  steady  march  of  existence, — whose  sober 
and  temperate  blood  now  meanders  through  my 
veins,  flowing  slower  and  slower  in  its  feeble 
conduits,  until  its  current  shall  soon  be  stopped 
forever  ! 

These,  I  say  to  myself,  are  but  frail  memorials 
of  the  mighty  men  who  flourished  in  the  days 
of  the  patriarchs  ;  but  who,  alas,  have  long 
since  mouldered  in  that  tomb  towards  which 
my  steps  are  insensibly  and  irresistibly  hasten- 


i8o  1bi6tori2  ot  IRew  l^orft 


ing  !  As  I  pace  the  darkened  chamber  and 
lose  myself  in  melancholy  musings,  the  shad- 
owy images  around  me  almost  seem  to  steal 
once  more  into  existence, — their  countenances 
to  assume  the  animation  of  life, — their  eyes  to 
pursue  me  in  every  movement  !  Carried  away 
by  the  delusions  of  fancy,  I  almost  imagine 
myself  surrounded  by  the  shades  of  the  de- 
parted, and  holding  sweet  converse  with  the 
worthies  of  antiquity  !  Ah,  hapless  Diedrich  ! 
born  in  a  degenerate  age,  abandoned  to  the 
buffetiugs  of  fortune, — a  stranger  and  a  weary 
pilgrim  in  thy  native  land, — blessed  with  no 
weeping  wife,  nor  family  of  helpless  children, 
but  doomed  to  wander  neglected  through  those 
crowded  streets,  and  elbowed  by  foreign  up- 
starts from  those  fair  abodes  where  once  thine 
ancestors  held  sovereign  empire  ! 

Let  me  not,  however,  lose  the  historian  in 
the  man,  nor  suffer  the  doting  recollections  of 
age  to  overcome  me,  while  dwelling  with  fond 
garrulity  on  the  virtuous  days  of  the  patriarchs, 
on  those  sweet  days  of  simplicity  and  ease, 
which  never  more  will  dawn  on  the  lovely 
island  of  Mannahata. 

These  melancholy  reflections  have  been  forced 
from  me  by  the  growing  wealth  and  importance 
of  New  Amsterdam,  which,  I  plainly  perceive, 
are  to  involve  it  in  all  kinds  of  perils  and  disas- 


Brrival  of  tbe  Governor  iSi 

ters.  Already,  as  I  observ^ed  at  the  close  of  my 
last  book,  they  had  awakened  the  attentions  of 
the  mother-country.  The  usual  mark  of  pro- 
tection shown  by  mother-countries  to  wealthy 
colonies  was  forthwith  manifested  ;  a  governor 
being  sent  out  to  rule  over  the  province,  and 
squeeze  out  of  it  as  much  revenue  as  possible. 
The  arrival  of  a  governor  of  course,  put  an  end 
to  the  protectorate  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer.  He 
appears,  however,  to  have  dreamt  to  some  pur- 
pose during  his  sway,  as  we  find  him  after- 
wards li\-ing  as  a  patroon  on  a  great  landed 
estate  on  the  banks  of  the  Hudson  ;  having 
virtually  forfeited  all  right  to  his  ancient  ap- 
pellation of  Kortlandt  or  Lackland. 

It  was  in  the  year  of  our  Lord  1629  that  Myn- 
heer Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  appointed  gov- 
ernor of  the  pro^'ince  of  Nieuw  Xederlandts, 
under  the  commission  and  control  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States-General  of  the 
United  Netherlands,  and  the  pri\nleged  West 
India  Company. 

This  renowned  old  gentleman  arrived  at  New 
Amsterdam  in  the  merry  month  of  June,  the 
sweetest  month  in  all  the  year  ;  when  dan 
Apollo  seems  to  dance  up  the  transparent  fir- 
mament,— when  the  robin,  the  thrush,  and  a 
thousand  other  wanton  songsters,  make  the 
woods  to  resound  with  amorous  ditties,  and  the 


i82  1bi6tore  of  flew  ^ox\{ 

luxurious  little  boblincon  revels  among  the 
clover  blossoms  of  the  meadows, — all  which 
happy  coincidence  persuaded  the  old  dames  of 
New  Amsterdam,  who  were  skilled  in  the  art  of 
foretelling  events,  that  this  was  to  be  a  happy 
and  prosperous  administration. 

The  renowned  Wouter  (or  Walter)  Van  Twil- 
ler  was  descended  from  a  long  line  of  Dutch 
burgomasters,  who  had  successfully  dozed  away 
their  lives,  and  grown  fat  upon  the  bench  of 
magistracy  in  Rotterdam  ;  and  who  had  com- 
ported themselves  with  such  singular  wisdom 
and  propriety,  that  they  were  never  either  heard 
or  talked  of — which,  next  to  being  universally 
applauded,  should  be  the  object  of  ambition  of 
all  magistrates  and  rulers.  There  are  two  oppos- 
ite ways  by  which  some  men  make  a  figure  in  the 
world  :  one,  by  talking  faster  than  they  think, 
and  the  other  by  holding  their  tongues  and  not 
thinking  at  all.  By  the  first,  many  a  smatterer 
acquires  the  reputation  of  a  man  of  quick  parts  ; 
by  the  other  many  a  dunderpate,  like  the  owl, 
the  stupidest  of  birds,  comes  to  be  considered 
the  very  type  of  wisdom.  This,  by  the  way,  is 
a  casual  remark,  which  I  would  not,  for  the 
universe,  have  it  thought  I  apply  to  Governor 
Van  Twiller.  It  is  true  he  was  a  man  shut  up 
within  himself,  like  an  oyster,  and  rarely  spoke, 
except  in  monosyllables  ;    but  then  it  was  al- 


/IRacjiutu^e  of  1bi6  "ff^eas         183 

lowed  he  seldom  said  a  foolish  thing.  So  in- 
\-incible  was  his  gravity  that  he  was  never 
known  to  laugh  or  even  to  smile  through  the 
whole  course  of  a  long  and  prosperous  life. 
Nay,  if  a  joke  were  uttered  in  his  presence,  that 
set  light-minded  hearers  in  a  roar,  it  was  ob- 
ser\'ed  to  throw  him  into  a  state  of  perplexity. 
Sometimes  he  would  deign  to  inquire  into  the 
matter,  and  when,  after  much  explanation,  the 
joke  was  made  as  plain  as  a  pike-staff,  he  would 
continue  to  smoke  his  pipe  in  silence,  and  at 
length,  knocking  out  the  ashes,  would  exclaim, 
"  Well,  I  see  nothing  in  all  that  to  laugh 
about. ' ' 

With  all  his  reflective  habits,  he  never  made 
up  his  mind  on  a  subject.  His  adherents  ac- 
counted for  this  by  the  astonishing  magnitude 
of  his  ideas.  He  conceived  every  subject  on  so 
grand  a  scale  that  he  had  not  room  in  his  head 
to  turn  it  over  and  examine  both  sides  of  it. 
Certain  it  is,  that,  if  any  matter  were  propounded 
to  him  on  which  ordinary  mortals  would  rashly 
determine  at  first  glance,  he  would  put  on  a 
vague,  mysterious  look,  shake  his  capacious 
head,  smoke  some  time  in  profound  silence,  and 
at  length  observe,  that  "he  had  his  doubts  about 
the  matter"  ;  which  gained  him  the  reputation 
of  a  man  slow  of  belief  and  not  easily  imposed 
upon.     What  is  more,  it  gained  him  a  lasting 


i84  1)l6tocB  Of  mew  lt)ork 

name  ;  for  to  this  habit  of  the  mind  has  been 

attributed  his  surname  of  Twiller  ;  which  is 
said  to  be  a  corruption  of  the  original  Twijfler, 
or,  in  plain  English,  Doubter. 

The  person  of  this  illustrious  old  gentleman 
was  formed  and  proportioned,  as  though  it  had 
been  moulded  by  the  hands  of  some  cunning 
Dutch  statuary,  as  a  model  of  majesty  and 
lordly  grandeur.  He  was  exactly  five  feet  six 
inches  in  height,  and  six  feet  five  inches  in  cir- 
cumference. His  head  was  a  perfect  sphere, 
and  of  such  stupendous  dimensions,  that  Dame 
Nature,  with  all  her  sex's  ingenuity,  would  have 
been  puzzled  to  construct  a  neck  capable  of  sup- 
porting it ;  wherefore  she  wisely  declined  the 
attempt,  and  settled  it  firmly  on  the  top  of  his 
backbone,  j ust  between  the  shoulders.  His  body 
was  oblong  and  particularly  capacious  at  bot- 
tom ;  which  was  wisely  ordered  by  Providence, 
seeing  that  he  was  a  man  of  sedentary  habits, 
and  very  averse  to  the  idle  labor  of  walking. 
His  legs  were  short,  but  sturdy  in  proportion  to 
the  weight  they  had  to  sustain  ;  so  that  when 
erect  he  had  not  a  little  the  appearance  of  a 
beer-barrel  on  skids.  His  face,  that  infallible 
index  of  the  mind,  presented  a  vast  expanse, 
unfurrowed  by  any  of  those  lines  and  angles 
which  disfigure  the  human  countenance  with 
what  is  termH    exoression.     Two   small  gray 


TKHouter  Dan  tTwiller 


eyes  twinkled  feebly  in  the  midst,  like  two  stars 
of  lesser  magnitude  in  a  hazy  firmament,  and 
his  full-fed  cheeks,  which  seemed  to  have  taken 
toll  of  every  thing  that  went  into  his  mouth, 
were  curiously  mottled  and  streaked  with  dusky 
red,  like  a  spitzenberg  apple. 

His  habits  were  as  regular  as  his  person.  He 
daily  took  his  four  stated  meals,  appropriating 
exactly  an  hour  to  each ;  he  smoked  and  doubted 
eight  hours,  and  he  slept  the  remaining  twelve 
of  the  four-and-twenty.  Such  was  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller, — a  true  philosopher,  for 
his  mind  was  either  elevated  above,  or  tranquilly 
settled  below,  the  cares  and  perplexities  of  this 
world.  He  had  lived  in  it  for  years,  without 
feeling  the  least  curiosity  to  know  whether  the 
sun  revolved  round  it,  or  it  round  the  sun  ;  and 
he  had  watched,  for  at  least  half  a  century,  the 
smoke  curling  from  his  pipe  to  the  ceiling,  with- 
out once  troubling  his  head  with  any  of  those 
numerous  theories  by  which  a  philosopher  would 
have  perplexed  his  brain,  in  accounting  for  its 
rising  above  the  surrounding  atmosphere. 

In  his  council  he  presided  with  great  state 
and  solemnity.  He  sat  in  a  huge  chair  of  solid 
oak,  hewn  in  the  celebrated  forest  of  the  Hague, 
fabricated  by  an  experienced  timmerman  of  Am- 
sterdam, and  curiously  carved  about  the  arms 
and  feet,  into  exact  imitations  of  gigantic  eagle's 


iS6  1bi6tor^  of  1Rew  l^orfe 

claws.  Instead  of  a  sceptre,  he  swayed  a  long 
Turkish  pipe,  wrought  with  jasmin  and  amber, 
which  had  been  presented  to  a  stadtholder  of 
Holland  at  the  conclusion  of  a  treaty  with  one 
of  the  petty  Barbary  powers.  In  this  stately 
chair  would  he  sit,  and  this  magnificent  pipe 
would  he  smoke,  shaking  his  right  knee  with  a 
constant  motion,  and  fixing  his  eye  for  hours  to- 
gether upon  a  little  print  of  Amsterdam,  which 
hung  in  a  black  frame  against  the  opposite  wall 
of  the  council-chamber.  Nay,  it  has  even  been 
said,  that  when  any  deliberation  of  extraordi- 
nary length  and  intricacy  was  on  the  carpet,  the 
renowned  Wouter  would  shut  his  eyes  for  full 
two  hours  at  a  time,  that  he  might  not  be  dis- 
turbed by  external  objects  ;  and  at  such  times 
the  internal  commotion  of  his  mind  was  e\'inced 
by  certain  regular  guttural  sounds,  which  his  ad- 
mirers declared  were  merely  the  noise  of  conflict, 
made  by  his  contending  doubts  and  opinions. 

It  is  with  infinite  difl&culty  I  have  been  en- 
abled to  collect  these  biographical  anecdotes  of 
the  great  man  under  consideration.  The  facts 
respecting  him  were  so  scattered  and  vague,  and 
divers  of  them  so  questionable  in  point  of  au- 
thenticity, that  I  have  had  to  give  up  the  search 
after  many,  and  decline  the  admission  of  still 
more,  which  would  have  tended  to  heighten  the 
coloring  of  his  portrait. 


•fots  Bncestr^  1S7 


I  have  been  the  more  anxious  to  delineate 
fulh'  the  person  and  habits  of  Wouter  Van 
Twiller,  from  the  consideration  that  he  was  not 
only  the  first,  but  also  the  best  governor  that 
ever  presided  over  this  ancient  and  respectable 
pro\-ince  ;  and  so  tranquil  and  benevolent  was 
his  reign,  that  I  do  not  find  throughout  the 
whole  of  it  a  single  instance  of  any  offender  be- 
ing brought  to  punishment, — a  most  indubitable 
sign  of  a  merciful  governor,  and  a  case  unparal- 
leled, excepting  in  the  reign  of  the  illustrious 
King  Log,  from  whom,  it  is  hinted,  the  renowned 
Van  Twiller  was  a  lineal  descendant. 

The  very  outset  of  the  career  of  this  excellent 
magistrate  was  distinguished  by  an  example  of 
legal  acumen,  that  gave  flattering  presage  of  a 
wise  and  equitable  administration.  The  morn- 
ing after  he  had  been  installed  in  office,  and  at 
the  moment  that  he  was  making  his  breakfast 
from  a  prodigious  earthen  dish,  filled  with  milk 
and  Indian  pudding,  he  was  interrupted  by  the 
appearance  of  Wandle  Schoonhoven,  a  ver\'  im- 
portant old  burgher  of  New  Amsterdam,  who 
complained  bitterly  of  one  Barent  Bleecker,  in- 
asmuch as  he  refused  to  come  to  a  settlement 
of  accounts,  seeing  that  there  was  a  hea\y  bal- 
ance in  favor  of  the  said  Wandle.  Governor 
Van  Twiller,  as  I  have  already  observed,  was  a 
man  of  very  few  words  ;  he  was  likewise  a  mor- 


Ibistoris  ot  Bew  l^ork 


tal  enemy  to  multiplying  writings — or  being 
disturbed  at  his  breakfast.  Having  listened  at- 
tentively to  the  statement  of  Wandle  vSchoon- 
hoven,  giving  an  occasional  grunt,  as  he  shov- 
elled a  spoonful  of  Indian  pudding  into  his 
mouth — either  as  a  sign  that  he  relished  the 
dish,  or  comprehended  the  story, — he  called 
unto  him  his  constable,  and  pulling  out  of  his 
breeches-pocket  a  huge  jack-knife,  dispatched 
it  after  the  defendant  as  a  summons,  accom- 
panied by  his  tobacco-box  as  a  warrant. 

This  summary  process  was  as  effectual  in 
those  simple  days  as  was  the  seal-ring  of  the 
great  Haroun  Alraschid  among  the  true  be- 
lievers. The  two  parties  being  confronted  be- 
fore him,  each  produced  a  book  of  accounts, 
written  in  a  language  and  character  that  would 
have  puzzled  any  but  a  High  Dutch  commenta- 
tor, or  a  learned  decipherer  of  Egyptian  obe- 
lisks. The  sage  Wouter  took  them  one  after 
the  other,  and  having  poised  them  in  his  hands, 
and  attentively  counted  over  the  number  of 
leaves,  fell  straightway  into  a  very  great  doubt, 
and  smoked  for  half  an  hour  without  saying  a 
word ;  at  length,  laying  his  finger  beside  his 
nose,  and  shutting  his  eyes  for  a  moment,  with 
the  air  of  a  man  who  has  just  caught  a  subtle 
idea  by  the  tail,  he  slowly  took  his  pipe  from 
his  mouth,  puffed  forth  a  column  of  tobacco- 


B  protounD  decision  189 

smoke,  and  with  marvellous  gravity  and  solem- 
nity pronounced  that,  having  carefully  counted 
over  the  leaves  and  weighed  the  books,  it  was 
found  that  one  was  just  as  thick  and  as  heavy 
as  the  other  :  therefore,  it  was  the  final  opinion 
of  the  court  that  the  accounts  were  equally  bal- 
anced :  therefore,  Wandle  should  give  Barent 
a  receipt,  and  Barent  should  give  "Warndle  a 
receipt,  and  the  constable  should  pay  the  costs. 
This  decision,  being  straightway  made  known, 
diffused  general  joy  throughout  New  Amster- 
dam, for  the  people  immediately  perceived  that 
they  had  a  very  wise  and  equitable  magistrate 
to  rule  over  them.  But  its  happiest  effect  was, 
that  not  another  lawsuit  took  place  throughout 
the  whole  of  his  administration  ;  and  the  office 
of  constable  fell  into  such  decay,  that  there  was 
not  one  of  those  losel  scouts  known  in  the  prov- 
ince for  many  years.  I  am  the  more  particular 
in  dwelling  on  this  transaction,  not  only  be- 
cause I  deem  it  one  of  the  most  sage  and  right- 
eous judgments  on  record,  and  well  worthy  the 
attention  of  modem  magistrates,  but  because  it 
was  a  miraculous  event  in  the  history  of  the  re- 
nowned Wouter — being  the  only  time  he  was 
ever  known  to  come  to  a  decision  in  the  whole 
course  of  his  life. 


CHAPTER    II. 

CONTAINING  SOME  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  GRAND 
COUNCII^  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM,  AS  AESO 
DIVERS  ESPECIAE  GOOD  PHIEOSOPHICAE  REA- 
SONS WHY  AN  AEDERMAN  SHOUED  BE  FAT 
— ^WITH  OTHER  PARTICUEARS  TOUCHING  THE 
STATE  OF  THE  PROVINCE. 

IN  treating  of  the  early  governors  of  the  prov- 
ince, I  must  caution  my  readers  against 
confounding  them,  in  point  of  dignity  and 
power,  with  those  worthy  gentlemen  who  are 
whimsically  denominated  governors  in  this  en- 
lightened republic, — a  set  of  unhappy  \'ictims 
of  popularity,  who  are,  in  fact,  the  most  depen- 
dent, hen-pecked  beings  in  the  community ; 
doomed  to  bear  the  secret  goadings  and  correc- 
tions of  their  own  party,  and  the  sneers  and  re- 
\'ilings  of  the  whole  world  beside  ;  set  up,  like 
geese  at  Christmas  holidays,  to  be  pelted  and 
shot  at  by  every  whipster  and  vagabond  in  the 
land.     On   the  contrary,  the  Dutch  governors 


Zbc  ©overnor's  Council  191 


enjoyed  that  uncontrolled  authority  vested  in 
all  commanders  of  distant  colonies  or  territories. 
They  were,  in  a  manner,  absolute  despots  in 
their  little  domains,  lording  it,  if  so  disposed, 
over  both  law  and  gospel,  and  accountable  to 
none  but  the  mother-country  ;  which  it  is  well 
known  is  astonishingly  deaf  to  all  complaints 
against  its  governors,  pro\nded  they  discharge 
the  main  duty  of  their  station — squeezing  out  a 
good  revenue.  This  hint  will  be  of  importance, 
to  prevent  my  readers  from  being  seized  with 
doubt  and  incredulity,  whenever  in  the  course 
of  this  authentic  history,  they  encounter  the 
uncommon  circumstance  of  a  governor  acting 
with  independence,  and  in  opposition  to  the 
opinions  of  the  multitude. 

To  assist  the  doubtful  Wouter  in  the  arduous 
business  of  legislation,  a  board  of  magistrates 
was  appointed,  which  presided  immediately  over 
the  police.  This  potent  body  consisted  of  a 
schout  or  bailiff,  with  powers  between  those  of 
the  present  mayor  and  sheriff ;  five  burgermees- 
ters,  who  were  equivalent  to  aldermen  ;  and  five 
schepens,  who  ofi&ciated  as  scrubs,  subde\als,  or 
bottle-holders  to  the  burgermeesters,  in  the 
same  manner  as  do  assistant  aldermen  to  their 
principals  at  the  present  day, — it  being  their 
duty  to  fill  the  pipes  of  the  lordly  burgermees- 
ters, hunt  the  markets  for  delicacies  for  corpora- 


[92  Ibietor^  ot  IRew  L>orft 


tion  dinners,  and  to  discharge  such  other  little 
offices  of  kindness  as  were  occasionally  re- 
quired. It  was,  moreover,  tacitly  understood, 
though  not  specifically  enjoined,  that  they 
should  consider  themselves  as  butts  for  the 
blunt  wits  of  the  burgermeesters,  and  should 
laugh  most  heartily  at  all  their  jokes;  but  this 
last  was  a  duty  as  rarely  called  in  action  in 
those  days  as  it  is  at  present,  and  was  shortly 
remitted,  in  consequence  of  the  tragical  death 
of  a  fat  little  schepen,  who  actually  died  of  suf- 
focation in  an  unsuccessful  effort  to  force  a 
laugh  at  one  of  burgermeester  Van  Zandt's  best 
jokes. 

In  return  for  these  humble  services,  they 
were  permitted  to  sayjj^^.yand  7to  at  the  council- 
board,  and  to  have  that  enviable  privilege,  the 
run  of  the  public  kitchen, — being  graciously 
permitted  to  eat,  and  drink,  and  smoke,  at  all 
those  snug  junketings  and  public  gormandiz- 
ings  for  which  the  ancient  magistrates  were 
equally  famous  with  their  modern  successors. 
The  post  of  schepen,  therefore,  like  that  of 
assistant  alderman,  was  eagerly  coveted  by  all 
3-our  burghers  of  a  certain  description,  who 
have  a  huge  relish  for  good  feeding,  and  a 
humble  ambition  to  be  great  men  in  a  small 
way, — who  thirst  after  a  little  brief  authority, 
that  shall  render  them  the  terror  of  the  alms- 


Xtttlc*(3rcat  /nben  193 


house  and  the  bridewell, — that  shall  enable 
them  to  lord  it  over  obsequious  poverty,  va- 
grant vice,  outcast  prostitution,  and  hunger- 
driven  dishonesty, — that  shall  give  to  their  beck 
a  hound-like  pack  of  catchpolls  and  bumbailiffs 
— tenfold  greater  rogues  than  the  culprits  they 
hunt  down  !  My  readers  will  excuse  this  sud- 
den wrath,  which  I  confess  is  unbecoming  of  a 
grave  historian, — but  I  have  a  mortal  antipathy 
to  catchpolls,  bumbailiffs,  and  little-great  men. 
The  ancient  magistrates  of  this  city  corre- 
sponded with  those  of  the  present  time  no  less 
in  form,  magnitude,  and  intellect  than  in  pre- 
rogative and  privilege.  The  burgomasters,  like 
our  aldermen,  were  generally  chosen  by  weight, 
and  not  only  the  weight  of  the  body,  but  like- 
wise the  weight  of  the  head.  It  is  a  maxim 
practically  obser^-ed  in  all  honest,  plain-think- 
ing, regular  cities,  that  an  alderman  should  be 
fat, — and  the  wisdom  of  this  can  be  proved  to  a 
certainty.  That  the  body  is  in  some  measure 
an  image  of  the  mind,  or  rather  that  the  mind 
is  moulded  to  the  body,  like  melted  lead  to  the 
clay  in  which  it  is  cast,  has  been  insisted  on  by 
many  philosophers,  who  have  made  human 
nature  their  peculiar  study  ;  for,  as  a  learned 
gentleman  of  our  owu  city  observes,  "there  is 
a  constant  relation  between  the  moral  character 
of  all  intelligent  creatures  and  their  physical 


194  Ibtstor^  of  IRew  lorft 

constitution,  between  their  habits  and  the  struc- 
ture of  their  bodies."  Thus  we  see  that  a  lean, 
spare,  diminutive  body  is  generally  accompa- 
nied by  a  petulant,  restless,  meddling  mind; 
either  the  mind  wears  down  the  body,  by  its 
continual  motion,  or  else  the  body,  not  afford- 
ing the  mind  sufficient  house-room,  keeps  it 
continually  in  a  state  of  fretfulness,  tossing  and 
worrying  about  from  the  uneasiness  of  its  situa- 
tion. Whereas  your  round,  sleek,  fat,  unwieldy 
periphery  is  ever  attended  by  a  mind  like  itself, 
tranquil,  torpid,  and  at  ease  ;  and  we  may  al- 
ways observe  that  your  well-fed,  robustious 
burghers  are  in  general  very  tenacious  of  their 
ease  and  comfort,  being  great  enemies  to  noise, 
discord,  and  disturbance, — and  surely  none  are 
more  likely  to  study  the  public  tranquillity  than 
those  who  are  so  careful  of  their  own.  Who 
ever  hears  of  fat  men  heading  a  riot,  or  herding 
together  in  turbulent  mobs  ? — no — no,  it  is  your 
lean,  hungry  men  who  are  continually  worry- 
ing society,  and  setting  the  whole  community 
by  the  ears. 

The  divine  Plato,  whose  doctrines  are  not  suf- 
ficiently attended  to  by  philosophers  of  the 
present  age,  allows  to  every  man  three  souls  : 
one,  immortal  and  rational,  seated  in  the  brain, 
that  it  may  overlook  and  regulate  the  body  ;  a 
second,  consisting  of  the   surly  and  irascible 


aiDermen  SboulD  be  jfat  195 

passions  which,  like  belligerent  powers,  lie  en- 
camped around  the  heart ;  a  third,  mortal  and 
sensual,  destitute  of  reason,  gross  and  brutal  in 
its  propensities,  and  enchained  in  the  belly, 
that  it  may  not  disturb  the  di\4ne  soul  by  its 
ravenous  bowlings.  Now,  according  to  this  ex- 
cellent theorj',  what  can  be  more  clear  than  that 
your  fat  alderman  is  most  likely  to  have  the 
most  regular  and  well-conditioned  mind.  His 
head  is  like  a  huge  spherical  chamber,  contain- 
ing a  prodigious  mass  of  soft  brains,  whereon 
the  rational  soul  lies  softly  and  snugly  couched, 
as  on  a  feather-bed  ;  and  the  eyes,  which  are 
the  windows  of  the  bedchamber,  are  usually 
half  closed,  that  its  slumberings  may  not  be 
disturbed  by  external  objects.  A  mind  thus 
comfortably  lodged,  and  protected  from  dis- 
turbance, is  manifestly  most  likely  to  perform 
its  functions  with  regularity  and  ease.  By  dint 
of  good  feeding,  moreover,  the  mortal  and  ma- 
lignant soul,  which  is  confined  in  the  belly, 
and  which,  by  its  raging  and  roaring,  puts  the 
irritable  soul  in  the  neighborhood  of  the  heart 
in  an  intolerable  passion,  and  thus  renders  men 
crusty  and  quarrelsome  when  hungry,  is  com- 
pletely pacified,  silenced,  and  put  to  rest, — 
whereupon  a  host  of  honest,  good-fellow  quali- 
ties and  kind-hearted  affections,  which  had  lain 
perdue,  slyly  peeping  out  of  the  loop-holes  of 


igs  Distort  of  IRew  l^orft 

the  heart,  finding  this  cerberus  asleep,  do  pluck 
up  their  spirits,  turn  out  one  and  all  in  their 
holiday  suits,  and  gambol  up  and  down  the  dia- 
phragm,— disposing  their  possessor  to  laughter, 
good-humor,  and  a  thousand  friendly  offices 
towards  his  fellow-mortals. 

As  a  board  of  magistrates,  formed  on  this 
principle,  think  but  very  little,  they  are  the 
less  likely  to  differ  and  wrangle  about  favorite 
opinions  ;  and  as  they  generally  transact  busi- 
ness upon  a  hearty  dinner,  they  are  naturally 
disposed  to  be  lenient  and  indulgent  in  the  ad- 
ministration of  their  duties.  Charlemagne  was 
conscious  of  this,  and  therefore  ordered  in  his 
cartularies  that  no  judge  should  hold  a  court  of 
justice,  except  in  the  morning,  on  an  empty 
stomach — a  pitiful  rule,  which  I  can  never  for- 
give, and  which  I  warrant  bore  hard  upon  all 
the  poor  culprits  in  the  kingdom.  The  more 
enlightened  and  humane  generation  of  the 
present  day  have  taken  an  opposite  course,  and 
have  so  managed  that  the  aldermen  are  the 
best-fed  men  in  the  community  ;  feasting  lust- 
ily on  the  fat  things  of  the  land,  and  gorging  so 
heartily  on  oysters  and  tmrtles,  that  in  process 
of  time  they  acquire  the  activity  of  the  one,  and 
the  form,  the  waddle,  and  the  green  fat  of  the 
other.  The  consequence  is,  as  I  have  just  said, 
these  luxurious  feastings  do  produce  such  a 


JSurcjomai3ter6  anO  Scbcpena       197 

dulcet  equanimity  and  repose  of  the  soul,  ra- 
tional and  irrational,  that  their  transactions  are 
proverbial  for  unvarying  monotony  ;  and  the 
profound  laws  which  they  enact  in  their  dozing 
moments,  amid  the  labors  of  digestion,  are 
quietly  suffered  to  remain  as  dead  letters,  and 
never  enforced  when  awake.  In  a  word,  your 
fair,  round-bellied  burgomaster,  like  a  full-fed 
mastiff,  dozes  quietly  at  the  house-door,  always 
at  home,  and  always  at  hand  to  watch  over  its 
safety  ;  but  as  to  electing  a  lean,  meddling  can- 
didate to  the  office,  as  has  now  and  then  been 
done,  I  would  as  lief  put  a  greyhound  to  watch 
the  house,  or  a  race-horse  to  draw  an  ox-wagon. 

The  burgomasters,  then,  as  I  have  already 
mentioned,  were  wisely  chosen  by  weight,  and 
the  schepens,  or  assistant  aldermen,  were  ap- 
pointed to  attend  upon  them  and  help  them 
eat ;  but  the  latter,  in  the  course  of  time,  when 
they  had  been  fed  and  fattened  into  sufficient 
bulk  of  body  and  drowsiness  of  brain,  became 
very  eligible  candidates  for  the  burgomasters' 
chairs,  having  fairly  eaten  themselves  into 
office,  as  a  mouse  eats  his  way  into  a  comforta- 
ble lodgment  in  a  goodly,  blue-nosed,  skimmed 
milk,  New-England  cheese. 

Nothing  could  equal  the  profound  delibera- 
tions  that  took  place  between  the  renowned 
Wouter  and  these  his  worthy  compeers,  unless 


igS  Iblstor^  of  Iftew  lt)orh 

it  be  the  sage  divans  of  some  of  our  modern 
corporations.  They  would  sit  for  hours,  smoking 
and  dozing  over  public  affairs,  without  speaking 
a  word  to  interrupt  that  perfect  stillness  so 
necessary  to  deep  reflection.  Under  the  sober 
sway  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller  and  these  his 
worthy  coadjutors,  the  infant  settlement  waxed 
vigorous  apace,  gradually  emerging  from  the 
swamps  and  forests,  and  exhibiting  that  min- 
gled appearance  of  town  and  country,  custom- 
ary in  new  cities,  and  which  at  this  day  may  be 
witnessed  in  the  city  of  Washington — that  im- 
mense metropolis,  which  makes  so  glorious  an 
appearance  on  paper. 

It  was  a  pleasing  sight,  in  those  times,  to  be- 
hold the  honest  burgher,  like  a  patriarch 
of  yore,  seated  on  the  bench  at  the  door  of 
his  whitewashed  house,  under  the  shade  of 
some  gigantic  sycamore  or  overhanging  willow. 
Here  would  he  smoke  his  pipe  of  a  sultry-  after- 
noon, enjoying  the  soft  southern  breeze,  and 
listening  with  silent  gratulation  to  the  clucking 
of  his  hens,  the  cackling  of  his  geese,  and  the 
sonorous  grunting  of  his  swnne, — that  combina- 
tion of  farmyard  melody  which  may  truly  be 
said  to  have  a  silver  sound,  inasmuch  as  it  con- 
veys a  certain  assurance  of  profitable  marketing. 

The  modern  spectator,  who  wanders  through 
the  streets  of  this  populous  city,  can  scarcely 


tlbe  Mc66imB  of  flanorance       199 


form  an  idea  of  the  diflferent  appearance  they 
presented  in  the  primitive  days  of  the  Doubter. 
The  busy  hum  of  multitudes,  the  shouts  of 
revelry,  the  rumbling  equipages  of  fashion,  the 
rattling  of  accursed  carts,  and  all  the  spirit- 
grieving  sounds  of  brawling  commerce,  were 
unknown  in  the  settlement  of  New  Amsterdam. 
The  grass  grew  quietly  in  the  highways ;  the 
bleating  sheep  and  frolicsome  calves  sported 
about  the  verdant  ridge,  where  now  the  Broad- 
way loungers  take  their  morning  stroll  ;  the 
cunning  fox  or  ravenous  wolf  skulked  in  the 
woods,  where  now  are  to  be  seen  the  dens  of 
Gomez  and  his  righteous  fraternity  of  money- 
brokers  ;  and  flocks  of  vociferous  geese  cackled 
about  the  fields  where  now  the  great  Tammany 
wigwam  and  the  patriotic  tavern  of  Martling 
echo  with  the  wranglings  of  the  mob. 

In  these  good  times  did  a  true  and  enviable 
equality  of  rank  and  property  prevail,  equally 
removed  from  the  arrogance  of  wealth,  and  the 
servility  and  heart-burnings  of  repining  pov- 
erty ;  and,  what  in  my  mind  is  still  more 
conducive  to  tranquillity  and  harmony  among 
friends,  a  happy  equality  of  intellect  was  like- 
wise to  be  seen.  The  minds  of  the  good 
burghers  of  New  Amsterdam  seemed  all  to  have 
been  cast  in  one  mould,  and  to  be  those  honest, 
blunt  minds,  which,  like  certain  manufactures, 


Ibistorg  ot  IRew  l^ork 


are  made  by  the  gross,  and  considered  as  ex- 
ceedingly good  for  common  use. 

Thus  it  happens  that  your  true  dull  minds  are 
generally  preferred  for  public  employ,  and 
especially  promoted  to  city  honors  ;  your  keen 
intellects,  like  razors,  being  considered  too 
sharp  for  common  service.  I  know  that  it  is 
common  to  rail  at  the  unequal  distribution  of 
riches,  as  the  great  source  of  jealousies,  broils, 
and  heart-burnings  ;  whereas,  for  my  part,  I 
verily  believe  it  is  the  sad  inequality  of  intellect 
that  prevails,  that  embroils  communities  more 
than  any  thing  else  ;  and  I  have  remarked  that 
your  knowing  people,  who  are  so  much  wiser 
than  anybody  else,  are  eternally  keeping  soci- 
ety in  a  ferment.  Happily  for  New  Amster- 
dam, nothing  of  the  kind  was  known  within  its 
walls ;  the  very  words  of  learning,  education, 
taste,  and  talents  were  unheard  of;  a  bright 
genius  was  an  animal  unknown,  and  a  blue- 
stocking lady  would  have  been  regarded  with 
as  much  wonder  as  a  horned  frog  or  a  fiery 
dragon.  No  man,  in  fact,  seemed  to  know 
more  than  his  neighbor,  nor  any  man  to  know 
more  than  an  honest  man  ought  to  know,  who 
has  nobody's  business  to  mind  but  his  own  ;  the 
parson  and  the  council  clerk  were  the  only  men 
that  could  read  in  the  community,  and  the  sage 
Van  Twiller  always  signed  his  name  with  a  cross. 


Effects  of  a  3fat  Government      201 


Thrice  happy  and  ever  to  be  envied  little 
burgh  !  existing  in  all  the  security  of  harmless 
insignificance, — unnoticed  and  unenvied  by  the 
world,  without  ambition,  without  vainglor\', 
without  riches,  without  learning,  and  all  their 
train  of  carking  cares  ;  and  as  of  yore,  in  the 
better  days  of  man,  the  deities  were  wont  to 
visit  him  on  earth  and  bless  his  rural  habita- 
tions, so,  we  are  told,  in  the  sylvan  days  of  New- 
Amsterdam,  the  good  St.  Nicholas  would  often 
make  his  appearance  in  his  beloved  city,  of  a 
holiday  afternoon,  riding  jollily  among  the 
tree-tops,  or  over  the  roofs  of  the  houses,  now 
and  then  drawing  forth  magnificent  presents 
from  his  breeches-pockets,  and  dropping  them 
down  the  chimneys  of  his  favorites.  Whereas, 
in  these  degenerate  days  of  iron  and  brass,  he 
never  shows  us  the  light  of  his  countenance, 
nor  ever  visits  us,  save  one  night  in  the  year, 
when  he  rattles  down  the  chimneys  of  the  de- 
scendants of  patriarchs,  confining  his  presents 
merely  to  the  children,  in  token  of  the  degen- 
eracy of  the  parents. 

Such  are  the  comfortable  and  thriving  effects 
of  a  fat  government.  The  province  of  the  New 
Netherlands,  destitute  of  wealth,  possessed  a 
sweet  tranquillity  that  wealth  could  never  pur- 
chase. There  were  neither  public  commotions, 
nor  private  quarrels  ;  neither  parties,  nor  sects, 


202  Ibistoris  of  IFlcw  ^ovk 

nor  schisms  ;  neither  persecutions,  nor  trials, 
nor  punishments  :  nor  were  there  counsellors, 
attorneys,  catchpolls,  or  hangmen.  Every  man 
attended  to  what  little  business  he  was  lucky 
enough  to  have,  or  neglected  it  if  he  pleased, 
without  asking  the  opinion  of  his  neighbor.  In 
those  days  nobody  meddled  with  concerns 
above  his  comprehension  ;  nor  thrust  his  nose 
into  other  people's  affairs  ;  nor  neglected  to 
correct  his  own  conduct,  and  reform  his  own 
character,  in  his  zeal  to  pull  to  pieces  the  charac- 
ter of  others  ; — but,  in  a  word,  every  respectable 
citizen  ate  when  he  was  not  hungry,  drank 
when  he  was  not  thirsty,  and  went  regularly  to 
bed  when  the  sun  set  and  the  fowls  went  to 
roost,  whether  he  w^as  sleepy  or  not ;  all  which 
tended  so  remarkably  to  the  population  of  the 
settlement,  that  I  am  told  every  dutiful  wife 
throughout  New  Amsterdam  made  a  point  of 
enriching  her  husband  with  at  least  one  child  a 
year,  and  very  often  a  brace, — this  superabun- 
dance of  good  things  clearly  constituting  the 
true  luxury  of  life,  according  to  the  favorite 
Dutch  maxim,  that  ' '  more  than  enough  consti- 
tutes a  feast."  Every  thing,  therefore,  went  on 
exactly  as  it  should  do,  and  in  the  usual  words 
employed  by  historians  to  express  the  welfare 
of  a  country,  "the  profoundest  trayiquillity  and 
repose  reigned  throughout  the  province." 


CHAPTER  III. 

HOW  THE  TOWN  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  AROSE 
OUT  OF  MUD,  AND  CAME  TO  BE  MARVEI.- 
I,OUSI<Y  POI.ISHED  AND  POI.ITE — TOGETHER 
WITH  A  PICTURE  OF  THE  MANNERS  OF  OUR 
GREAT-GREAT-GR.\NDFATHERS. 

MANIFOLD  are  the  tastes  and  dispositions 
of  the  enlightened  literati^  who  turn  over 
the  pages  of  history.  Some  there  be  whose 
hearts  are  brimful  of  the  yeast  of  courage,  and 
whose  bosoms  do  work,  and  swell,  and  foam, 
with  untried  valor,  like  a  barrel  of  new  cider, 
or  a  train-band  captain,  fresh  from  under  the 
hands  of  his  tailor.  This  doughty  class  of 
readers  can  be  satisfied  with  nothing  but  bloody 
battles,  and  horrible  encounters  ;  they  must  be 
continually  storming  forts,  sacking  cities, 
springing  mines,  marching  up  to  the  muzzles  of 
cannon,  charging  bayonet  through  every  page, 
and  revelling  in  gunpowder  and  carnage. 
Others,  who  are  of  a  less  martial,  but  equally 
ardent  imagination,  and  who,  withal,  are  a  lit- 


204  Ibistorg  ot  IRew  l^ork 


tie  given  to  the  marvellous,  will  dwell  with 
wondrous  satisfaction  on  descriptions  of  prodi- 
gies, unheard-of  events,  hair-breadth  escapes, 
hardy  adventures,  and  all  those  astonishing 
narrations  which  just  amble  along  the  boundary- 
line  of  possibility.  A  third  class,  who,  not  to 
speak  slightly  of  them,  are  of  a  lighter  turn, 
and  skim  over  the  records  of  past  times,  as  they 
do  over  the  edifying  pages  of  a  novel,  merely 
for  relaxation  and  innocent  amusement,  do  sin- 
gularly delight  in  treasons,  executions,  Sabine 
rapes,  Tarquin  outrages,  conflagrations,  mur- 
ders, and  all  the  other  catalogue  of  hideous 
crimes,  which,  like  cayenne  in  cooker^',  do  give 
a  pungency  and  flavor  to  the  dull  detail  of  his- 
tory. While  a  fourth  class,  of  more  philosophic 
habits,  do  diligently  pore  over  the  musty 
chronicles  of  time,  to  investigate  the  operations 
of  the  human  kind,  and  watch  the  gradual 
changes  in  men  and  manners,  effected  by  the 
progress  of  knowledge,  the  vicissitudes  of 
events,  or  the  influence  of  situation. 

If  the  three  first  classes  find  but  little  where- 
withal to  solace  themselves  in  the  tranquil  reign 
of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  I  entreat  them  to  exert 
their  patience  for  a  while,  and  bear  with  the 
tedious  picture  of  happiness,  prosperity,  and 
peace,  which  my  duty  as  a  faithful  historian 
obliges  me  to  draw  ;  and  I  promise  them  that 


prosperous  C^ranstormations      205 

as  soon  as  I  can  possibly  alight  on  any  thing 
horrible,  uncommon,  or  impossible,  it  shall  go 
hard  but  I  will  make  it  afford  them  entertain- 
ment. This  being  premised,  I  turn  with  great 
complacency  to  the  fourth  class  of  my  readers, 
who  are  men,  or,  if  possible,  women  after  my 
own  heart  ;  grave,  philosophical,  and  investi- 
gating ;  fond  of  analyzing  characters,  of  taking 
a  start  from  first  causes,  and  so  hunting  a  nation 
down  through  all  the  mazes  of  innovation  and 
improvement.  Such  will  naturally  be  anxious 
to  witness  the  first  development  of  the  newly 
hatched  colony,  and  the  primitive  manners  and 
customs  prevalent  among  its  inhabitants,  dur- 
ing the  halcyon  reign  of  Van  Twiller,  or  the 
Doubter. 

I  will  not  grieve  their  patience,  however,  by 
describing  minutely  the  increase  and  improve- 
ment of  New  Amsterdam.  Their  own  imagina- 
tions wnll  doubtless  present  to  them  the  good 
burghers,  like  so  many  painstaking  and  perse- 
vering beavers,  slowly  and  surely  pursuing  their 
labors  ;  they  will  behold  the  prosperous  trans- 
formation from  the  rude  log  hut  to  the  stately 
Dutch  mansion,  with  brick  front,  glazed  win- 
dows, and  tile  droof ;  from  the  tangled  thicket 
to  the  luxuriant  cabbage-garden  ;  and  from  the 
skulking  Indian  to  the  ponderous  burgomaster. 
In  a  word,  they  will  picture  to  themselves  the 


2o6  1bi6tori5  of  Bew  l^orft 


steady,  silent,  and  undeviating  march  of  pros- 
perity incident  to  a  city  destitute  of  pride  or 
ambition,  cherished  by  a  fat  government,  and 
whose  citizens  do  nothing  in  a  hurry. 

The  sage  council,  as  has  been  mentioned  in  a 
preceding  chapter,  not  being  able  to  determine 
upon  any  plan  for  the  building  of  their  city, — 
the  cows,  in  a  laudable  fit  of  patriotism,  took  it 
under  their  peculiar  charge,  and,  as  they  went 
to  and  from  pasture,  established  paths  through 
the  bushes,  on  each  side  of  which  the  good 
folks  built  their  houses, — which  is  one  cause  of 
the  rambling  and  picturesque  turns  and  laby- 
rinths which  distinguish  certain  streets  of  New 
York  at  this  very  day. 

The  houses  of  the  higher  class  were  generally 
constructed  of  wood,  excepting  the  gable  end, 
which  was  of  small,  black  and  yellow  Dutch 
brick,  and  always  faced  on  the  street,  as  our  an- 
cestors, like  their  descendants,  were  very  much 
given  to  outward  show,  and  were  noted  for  put- 
ting the  best  leg  foremost.  The  house  was  al- 
ways furnished  with  abundance  of  large  doors 
and  small  windows  on  every  floor,  the  date  of  its 
erection  was  curiously  designated  by  iron  figures 
on  the  front,  and  on  the  top  of  the  roof  was 
perched  a  fierce  little  weathercock,  to  let  the 
family  into  the  important  secret  which  way  the 
wind  blew. 


Domestic  Bconoms  207 


These,  like  the  weathercocks  on  the  tops  of 
our  steeples,  pointed  so  many  different  ways 
that  every  man  could  have  a  wind  to  his  mind ; 
— the  most  stanch  and  loyal  citizens,  however, 
always  went  according  to  the  weathercock  on 
the  top  of  the  governor's  house,  which  was  cer- 
tainly the  most  correct,  as  he  had  a  trusty  ser- 
vant employed  every  morning  to  climb  up  and 
set  it  to  the  right  quarter. 

In  those  good  days  of  simplicity  and  sunshine, 
a  passion  for  cleanliness  was  the  leading  prin- 
ciple in  domestic  economy,  and  the  universal 
test  of  an  able  housewife, — a  character  which 
formed  the  utmost  ambition  of  our  unenlight- 
ened grandmothers.  The  front-door  was  never 
opened,  except  on  marriages,  funerals,  New- 
Year's  days,  the  festival  of  St.  Nicholas,  or  some 
such  great  occasion.  It  was  ornamented  with  a 
gorgeous  brass  knocker,  curiously  wrought, 
sometimes  in  the  de\nce  of  a  dog,  and  some- 
times of  a  lion's  head,  and  was  daily  burnished 
-^-ith  such  religious  zeal,  that  it  was  ofttimes  worn 
out  by  the  very  precautions  taken  for  its  pres- 
ervation. The  whole  house  was  constantly  in  a 
state  of  inundation,  under  the  discipline  of 
mops  and  brooms  and  scrubbing-brushes;  and 
the  good  housewives  of  those  days  were  a  kind 
of  amphibious  animal,  delighting  exceedingly 
to  be  dabbling  in  water, — insomuch  that  an  his- 


2oS  1bi0tori5  of  IRcvv  l^ork 


torian  of  the  day  gravely  tells  us  that  many  of  his 
townswomen  grew  to  have  webbed  fingers  like 
unto  a  duck  ;  and  some  of  them,  he  had  little 
doubt,  could  the  matter  be  examined  into, 
would  be  found  to  have  the  tails  of  mermaids, — 
but  this  I  look  upon  to  be  a  mere  sport  of 
fancy,  or,  what  is  worse,  a  wilful  misrepresen- 
tation. 

The  grand  parlor  was  the  sanctum  sanctorum, 
where  the  passion  for  cleaning  was  indulged 
without  control.  In  this  sacred  apartment  no 
one  was  permitted  to  enter,  excepting  the  mis- 
tress and  her  confidential  maid,  who  visited  it 
once  a  week,  for  the  purpose  of  giving  it  a  thor- 
ough cleaning,  and  putting  things  to  rights, — 
always  taking  the  precaution  of  leaving  their 
shoes  at  the  door,  and  entering  devoutly  on  their 
stocking-feet.  After  scrubbing  the  floor,  sprink- 
ling it  with  fine  white  sand,  w^hich  was  curiously 
stroked  into  angles  and  curves  and  rhomboids 
with  a  broom, — after  washing  the  windows, 
rubbing  and  polishing  the  furniture,  and  put- 
ting a  new  bunch  of  evergreens  in  the  fireplace, 
— the  window-shutters  were  again  closed  to 
keep  out  the  flies,  and  the  room  carefully  locked 
up  until  the  revolution  of  time  brought  round 
the  weekly  cleaning  day. 

As  to  the  family,  they  always  entered  in  at 
the  gate,  and  most  generally  lived  in  the  kitchen. 


i)utcb  ^fireplaces  209 


To  have  seen  a  numerous  household  assembled 
round  the  fire,  one  would  have  imagined  that  he 
was  transported  back  to  those  happy  days  of 
primeval  simplicity,  which  float  before  our  im- 
aginations like  golden  visions.  The  fireplaces 
were  of  a  trul}-  patriarchal  magnitude,  where  the 
whole  family,  old  and  young,  master  and  serv- 
ant, black  and  white,  nay,  even  the  very  cat 
and  dog,  enjoyed  a  community  of  privilege,  and 
had  each  a  right  to  a  corner.  Here  the  old 
burgher  would  sit  in  perfect  silence,  puffing  his 
pipe,  looking  in  the  fire  with  half-shut  eyes,  and 
thinking  of  nothing  for  hours  together ;  the 
goede  vrouw,  on  the  opposite  side,  would  em- 
ploy herself  diligently  in  spinning  j-arn  or 
knitting  stockings.  The  young  folks  would 
crowd  around  the  hearth,  listening  wnth  breath- 
less attention  to  some  old  crone  of  a  negro,  who 
was  the  oracle  of  the  family,  and  who,  perched 
like  a  raven  in  a  corner  of  the  chimney,  would 
croak  forth  for  a  long  winter  afternoon  a 
string  of  incredible  stories  about  New-Eng- 
land witches, — grisly  ghosts,  horses  without 
heads, — and  hair-breadth  escapes,  and  bloody 
encounters  among  the  Indians. 

In  those  happy  days  a  well-regulated  family 
always  rose  with  the  dawn,  dined  at  eleven,  and 
went  to  bed  at  sunset.  Dinner  was  invariably  a 
private  meal,  and  the  fat  old  burghers  showed 


Ibistoi's  of  mew  ^ovk 


incontestible  signs  of  disapprobation  and  un- 
easiness at  being  surprised  by  a  visit  from  a 
neighbor  on  such  occasions.  But  though  our 
worthy  ancestors  were  thus  singularly  averse  to 
giving  dinners,  yet  they  kept  up  the  social 
bands  of  intimacy  by  occasional  banquetings, 
called  tea-parties. 

These  fashionable  parties  were  generally  con- 
fined to  the  higher  classes,  or  noblesse,  that  is 
to  say,  such  as  kept  their  own  cows,  and  drove 
their  own  wagons.  The  company  commonly 
assembled  at  three  o'clock,  and  went  away 
about  six,  unless  it  was  in  winter-time,  when 
the  fashionable  hours  were  a  little  earlier,  that 
the  ladies  might  get  home  before  dark.  The 
tea-table  was  crowned  with  a  huge  earthen 
dish,  well  stored  with  slices  of  fat  pork,  fried 
brown,  cut  up  into  morsels,  and  swimming  in 
gravy.  The  company  being  seated  round  the 
genial  board,  and  each  furnished  with  a  fork, 
evinced  their  dexterity  in  launching  at  the 
fattest  pieces  in  this  mighty  dish, — in  much  the 
same  manner  as  sailors  harpoon  porpoises  at 
sea,  or  our  Indians  spear  salmon  in  the  lakes. 
Sometimes  the  table  was  graced  with  immense 
apple-pies,  or  saucers  full  of  preserved  peaches 
and  pears ;  but  it  was  always  sure  to  boast  an 
enormous  dish  of  balls  of  sweetened  dough, 
fried  in   hog's   fat,    and   called  doughnuts,    or 


primitive  C^ca^iparties 


olykoeks, — a  delicious  kind  of  cake,  at  present 
scarce  known  in  this  city,  except  in  genuine 
Dutch  families. 

The  tea  was  served  out  of  a  majestic  Delft  tea- 
pot, ornamented  with  paintings  of  fat  little 
Dutch  shepherds  and  shepherdesses  tending 
pigs,  with  boats  sailing  in  the  air,  and  houses 
built  in  the  clouds,  and  sundry  other  ingenious 
Dutch  fantasies.  The  beaux  distinguished 
themselves  by  their  adroitness  in  replenishing 
this  pot  from  a  huge  copper  tea-kettle,  which 
would  have  made  the  pigmy  macaronies  of  these 
degenerate  days  sweat  merely  to  look  at  it.  To 
sweeten  the  beverage,  a  lump  of  sugar  was  laid 
beside  each  cup,  and  the  company  alternately 
nibbled  and  sipped  with  great  decorum,  until 
an  improvement  was  introduced  by  a  shrewd 
and  economic  old  lady,  which  was  to  suspend  a 
large  lump  directly  over  the  tea-table,  by  a 
string  from  the  ceiling,  so  that  it  could  be 
swung  from  mouth  to  mouth, — an  ingenious 
expedient,  which  is  still  kept  up  by  some  fami- 
lies in  Albany,  but  which  prevails  without  ex- 
ception in  Communipaw,  Bergen,  Flatbush,  and 
all  our  uncontaminated  Dutch  villages. 

At  these  primitive  tea-parties  the  utmost  pro- 
priety and  dignity  of  deportment  prevailed.  No 
flirting  nor  coquetting, — no  gambling  of  old 
ladies,  nor  hoyden  chattering  and  romping  of 


Ibistorg  ot  IRcw  l^orft 


young  ones, —  no  self-satisfied  struttings  of 
wealthy  gentlemen,  with  their  brains  in  their 
pockets,  nor  amusing  conceits  and  monkey 
divertisements  of  smart  young  gentlemen  with 
no  brains  at  all.  On  the  contrary,  the  young 
ladies  seated  themselves  demurely  in  their 
rush-bottomed  chairs,  and  knit  their  own  wool- 
len stockings  ;  nor  ever  opened  their  lips  except- 
ing to  say  yak  Mynhee7%  or,  yah  ya  Vrouw,  to 
any  question  that  was  asked  them ;  behaving  in 
all  things  like  decent,  well-educated  damsels. 
As  to  the  gentlemen,  each  of  them  tranquilly 
smoked  his  pipe,  and  seemed  lost  in  contempla- 
tion of  the  blue  and  white  tiles  with  which  the 
fireplaces  were  decorated  ;  wherein  sundry  pas- 
sages of  Scripture  were  piously  portrayed  :  Tobit 
and  his  dog  figured  to  great  advantage  ;  Haman 
swung  conspicuously  on  his  gibbet ;  and  Jonah 
appeared  most  manfully  bouncing  out  of  the 
whale,  like  harlequin  through  a  barrel  of  fire. 

The  parties  broke  up  without  noise  and  with- 
out confusion.  They  were  carried  home  by  their 
own  carriages,  that  is  to  say,  by  the  vehicles 
nature  had  provided  them,  excepting  such  of 
the  wealthy  as  could  aiford  to  keep  a  wagon. 
The  gentlemen  gallantly  attended  their  fair  ones 
to  their  respective  abodes,  and  took  leave  of 
them  with  a  hearty  smack  at  the  door  :  which, 
as  it  was  an  established  piece  of  etiquette,  done 


fcissing  no  Scan&al 


213 


in  perfect  simplicity  and  honesty  of  heart, 
occasioned  no  scandal  at  that  time,  nor  should 
it  at  the  present  ; — if  our  great-grandfathers 
approved  of  the  custom,  it  would  argue  a  great 
want  of  deference  in  their  descendants  so  say  a 
word  against  it. 


^^ 


CHAPTER  IV. 

CONTAINING  FURTHER  PARTICUI.ARS  OF  THE 
GOLDEN  AGE,  AND  WHAT  CONSTITUTED  A 
FINE  LADY  AND  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  DAYS 
OF  WALTER  THE  DOUBTER. 


IN  this  dulcet  period  of  my  histor>%  when  the 
beauteous  island  of  Mannahata  presented  a 
scene,  the  very  counterpart  of  those  glowing 
pictures  drawn  of  the  golden  reign  of  Saturn, 
there  was,  as  I  have  before  observ-ed,  a  happy 
ignorance,  an  honest  simplicity  prevalent 
among  its  inhabitants,  which,  were  I  even  able 
to  depict,  w^ould  be  but  little  understood  by  the 
degenerate  age  for  which  I  am  doomed  to  write. 
Bven  the  female  sex,  those  arch  innovators 
upon  the  tranquillity,  the  honesty,  and  gray- 
beard  customs  of  society,  seemed  for  a  while 
to  conduct  themselves  with  incredible  sobriety 
and  comeliness. 

Their  hair,   untortured  by  the  abominations 


Capacious  ipochct5  215 

of  art,  was  scrupulously  pomatumed  back  from 
their  foreheads  with  a  candle,  and  covered  with 
a  little  cap  of  quilted  calico,  which  fitted  exactly 
to  their  heads.  Their  petticoats  of  linsey- 
woolsey  were  striped  with  a  variety  of  gorgeous 
dyes, — though  I  must  confess  these  gallant 
garments  were  rather  short,  scarce  reaching 
below  the  knee  ;  but  then  they  made  up  in  the 
number,  which  generally  equalled  that  of  the 
gentleman's  smallclothes  ;  and  what  is  still 
more  praiseworth}^,  they  were  all  of  their  own 
manufacture, — of  which  circumstance,  as  may 
well  be  supposed,  they  were  not  a  little  vain. 

These  were  the  honest  days  in  which  every 
woman  stayed  at  home,  read  the  Bible,  and  wore 
pockets, — ay,  and  that  too  of  a  goodly  size,  fash- 
ioned with  patchwork  into  many  curious  de- 
rices,  and  ostentatiously  worn  on  the  outside. 
These,  in  fact,  were  convenient  receptacles, 
where  all  good  housewives  carefully  stored 
away  such  things  as  they  wished  to  have  at 
hand ,  by  which  means  they  often  came  to  be 
incredibly  crammed  ;  and  I  remember  there 
was  a  story  current,  when  I  was  a  boy,  that  the 
lady  of  Wouter  Van  T^riller  once  had  occasion 
to  empty  her  right  pocket  in  search  of  a  wooden 
ladle,  when  the  contents  filled  a  couple  of  corn 
baskets,  and  the  utensil  was  discovered  lying 
among  some  rubbish  in  one  corner ; — ]mt  we 


2i6  Ibietot^  of  1Plew  l^orft 

must  not  give  too  mucli  faith  to  all  these  stories, 
the  anecdotes  of  those  remote  periods  being 
very  subject  to  exaggeration. 

Besides  these  notable  pockets,  they  likewise 
wore  scissors  and  pin-cushions  suspended  from 
their  girdles  by  red  ribands,  or,  among  the  more 
opulent  and  showy  classes,  by  brass,  and  even 
silver  chains, — indubitable  tokens  of  thrifty 
housewives  and  industrious  spinsters.  I  cannot 
say  much  in  vindication  of  the  shortness  of  the 
petticoats  ;  it  doubtless  was  introduced  for  the 
purpose  of  giving  the  stockings  a  chance  to  be 
seen,  which  were  generally  of  blue  worsted, 
with  magnificent  red  clocks, — or,  perhaps,  to 
display  a  well-turned  ankle,  and  a  neat,  though 
serviceable  foot,  set  off  by  a  high-heeled  leath- 
ern shoe,  with  a  large  and  splendid  silver 
buckle.  Thus  we  find  that  the  gentle  sex  in  all 
ages  have  shown  the  same  disposition  to  in- 
fringe a  little  upon  the  laws  of  decorum,  in 
order  to  betray  a  lurking  beauty,  or  gratify  an 
innocent  love  of  finery. 

From  the  sketch  here  given,  it  will  be  seen 
that  our  good  grandmothers  differed  consider- 
ably in  their  ideas  of  a  fine  figure  from  their 
scantily  dressed  descendants  of  the  present  day. 
A  fine  lady,  in  those  times,  waddled  under 
more  clothes,  even  on  a  fair  summer's  day, 
than  would  have   clad  the  whole  hevj  of  a 


tUsctul  a^ornment6 


modem  ball-room.  Nor  were  they  the  less  ad- 
mired by  the  gentlemen  in  consequence  there- 
of. On  the  contrary,  the  greatness  of  a  lover's 
passion  seemed  to  increase  in  proportion  to  the 
magnitude  of  its  object, — and  a  voluminous 
damsel,  arrayed  in  a  dozen  of  petticoats,  was 
declared  by  a  Low-Dutch  sonneteer  of  the  prov- 
ince to  be  radiant  as  a  sunflower,  and  luxuriant 
as  a  full-blown  cabbage.  Certain  it  is,  that  in 
those  days  the  heart  of  a  lover  could  not  con- 
tain more  than  one  lady  at  a  time  ;  whereas  the 
heart  of  a  modern  gallant  has  often  room 
enough  to  accommodate  half  a  dozen.  The 
reason  of  which  I  conclude  to  be,  that  either 
the  hearts  of  the  gentlemen  have  grown  larger, 
or  the  persons  of  the  ladies  smaller  :  this,  how- 
ever, is  a  question  for  physiologists  to  deter- 
mine. 

But  there  was  a  secret  charm  in  these  pet- 
ticoats, which,  no  doubt,  entered  into  the 
consideration  of  the  prudent  gallants.  The 
wardrobe  of  a  lady  was  in  those  days  her  only 
fortune  ;  and  she  who  had  a  good  stock  of  petti- 
coats and  stockings  was  as  absolutely  an  heiress 
as  is  a  Kamtchatka  damsel  with  a  store  of  bear- 
skins, or  a  Lapland  belle  with  a  plenty  of  rein- 
deer. The  ladies,  therefore,  were  very  anxious 
to  display  these  powerful  attractions  to  the 
greatest  advantage  ;  and  the  best  rooms  in  the 


2i3  Ibistor^  of  Bcw  l^ork 

house,  instead  of  being  adorned  with  caricatures 
of  dame  nature,  in  water-colors  and  needle- 
work, were  always  hung  round  with  abundance 
of  homespun  garments,  the  manufacture  and 
the  property  of  the  females, — a  piece  of  laudable 
ostentation  that  still  prevails  among  the 
heiresses  of  our  Dutch  villages. 

The  gentlemen,  in  fact,  who  figured  in  the 
circles  of  the  gay  world  in  these  ancient  times, 
corresponded  in  most  particulars,  with  the  beau- 
teous damsels  whose  smiles  they  were  ambitious 
to  deserve.  True  it  is,  their  merits  would  make 
but  a  very  inconsiderable  impression  upon  the 
heart  of  a  modern  fair  ;  they  neither  drove  their 
curricles,  nor  sported  their  tandems,  for  as  yet 
those  gaudy  vehicles  were  not  even  dreamt  of; 
neither  did  they  distinguish  themselves  by  their 
brilliancy  at  the  table,  and  their  consequent 
rencontres  with  watchmen,  for  our  forefathers 
were  of  too  pacific  a  disposition  to  need  those 
guardians  of  the  night,  every  soul  throughout 
the  town  being  sound  asleep  before  nine  o'clock. 
Neither  did  they  establish  their  claims  to  gen- 
tility at  the  expense  of  their  tailors,  for  as  yet 
those  offenders  against  the  pockets  of  society, 
and  the  tranquillity  of  all  aspiring  young  gentle- 
men, were  unknown  in  New  Amsterdam  ;  every 
good  housewife  made  the  clothes  of  her  husband 
and  family,  and  even  the  goede  vrouw  of  Van 


Gas  Cavaliers  219 

Twiller  himself  thought  it  no  disparagement  to 
cut  out  her  husband's  linsey-woolsey  galligas- 
kins. 

Not  but  what  there  were  some  two  or  three 
youngsters  who  manifested  the  first  dawning  of 
what  is  called  fire  and  spirit  ;  who  held  all  labor 
in  contempt ;  skulked  about  docks  and  market- 
places ;  loitered  in  the  sunshine;  squandered 
what  little  money  they  could  procure  at  hustle- 
cap  and  chuck-farthing  ;  swore,  boxed,  fought 
cocks,  and  raced  their  neighbors'  horses  ;  in 
short,  who  promised  to  be  the  wonder,  the  talk, 
and  abomination  of  the  town,  had  not  their 
stylish  career  been  unfortunately  cut  short  by 
an  affair  of  honor  with  a  whipping-post. 

Far  other,  however,  was  the  truly  fashionable 
gentleman  of  those  days  ;  his  dress,  which 
serv' ed  for  both  morning  and  evening,  street  and 
drawing-room,  was  a  linsey-woolsey  coat,  made, 
perhaps,  by  the  fair  hands  of  the  mistress  of 
his  affections,  and  gallantly  bedecked  with 
abundance  of  large  brass  buttons  ;  half  a  score 
of  breeches  heightened  the  proportions  of  his 
figure  ;  his  shoes  were  decorated  by  enormous 
copper  buckles  ;  a  low-crowned  broad-brimmed 
hat  overshadowed  his  burly  visage  ;  and  his 
hair  dangled  down  his  back  in  a  prodigious 
queue  of  eel-skin. 

Thus  equipped,  he  would  manfully  sally  forth, 


220  1bl6tor^  of  IRcw  l^orft 

with  pipe  in  mouth,  to  besiege  some  fair  dam- 
sel's obdurate  heart, — not  such  a  pipe,  good 
reader,  as  that  which  Acis  did  sweetly  tune  in 
praise  of  his  Galatea,  but  one  of  true  Delft 
manufacture,  and  furnished  with  a  charge  of 
fragrant  tobacco.  With  this  would  he  reso- 
lutely set  himself  down  before  the  fortress,  and 
rarely  failed,  in  the  process  of  time,  to  smoke 
the  fair  enemy  into  a  surrender,  upon  honorable 
terms. 

Such  was  the  happy  reign  of  Wouter  Van 
Twiller,  celebrated  in  many  a  long-forgotten 
song  as  the  real  golden  age,  the  rest  being  noth- 
ing but  counterfeit  copper-washed  coin.  In 
that  delightful  period,  a  sweet  and  holy  calm 
reigned  over  the  whole  province.  The  burgo- 
master smoked  his  pipe  in  peace  ;  the  substan- 
tial solace  of  his  domestic  cares,  after  her  daily 
toils  were  done,  sat  soberly  at  the  door,  with  her 
arms  crossed  over  her  apron  of  snowy  white, 
without  being  insulted  with  ribald  street-walk- 
ers or  vagabond  boys, — those  unlucky  urchins 
who  do  so  infest  our  streets,  displaying,  under 
the  roses  of  youth,  the  thorns  and  briers  of  in- 
iquity. Then  it  was  that  the  lover  with  ten 
breeches,  and  the  damsel  with  petticoats  of  half 
a  score,  indulged  in  all  the  innocent  endear- 
ments of  virtuous  love,  without  fear  and  with- 
out reproach  ;  for  what  had  that  virtue  to  fear, 


^be  (3olDcn  Bae 


which  was  defended  by  a  shield  of  good  linsey- 
woolseys,  equal  at  least  to  the  seven  bull-hides 
of  the  invincible  Ajax  ? 

Ah,  blissful  and  never-to-be-forgotten  age  ! 
when  every  thing  was  better  than  it  has  ever 
been  since,  or  ever  will  be  again, — when  Butter- 
milk Channel  was  quite  dry  at  low  water, — when 
the  shad  in  the  Hudson  were  all  salmon, — and 
when  the  moon  shone  with  a  pure  and  resplen- 
dent whiteness,  instead  of  that  melancholy  yel- 
low light  which  is  the  consequence  of  her  sick- 
ening at  the  abominations  she  every  night 
witnesses  in  this  degenerate  city  ! 

Happy  would  it  have  been  for  New  Amster- 
dam could  it  always  have  existed  in  this  state 
of  blissful  ignorance  and  lowly  simplicity  ;  but, 
alas  !  the  da3'S  of  childhood  are  too  sweet  to 
last !  Cities,  like  men,  grow  out  of  them  in  time, 
and  are  doomed  alike  to  grow  into  the  bustle, 
the  cares,  and  miseries  of  the  world.  Let  no 
man  congratulate  himself,  when  he  beholds  the 
child  of  his  bosom  or  the  city  of  his  birth  in- 
creasing in  magnitude  and  importance, — let  the 
histor)'  of  his  own  life  teach  him  the  dangers  of 
the  one,  and  this  excellent  little  history  of  Man- 
nahata  convince  him  of  the  calamities  of  the 
other. 


CHAPTER  V. 

OF  THE  FOUNDING  OF  FORT  AURANIA — OF  THE 
]M\'STERIES  OF  THE  HUDSON — OF  THE  ARRI- 
VAI,  OF  THE  PATROON  KILWAN  VAN  RENSEIv 
I,AER  ;  HIS  I.ORDI.Y  DESCENT  UPON  THE 
EARTH,  AND  HIS  INTRODUCTION  OF  CI,UB- 
I<AW. 


IT  has  already  been  mentioned,  that,  in  the 
early  times  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  a  fron- 
tier-post, or  trading-house,  called  Fort  Aurania, 
had  been  established  on  the  upper  waters  of  the 
Hudson,  precisely  on  the  site  of  the  present 
venerable  city  of  Albany  ;  which  was  at  that 
time  considered  at  the  very  end  of  the  habitable 
world.  It  was,  indeed,  a  remote  possession, 
with  which,  for  a  long  time,  New  Amsterdam 
held  but  little  intercourse.  Now  and  then  the 
"  Company's  Yacht,"  as  it  was  called,  was  sent 
to  the  fort  with  supplies,  and  to  bring  away  the 
peltries  which  had  been  purchased  of  the  In- 


•ffjillian  Dan  IRenscllaer  223 

dians.  It  was  like  an  expedition  to  the  Indias, 
or  the  North  Pole,  and  always  made  great  talk 
in  the  settlement.  Sometimes  an  adventurous 
burgher  would  accompany  the  expedition,  to 
the  great  uneasiness  of  his  friends  ;  but,  on  his 
return,  had  so  many  stories  to  tell  of  storms  and 
tempests  on  the  Tappan  Zee,  of  hobgoblins  in 
the  Highlands  and  at  the  Devil's  Dans  Kam- 
mer,  and  of  all  the  other  wonders  and  perils 
with  which  the  river  abounded  in  those  early 
days,  that  he  deterred  the  less  adventurous  in- 
habitants from  following  his  example. 

Matters  were  in  this  state,  when,  one  day,  as 
Walter  the  Doubter  and  his  burgermeesters  were 
smoking  and  pondering  over  the  affairs  of  the 
province,  they  were  roused  by  the  report  of  a 
cannon.  Sallying  forth,  they  beheld  a  strange 
vessel  at  anchor  in  the  bay.  It  was  unquestion- 
ably of  Dutch  build,  broad-bottomed  and  high- 
pooped,  and  bore  the  flag  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses at  the  mast-head. 

After  a  while,  a  boat  put  off  for  land,  and  a 
stranger  stepped  on  shore, — a  lofty,  lordly  kind 
of  man,  tall,  and  dry,  with  a  meagre  face,  fur- 
nished with  huge  moustaches.  He  was  clad  in 
Flemish  doublet  and  hose,  and  an  insufferably 
tall  hat,  with  a  cocktail  feather.  Such  was  the 
patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  who  had  come 
out  from  Holland  to  found  a  colony  or  patroon- 


224  Ibistor^  ot  IRew  l!)orR 

ship  on  a  great  tract  of  wild  land,  granted  to 
him  by  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords 
States-General,  in  the  upper  regions  of  the 
Hudson. 

Killian  Van  Rensellaer  was  a  nine  days'  won- 
der in  New  Amsterdam  ;  for  he  carried  a  high 
head,  looked  down  upon  the  portly,  short-legged 
burgomasters,  and  owned  no  allegiance  to  the 
governor  himself;  boasting  that  he  held  his  pa- 
troonship  directly  from  the  Lords  States-Gen- 
eral. 

He  tarried  but  a  short  time  in  New  Amster- 
dam, merely  to  beat  up  recruits  for  his  colony. 
Few,  however,  ventured  to  enlist  for  those  re- 
mote and  savage  regions  ;  and  when  they  em- 
barked, their  friends  took  leave  of  them  as  if 
they  should  never  see  them  more,  and  stood 
gazing  with  tearful  eye  as  the  stout,  round- 
stemed  little  vessel  ploughed  and  splashed  its 
way  up  the  Hudson,  with  great  noise  and  little 
progress,  taking  nearly  a  day  to  get  out  of  sight 
of  the  city. 

And  now,  from  time  to  time,  floated  down 
tidings  to  the  Manhattoes  of  the  growing  im- 
portance of  this  new  colony.  Every  account 
represented  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  as  rising  in 
importance  and  becoming  a  mighty  patroon  in 
the  land.  He  had  received  more  recruits  from 
Holland,     His  patroonship  of  Reusellaerwick 


Dan  1Ren6Cllaer'6  'dsurpations     225 

lay  immediately  below  Fort  Aurania,  and  ex- 
tended for  several  miles  on  each  side  of  the 
Hudson,  beside  embracing  the  mountainous 
region  of  the  Helderberg.  Over  all  this  he 
claimed  to  hold  separate  jurisdiction,  inde- 
pendent of  the  colonial  authorities  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. 

All  these  assumptions  of  authority  were  duly 
reported  to  Governor  Van  Twiller  and  his  coun- 
cil, by  dispatches  from  Fort  Aurania ;  at  each 
new  report  the  governor  and  his  counsellors 
looked  at  each  other,  raised  their  eyebrows, 
gave  an  extra  puff  or  two  of  smoke,  and  then 
relapsed  into  their  usual  tranquillity. 

At  length  tidings  came  that  the  patroon  of 
Rensellaerwick  had  extended  his  usurpations 
along  the  river,  beyond  the  limits  granted  him 
by  their  High  Mightinesses  ;  and  that  he  had 
even  seized  upon  a  rocky  island  in  the  Hudson, 
commonly  known  by  the  name  of  Beam  or 
Bear's  Island,  where  he  was  erecting  a  fortress, 
to  be  called  by  the  lordly  name  of  Rensellaer- 
stein. 

"Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  roused  by  this  intel- 
ligence. After  consulting  with  his  burgomas- 
ters, he  dispatched  a  letter  to  the  patroon  of 
Rensellaerwick,  demanding  by  what  right  he 
had  seized  upon  this  island,  which  lay  beyond 
the  bounds  of  his  patroonship.     The  answer  of 


226  Ibistor^  ot  IWew  J^ork 

Killian  Van  Rensellaer  was  in  his  own  lordly 
style,  '^  By  wapen  rcchtf — that  is  to  say,  by 
the  right  of  arms,  or,  in  common  parlance,  by 
club-law.  This  answer  plunged  the  worthy 
Wouter  in  one  of  the  deepest  doubts  he  had  in 
the  whole  course  of  his  administration  ;  in  the 
meantime,  while  Wouter  doubted,  the  lordly 
Killian  went  on  to  finish  his  fortress  of  Rensel- 
laerstein,  about  which  I  foresee  I  shall  have 
something  to  record  in  a  future  chapter  of  this 
most  eventful  history. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

IN  WHICH  THE  READER  IS  BEGUII.ED  INTO  A 
DEI^ECTABLE  WALK,  WHICH  ENDS  VERY  DIF- 
FERENTLY FROM   WHAT  IT  COMMENCED. 

IN  the  year  of  our  Lord  one  thousand  eight 
hundred  and  four,  on  a  fine  afternoon  in  the 
glowing  month  of  September,  I  took  my  cus- 
tomary walk  upon  the  Battery,  which  is  at  once 
the  pride  and  bulwark  of  this  ancient  and  im- 
pregnable city  of  New  York.  The  ground  on 
which  I  trod  was  hallowed  by  recollections  of 
the  past ;  and  as  I  slowly  wandered  through 
the  long  alley  of  poplars,  which,  like  so  many 
birch  brooms  standing  on  end,  diffused  a  mel- 
ancholy and  lugubrious  shade,  my  imagination 
drew  a  contrast  between  the  surrounding 
scener>'  and  what  it  was  in  the  classic  days  of 
our  forefathers.  Where  the  government  house 
by  name,  but  the  custom-house  by  occupation, 
proudly  reared  its  brick  walls  and  wooden  pil- 
lars, there  whilom  stood  the  low,  but  substan- 
tial, red-tiled  mansion  of  the  renowned  Wouter 


228  Ibistorg  of  mew  ^ovk 

Van  Twiller.  Around  it  the  mighty  bulwarks 
of  Fort  Amsterdam  frowned  defiance  to  every 
absent  foe  ;  but,  like  many  a  whiskered  warrior 
and  gallant  militia  captain,  confined  their  mar- 
tial deeds  to  frowns  alone.  The  mud  breast- 
works had  long  been  levelled  with  the  earth, 
and  their  site  converted  into  the  green  lawns 
and  leafy  alleys  of  the  Battery  ;  where  the  gay 
apprentice  sported  his  Sunday  coat,  and  the 
laborious  mechanic,  relieved  from  the  dirt  and 
drudgery  of  the  week,  poured  his  weekly  tale 
of  love  into  the  half-averted  ear  of  the  senti- 
mental chambermaid.  The  capacious  bay  still 
presented  the  same  expansive  sheet  of  water, 
studded  with  islands,  sprinkled  with  fishing- 
boats,  and  bounded  by  shores  of  picturesque 
beauty.  But  the  dark  forests  which  once 
clothed  those  shores  had  been  violated  by  the 
savage  hand  of  cultivation,  and  their  tangled 
mazes,  and  impenetrable  thickets,  had  degener- 
ated into  teeming  orchards,  and  waving  fields 
of  grain.  Even  Governor's  Island,  once  a  smil- 
ing garden,  appertaining  to  the  sovereigns  of 
the  province,  was  now  covered  with  fortifica- 
tions, inclosing  a  tremendous  block-house, — so 
that  this  once  peaceful  island  resembled  a  fierce 
little  warrior  in  a  big  cocked  hat,  breathing 
gunpowder  and  defiance  to  the  world  ! 

For  some  time  did   I   indulge  in  a  pensive 


Bn  Butumn  ©a^  229 

train  of  thought ;  contrasting,  in  sober  sadness, 
the  present  day  with  the  hallowed  years  behind 
the  mountains  ;  lamenting  the  melancholy 
progress  of  improvement,  and  praising  the  zeal 
with  which  our  worthy  burghers  endeavored  to 
preserve  the  wrecks  of  venerable  customs,  preju- 
dices, and  errors  from  the  overwhelming  tide 
of  modem  innovation, — when,  by  degrees,  my 
ideas  took  a  different  turn,  and  I  insensibly 
awakened  to  an  enjoyment  of  the  beauties 
around  me. 

It  was  one  of  those  rich  autumnal  days  which 
heaven  particularly  bestows  upon  the  beauteous 
island  of  Mannahata  and  its  vicinity, — not  a 
floating  cloud  obscured  the  azure  firmament, — 
the  sun,  rolling  in  glorious  splendor  through  his 
ethereal  course,  seemed  to  expand  his  honest 
Dutch  countenance  into  an  unusual  expression 
of  benevolence,  as  he  smiled  his  evening  salu- 
tation upon  a  city  which  he  delights  to  visit 
with  his  most  bounteous  beams, — the  ver\'  winds 
seemed  to  hold  in  their  breaths  in  mute  atten- 
tion, lest  they  should  ruffle  the  tranquillity  of 
the  hour, — and  the  waveless  bosom  of  the  bay 
presented  a  polished  mirror,  in  which  nature 
beheld  herself  and  smiled.  The  standard  of 
our  city,  reser\'ed  like  a  choice  handkerchief, 
for  days  of  gala,  hung  motionless  on  the  flag- 
staff,   which   forms   the    handle   of  a  gigantic 


23^^  1bf6tori?  of  1ftcw  l^orh 

cliuni ;  and  even  the  tremulous  leaves  of  the 
poplar  and  the  aspen  ceased  to  vibrate  to  the 
breath  of  heaven.  Every  thing  seemed  to  acqui- 
esce in  the  profound  repose  of  nature.  The 
formidable  eighteen -pounders  slept  in  the  em- 
brasures of  the  wooden  batteries,  seemingly 
gathering  fresh  strength  to  fight  the  battles  of 
their  country  on  the  next  fourth  of  July ;  the 
solitary  drum  on  Governor's  Island  forgot  to  call 
the  garrison  to  their  shovels  ;  the  evening  gun 
had  not  yet  sounded  its  signal  for  all  the  regu- 
lar well-meaning  poultry  throughout  the  coun- 
try to  go  to  roost ;  and  the  fleet  of  canoes,  at 
anchor  between  Gibbet  Island  and  Communi- 
paw,  slumbered  on  their  rakes,  and  suffered  the 
innocent  oysters  to  lie  for  a  while  unmolested 
in  the  soft  mud  of  their  native  banks  !  My  own 
feelings  sympathized  with  the  contagious  tran- 
quillity, and  I  should  infallibly  have  dozed  upon 
one  of  those  fragments  of  benches,  which  our 
benevolent  magistrates  have  provided  for  the 
benefit  of  convalescent  loungers,  had  not  the 
extraordinary  inconvenience  of  the  couch  set 
all  repose  at  defiance. 

In  the  midst  of  this  slumber  of  the  soul,  my 
attention  was  attracted  to  a  black  speck,  peering 
above  the  western  horizon,  just  in  the  rear  of 
Bergen  steeple  ;  gradually  it  augments  and  over- 
hangs the  would-be  cities  of  Jersey,  Harsimus, 


B  Zbnnbcv  Storm  231 

and  Hoboken,   which,   like  three  jockies,  are 

starting  on  the  course  of  existence,  and  jostling 
each  other  at  the  commencement  of  the  race. 
Now  it  skirts  the  long  shore  of  ancient  Pavonia, 
spreading  its  wide  shadows  from  the  high  settle- 
ments of  Weehawk  quite  to  the  lazaretto  and 
quarantine  erected  by  the  sagacity  of  our  police, 
for  the  embarrassment  of  commerce  ;  now  it 
climbs  the  serene  vault  of  heaven,  cloud  rolling 
over  cloud,  shrouding  the  orb  of  day,  darkening 
the  vast  expanse,  and  bearing  thunder  and  hail 
and  tempest  in  its  bosom.  The  earth  seems 
agitated  at  the  confusion  of  the  heavens  ;  the 
late  waveless  mirror  is  lashed  into  furious  waves 
that  roll  in  hollow  murmurs  to  the  shore  ;  the 
oyster-boats  that  erst  sported  in  the  placid  vicin- 
ity of  Gibbet  Island,  now  hurry  affrighted  to 
the  land  ;  the  poplar  writhes  and  twists  and 
whistles  in  the  blast ;  torrents  of  drenching  rain 
and  sounding  hail  deluge  the  Battery  walks ; 
the  gates  are  thronged  by  apprentices,  ser^-ant- 
maids,  and  little  Frenchmen,  with  pocket-hand- 
kerchiefs over  their  hats,  scampering  from  the 
storm  ;  the  late  beauteous  prospect  presents  one 
see:'.  2  of  anarchy  and  wild  uproar,  as  though 
old  Chaos  had  resumed  his  reign,  and  was  hurl- 
ing back  into  one  vast  turmoil  the  conflicting 
eler.ents  of  nature. 

Whether  I  fled  from  the  fury  of  the  storm,  or 


232  IbiBton?  of  mew  l^orft 

remained  boldly  at  my  post,  as  our  gallant  train- 
band captains  who  march  their  soldiers  through 
the  rain  without  flinching,  are  points  which  I 
leave  to  the  conjecture  of  the  reader.  It  is  pos- 
sible he  may  be  a  little  perplexed  also  to  know 
the  reason  why  I  introduced  this  tremendous 
tempest  to  disturb  the  serenity  of  my  work.  On 
this  latter  point  I  will  gratuitously  instruct  his 
ignorance.  The  panorama  view  of  the  Battery 
was  given  merely  to  gratify  the  reader  with  a 
correct  description  of  that  celebrated  place  and 
the  parts  adjacent ;  secondly,  the  storm  was 
played  off,  partly  to  give  a  little  bustle  and  life 
to  this  tranquil  part  of  my  work,  and  to  keep 
my  drowsy  readers  from  falling  asleep,  and 
partly  to  serve  as  an  overture  to  the  tempestuous 
times  which  are  about  to  assail  the  pacific  prov- 
ince of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  which  overhang 
the  slumbrous  administration  of  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller.  It  is  thus  the  experienced 
playwright  puts  all  the  fiddles,  the  French-horns, 
the  kettle-drums,  and  trumpets  of  his  orchestra 
in  requisition,  to  usher  in  one  of  those  horrible 
and  brimstone  uproars  called  melodramas, — and 
it  is  thus  he  discharges  his  thunder,  his  lightning, 
his  rosin,  and  saltpetre,  preparatory  to  the  rising 
of  a  ghost  or  the  murdering  of  a  hero.  We  will 
now  proceed  with  our  history. 

Whatever  may  be  advanced  by  philosophers 


B  3Fal0e  Security  233 

to  the  contrary,  I  am  of  opinion,  that,  as  to  na- 
tions, the  old  maxim,  that  "  honesty  is  the  best 
poHcy,"  is  a  sheer  and  ruinous  mistake.  It 
might  have  answered  well  enough  in  the  honest 
times  when  it  was  made  ;  but  in  these  degener- 
ate days,  if  a  nation  pretends  to  rely  merely 
upon  the  justice  of  its  dealings,  it  will  fare 
something  like  the  honest  man  who  fell  among 
thieves,  and  found  his  honesty  a  poor  protection 
against  bad  company.  Such,  at  least,  was  the 
case  with  the  guileless  government  of  the  New 
Netherlands  ;  which,  like  a  worthy  unsuspi- 
cious old  biirgher,  quietly  settled  itself  down  in 
the  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  as  into  a  snug 
elbow-chair,  and  fell  into  a  comfortable  nap, 
while,  in  the  meantime,  its  cunning  neighbors 
stepped  in  and  picked  its  pockets.  In  a  word, 
we  may  ascribe  the  commencement  of  all  the 
woes  of  this  great  province,  and  its  magnificent 
metropolis,  to  the  tranquil  security,  or,  to  speak 
more  accurately,  to  the  unfortunate  honesty  of 
its  government.  But  as  I  dislike  to  begin  an 
important  part  of  my  history  towards  the  end  of 
a  chapter,  and  as  my  readers,  like  myself,  must 
doubtless  be  exceedingly  fatigued  with  the  long 
walk  we  have  taken,  and  the  tempest  we  have 
sustained,  I  hold  it  meet  we  shut  up  the  book, 
smoke  a  pipe,  and,  having  thus  refreshed  our 
spirits,  take  a  fair  start  in  a  new  chapter. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

FAlTHIfUI,I.Y  DESCRIBING  THE  INGENIOUS  PEO- 
PI,E  OE  CONNECTICUT  AND  THEREABOUTS — 
SHOWING,  MOREOVER,  THE  TRUE  MEANING 
OF  LIBERTY  OF  CONSCIENCE,  AND  A  CURIOUS 
DEVICE  AMONG  THESE  STURDY  BARBARIANS 
TO  KEEP  UP  A  HARMONY  OF  INTERCOURSE, 
AND  PROMOTE  POPUIvATION. 

THAT  my  readers  ma)-  the  more  fully  com- 
prehend the  extent  of  the  calamity,  at 
this  very  moment  impending  over  the  honest, 
unsuspecting  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts, 
and  its  dubious  governor,  it  is  necessary  that  I 
should  give  some  account  of  a  horde  of  strange 
barbarians,  bordering  upon  the  eastern  frontier. 
Now  so  it  came  to  pass,  that,  many  years  pre- 
vious to  the  time  of  which  we  are  treating,  the 
sage  cabinet  of  England  had  adopted  a  certain 
national  creed,  a  kind  of  public  walk  of  faith, 
or  rather  a  religious  turnpike,  in  which  every 
loyal  subject  was  directed  to  travel  to  Zion, — 
taking  care  to  pay  the  toll-gatherers  by  the  way. 


Strag  Sbcep  235 


Albeit  a  certain  shrewd  race  of  men,  being 
very  much  given  to  indulge  their  own  opinions 
on  all  manner  of  subjects,  (a  propensity  exceed- 
ingly offensive  to  your  free  governments  of 
Europe,)  did  most  presumptuously  dare  to 
think  for  themselves  in  matters  of  religion, 
exercising  what  they  considered  a  natural  and 
unextinguishable  right  —  the  liberty  of  con- 
science. 

As,  however,  they  possessed  that  ingenious 
habit  of  mind  which  always  thinks  aloud,  which 
rides  cock-a-hoop  on  the  tongue,  and  is  forever 
galloping  into  other  people's  ears,  it  naturally 
followed  that  their  liberty  of  conscience  likewise 
implied  liberty  of  speech,  which  being  freely 
indulged,  soon  put  the  country  in  a  hubbub, 
and  aroused  the  pious  indignation  of  the  vigi- 
lant fathers  of  the  Church. 

The  usual  methods  were  adopted  to  reclaim 
them,  which  in  those  days  were  considered  effi- 
cacious in  bringing  back  stray  sheep  to  the 
fold;  that  is  to  say,  they  were  coaxed,  they 
were  admonished,  they  were  menaced,  they 
were  buffeted, — line  upon  line,  precept  upon 
precept,  lash  upon  lash,  here  a  little  and  there 
a  great  deal,  were  exhorted  without  mercy  and 
without  success, — until  the  worthy  pastors  of 
the  Church,  wearied  out  by  their  unparallaled 
stubbornness,    were   driven,   in  the   excess  of 


^36  Ibistorg  of  Iftevv  ^ovk 

their  tender  mercy,  to  adopt  the  Scripture  text, 
and  literally  to  "heap  live  embers  on  their 
heads." 

Nothing,  however,  could  subdue  that  inde- 
pendence of  the  tongue  which  has  ever  dis- 
tinguished this  singular  race,  so  that,  rather 
than  subject  that  heroic  member  to  further 
tyranny,  they  one  and  all  embarked  for  the 
wilderness  of  America,  to  enjoy,  unmolested, 
the  inestimable  right  of  talking.  And,  in  fact, 
no  sooner  did  they  land  upon  the  shore  of  this 
free-spoken  country,  than  they  all  lifted  up 
their  voices,  and  made  such  a  clamor  of  tongues, 
that  we  are  told  they  frightened  every  bird  and 
beast  out  of  the  neighborhood,  and  struck  such 
mute  terror  into  certain  fish,  that  they  have 
been  called  dumb-fish  ever  since. 

This  may  appear  marvellous,  but  it  is  never- 
theless true  ;  in  proof  of  which  I  would  obsers^e 
that  the  dumb-fish  has  ever  since  become  an 
object  of  superstitious  reverence,  and  forms  the 
Saturday's  dinner  of  every  true  Yankee. 

The  simple  aborigines  of  the  land  for  a  while 
contemplated  these  strange  folk  in  utter  aston- 
ishment ;  but  discovering  that  they  wielded 
harmless  though  noisy  weapons,  and  were  a 
lively,  ingenious,  good-humored  race  of  men, 
they  became  very  friendly  and  sociable,  and 
gave  them  the  name  of  Ya?wkies,  which  in  the 


Zbc  l^an^ces  237 

Mais-Tchusaeg  (or  Massachusett)  language  sig- 
nifies silent  niefiy — a  waggish  appellation,  since 
shortened  into  the  familiar  epithet  of  Yankees, 
which  they  retain  unto  the  present  day. 

True  it  is,  and  my  fidelity  as  an  historian  will 
not  allow  me  to  pass  over  the  fact,  that,  having 
served  a  regular  apprenticeship  in  the  school 
of  persecution,  these  ingenious  people  soon 
showed  that  they  had  become  masters  of  the 
art.  The  great  majority  were  of  one  particular 
mode  of  thinking  in  matters  of  religion ;  but,  to 
their  great  surprise  and  indignation,  they  found 
that  divers  Papists,  Quakers,  and  Anabaptists 
were  springing  up  among  them,  and  all  claim- 
ing to  use  the  liberty  of  speech.  This  was  at 
once  pronounced  a  daring  abuse  of  the  liberty 
of  conscience,  which  they  now  insisted  was 
nothing  more  than  the  liberty  to  think  as  one 
pleased  in  matters  of  religion — provided  one 
thought  right ;  for  otherwise  it  would  be  giving 
a  latitude  to  damnable  heresies.  Now  as  they, 
the  majority,  were  convinced  that  they  alone 
thought  right,  it  consequently  followed  that 
whoever  thought  different  from  them  thought 
wrong, — and  whoever  thought  wrong,  and  ob- 
stinately persisted  in  not  being  convinced  and 
converted,  was  a  flagrant  violator  of  the  inesti- 
mable liberty  of  conscience,  and  a  corrupt  and 
infectious  member  of  the  body  politic,  and  de- 


238  1bistori5  ot  IFlew  L>orK 

served  to  be  lopped  off  and  cast  into  the  fire. 
The  consequence  of  all  which  was  a  fiery  per- 
secution of  divers  sects,  and  especially  of 
Quakers. 

Now  I  '11  warrant  there  are  hosts  of  my  read- 
ers ready  at  once  to  lift  up  their  hands  and 
eyes,  with  that  virtuous  indignation  with  which 
we  contemplate  the  faults  and  errors  of  our 
neighbors,  and  to  exclaim  at  the  preposterous 
idea  of  convincing  the  mind  by  tormenting  the 
body,  and  establishing  the  doctrine  of  charity 
and  forbearance  by  intolerant  persecution.  But 
in  simple  truth,  what  are  we  doing  this  very 
day,  and  in  this  very  enlightened  nation,  but 
acting  upon  the  very  same  principle  in  our 
political  controversies  ?  Have  we  not  within 
but  a  few  years  released  ourselves  from  the 
shackles  of  a  government  which  cruelly  denied 
us  the  privilege  of  governing  ourselves,  and 
using  in  full  latitude  that  invaluable  member, 
the  tongue  ?  and  are  we  not  at  this  very  moment 
striving  our  best  to  tyrannize  over  the  opinions, 
tie  up  the  tongues,  and  ruin  the  fortunes  of  one 
another?  What  are  our  great  political  societies, 
but  mere  political  inquisitions, — our  pot-house 
committees,  but  little  tribunals  of  denunciation, 
— our  newspapers,  but  mere  whipping-posts 
and  pillories,  where  unfortunate  individuals  are 
pelted  with  rotten  eggs, — and  our  council  of 


JBunOling  239 


appointment,  but  a  grand  auto  da  fe,  where 
culprits  are  annually  sacrificed  for  their  politi- 
cal heresies  ? 

Where,  then,  is  the  difference  in  principle 
between  our  measures  and  those  you  are  so 
ready  to  condemn  among  the  people  I  am  treat- 
ing of?  There  is  none  ;  the  difference  is  merely 
circumstantial.  Thus  we  detwunce^  instead  of 
banishing, —  we  libel,  instead  of  scourging, — we 
turn  out  of  office,  instead  of  hanging, — and  where 
they  burnt  an  offender  in  proper  person,  we 
either  tar  and  feather,  or  burn  him  i^i  effigy, — 
this  political  persecution  being,  somehow  or 
other,  the  grand  palladium  of  our  liberties,  and 
an  incontrovertible  proof  that  this  is  a  free 
country. 

But  notwithstanding  the  fervent  zeal  with 
which  this  holy  war  was  prosecuted  against 
the  whole  race  of  unbelievers,  we  do  not  find 
that  the  population  of  this  new  colony  was 
in  any  wise  hindered  thereby  ;  on  the  contrary, 
they  multiplied  to  a  degree  which  would  be 
incredible  to  any  man  unacquainted  with 
the  marvellous  fecundity  of  this  growing 
country. 

This  amazing  increase  may,  indeed,  be  partly 
ascribed  to  a  singular  custom  prevalent  among 
them,  commonly  known  by  the  name  of  bun- 
dling,— a  superstitious  rite  observed  by  the  young 


240  Ibistorg  ot  IRew  ^oxk 

people  of  both  sexes,  with  which  they  usually 
terminated  their  festivities,  and  which  was  kept 
up  with  religious  strictness  by  the  more  bigoted 
part  of  the  community.  This  ceremony  was 
likewise,  in  those  primitive  times,  considered  as 
an  indispensable  preliminary  to  matrimony, 
their  courtships  commencing  where  ours  usually 
finish, — by  which  means  they  acquired  that  in- 
timate acquaintance  with  each  other's  good 
qualities  before  marriage,  which  has  been  pro- 
nounced by  philosophers  the  sure  basis  of  a 
happy  union.  Thus  early  did  this  cunning  and 
ingenious  people  display  a  shrewdness  of  mak- 
ing a  bargain,  which  has  ever  since  distin- 
guished them, — and  a  strict  adherence  to  the 
good  old  vulgar  maxim  about  "  buying  a  pig  in 
a  poke." 

To  this  sagacious  custom,  therefore,  do  I 
chiefly  attribute  the  unparalleled  increase  of 
the  Yanokie  or  Yankee  race  ;  for  it  is  a  certain 
fact,  well  authenticated  by  court  records  and 
parish  registers,  that,  wherever  the  practice  of 
bundling  prevailed,  there  was  an  amazing  num- 
ber of  sturdy  brats  annually  born  unto  the 
State,  without  the  license  of  the  law,  or  the 
benefit  of  clergy.  Neither  did  the  irregularity 
of  their  birth  operate  in  the  least  to  their  dis- 
paragement. On  the  contrary,  they  grew  up  a 
long-sided,  raw-boned,  hardy  race  of  whoreson 


'Unparalleled  "Ifncrease 


241 


whalers,  wood-cutters,  fishermen,  and  peddlers, 
and  strapping  corn-fed  wenches, — who  by  their 
united  efforts  tended  marv^ellously  towards  peo- 
pling those  notable  tracts  of  country  called 
Nantucket,  Piscataway,  and  Cape  Cod. 


«  CHAPTER  VIII. 

HOW  THESE  SINGUI^AR  BARBARIANS  TURNED 
OUT  TO  BE  NOTORIOUS  SQUATTERS — HOW 
THEY  BUILT  AIR-CASTLES,  AND  ATTEMPTED 
TO  INITIATE  THE  NEDERLANDERS  INTO  THE 
MYSTERY  OF  BUNDLING. 


IN  the  last  chapter  I  have  given  a  faithful  and 
unprejudiced  account  of  the  origin  of  that 
singular  race  of  people  inhabiting  the  country 
eastward  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts  ;  but  I  have 
yet  to  mention  certain  peculiar  habits  which 
rendered  them  exceeding  annoying  to  our  ever- 
honored  Dutch  ancestors. 

The  most  prominent  of  these  was  a  certain 
rambling  propensity,  with  which,  like  the  sons 
of  Ishmael,  they  seem  to  have  been  gifted  by 
heaven,  and  which  continually  goads  them  on 
to  shift  their  residence  from  place  to  place,  so 
that  a  Yankee  farmer  is  in  a  constant  state  of 
migration,  tarrying  occasionally  here  and  there, 
clearing  lands  for  other  people  to  enjoy,  build- 
ing houses  for  others  to  inhabit,  and  in  a  man- 


tMr^b  ot  tbc  IL'anKees  243 

ner  may  be  considered  the  wandering  Arab  of 
America. 

His  first  thought,  on  coming  to  years  of  man- 
hood, is  to  se^^le  himself  in  the  world, — which 
means  nothing  more  nor  less  than  to  begin  his 
rambles.  To  this  end  he  takes  unto  himself  for 
a  wife  some  buxom  country  heiress,  passing  rich 
in  red  ribbons,  glass  beads,  and  mock  tortoise- 
shell  combs,  w4th  a  white  gown  and  morocco 
shoes  for  Sunday,  and  deeply  skilled  in  the 
mystery  of  making  apple-sweetmeats,  long 
sauce,  and  pumpkin-pie. 

Ha\dng  thus  provided  himself,  like  a  peddler 
wnth  a  heavy  knapsack,  wherewith  to  regale  his 
shoulders  through  the  journey  of  life,  he  literal- 
ly sets  out  on  the  peregrination.  His  whole 
family,  household  furniture,  and  farming  uten- 
sils are  hoisted  into  a  covered  cart,  his  own  and 
his  wife's  wardrobe  packed  up  in  a  firkin, — 
which  done,  he  shoulders  his  axe,  takes  staff  in 
hand,  whistles  "Yankee  Doodle,"  and  trudges 
off  to  the  woods,  as  confident  of  the  protection 
of  Providence,  and  relying  as  cheerfully  upon 
his  own  resources,  as  ever  did  a  patriarch  of 
yore  when  he  journeyed  into  a  strange  country 
of  the  Gentiles.  Having  buried  himself  in  the 
wilderness,  he  builds  himself  a  log  hut,  clears 
away  a  cornfield  and  potato-patch,  and.  Provi- 
dence  smiling    upon   his   labors,   is   soon   sur- 


244  fbietov^  ot  mew  ll)ork 

rounded  by  a  snug  farm  and  some  half  a  score 
of  flaxen-headed  urchins,  who,  by  their  size, 
seem  to  have  sprung  all  at  once  out  of  the 
earth,  like  a  crop  of  toadstools. 

But  it  is  not  the  nature  of  this  most  indefati- 
gable of  speculators  to  rest  contented  with  any 
state  of  sublunary  enjoyment ;  improvement  is 
his  darling  passion  ;  and  having  thus  improved 
his  lands,  the  next  care  is  to  provide  a  mansion 
worthy  the  residence  of  a  landholder.  A  huge 
palace  of  pine  boards  immediately  springs  up  in 
the  midst  of  the  wilderness,  large  enough  for  a 
parish  church,  and  furnished  with  windows  of 
all  dimensions,  but  so  rickety  and  flimsy  withal, 
that  every  blast  gives  it  a  fit  of  the  ague. 

By  the  time  the  outside  of  this  mighty  air- 
castle  is  completed,  either  the  funds  or  the  zeal 
of  our  adventurer  is  exhausted,  so  that  he  bare- 
ly manages  to  furnish  one  room  within,  where 
the  whole  family  burrow  together, — while  the 
rest  of  the  house  is  devoted  to  the  curing  of 
pumpkins,  or  storing  of  carrots  and  potatoes, 
and  is  decorated  with  fanciful  festoons  of  dried 
apples  and  peaches.  The  outside,  remaining 
unpainted,  grows  venerably  black  with  time  ; 
the  family  wardrobe  is  laid  under  contribution 
for  old  hats,  petticoats,  and  breeches  to  stuff 
into  the  broken  windows,  while  the  four  winds 
of  heaven  keep  up   a  whistling  and    howling 


Zbciv  1Rc6tle6enc66  245 

about  this  aerial  palace,  and  play  as  many  un- 
ruly gambols  as  they  did  of  yore  in  the  cave  of 
old  ^^olus. 

The  humble  log  hut,  which  whilom  nestled 
this  improving  family  snugly  within  its  narrow 
but  comfortable  walls,  stands  hard  by,  in  igno- 
minious contrast,  degraded  into  a  cow-house  or 
pigsty ;  and  the  whole  scene  reminds  one 
forcibly  of  a  fable,  which  I  am  surprised  has 
never  been  recorded,  of  an  aspiring  snail,  who 
abandoned  his  humble  habitation,  which  he 
had  long  filled  with  great  respectability,  to 
crawl  into  the  empty  shell  of  a  lobster, — where 
he  would  no  doubt  have  resided  with  great 
style  and  splendor,  the  envy  and  the  hate 
of  all  the  painstaking  snails  in  the  neighbor- 
hood, had  he  not  perished  with  cold  in  one 
comer  of  his  stupendous  mansion. 

Being  thus  completely  settled,  and,  to  use  his 
own  words,  "  to  rights,"  one  would  imagine 
that  he  would  begin  to  enjoy  the  comforts  of 
his  situation, — to  read  newspapers,  talk  poli- 
tics, neglect  his  own  business,  and  attend  to 
the  affairs  of  the  nation,  like  a  useful  and  patri- 
otic citizen  ;  but  now  it  is  that  his  wayward 
disposition  begins  again  to  operate.  He  soon 
grows  tired  of  a  spot  where  there  is  no  longer 
any  room  for  improvement, — sells  his  farm, 
air-castle,  petticoat  windows,  and   all,  reloads 


246  1bi6tor^  of  flew  ^oxf{ 


^ 


his  cart,  shoulders  his  axe,  puts  himself  at  the 
head  of  his  family,  and  wanders  away  in  search 
of  new  lands, — again  to  fell  trees, — again  to 
clear  cornfields, — again  to  build  a  shingle  pal- 
ace, and  again  to  sell  off  and  wander.  Such 
were  the  people  of  Connecticut,  who  bordered 
upon  the  eastern  frontier  of  New  Netherlands  ; 
and  my  readers  may  easily  imagine  what  un- 
comfortable neighbors  this  light-hearted  but 
restless  tribe  must  have  been  to  our  tranquil 
progenitors.  If  they  cannot,  I  would  ask  them 
if  they  have  ever  known  one  of  our  regular, 
well-organized  Dutch  families,  whom  it  hath 
pleased  heaven  to  afflict  with  the  neighborhood 
of  a  French  boarding-house  ?  The  honest  old 
burgher  cannot  take  his  afternoon's  pipe  on  the 
bench  before  his  door,  but  he  is  persecuted 
with  the  scraping  of  fiddles,  the  chattering  of 
women,  and  the  squalling  of  children  ;  he  can- 
not sleep  at  night  for  the  horrible  melodies  of 
some  amateur,  who  chooses  to  serenade  the 
moon,  and  display  his  terrible  proficiency  in 
execution  on  the  clarionet,  hautboy,  or  some 
other  soft-toned  instrument ;  nor  can  he  leave 
the  street-door  open  but  his  house  is  defiled  by 
the  unsavory  visits  of  a  troop  of  pup-dogs,  who 
even  sometimes  carry  their  loathsome  ravages 
into  the  saiictum  sanctorum,  the  parlor. 

If  my  readers  have  ever  witnessed  the  suffer- 


Dolubiliti?  an&  UnQwisitivcncsB     247 

ings  of  such  a  family,  so  situated,  they  may 
form  some  idea  how  our  worthy  ancestors  were 
distressed  by  their  mercurial  neighbors  of  Con- 
necticut. 

Gangs  of  these  marauders,  we  are  told,  pene- 
trated into  the  New  Netherland  settlements, 
and  threw  whole  ^411ages  into  consternation  by 
their  unparalleled  volubility  and  their  intolera- 
ble inquisitiveness, — two  evil  habits  hitherto 
unknown  in  those  parts,  or  only  known  to  be 
abhorred  ;  for  our  ancestors  were  noted  as  being 
men  of  truly  Spartan  taciturnity,  and  who 
neither  knew  nor  cared  aught  about  anybody's 
concerns  but  their  own.  Many  enormities  were 
committed  on  the  highways,  where  several  un- 
offending burghers  were  brought  to  a  stand, 
and  tortured  with  questions  and  guesses, — which 
outrages  occasioned  as  much  vexation  and 
heart-burning  as  does  the  modern  right  of 
search  on  the  high  seas. 

Great  jealousy  did  they  likewise  stir  up  by 
their  intermeddling  and  successes  among  the 
divine  sex  ;  for,  being  a  race  of  brisk,  likely, 
pleasant-ton gued  varlets,  they  soon  seduced  the 
light  affections  of  the  simple  damsels  from  their 
ponderous  Dutch  gallants.  Among  other  hid- 
eous customs,  the}'  attempted  to  introduce 
among  them  that  of  bundling,  which  the  Dutch 
lasses  of  the  Nederlandts,  with  that  eager  pas- 


^48  Ibistors  of  IRcw  l^ork 

sion  for  novelty  and  foreign  fashions  natural  to 
their  sex,  seemed  very  well  inclined  to  follow, 
but  that  their  mothers,  being  more  experienced 
in  the  world,  and  better  acquainted  with  men 
and  things,  strenuously  discountenanced  all 
such  outlandish  innovations. 

But  what  chiefly  operated  to  embroil  our 
ancestors  with  these  strange  folk  was  an  un- 
warrantable liberty  which  they  occasionally 
took  of  entering  in  hordes  into  the  territories 
of  the  New  Netherlands,  and  settling  them- 
selves down,  without  leave  or  license,  to  improve 
the  land,  in  the  manner  I  have  before  noticed. 
This  unceremonious  mode  of  taking  possession 
of  new  land  was  technically  termed  squatting, 
and  hence  is  derived  the  appellation  of  squat- 
ters,— a  name  odious  in  the  ears  of  all  great 
landholders,  and  which  is  given  to  those  enter- 
prising worthies  who  seize  upon  land  first,  and 
take  their  chance  to  make  good  their  title  to  it 
afterwards. 

All  these  grievances,  and  many  others  which 
were  constantly  accumulating,  tended  to  form 
that  dark  and  portentous  cloud,  which,  as  I  ob- 
served in  a  former  chapter,  was  slowly  gathering 
over  the  tranquil  province  of  New  Netherlands. 
The  pacific  cabinet  of  Van  Twiller,  however,  as 
will  be  perceived  in  the  sequel,  bore  them  all 
with  a  magnanimity  that  redounds  to  their  im- 


passive  :ien&urancc 


mortal  credit,  becoming  by  passive  endurance 
inured  to  this  increasing  mass  of  wrongs, — like 
that  mighty  man  of  old,  who,  by  dint  of  carry- 
ing about  a  calf  from  the  time  it  was  born,  con- 
tinued to  carry  it  without  difficulty  when  it  had 
grown  to  be  an  ox. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HOW  THK  FORT  GOED  HOOP  WAS  FEARFUI.I.Y  BEn 
I.EAGUERED — HOW  THE  RENOWNED  WOUTER 
FEI.Iv  INTO  A  PROFOUND  DOUBT,  AND  HOW  HE 
FINAIvIvY  EVAPORATED. 

BY  this  time  my  readers  must  fully  perceive 
what  an  arduous  task  I  have  undertaken, 
— exploring  a  little  kind  of  Herculaneum  of 
history,  which  had  lain  nearly  for  ages  buried 
under  the  rubbish  of  years,  and  almost  totally 
forgotten, — raking  up  the  limbs  and  fragments 
of  disjointed  facts,  and  endeavoring  to  put  them 
scrupulously  together,  so  as  to  restore  them  to 
their  original  form  and  connection, — how  lug- 
ging forth  the  character  of  an  almost  forgotten 
hero,  like  a  mutilated  statue,  now  deciphering 
a  half-defaced  inscription,  and  now  lighting 
upon  a  mouldering  manuscript,  which,  after 
painful  study,  scarce  repays  the  trouble  of 
perusal. 


jfellovvslbistorlans  251 

In  such  case,  how  much  has  the  reader  to  de- 
pend upon  the  honor  and  probity  of  his  author, 
lest,  like  a  cunning  antiquarian,  he  either  im- 
pose upon  him  some  spurious  fabrication  of  his 
own  for  a  precious  relic  of  antiquity,  or  else 
dress  up  the  dismembered  fragment  with  such 
false  trappings,  that  it  is  scarcely  possible  to 
distinguish  the  truth  from  the  fiction  with 
which  it  is  enveloped.  This  is  a  grievance 
which  I  have  more  than  once  had  to  lament,  in 
the  course  of  my  wearisome  researches  among 
the  works  of  my  fellow-historians,  who  have 
strangely  disguised  and  distorted  the  facts  re- 
specting this  country,  and  particularly  respect- 
ing the  great  province  of  New  Netherlands  ;  as 
will  be  perceived  by  any  who  will  take  the 
trouble  to  compare  their  romantic  efi"usions, 
tricked  out  in  the  meretricious  gauds  of  fable, 
with  this  authentic  history. 

I  have  had  more  vexations  of  the  kind  to  en- 
counter, in  those  parts  of  my  history  which 
treat  of  the  transactions  on  the  eastern  border, 
than  in  any  other,  in  consequence  of  the  troops 
of  historians  who  have  infested  these  quarters, 
and  have  shown  the  honest  people  of  Nieuw 
Nederlandts  no  mercy  in  their  works.  Among 
the  rest,  Mr.  Benjamin  Trumbull  arrogantly  de- 
clares that  "the  Dutch  were  always  mere  in- 
truders."    Now,  to  this  I  shall  make  no  other 


252  Ibistor^  of  IFlcw  ll)ork 


1 


reply  than  to  proceed  in  the  steady  narration  of 
my  history,  which  will  contain  not  only  proofs 
that  the  Dutch  had  clear  title  and  possession  in 
the  fair  valleys  of  the  Connecticut,  and  that 
they  were  wrongfully  dispossessed  thereof,  but 
likewise,  that  they  have  been  scandalously 
maltreated  ever  since  by  the  misrepresenta- 
tions of  the  crafty  historians  of  New  England. 
And  in  this  I  shall  be  guided  by  a  spirit  of 
truth  and  impartiality,  and  a  regard  to  im- 
mortal fame  ;  for  I  would  not  wittingly  dis- 
honor my  work  by  a  single  falsehood,  mis- 
representation, or  prejudice,  though  it  should 
gain  our  forefathers  the  whole  country  of  New 
England. 

I  have  already  noticed,  in  a  former  chapter  of 
my  history,  that  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlandts  extended  on  the  east  quite  to  the 
Varsche,  or  Fresh,  or  Connecticut  River.  Here, 
at  an  early  period,  had  been  established  a  fron- 
tier post  on  the  bank  of  the  river,  and  called 
Fort  Goed  Hoop,  not  far  from  the  site  of  the 
present  fair  city  of  Hartford.  It  was  placed 
under  the  command  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  or 
Curlis,  as  some  historians  will  have  it,  —  a 
doughty  soldier,  of  that  stomachful  class  fa- 
mous for  eating  all  they  kill.  He  was  long  in 
the  body  and  short  in  the  limb,  as  though  a  tall 
man's  body  had  been  mounted  on  a  little  man's 


Measures  ot  Defence  253 

legs.  He  made  up  for  this  turnspit  construc- 
tion by  striding  to  such  an  extent,  that  you 
would  have  sworn  he  had  on  the  seven-leagued 
boots  of  Jack  the  Giant-killer  ;  and  so  high  did 
he  tread  on  parade,  that  his  soldiers  were  some- 
times alarmed  lest  he  should  trample  himself 
under  foot. 

But  notwithstanding  the  erection  of  this  fort 
and  the  appointment  of  this  ugly  little  man  of 
war  as  commander,  the  Yankees  continued  the 
interlopings  hinted  at  in  my  last  chapter,  and 
at  length  had  the  audacity  to  squat  themselves 
down  within  the  jurisdiction  of  Fort  Goed 
Hoop. 

The  long-bodied  Van  Curlet  protested  with 
great  spirit  against  these  unwarrantable  en- 
croachments, couching  his  protest  in  Low 
Dutch,  by  way  of  inspiring  more  terror,  and 
forthwith  dispatched  a  copy  of  the  protest  to 
the  governor  at  New  Amsterdam,  together  with 
a  long  and  bitter  account  of  the  aggressions  of 
the  enemy.  This  done,  he  ordered  his  men, 
one  and  all,  to  be  of  good  cheer,  shut  the  gate 
of  the  fort,  smoked  three  pipes,  went  to  bed, 
and  awaited  the  result  with  a  resolute  and  in- 
trepid tranquillity,  that  greatly  animated  his 
adherents,  and  no  doubt  struck  sore  dismay 
and  affright  into  the  hearts  of  the  enemy. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  the 


254  1bi0tors  ot  1Flew  l^ork 

renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  full  of  years  and 
honors,  and  council-dinners,  had  reached  that 
period  of  life  and  faculty  which,  according  to 
the  great  Gulliver,  entitles  a  man  to  admission 
into  the  ancient  order  of  Struldbruggs.  He 
employed  his  time  in  smoking  his  Turkish 
pipe,  amid  an  assemblage  of  sages,  equally 
enlightened  and  nearly  as  venerable  as  himself, 
and  who,  for  their  silence,  their  gravity,  their 
wisdom,  and  their  cautious  averseness  to  com- 
ing to  any  conclusion  in  business,  are  only  to 
be  equalled  by  certain  profound  corporations 
which  I  have  known  in  my  time.  Upon  read- 
ing the  protest  of  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van 
Curlet,  therefore,  his  excellency  fell  straight- 
way into  one  of  the  deepest  doubts  that  ever  he 
was  known  to  encounter  ;  his  capacious  head 
gradually  drooped  on  his  chest,  he  closed  his 
eyes,  and  inclined  his  ear  to  one  side,  as  if 
listening  with  great  attention  to  the  discussion 
that  was  going  on  in  his  belly, — and  which  all 
who  knew  him  declared  to  be  the  huge  court- 
house or  council-chamber  of  his  thoughts,  form- 
ing to  his  head  what  the  House  of  Representa- 
tives does  to  the  Senate.  An  inarticulate  sound, 
very  much  resembling  a  snore,  occasionally  es- 
caped him ;  but  the  nature  of  this  internal  cogi- 
tation was  never  known,  as  he  never  opened 
his  lips  on  the  subject  to  man,  woman,  or  child. 


jfate  ot  tbe  protest  255 

In  the  meantime,  the  protest  of  Van  Curlet  lay 
quietly  on  the  table,  where  it  served  to  light 
the  pipes  of  the  venerable  sages  assembled  in 
council  ;  and  in  the  great  smoke  which  they 
raised,  the  gallant  Jacobus,  his  protest,  and  his 
mighty  Fort  Goed  Hoop  were  soon  as  com- 
pletely beclouded  and  forgotten  as  is  a  question 
of  emergency  swallowed  up  in  the  speeches  and 
resolutions  of  a  modem  session  of  Congress, 

There  are  certain  emergencies  when  your 
profound  legislators  and  sage  deliberative  coun- 
cils are  mightily  in  the  way  of  a  nation,  and 
when  an  ounce  of  hare-brained  decision  is  worth 
a  pound  of  sage  doubt  and  cautious  discussion. 
Such,  at  least,  was  the  case  at  present ;  for, 
while  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller  was 
daily  battling  with  his  doubts,  and  his  resolu- 
tion growing  weaker  and  weaker  in  the  contest, 
the  enemy  pushed  farther  and  farther  into  his 
territories,  and  assumed  a  most  formidable  ap- 
pearance in  the  neighborhood  of  Fort  Goed 
Hoop.  Here  they  founded  the  mighty  town  of 
Pyquag,  or,  as  it  has  since  been  called,  JVeathers- 
field,  a  place  which,  if  we  may  credit  the  asser- 
tions of  that  worthy  historian,  John  Josselyn, 
Gent.,  "  hath  been  infamous  by  reason  of  the 
witches  therein."  And  so  daring  did  these 
men  of  Pyquag  become,  that  they  extended 
those   plantations  of  onions,    for   which   their 


256  Ibistor^  ot  IRcw  ^ot\\ 

town  is  Illustrious,  under  the  very  noses  of  the 
garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  insomuch  that 
the  honest  Dutchmen  could  not  look  toward 
that  quarter  without  tears  in  their  eyes. 

This  crying  injustice  was  regarded  with 
proper  indignation  by  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van 
Curlet.  He  absolutely  trembled  with  the  vio- 
lence of  his  choler  and  the  exacerbations  of  his 
valor,  which  were  the  more  turbulent  in  their 
workings  from  the  length  of  the  body  in  which 
they  were  agitated.  He  forthwith  proceeded  to 
strengthen  his  redoubts,  heighten  his  breast- 
works, deepen  his  fosse,  and  fortify  his  position 
with  a  double  row  of  abatis  ;  after  which  he 
dispatched  a  fresh  courier  with  accounts  of  his 
perilous  situation. 

The  courier  chosen  to  bear  the  dispatches  was 
a  fat,  oily,  little  man,  as  being  less  liable  to  be 
worn  out,  or  toloseleatheron  the  journey  ;  and 
to  insure  his  speed,  he  was  mounted  on  the 
fleetest  wagon-horse  in  the  garrison,  remarkable 
for  length  of  limb,  largeness  of  bone,  and  hard- 
ness of  trot,  and  so  tall,  that  the  little  messen- 
ger was  obliged  to  climb  on  his  back  by  means 
of  his  tail  and  crupper.  Such  extraordinary 
speed  did  he  make  that  he  arrived  at  Fort  Am- 
sterdam in  a  little  less  than  a  mouth,  though 
the  distance  was  full  two  hundred  pipes,  or 
about  one  hundred  and  twenty  miles. 


Brrival  of  tbe  Courier  257 

With  an  appearance  of  great  hurry  and  busi- 
ness, and  smoking  a  short  travelling-pipe,  he 
proceeded  on  a  long  swing-trot  through  the 
muddy  lanes  of  the  metropolis,  demolishing 
whole  batches  of  dirt-pies,  which  the  little 
Dutch  children  were  making  in  the  road ;  and 
for  which  kind  of  pastry  the  children  of  this 
city  have  ever  been  famous.  On  arriving  at 
the  governor's  house,  he  climbed  down  from 
his  steed,  roused  the  gray-headed  door-keeper, 
old  Skaats,  who,  like  his  lineal  descendant  and 
faithful  representative,  the  venerable  crier  of  our 
court,  was  nodding  at  his  post,  rattled  the  door  of 
the  council-chamber,  and  startled  the  members 
as  they  were  dozing  over  a  plan  for  establishing 
a  public  market. 

At  that  very  moment  a  gentle  grunt,  or  rather 
a  deep-drawn  snore,  was  heard  from  the  chair 
of  the  governor ;  a  whiff  of  smoke  was  at  the 
same  instant  obser\-ed  to  escape  from  his  lips, 
and  a  light  cloud  to  ascend  from  the  bowl  of  his 
pipe.  The  council,  of  course  supposed  him 
engaged  in  deep  sleep  for  the  good  of  the  com- 
munity, and,  according  to  custom  in  all  such 
cases  established,  every  man  bawled  out  silence, 
when,  of  a  sudden,  the  door  flew  open,  and  the 
little  courier  straddled  into  the  apartment, 
cased  to  the  middle  in  a  pair  of  Hessian  boots, 
which  he  had  got  into  for  the  sake  of  expedi- 


Ibietor^  ot  IRcw  I)orh 


tion.     In    his    right    hand  he  held  forth  the 

ominous  dispatches,  and  with  the  left  he  grasped 
firmly  the  waistband  of  his  galligaskins,  which 
had  unfortunately  given  way  in  the  exertion  of 
descending  from  his  horse.  He  stumped  reso- 
lutely up  to  the  governor,  and  with  more  hurry 
than  perspicuity  delivered  his  message.  But 
fortunately  his  ill  tidings  came  too  late  to  ruffle 
the  tranquillity  of  this  most  tranquil  of  rulers. 
His  venerable  excellency  had  just  breathed  and 
smoked  his  last, — his  lungs  and  his  pipe  ha\dng 
been  exhausted  together,  and  his  peaceful  soul 
having  escaped  in  the  last  whiff  that  curled 
from  his  tobacco-pipe.  In  a  word,  the  renowned 
Walter  the  Doubter,  who  had  so  often  slum- 
bered with  his  contemporaries,  now  slept  with 
his  fathers,  and  Wilhelmus  Kieft  governed  in 
his  stead. 


BOOK  IV. 

CONTAINING     THE     CHRONICIvES     OF    WII<I<IAM 
THE  TESTY. 

CHAPTER  I. 

SHOWING  THE  NATURE  OF  HISTORY  IN  GEN- 
ERAIv  ;  CONTAINING,  FURTHERMORE,  THE 
UNFV^ERSAI,  ACQUIREMENTS  OF  WII,I,IAM 
THE  TESTY,  AND  HOW  A  MAN  MAY  I.EARN 
SO  MUCH  AS  To  RENDER  HIMSEIyF  GOOD  FOR 
NOTHING. 

WHEN  the  lofty  Thucydides  is  about  to  en- 
ter upon  his  description  of  the  plague 
*hat  desolated  Athens,  one  of  his  modern  com- 
mentators assures  the  reader  that  the  history  is 
now  going  to  be  exceeding  solemn,  serious,  and 
pathetic,  and  hints,  with  that  air  of  chuckling 
gratulation  with  which  a  good  dame  draws  forth 
a  choice  morsel  from  a  cupboard  to  regale  a 
favoite,  that  this  plague  will  give  his  history  a 
most  agreeable  variety. 


26o  Ibistorg  ot  Bew  l|)ork 


^ 


In  like  manner  did  my  heart  leap  within  me, 
when  I  came  to  the  dolorous  dilemma  of  Fort 
Goed  Hoop,  which  I  at  once  perceived  to  be  the 
forerunner  of  a  series  of  great  events  and  enter- 
taining disasters.  Such  are  the  true  subjects 
for  the  historic  pen.  For  what  is  history,  in 
fact,  but  a  kind  of  Newgate  calendar,  a  register 
of  the  crimes  and  miseries  that  man  has  in- 
flicted on  his  fellow-man  ?  It  is  a  huge  libel  on 
human  nature,  to  which  we  industriously  add 
page  after  page,  volume  after  volume,  as  if  we 
were  building  up  a  monument  to  the  honor 
rather  than  the  infamy  of  our  species.  If  we 
turn  over  the  pages  of  these  chronicles  that 
man  has  written  of  himself,  what  are  the  char- 
acters dignified  by  the  appellation  of  great,  and 
held  up  to  the  admiration  of  posterity  ?  Tyrants, 
robbers,  conquerors,  renowned  only  for  the 
magnitude  of  their  misdeeds,  and  the  stupen- 
dous wrongs  and  miseries  they  have  inflicted  on 
man, — warriors,  who  have  hired  themselves  to 
the  trade  of  blood,  not  from  motives  of  virtuous 
patriotism,  or  to  protect  the  injured  and  de- 
fenceless, but  merely  to  gain  the  vaunted  glory 
of  being  adroit  and  successful  in  massacring 
their  fellow-beings  !  What  are  the  great  events 
that  constitute  a  glorious  era? — The  fall  of 
empires ;  the  desolation  of  happy  countries ; 
splendid   cities  smoking  in  their    ruins  ;    the 


IReciprocal  Creations  261 

proudest  works  of  art  tumbled  in  the  dust ;  the 
shrieks  and  groans  of  whole  nations  ascending 
unto  heaven  ! 

It  is  thus  the  historian  may  be  said  to  thrive 
on  the  miseries  of  mankind,  like  birds  of  prey 
which  hover  over  the  field  of  battle  to  fatten  on 
the  mighty  dead.  It  was  observed  by  a  great 
projector  of  inland  lock-navigation,  that  rivers, 
lakes,  and  oceans  were  only  formed  to  feed  ca- 
nals. In  like  manner  I  am  tempted  to  believe 
that  plots,  conspiracies,  wars,  victories,  and 
massacres  are  ordained  by  Pro\4dence  only  as 
food  for  the  historian. 

It  is  a  source  of  great  delight  to  the  philoso- 
pher, in  studying  the  wonderful  economy  of 
nations,  to  trace  the  mutual  dependencies  of 
things,  how  they  are  created  reciprocally  for 
each  other,  and  how  the  most  noxious  and  ap- 
parently unnecessary- animal  has  its  uses.  Thus 
those  swarms  of  flies,  which  are  so  often  exe- 
crated as  useless  vermin,  are  created  for  the 
sustenance  of  spiders ;  and  spiders,  on  the 
other  hand,  are  evidently  made  to  devour  flies. 
So  those  heroes,  who  have  been  such  scourges 
to  the  world,  were  bounteously  pro\nded  as 
themes  for  the  poet  and  historian,  while  the 
poet  and  historian  were  destined  to  record  the 
achievements  of  heroes  ! 

These,  and  many  similar  reflections,  naturally 


262  Ibietori?  of  1Rcw  HJork 


arose  in  my  mind  as  I  took  u.p  my  pen  to  com- 
mence the  reign  of  William  Kieft ;  for  now  the 
stream  of  our  history,  which  hitherto  has  rolled 
in  a  tranquil  current,  is  about  to  depart  forever, 
from  its  peaceful  haunts,  and  brawl  through 
many  a  turbulent  and  rugged  scene. 

As  some  sleek  ox,  sunk  in  the  rich  repose  of 
a  clover-field,  dozing  and  chewing  the  cud,  will 
bear  repeated  blows  before  it  raises  itself,  so  the 
province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  having  waxed 
fat  under  the  drowsy  reign  of  the  Doubter, 
needed  cuffs  and  kicks  to  rouse  it  into  action. 
The  reader  will  now  witness  the  manner  in 
which  a  peaceful  community  advances  towards  a 
state  of  war ;  which  is  apt  to  be  like  the  approach 
of  a  horse  to  a  drum,  with  much  prancing  and 
little  progress,  and  too  often  with  the  wrong 
end  foremost. 

Wilhelmus  Kieft,  who  in  1643  ascended  the 
gubernatorial  chair  (to  borrow  a  favorite  though 
clumsy  appellation  of  modern  phraseologists) 
was  of  a  lofty  descent,  his  father  being  inspect- 
or of  wind-mills  in  the  ancient  town  ot  Saar- 
dam ;  and  our  hero,  we  are  told,  when  a  boy, 
made  very  curious  investigations  into  the  na- 
ture and  operation  of  these  machines,  which 
was  one  reason  why  he  afterwards  came  to  be 
so  ingenious  a  governor.  His  name,  according 
to  the  most  authentic  etymologists,  was  a  cor- 


Milliam  tbe  ^cstg  263 

niption  of  K3rver,  that  is  to  say,  a  wrangler  or 
scolder,  and  expressed  the  characteristic  of  the 
family,  which,  for  nearly  two  centuries,  had 
kept  the  windy  town  of  Saardam  in  hot  water, 
and  produced  more  tartars  and  brimstones  than 
any  ten  families  in  the  place ;  and  so  truly  did 
he  inherit  this  family  peculiarity,  that  he  had 
not  been  a  year  in  the  government  of  the  prov- 
ince, before  he  was  universally  denominated 
William  the  Testy.  He  was  a  brisk,  wiry, 
waspish  little  old  gentleman  ;  such  a  one  as 
may  now  and  then  be  seen  stumping  our  city 
in  a  broad-skirted  coat  with  huge  buttons,  a 
cocked  hat  stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  a 
cane  as  high  as  his  chin.  His  face  was  broad, 
but  his  features  were  sharp  ;  his  cheeks  were 
scored  into  a  dusky  red  by  two  fiery  little  gray 
eyes,  his  nose  turned  up,  and  the  comers  of  his 
mouth  turned  down,  pretty  much  like  the  muz- 
zle of  an  irritable  pug  dog. 

I  have  heard  it  observed  by  a  profound  adept 
in  human  physiology,  that  if  a  woman  waxes 
fat  with  the  progress  of  years,  her  tenure  of  life 
is  somewhat  precarious,  but  if  haply  she  withers 
as  she  grows  old,  she  lives  forever.  Such  prom- 
ised to  be  the  case  with  William  the  Testy,  who 
grew  tough  in  proportion  as  he  dried.  He  had 
withered,  in  fact,  not  through  the  process  of 
years,    but  through  the  tropical   fervor  of  his 


264  1bi6tors  of  1Klew  ^ov\\ 

soul,  which  burnt  like  a  vehement  rushlight  in 
his  bosom,  inciting  him  to  incessant  broils  and 
bickerings.  Ancient  traditions  speak  much  of 
his  learning,  and  of  the  gallant  inroads  he  had 
made  into  the  dead  languages,  in  which  he  had 
made  captive  a  host  of  Greek  nouns  and  Latin 
verbs,  and  brought  off  rich  booty  in  ancient 
saws  and  apothegms,  which  he  was  wont  to 
parade  in  his  public  harangues,  as  a  triumphant 
general  of  yore  his  spolia  opima.  Of  metaphys- 
ics he  knew  enough  to  confound  all  hearers 
and  himself  into  the  bargain.  In  logic,  he 
knew  the  whole  family  of  syllogisms  and  dilem- 
mas, and  was  so  proud  of  his  skill  that  he  never 
suffered  even  a  self-evident  fact  to  pass  un- 
argued. It  was  observed,  however,  that  he 
seldon  got  into  an  argument  without  getting 
into  a  perplexity,  and  then  into  a  passion 
with  his  adversary  for  not  being  convinced 
gratis. 

He  had,  moreover,  skirmished  smartly  on  the 
frontiers  of  several  of  the  sciences,  was  fond  of 
experimental  philosophy,  and  prided  himself 
upon  inventions  of  all  kinds.  His  abode,  which 
he  had  fixed  at  a  Bowerie  or  country-seat  at  a 
short  distance  from  the  city,  just  at  what  is  now 
called  Dutch  Street,  soon  abounded  with  proofs 
of  his  ingenuity  :  patent  smoke-jacks  that  re- 
quired a  horse  to  work  them  ;  Dutch  ovens  that 


**'B0Q'6  Risers '^  265 

roasted  meat  without  fire  ;  carts  that  went  be- 
fore the  horses ;  weathercocks  that  turned 
against  the  wind  ;  and  other  wrong-headed  con- 
trivances that  astonished  and  confounded  all 
beholders.  The  house,  too,  was  beset  with 
paralytic  cats  and  dogs,  the  subjects  of  his  ex- 
perimental philosophy ;  and  the  yelling  and 
yelping  of  the  latter  unhappy  victims  of  sci- 
ence, while  aiding  in  the  pursuit  of  knowledge, 
soon  gained  for  the  place  the  name  of  "  Dog's 
Misen,-,"  by  which  it  continues  to  be  known 
even  to  the  present  day. 

It  is  in  knowledge  as  in  swimming  :  he  who 
flounders  and  splashes  on  the  surface  makes 
more  noise,  and  attracts  more  attention,  than 
the  pearl-diver  who  quietly  dives  in  quest  of 
treasures  to  the  bottom.  The  vast  acquirements 
of  the  new  governor  were  the  theme  of  marvel 
among  the  simple  burghers  of  New  Amster- 
dam ;  he  figured  about  the  place  as  learned  a 
man  as  a  Bonze  at  Pekin,  who  has  mas- 
tered one  half  of  the  Chinese  alphabet,  and 
was  unanimously  pronounced  a  "  universal 
genius  !  " 

I  have  known  in  my  time  many  a  genius  of 
this  stamp;  but,  to  speak  my  mind  freely,  I 
never  knew  one  who,  for  the  ordinary  purposes 
of  life,  was  worth  his  weight  in  straw.  In  this 
respect,  a  little  sound  judgment  and  plain  com- 


266 


1bf0tori?  of  IRcw  l^ork 


mon-sense  is  worth  all  the  sparkling  genius  that 
ever  wrote  poetry  or  invented  theories.  Let  us 
see  how  the  universal  acquirements  of  William 
the  Testy  aided  him  in  the  a£fairs  of  govern- 
ment. 


CHAPTER  II. 

HOW  WILLIAM  THK  TESTY  UNDERTOOK  TO 
CONQUER  BY  PROCLAMATION — HOW  HE  WAS 
A  GREAT  MAN  ABROAD,  BUT  A  LITTLE  MAN 
IN  HIS   OWN  HOUSE. 

NO  sooner  had  this  bustling  little  potentate 
been  blown  by  a  whiff  of  fortune  into  the 
seat  of  government  than  he  called  his  council 
together  to  make  them  a  speech  on  the  state  of 
affairs. 

Caius  Gracchus,  it  is  said,  when  he  harangued 
the  Roman  populace,  modulated  his  tone  by  an 
oratorical  flute  or  pitch-pipe  ;  Wilhelmus  Kieft, 
not  ha\4ng  such  an  instrument  at  hand,  availed 
himself  of  that  musical  organ  or  trump  which 
nature  has  implanted  in  the  midst  of  a  man's 
face  ;  in  other  words,  he  preluded  his  address 
by  a  sonorous  blast  of  the  nose, — a  preliminary 
flourish  much  in  vogue  among  public  orators. 

He  then  commenced  by  expressing  his  hum- 


268  1bi6tori2  of  IWew  iJorK 

ble  sense  of  his  utter  unworthiness  of  the  high 
post  to  which  he  had  been  appointed ;  which 
made  some  of  the  simple  burghers  wonder  why- 
he  undertook  it,  not  knowing  that  it  is  a  point 
of  etiquette  with  a  pubUc  orator  never  to  enter 
upon  office  without  declaring  himself  unworthy 
to  cross  the  threshold.  He  then  proceeded  in  a 
manner  highly  classic  and  erudite  to  speak  of 
government  generally,  and  of  the  governments 
of  ancient  Greece  in  particular,  together  with 
the  wars  of  Rome  and  Carthage,  and  the  rise 
and  fall  of  sundry  outlandish  empires  which 
the  worthy  burghers  had  never  read  nor  heard 
of.  Having  thus,  after  the  manner  of  your 
learned  orator,  treated  of  things  in  general,  he 
came,  by  a  natural,  roundabout  transition,  to 
the  matter  in  hand,  namely,  the  daring  aggres- 
sions of  the  Yankees. 

As  my  readers  are  well  aware  of  the  advan- 
tage a  potentate  has  of  handling  his  enemies  as 
he  pleases  in  his  speeches  and  bulletins,  where 
he  has  the  talk  all  on  his  own  side,  they  may 
rest  assured  that  William  the  Testy  did  not  let 
such  an  opportunity  escape  of  giving  the  Yan- 
kees what  is  called  "  a  taste  of  his  quality."  In 
speaking  of  their  inroads  into  the  territories  of 
their  High  Mightinesses,  he  compared  them  to 
the  Gauls  who  desolated  Rome,  the  Goths,  and 
Vandals  who  overran  the  fairest  plains  of  Bu- 


Cbe  proclamation  269 

rope  ;  but  when  he  came  to  speak  of  the  unparal- 
leled audacity  with  which  they  of  Weathersfield 
had  advanced  their  patches  up  to  the  very^  walls 
of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  and  threatened  to  smother 
the  garrison  in  onions,  tears  of  rage  started  into 
his  eyes,  as  though  he  nosed  the  ver}^  offence 
in  question. 

Having  thus  wrought  up  his  tale  to  a  climax, 
he  assumed  a  most  belligerent  look,  and  assured 
the  council  that  he  had  devised  an  instrument, 
potent  in  its  effects,  and  which  he  trusted  would 
soon  drive  the  Yankees  from  the  land.  So  say- 
ing, he  thrust  his  hand  into  one  of  the  deep 
pockets  of  his  broad-skirted  coat,  and  drew  forth 
not  an  infernal  machine,  but  an  instrument  in 
writing,  which  he  laid  with  great  emphasis 
upon  the  table. 

The  burghers  gazed  at  it  for  a  time  in  silent 
awe,  as  a  wars"  housewife  does  at  a  gun,  fearful 
it  may  go  off  half-cocked.  The  document  in 
question  had  a  sinister  look,  it  is  true  ;  it  was 
crabbed  in  text,  and  from  a  broad  red  ribbon 
dangled  the  great  seal  of  the  province,  about 
the  size  of  a  buckwheat  pancake.  Still,  after 
all,  it  was  but  an  instrument  in  writing.  Herein, 
however,  existed  the  wonder  of  the  invention. 
The  document  in  question  was  a  Proci^ama- 
TION,  ordering  the  Yankees  to  depart  instantly 
from  the  territories  of  their  High  Mightinesses, 


270  Ibistori^  of  IRew  lorh 

under  pain  of  suflfering  all  the  forfeitures  and 
punishments  in  such  case  made  and  provided. 
It  was  on  the  moral  effect  of  this  formidable  in- 
strument that  Wilhelmus  Kieft  calculated,  pled- 
ging his  valor  as  a  governor  that,  once  fulminated 
against  the  Yankees  it  would  in  less  than  two 
months  drive  every  mother's  son  of  them 
across  the  borders. 

The  council  broke  up  in  perfect  wonder,  and 
nothing  was  talked  of  for  some  time  among  the 
men  and  women  of  New  Amsterdam  but  the 
vast  genius  of  the  governor,  and  his  new  and 
cheap  mode  of  fighting  by  proclamation. 

As  to  Wilhelmus  Kieft  ha\nng  dispatched  his 
proclamation  to  the  frontiers,  he  put  on  his 
cocked  hat  and  corduroy  smallclothes,  and, 
mounting  a  tall  raw-boned  charger,  trotted  out 
to  his  rural  retreat  of  Dog's  Misery.  Here,  like 
the  good  Numa,  he  reposed  from  the  toils  of 
state,  taking  lessons  in  government,  not  from 
the  nymph  Bgeria,  but  from  the  honored  wife 
of  his  bosom,  who  was  one  of  that  class  of  fe- 
males sent  upon  the  earth  a  little  after  the 
flood,  as  a  punishment  for  the  sins  of  mankind, 
and  commonly  known  by  the  appellation  of 
knowing  women.  In  fact,  my  duty  as  an  his- 
torian obliges  me  to  make  known  a  circum- 
stance which  was  a  great  secret  at  the  time,  and 
consequently  was  not  a  subject  of  scandal  at 


petticoat  Government 


more  than  half  the  tea-tables  in  New  Amster- 
dam, but  which,  like  many  other  great  secrets, 
has  leaked  out  in  the  lapse  of  years, — and  this 
was  that  Wilhelmus  the  Testy,  though  one  of 
the  most  potent  little  men  that  ever  breathed, 
yet  submitted  at  home  to  a  species  of  govern- 
ment neither  laid  down  in  Aristotle  nor  Plato  ; 
in  short,  it  partook  of  the  nature  of  a  pure,  un- 
mixed tyranny,  and  is  familarly  dominated 
petticoat  government; — an  absolute  sway,  which, 
although  exceedingly  common  in  these  modern 
days,  was  very  rare  among  the  ancients,  if  we 
may  judge  from  the  rout  made  about  the  domes- 
tic economy  of  honest  Socrates,  which  is  the 
only  ancient  case  on  record. 

The  great  Kieft,  however,  warded  off  all  the 
sneers  and  sarcasms  of  his  particular  friends, 
who  are  ever  ready  to  joke  with  a  man  on  sore 
points  of  the  kind,  by  alleging  that  it  was  a 
government  of  his  own  election,  to  which  he 
submitted  through  choice,  adding  at  the  same 
time  a  profound  maxim  which  he  had  found  in 
an  ancient  author,  that  "  he  who  would  aspire 
to  govern  should  first  learn  to  obey,'' 


CHAPTER  ni. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  RECORDED  THE  SAGE  PROJECTS 
OE  A  RUIyER  OE  UNIVERSAI,  GENIUS  —  THE 
ART  OE  FIGHTING  BY  PROCI.AMATION — AND 
HOW  THAT  THE  VARIANT  JACOBUS  VAN  CLTIEET 
CAME  TO  BE  FOUI.I,Y  DISHONORED  AT  FORT 
GOED  HOOP. 


NEVER  was  a  more  comprehensive,  a  more 
expeditious,  or,  what  is  still  better,  a 
more  economical  measure  devised  than  this  of 
defeating  the  Yankees  by  proclamation, — an 
expedient,  likewise,  so  gentle  and  humane, 
there  were  ten  chances  to  one  in  favor  of  its 
succeeding  ;  but  then  there  was  one  chance  to 
ten  that  it  would  not  succeed,  —  as  the  ill- 
natured  fates  would  have  it,  that  single  chance 
carried  the  day  !  The  proclamation  was  perfect 
in  all  its  parts,  well-constructed,  well  written, 
well  sealed  and  well  published ;  all  that  was 
wanting  to  insure  its  effect  was  that  the  Yan- 


l^anRce  Btrocities  273 

kees  should  stand  in  awe  of  it ;  but,  provoking 

to  relate,  they  treated  it  with  the  most  absolute 
contempt,  applied  it  to  an  unseemly  purpose, 
and  thus  did  the  first  warlike  proclamation 
come  to  a  shameful  end, — a  fate  which  I  am 
credibly  informed  has  befallen  but  too  many  of 
its  successors. 

So  far  from  abandoning  the  country,  those 
varlets  continued  their  encroachments,  squat- 
ting along  the  green  banks  of  the  Varsche  River, 
and  founding  Hartford,  Stamford,  New  Haven, 
and  other  border-towns.  I  have  already  shown 
how  the  onion  patches  of  Pyquag  were  an  eye- 
sore to  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  garrison ; 
but  now  these  moss-troopers  increased  in  their 
atrocities,  kidnapping  hogs,  impounding  horses, 
and  sometimes  grievously  rib-roasting  their  own- 
ers. Our  worthy  forefathers  could  scarcely  stir 
abroad  without  danger  of  being  out-jockeyed  in 
horse-flesh,  or  taken  in  in  bargaining,  while  in 
their  absence  some  daring  Yankee  peddler  would 
penetrate  to  their  household,  and  nearly  ruin 
the  good  housewives  with  tin-ware  and  wooden 
bowls.* 

*  The  following  cases  in  point  appear  in  Hazard's  Col- 
lection of  State  Papers  : 

"  In  the  meantime  they  of  Hartford  have  not  only 
usurped  and  taken  in  the  lands  of  Connecticott,  although 
unrighteously  and  against  the  lawes  of  nations,  but  have 
hindered  our  nation  in  sowing  theire  owne  purchased 
broken  up  lands,  but  have  also  sowed  them  with  corne 


274  Ibistors  of  IRew  ^ov\{ 

I  am  well  aware  of  the  perils  which  environ 
me  in  this  part  of  my  history.  While  raking, 
with  curious  hand  but  pious  heart,  among  the 
mouldering  remains  of  former  days,  anxious  to 
draw  therefrom  the  honey  of  wisdom,  I  may 
fare  somewhat  like  that  valiant  worthy,  Sam- 
son, who,  in  meddling  with  the  carcass  of  a 
dead  lion,  drew  a  swarm  of  bees  about  his  ears. 
Thus,  while  narrating  the  many  misdeeds  of 
the  Yanokie  or  Yankee  race,  it  is  ten  chances 
to  one  but  I  offend  the  morbid  sensibilities  of 
certain  of  their  unreasonable  descendants,  who 
may  fly  out  and  raise  such  a  buzzing  about  this 
unlucky  head  of  mine,  that  I  shall  need  the 
tough  hide  of  an  Achilles,  or  an  Orlando  Furi- 
oso,  to  protect  me  from  their  stings. 

Should  such  be  the  case,  I  should  deeply  and 
sincerely  lament, — not  my  misfortune  in  giving 
offence,  but  the  wrong-headed  perverseness  of 

in  the  night,  which  the  Nederlanders  had  broken  up  and 
intended  to  sowe  :  and  have  beaten  the  ser\'ants  of  the 
high  and  mighty  the  honored  companie,  which  were 
laboring  upon  theire  master's  lands,  from  theire  lands, 
with  sticks  and  plow-staves  in  hostile  manner  laming, 
and  among  the  rest  struck  Ever  Duckings  (Evert  Duyc- 
kink)  a  hole  in  his  head  with  a  stick,  so  that  the  bloode 
ran  downe  very  strongly  downe  upon  his  body." 

"  Those  of  Hartford  sold  a  hogg  that  belonged  to  the 
honored  companie,  under  pretence  that  it  had  eaten  of 
theire  grounde  grass,  when  they  had  not  any  foot  of  in- 
heritance. They  proffered  the  hogg  for  5s.  if  the  com- 
missioners would  have  given  5s.  for  damage,  which  the 
commissioners  denied,  because  noe  man's  own  hogg  (as 
men  used  to  say)  can  trespass  upon  his  owne  master's 
grounde." 


Zbc  Butbor'6  jforbcarance        275 

an  ill-natured  generation,  in  taking  ofiFence  at 
any  thing  I  say.  That  their  ancestors  did  use 
my  ancestors  ill  is  true,  and  I  am  very  sorr\^  for 
it.  I  would,  with  all  my  heart,  the  fact  were 
otherwise  ;  but  as  I  am  recording  the  sacred 
events  of  history,  I  'd  not  bate  one  nail's  breadth 
of  the  honest  truth,  though  I  were  sure  the 
whole  edition  of  my  work  would  be  bought  up 
and  burnt  by  the  common  hangman  of  Connec- 
ticut. And  in  sooth,  now  that  these  testy  gen- 
tlemen have  drawn  me  out,  I  will  make  bold  to 
go  further,  and  observe  that  this  is  one  of  the 
grand  purposes  for  which  we  impartial  histori- 
ans are  sent  into  the  world, — to  redress  wrongs 
and  render  justice  on  the  heads  of  the  guilty. 
So  that,  though  a  powerful  nation  may  wrong 
its  neighbors  with  temporary  impunity,  yet 
sooner  or  later  an  historian  springs  up,  who 
wreaks  ample  chastisement  on  it  in  return. 

Thus  these  moss-troopers  of  the  east  little 
thought,  I  '11  warrant  it,  w^hile  they  were  harass- 
ing the  inoffensive  province  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts,  and  driving  its  unhappy  governor  to  his 
wit's  end,  that  an  historian  would  ever  arise 
and  give  them  their  own,  with  interest.  Since, 
then,  I  am  but  performing  my  bounden  duty  as 
an  historian,  in  avenging  the  wrongs  of  our 
revered  ancestors,  I  shall  make  no  further  apol- 
ogy ;  and,  indeed,  when  it  is  considered  that  I 


276  ITDistorg  of  IRew  lork 

have  all  these  ancient  borderers  of  the  east  in 
my  power,  and  at  the  mercy  of  my  pen,  I  trust 
that  it  will  be  admitted  I  conduct  myself  with 
great  humanity  and  moderation. 

It  was  long  before  William  the  Testy  could 
be  persuaded  that  his  much- vaunted  war-meas- 
ure was  ineffectual ;  on  the  contrary,  he  flew  in 
a  passion  whenever  it  was  doubted,  swearing 
that,  though  slow  in  operating,  yet  when  it 
once  began  to  work,  it  would  soon  purge  the 
land  of  these  invaders.  When  convinced,  at 
length,  of  the  truth,  like  a  shrewd  physician  he 
attributed  the  failure  to  the  quantity,  not  the 
quality,  of  the  medicine,  and  resolved  to  double 
the  dose.  He  fulminated,  therefore,  a  second 
proclamation,  more  vehement  than  the  first, 
forbidding  all  intercourse  with  these  Yankee 
intruders,  ordering  the  Dutch  burghers  on  the 
frontiers  to  buy  none  of  their  pacing  horses, 
measly  pork,  apple-sweetmeats,  Weathersfield 
onions,  or  wooden  bowls,  and  to  furnish  them 
with  no  supplies  of  gin,  gingerbread,  or  sour- 
krout. 

Another  interval  elapsed,  during  which  the 
last  proclamation  was  as  little  regarded  as  the 
first ;  and  the  non-intercourse  was  especially 
set  at  naught  by  the  young  folks  of  both  sexes, 
ifw^e  may  judge  by  the  active  bundling  w^hich 
took  place  along  the  borders. 


5L05S  of  Jfort  GoeD  1boop  277 

At  length,  one  day  the  inhabitants  of  New 
Amsterdam  were  aroused  by  a  furious  barking 
of  dogs,  great  and  small,  and  beheld,  to  their 
surprise,  the  whole  garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop 
straggling  into  town  all  tattered  and  wayworn, 
with  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  at  their  head,  bringing 
the  melancholy  intelligence  of  the  capture  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees. 

The  fate  of  this  important  fortress  is  an  im.- 
pressive  warning  to  all  military  commanders. 
It  was  neither  carried  by  storm  nor  famine  ; 
nor  was  it  undermined,  nor  bombarded,  nor  set 
on  fire  by  red-hot  shot ;  but  was  taken  by  a 
stratagem  no  less  singular  than  effectual,  and 
which  can  never  fail  of  success  whenever  an 
opportunity  occurs  of  putting  it  in  practice. 

It  seems  that  the  Yankees  had  received  intel- 
ligence that  the  garrison  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet 
had  been  reduced  nearly  one  eighth  by  the  death 
of  two  of  his  most  corpulent  soldiers,  who  had 
overeaten  themselves  on  fat  salmon  caught  in 
the  Varsche  River.  A  secret  expedition  was 
immediately  set  on  foot  to  surprise  the  fortress. 
The  crafty  enemy,  knowing  the  habits  of  the 
garrison  to  sleep  soundly  after  they  had  eaten 
their  dinners  and  smoked  their  pipes,  stole 
upon  them  at  the  noontide  of  a  sultry  summer's 
day,  and  surprised  them  in  the  midst  of  their 
slumbers. 


27S  Ibigtor^  ot  ticvo  l!)ork 

In  an  instant  the  flag  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses was  lowered,  and  the  Yankee  standard 
elevated  in  its  stead,  being  a  dried  codfish  by 
way  of  a  spread  eagle.  A  strong  garrison  was 
appointed,  of  long-sided,  hard-fisted  Yankees, 
with  Weathersfield  onions  for  cockades  and 
feathers.  As  to  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his 
men,  they  were  seized  by  the  nape  of  the  neck, 
conducted  to  the  gate,  and  one  by  one  dismissed 
with  a  kick  in  the  crupper,  as  Charles  XII.  dis- 
missed the  heavy-bottomed  Russians  at  the 
battle  of  Narva  ;  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  receiving 
two  kicks  in  consideration  of  his  official  dignity. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

CONTAINING  THE  FEARFUIy  WRATH  OF  WHI^LIAM 
THE  TESTY,  AND  THE  ALARM  OF  NEW  AM- 
STERDAM— HOW  THE  GOVERNOR  DID  STRONG- 
LY FORTIFY  THE  CITY  —  OF  THE  RISE  OF 
ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER,  AND  THE  WINDY 
ADDITION  TO  THE  ARMORIAL  BEARINGS  OF 
NEW  AMSTERDAM, 


LANGUAGE  cannot  express  the  awful  ire  of 
William  the  Testy  on  hearing  of  the  catas- 
trophe at  Fort  Goed  Hoop.  For  three  hours  his 
rage  was  too  great  for  words,  or  rather  the  words 
were  too  great  for  him  (being  a  very  small  man), 
and  he  was  nearly  choked  by  the  misshapen, 
nine-cornered  Dutch  oaths  and  epithets  which 
crowded  at  once  into  his  gullet.  At  length  his 
words  found  vent,  and  for  three  days  he  kept  up 
a  constant  discharge,  anathematizing  the  Yan- 
kees, man,  woman,  and  child,  for  a  set  of  die- 
ven,  schobbejacken,  deugenieten,  twistzoekeren, 


28o  Ibistorg  of  IRcw  lt)orh 

blaes-kaken,  loosen-schalken,  kakken-bedden, 
and  a  thousand  other  names,  of  which,  unfort- 
unately for  posterity,  history  does  not  make 
mention.  Finally,  he  swore  that  he  would  have 
nothing  more  to  do  with  such  a  squatting, 
bundling,  guessing,  questioning,  swapping, 
pumpkin -eating,  molasses-daubing,  shingle- 
splitting,  cider-watering,  horse-jockeying,  no- 
tion-peddling crew  ;  that  they  might  stay  at 
Fort  Goed  Hoop  and  rot,  before  he  would  dirty 
his  hands  by  attempting  to  drive  them  away : 
in  proof  of  which  he  ordered  the  new-raised 
troops  to  be  marched  forthwith  into  winter- 
quarters,  although  it  was  not  as  yet  quite  mid- 
summer. Great  despondency  now  fell  on  the 
city  of  New  Amsterdam.  It  was  feared  that  the 
conquerors  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  flushed  with 
victory  and  apple-brandy,  might  march  on  to 
the  capital,  take  it  by  storm,  and  annex  the 
whole  province  to  Connecticut.  The  name  of 
Yankee  became  as  terrible  among  the  Nieuw 
Nederlanders  as  was  that  of  Gaul  among  the 
ancient  Romans  ;  insomuch  that  the  good  wives 
of  the  Manhattoes  used  it  as  a  bugbear  where- 
with to  frighten  their  unruly  children. 

Everybody  clamored  around  the  governor, 
imploring  him  to  put  the  city  in  a  complete 
posture  of  defence ;  and  he  listened  to  their 
clamors.      Nobody   could  accuse  William   the 


plans  of  ©efcnce  2s i 

Testy  of  being  idle  in  time  of  danger,  or  at  any 
other  time.  He  was  never  idle,  but  then  he  was 
often  busy  to  very  little  purpose.  When  a 
youngling,  he  had  been  impressed  with  the 
words  of  Solomon,  "  Go  to  the  ant,  thou  slug- 
gard, observe  her  ways  and  be  wise  "  ;  in  con- 
formity to  which  he  had  ever  been  of  a  restless, 
ant-like  turn,  hurrying  hither  and  thither, 
nobody  knew  why  or  wherefore,  busying  him- 
self about  small  matters  with  an  air  of  great 
importance  and  anxiety,  and  toiling  at  a  grain 
of  mustard-seed  in  the  full  conviction  that  he 
was  mo^4ng  a  mountain.  In  the  present  in- 
stance, he  called  in  all  his  inventive  powers  to 
his  aid,  and  was  constantly  pondering  over 
plans,  making  diagrams,  and  worrying  about 
with  a  troop  of  workmen  and  projectors  at  his 
heels.  At  length,  after  a  world  of  consultation 
and  contrivance,  his  plans  of  defence  ended  in 
rearing  a  great  flag-staff  in  the  centre  of  the 
fort,  and  perching  a  wind-mill  on  each  bastion. 
These  warlike  preparations  in  some  measure 
allayed  the  public  alarm,  especially  after  an 
additional  means  of  securing  the  safety  of  the 
city  had  been  suggested  by  the  governor's  lady. 
It  has  already  been  hinted  in  this  most  authen- 
tic histor}',  that  in  the  domestic  establishment 
of  William  the  Testy  "the  gray  mare  was  the 
better  horse"  ;  in  other  words,  that   his   wife 


282  Ibietor^  ot  IRcw  lorft 

"ruled  the  roast,"  and  in  governing  the  govern- 
or, governed  the  province,  which  might  thus  be 
said  to  be  under  petticoat  government. 

Now  it  came  to  pass  that  about  this  time  there 
lived  in  the  Manhattoes  a  jolly,  robustious  trum- 
peter, named  Antony  Van  Corlear,  famous  for 
his  long  wind  ;  and  who,  as  the  story  goes,  could 
twang  so  potently  upon  his  instrument  that  the 
effect  upon  all  within  hearing  was  like  that 
ascribed  to  the  Scotch  bagpipe  when  it  sings 
right  lustily  i'  the  nose. 

This  sounder  of  brass  was  moreover  a  lusty 
bachelor,  with  a  pleasant,  burly  visage,  a  long 
nose,  and  huge  whiskers.  He  had  his  little  dow- 
erze,  or  retreat,  in  the  country,  where  he  led  a 
roistering  life,  giving  dances  to  the  wives  and 
daughters  of  the  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes, 
insomuch  that  he  became  a  prodigious  favorite 
with  all  the  women,  young  and  old.  He  is  said 
to  have  been  the  first  to  collect  that  famous  toll 
levied  on  the  fair  sex  at  Kissing  Bridge,  on  the 
highway  to  Hellgate.* 

To  this  sttrrdy  bachelor  the  eyes  of  all  the 
women  were  turned  in  this  time  of  darkness 
and  peril,  as  the  very  man  to  second  and  carry 

*  The  bridge  here  mentioned  by  Mr.  Knickerbocker 
still  exists  ;  but  it  is  said  that  the  toll  is  seldom  collected 
nowadays,  excepting  on  sleighing-parties,  by  the  de- 
scendants of  the  patriarchs,  who  still  preserve  the  tradi- 
tions of  the  city. 


Bntong  V)an  Gorlcar  2^3 

out  the  plans  of  defence  of  the  governor.  A 
kind  of  petticoat  council  was  forthwith  held  at 
the  government  house,  at  which  the  governor's 
lady  presided  ;  and  this  lady,  as  has  been  hinted, 
being  all  potent  with  the  governor,  the  result 
of  these  councils  was  the  elevation  of  Antony 
the  Trumpeter  to  the  post  of  commandant  of 
wind-mills  and  champion  of  New  Amsterdam. 

The  city  being  thus  fortified  and  garrisoned, 
it  would  have  done  one's  heart  good  to  see  the 
governor  snapping  his  fingers  and  fidgeting 
with  delight,  as  the  trumpeter  strutted  up  and 
down  the  ramparts,  twanging  defiance  to  the 
whole  Yankee  race,  as  does  a  modern  editor  to 
all  the  principalities  and  powers  on  the  other 
side  of  the  Atlantic.  In  the  hands  of  Antony 
Van  Corlear  this  windy  instrument  appeared  to 
him  as  potent  as  the  horn  of  the  paladin  Astol- 
pho,  or  even  the  more  classic  horn  of  Alecto ; 
nay,  he  had  almost  the  temerity  to  compare  it 
with  the  ram's  horns  celebrated  in  holy  writ,  at 
the  very  sound  of  which  the  walls  of  Jericho 
fell  down. 

Be  all  this  as  it  may,  the  apprehensions  of 
hostilities  from  the  east  gradually  died  away. 
The  Yankees  made  no  further  invasions  ;  nay, 
they  declared  they  had  only  taken  possession 
of  Fort  Goed  Hoop  as  being  erected  within  their 
territories.     So  far  from  manifesting  hostility. 


284  I)l0tori2  ot  IRew  l^ork 

they  continued  to  throng  to  New  Amsterdam 
with  the  most  innocent  countenances  imagin- 
able, filling  the  market  with  their  notions,  be- 
ing as  ready  to  trade  wnth  the  Nederlanders  as 
ever,  and  not  a  whit  more  prone  to  get  to  the 
windward  of  them  in  a  bargain. 

The  old  wives  of  the  Manhattoes,  who  took 
tea  with  the  governor's  lady,  attributed  all  this 
affected  moderation  to  the  awe  inspired  by  the 
military  preparations  of  the  governor,  and  the 
windy  prowess  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter. 

There  were  not  wanting  illiberal  minds,  how- 
ever, who  sneered  at  the  governor  for  thinking 
to  defend  his  city  as  he  governed  it,  by  mere 
wind ;  but  William  Kieft  was  not  to  be  jeered 
out  of  his  wind-mills :  he  had  seen  them  perched 
upon  the  ramparts  of  his  native  city  of  Saardam, 
and  was  persuaded  they  were  connected  with 
the  great  science  of  defence  ;  nay,  so  much 
piqued  was  he  by  having  them  made  a  matter 
of  ridicule,  that  he  introduced  them  into  the 
arms  of  the  city,  where  they  remain  to  this  day, 
quartered  with  the  ancient  beaver  of  the  Man- 
hattoes, an  emblem  and  memento  of  his  policy. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  certain  wise 
old  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes,  skilful  in  ex- 
pounding signs  and  mysteries,  after  events  have 
come  to  pass,  consider  this  early  intrusion  of 
the  wind-mill  into  the  escutcheon  of  our  city, 


B  ipropbetlc  JEecutcbeon         2S5 


which  before  had  been  wholly  occupied  by  the 

beaver,  as  portentous  of  its  after  fortune,  when 
the  quiet  Dutchman  would  be  elbowed  aside  by 
the  enterprising  Yankee,  and  patient  industry 
overtopped  by  windy  speculation. 


END  OP  vol..   I. 


Iknichcrbockcc  IRugget^. 


Nugget — "A   diminutive   mass  of    precious   metal." 

"  Little  gems  of  bookmaking." — Commercial  Gazette^  Cin- 
cinnati. 

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I — Gesta  Romanorum.  Tales  of  the  old 
monks.     Edited  by  C.  SwAN  .         .         .         $i  oo 

"  This  little  gem  is  a  collection  of  stories  composed  by  the 
monks  of  old,  who  were  in  the  custom  of  relating  them  to 
each  other  after  meals  for  their  mutual  amusement  and  infor- 
mation."—  Williams'  Literary  Monthly. 

"  Nuggets  indeed,  and  charming  ones,  are  these  rescued 
from  the  mine  of  old  Latin,  which  would  certainly  have  been 
lost  to  many  busy  readers  who  can  only  take  what  comes  to 
them  without  delving  for  hidden  treasures." 

II — Headlong  Hall  and  Nightmare  Abbey. 
By  Thomas  Love  Peacock   .        .        .        $i  oo 

"  It  must  have  been  the  court  librarian  of  King  Oberon 
who  originally  ordered  the  series  of  quaintly  artistic  little 
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of  Knickerbocker  Nuggets.  There  is  an  elfin  dignity  in  the 
aspect  of  these  books  in  their  bindings  of  dark  and  light  blue 
with  golden  arabesques." — Portland  Press. 

Ill— Gulliver's  Travels.  By  Jonathan  Swift. 
A  reprint  of  the  early  complete  edition.  Very  fully 
illustrated.     Two  vols $2  50 

"  Messrs.  Putnam  have  done  a  substantial  service  to  all 
readers  of  English  classics  by  reprinting  in  two  dainty  and 
artistically  bound  volumes  those  biting  satires  of  Jonathan 
Swift, '  Gulliver's  Travels.'  " 


1kn(cftert)ocker  IFluggctb 


IV — Tales  from  Irving.  With  illustrations. 
Two  vols.  Selected  from  "  The  Sketch  Book," 
"Traveller,"  "  Wolfert's  Roost,"  "  Bracebridge 
Hall." $2  oo 

'■'  The  tales,  pathetic  and  thrilling  as  they  are  in  themselves, 
are  rendered  winsome  and  realistic  by  the  lifelike  portraitures 
which  profusely  illustrate  the  volumes.  .  .  .  We  confess  our 
high  appreciation  of  the  superb  manner  in  which  the  pub- 
lishers have  got  up  and  sent  forth  the  present  volumes — which 
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Christian  Union. 

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no  one  country,  but  they  must  be  received  with  enthusiasm 
wherever  art  and  literature  are  recognized." — Albany  Argus. 

V— Book  of  British  Ballads.  Edited  by  S. 
C.  Hall.  A  fac-simile  of  the  original  edition. 
With  illustrations  by  Creswick,  Gilbert,  and 
others $150 

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able edition.  .  .  .  The  collection  is  not  only  the  most  com- 
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beautifully  illustrated  by  skilful  artists." — Pittsburg  Chron- 
icle. 

"  Probably  the  best  general  collection  of  our  ballad  litera- 
ture, in  moderate  compass,  that  has  yet  been  made." — Chi- 
cago Dial. 

VI — The    Travels    of   Baron    Miinchausen. 

Reprinted  from  the  early,  complete  edition.  Very 
fully  illustrated $i  25 

"  The  venerable  Baron  Munchausen  in  his  long  life  has 
never  appeared  as  well-dressed,  so  far  as  we  know,  as  now  in 
this  goodly  company." 

"  The  Baron's  stories  are  as  fascinating  as  the  Arabian 
Nights." — Church  Union. 


IknicKerbocKer  IFluggets 


VII — Letters,  Sentences,  and  Maxims.  By 
Lord  Chesterfield.  With  a  critical  essay  by  C. 
A.  SaiiNte-Beuve $1  oo 

"  Full  of  wise  things,  quaint  things,  witty  and  shrewd 
things,  and  the  maker  of  this  book  has  put  the  pick  of  them 
all  together." — London  World. 

"  Each  of  the  little  volumes  in  this  series  is  a  literary  gem." 
— Christian  at  Work. 

VIII— The  Vicar  of  Wakefield.  By  Gold- 
smith. With  32  i/lustrations  by  William  Mul- 
ready $1  00 

"  Goldsmith's  charming  tale  seems  more  charming  than 
ever  in  the  dainty  dress  of  the  'Knickerbocker  Nuggets' 
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convenient  form  and  size  make  them  most  attractive  to  all 
book-lovers." — The  Writer.,  Boston. 

"  A  gem  of  an  edition,  well  made,  printed  in  clear,  read- 
able type,  illustrated  with  spirit,  and  just  such  a  booklet  as, 
when  one  has  it  in  his  pocket,  makes  all  the  difference  be- 
tween solitude  and  loneliness." — Independent. 

IX— Lays  of  Ancient  Rome.  By  Thomas 
Babington  Macaulay.  Illustrated  by  George 
Scharf $1  00 

"  The  poems  included  in  this  collection  are  too  well  known 
to  require  that  attention  should  be  drawn  to  them,  but  the 
beautiful  setting  which  they  receive  in  the  dainty  cover  and 
fine  workmanship  of  this  series  makes  it  a  pleasure  even  to 
handle  the  volume." — Yale  Literary  Magazine. 

X— The  Rose  and  the  Ring.  By  William  M. 
Thackeray.  With  the  author's  illustrations.  $1  25 

*' '  The  Rose  and  the  Rin^r,'  by  Thackeray,  is  reproduced 
with  quaint  illustrations,  evidently  taken  from  the  author's 
own  handiwork." — Rochester  P»st-£xj^ress, 


IknlcfterbocF^cr  HfiuQQcte 


XI — Irish  Melodies  and  Songs.  By  Thomas 
Moore.     Illustrated  by  Maclise    .        .        $i  50 

"  The  latest  issue  is  a  collection  of  Thomas  Moore's  '  Irish 
Melodies  and  Songs,'  fully  aud  excellently  illustrated,  with 
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appropriate  green  tint,  embellished  with  emblems  and  figures 
fitting  the  text." — Boston  Times. 

XII — Undine  and  Sintram.  By  De  La  Motte 
FouQUE.     Illustrated       .         .         .         .         $1  00 

"  '  Undine  and  Sintram  '  are  the  latest  issue,  bound  in  one 
volume.  They  are  of  the  size  classics  should  be — pocket 
volumes, — and  nothing  more  desirable  is  to  be  found  among 
the  new  editions  of  old  treasures." — San  Jose  Mercury. 

XIII — The  Essays  of  Elia.  By  Charles 
Lamb.     Two  vols.  .         .         .         .         $2  00 

"  The  genial  essayist  himself  could  have  dreamed  of  no 
more  beautiful  setting  than  the  Putnams  have  given  the  Es- 
says of  Elia  by  printing  them  among  their  Knickerbocket 
N  ugge  ts. ' ' — Ck  icago  A  dva  nee. 

XIV— Tales    from  the   Italian    Poets.     By 

Leigh  Hunt.     Two  vols.       .        .        .        $2  00 

"  The  perfection  of  artistic  bookmaking." — San  Francisco 
Chronicle. 

"  This  work  is  most  delightful  literature,  which  finds  a  fit- 
ting place  in  this  collection,  bound  in  volumes  of  striking 
beauty." — Troy  Times. 

"  Hunt  had  just  that  delightful  knowledge  of  the  Italian 
poets  that  one  would  most  desire  for  oneself,  together  with 
an  exquisite  style  of  his  own  wherein  to  make  his  presentation 
of  them  to  English  readers  perfect." — New  York  Critic. 

The  first  series,  comprising  the  foregoing 
eighteen  voiumesi  in  handsome  case,       $19.00 


IknicJ^crbocker  IFluggets 


XV. — Thoughts  of  the  Emperor  Marcus 
Aurelius  Antoninus.  Translated  by  George 
Long $i  oo 

"  The  thoughts  of  the  famous  Roman  are  worthy  of  a  new 
introduction  to  the  army  of  readers  through  a  volume  so 
dainty  and  pleasing." — Intelligencer. 

"  As  a  booX  for  hard  study,  as  a  book  to  inspire  reverie,  as 
a  book  for  five  minutes  or  an  hour,  it  is  both  delightful  and 
profitable." — Journal  of  Edttcation. 

"  It  is  an  interesting  little  book,  and  we  feel  indebted  to  the 
translator  for  this  presentation  of  his  work." — Presbyterian. 

XVI. — .^sop's  Fables.  Rendered  chiefly  from 
original  sources.  By  Rev.  Thomas  James,  M.A. 
AVith  IOC  illustrations  of  John  Tenniell   .     $i  25 

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the  human  attention  ;  told  to  children,  and  yet  of  no  less 
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"^  For  many  a  long  day  nothing  has  been  thought  out  or 
worked  out  so  sure  to  prove  entirely  pleasing  to  cultured 
book-lovers." — The  Bookmaker. 

"  These  classic  studies  adorned  with  morals  were  never 
more  neatly  prepared  for  the  public  eye." — The  Milwaukee 
Wisconsifi. 

XVII. — Ancient  Spanish  Ballads.  Historic 
and  Romantic.  Translated,  with  notes,  by  J.  G. 
Lockhart.  Reprinted  from  the  revised  edition 
of  1841,  with  60  illustrations  by  Allan,  Roberts, 
SiMSON,  Warren,  Aubrey,  and  Harvey   .    |i  50 

"  A  mass  of  popular  poetry  which  has  never  yet  received 
the  attention  to  which  it  is  QiiX.itXQd.'"— Boston  Journal  of 
Education. 

'*  The  historical  and  artistic  settings  of  these  mediaeval 
poetic  gems  enhance  the  value  and  attractiveness  of  the 
book." — Buffalo  Chronicle  Advocate. 

"A  quaint  and  interesting  book,  being  a  collection  of  his- 
torical and  romantic  hd-Wd^ds,^^— Indianapolis  Journal, 


•Rnicl^erbocl^er  IPluGacta 


XVIIL— The  Wit  and  Wisdom  of  Sydney 
Smith.  A  selection  of  the  most  memorable  pas- 
sages in  his  Writings  and  Conversations  .         $i  oo 

XIX.— The  Ideals  of  the  Republic;  or, 
Great  Words  from  Great  Americans.  Com- 
prising : — The  "  Declaration  of  Independence, 
1776."  "The  Constitution  of  the  United  States, 
1779."  "  Washington's  Circular  Letter,  1783." 
"  Washington's  First  Inaugural,  1789."  "  Wash- 
ington's Second  Inaugural,  1793."  "  Washington's 
Farewell  Address."  "  Lincoln's  First  Inaugural, 
1861."  "  Lincoln's  Second  Inaugural,  1865."  "Lin- 
coln's Gettysburg  Address,  1863."    .         .         $1  00 

XX. — Selections  from  Thomas  De  Quincey. 

Comprising: — "On  Murder  Considered  as  One  of 
the  Fine  Arts."  "  Three  Memorable  Murders." 
"  The  Spanish  Nun "       .         .         .         .         |i  00 

XXL— Tales  by  Heinrich  Zschokke.  Com- 
prising:— "A  New  Year's  Eve,"  "The  Broken 
Pitcher,"  "Jonathan  Frock,"  "A  Walpurgis  Night." 
Translated  by  Parke  Godwin  and  William  P. 
Prentice.  

In  Preparation. 

American  War  Ballads.  A  selection  of  the 
more  noteworthy  of  the  Ballads  and  Lyrics  which 
were  produced  during  the  Revolution,  the  War  of 
1812,  and  the  Civil  XVar.  Edited,  with  notes,  by 
Geo.  Gary  Eggleston.  With  original  illustrations. 

French  Ballads.  Printed  in  the  original  text, 
selected  and  edited,  with  notes,  by  Prof.  T.  F.  Crane. 

German    Ballads.     Printed  in  the  original  text. 


G.  P.  PUTNAM'S  SONS,  Publishers 
New  York  and  London 


,,H1VOFr.AllM)BRARY.I.0SANGBF^ 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  L'?"«°y  ^i^'Liri' 


B     000  014  113     5 


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